Archive for May, 2010

What Parents Should Know Learn And Avoid: The Victim Stance

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What’s funny about child-related household problems is that you will always find two characters in the scenario: a victim and a person getting blamed by the victim. The irony in these scenarios is that those who usually play the victim are the actual culprits while those getting blamed for the problem in the first place are usually the true victims.

Playing the part of the innocent victim is what most kids grow fond of when they are in trouble. Obnoxious and abusive children usually show this type of bad characteristic or practice just so they could justify their wrong doings. This situation is what most parenting coaches and child therapists would like to dub as The Victim Stance.

The victim stance is definitely not a desirable thing and parents should be aware of that. It is bad because children who are bad, obnoxious and abusive can take that as an opportunity to induce and further promote the bad behavior. Children always see themselves as victims in any situation which is a main problem that causes things like the victim stance in kids. And as victims, they will always be ready to support their claim by providing sad stories.

These sad stories will always include the person getting blamed for the problem. When kids feel inadequate about the situation, they stick to their sad story and blame somebody else. For children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior, it is much easier for them to just point the finger at somebody else than to take responsibility for whatever happened that caused the problem.

Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior want to avoid responsibilities and this is why they put up with the victim stance and just blame other people. They learn that if they will stick with their story long enough, eventually they wonít be held accountable. This type of situation must be stopped and you, as a parent, can do something about it. You need to tell your child that he/she is not a victim and that they should be responsible for their actions.

Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior actually have two stories to tell: the sad story and the behavior story. The sad story is the part that tries to explain or puts forward ideas about what happened to the child. On the other hand, the behavior story explains what this child did to other people or what the child did to property. Parents need to focus on the behavior story and not on the sad story.

A victim will think that he/she reserves the right to victimize others because of what happened to him/her. Children with obnoxious and abusive behaviors who start acting like they were any real victim would use this and abuse it. Parents, this mentality is not tolerable and should be suppressed immediately because allowing it to happen give these children the chance to manipulate the situation to their advantage. Telling sad stories while leaving or omitting the behavior stories should keep parents alerted. Focusing on the sad stories along will give these children the right to hurt other people.

Parenting isn’t easy. Learn how to avoid committing Parenting Mistakes with The Total Transformation Program, which comes highly recommended by parents.

Why Parents Should Look at the Characteristics and Practices of their Obnoxious and Abusive Kids

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It’s hard to figure out children. Disciplining children is a common struggle for all parents but it is even more challenging when you have kids who are displaying bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior and you don’t know how or what these kids are thinking. That’s why getting to know how children behave and think would make parenting a whole lot easier.

Taking a look at an obnoxious and abusive childís characteristics and practices is one thing that parents are advised to do according to the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. How to actually deal with the child is just as important as the general idea of how you, as a parent, should raise them. So in order for you to properly handle situations with your children you need to have a good idea about the characteristics and practices they show especially when the child displays bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior.

Understanding and identifying each and every characteristic and practice that a child displays is one responsibility that parents should tend to. Cognitive learning researches assert the theory that we also learn by mere observation of others. When parents get to observe their child’s behavior and response patterns to situations they actually get to learn more about their child. Parents are advised that focusing on the bad characteristics and practices the child displays is more relevant and crucial compared to focusing on the good behavior.

These bad characteristics and practices are not the results of the faults of the parent because in reality these are what the child has but parents fail to recognize that. In their attempt to mislead or fool the parent, children oftentimes put the blame on them. It isnít your fault as a parent. Putting the blame on others is one common bad characteristic or practice those children with obnoxious or abusive behavior share.

Fair and clear assessments of children’s behaviors can help give parents a clear understanding of how to deal with them. Yet assessing the behaviors of the child is only half the job done towards a long term solution. The other half is how to properly deal the problem such that the relationship between the parent and the child will not be harmed.

“Whoever best describes the problem is the one most likely to solve it”, claimed book author Dan Roam. A parent who is able to correctly define the problem will most likely be able to correctly define the proper solution to it as well. As what they say, it is the problem that drives the solution and not the other way around.

It is not an easy task to be able to identify the characteristics and practices that a child displays. So parents are advised to think that this is a big problem that can be broken down into smaller pieces. Doing so can help parents understand their children better. The problem is treatable and solvable so parents need not worry or get discouraged. It is important that parents be reminded to do as much as they can to get involved and solve the problem.

Parenting isn’t easy. Learn how to deal with a Defiant Teenager with The Total Transformation Program, which comes highly recommended by parents.

Getting to Know the ‘Good Enough’ Parent

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Parents come in different shapes, sizes, and even types. There are parents who are strict in disciplining while there are some who are free and open-minded. There are the classical parents who stay with tradition while there are also post-modern parents who go with the flow of the season. But there are also some who are considered the ‘Good Enough’ Parents.

As you might have already assumed and guessed, the good enough parent must really be just what it means. Good enough. We can refer to the concept of ‘Good Enough’ Parent as a parenting stereotype. Good enough parents are the ones who are just slightly above average but certainly not among the ranks of the elite parents. Not just in the financial aspect, the good enough parents are those that live their lives and are able to provide for their families in a good enough manner of thinking.

Unfortunately, being good enough isn’t enough especially when it comes to dealing with children who show bad, obnoxious, abusive or inappropriate behavior. Good enough parents aren’t immune to the behavioral problems of children which is why good enough parents should also take a look into the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. If you’re a good enough parent, or any parent for that matter, would you allow yourself to be manipulated or conditioned by your very own child?

Like any other parent, good enough parents are still susceptible to falling into the same parenting traps. They may attempt to confront their children but chances are they would still fall prey to the same manipulations and conditioning tactics. Children with behavioral problems are not selective and don’t give out immunity especially when it comes to parents.

So whether you are a good enough parent, or total disciplinarian, or just plain parent it doesn’t matter. Parenting problems are the same for all parents. What parents should focus on instead is on how they can train or prepare themselves when it comes to dealing with their children especially when it involves behavioral problems such as bad, obnoxious, abusive or inappropriate behavior.

Parents who would like to know more about the good enough parent stereotype should check out The Total Transformation Program.

The Total Transformation Program – Recommended for Parents and Kids.

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No matter how much good or joy you see parenting can bring, it can never be helped that sometimes there are instances where you would feel like giving up. When you have kids that are bad, obnoxious, or abusive of others, as a parent you might go on a verge of a nervous breakdown.

Luckily, there’s the Total Transformation Program to help us parents avoid the stresses and problems that are encountered in the hustle and bustle of raising a child.

The Total Transformation Program is a training course for parents created by behavioral therapist Dr. James Lehman. The program aims to expose parents on how our children actually think and feel when they encounter problems and how they tend to react to these conditions. By letting the parent explore and understand their child’s behavior, they become more aware on how to deal with their bad, obnoxious, or abusive children.

The Total Transformation Program for parents is taught at the level of behavioral therapy so parents are assured that the techniques and methods being taught to them are safe and tested. For the parents to ensure themselves, the Total Transformation Program assists them on how to effectively and appropriately solve their child’s behavioral problems.

Kids are also enjoined to watch or listen to the Total Transformation Program for parents. Dr. James Lehman, the developer of the Total Transformation Program, personally recommends that parents should let their children access the resources of the program. By doing this, the child is able to learn more about his/her behavior and how he/she should react to certain situations. This makes the task of the parent easier to do and it further ensures efficiency of the methods presented to them to solve the child’s behavioral problems.

Not only that, the Total Transformation Program offers a Parental Support Line that is available anytime. With the Parental Support Line, parents can phone in their current situation and the trained professionals receiving the calls will provide real time, efficient and tested solutions or methods to solve the problem. Parents can reach the Total Transformation Program Parental Support Line at 1-800-782-1182. Dr. James Lehman handpicked and personally trained the professionals who will receive and help you when you make you call so rest assured that quality child support services are being offered to you at the touch of your fingertips.

Difficulties may always be present when it comes to the task of parenting. Thankfully there are courses like the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman to help parents lessen the burden that they are carrying.

You can also get more details by checking out their website here.

Parent Disciplining – The Why Trap Error

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If you have kids who are bad, obnoxious, or abusive to others the last thing that you would want is to be blamed for their bad behavior. When it comes to the art and skill of disciplining your children, parents should always be on constant alert because they are usually the ones who get blamed for their kids’ faults or shortcomings. Bad children love to blame, manipulate and condition their parents into thinking that everything is their fault. Parents are always the easiest victims around.

Even at an early age, our kids can already start to become pretty perceptive about themselves and their surroundings. They start to think for themselves but are still shrouded by faulty, poor or immature reasoning skills. This explains why the normal case for them would be to blame you, the parent, for almost all of the things he/she fails at. It comes natural to them to manipulate or condition you into thinking that you are doing a bad job because they donít want to take the blame for themselves. When faced with the situation to take responsibility for something bad that happened, they would rather blame others because it is easier for them. This leads the parent to committing disciplining errors such as setting up the Why Trap.

There are lots of classical parent disciplining errors that parents can make and one of them is called the Why Trap. This disciplining error starts out when you, the parent, start to ask your children “why” they did the mistake. This explains why it’s called setting up the “Why Trap” because you ask the kid “why”. It is considered an error though because unconsciously you are actually sending out the message “who are you going to blame for this?” to your child. Both you and the child are unaware that this is actually happening and this error catches up on you without you even realizing it.

Making excuses or blaming others would be the natural reactions that these kids will do. It is because of the inadequate feeling they get that they resort to blaming others because for them it turns out to be much easier. Ultimately, children with behavioral problems turn fault finding and blaming into a habit of their own whenever they’ll feel inadequate. And the ones who get the blame the most are the parents because for kids they are the easiest target.

Children can also start blaming others if they want to like their siblings, other elders, their peers. As long as they donít face the consequences they would do just about anything to get off the hook. If you don’t want to start questioning your disciplining skills or your parenting abilities then you should learn to never fall for the boy-who-cried-wolf routines your children might play on you. Because making you question yourself is what they would want to accomplish.

Disciplining children is not an easy task and there is never an assurance that we cannot make some disciplining errors like the Why Trap. But it is good to always keep a close observation if we mean the best for our children.

Katherine Thompson, the author of this article, recommends that parents who want to learn how to avoid making disciplining errors such as the Why Trap should check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/.

Poor Problem Solving Skills Causes Low Self-Esteem in Children

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It’s natural for parents to always want and give the best for their kids. We, as parents, would always worry what our kid’s future would be like, so we canít help but try and make their life as comfortable as possible. This is what we signed up for when we took the role of being providers for our children. But we should also remember that there has to be drawn limits between being caring parents and just mere spoon-feeders.

What our children learn from the lessons that life gives is the true measure of our success in being parents. So, when you feel that your kid has been having difficulty in facing situations or is having trouble in solving problems you need to intervene.

Parents should be aware that when kids fail at developing their problem solving skills they make up by showing bad behavior like being obnoxious or abusive to others. They do this because they don’t want to feel inadequate. If you can remember they gained these feeling of inadequacy because of their failure to solve problems. They compensate the feelings of inadequacy but in the process they develop low self-esteem. Their poor problem solving skills causes them to lack the self-esteem needed in order for them to try out solving new problems and face new challenges. In the long run, this is going to be a problem for your child and his future.

It doesn’t end there because if normal kids are in trouble, how much more are the ones with challenges or handicaps will be. They aren’t exempted from this. Which is why special children or impaired children shouldn’t be treated differently but instead they should be treated fairly like everybody else. They deserve that right of equality, not pity or worry or even false hopes. If you think about it the only free ride they’ll be getting is when they’re kids. But once they grow up, get a job and eventually have to live for themselves there isn’t going to be anyone to help them anymore.

Kids with impairments or challenges still have to obey the rules. They will still need to balance their jobs. They will still need to learn how to follow orders. They will still experience the pressures of life. As a parent, did you ever think they would be able to take in all these without difficulty? Of course they won’t. But you could at least help them by preparing them early. What if they were to break the rules, show bad or inappropriate behavior, or even abuse others? There is no excuse for rule-breaking even if you have disabilities, impairments or challenges.

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. It never has. So the best thing that every parent can do for their child is to prepare them for that. Parents should not be worried if their child is handicapped or normal because in the end it wont matter. All is fair and the sooner we help our kids learn how to properly solve problems on their own, the better. What they will learn from life gives us parents the added satisfaction.

Katherine Thompson, the author of this articles, encourages parents to check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/ for more discussions about low self-esteem development and behavior problems in children.

Children and Learned Helplessness – A Very Bad Mix

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For parents, having children with bad, inappropriate, or abusive behavior is about the most stressful thing they could deal with. You could almost assume that there would be nothing more stressful than that. But what about parents that have children with handicaps or challenges? How stressful could it be for their part?

Fear is what parents would always feel if they had impaired children. Fear not because of the child but fear of what the child’s life would be like in the future. So in order to compensate these feelings of fear, these parents would usually resort to spoiling, worrying, or pitying the child. This is definitely not helpful in any way you look at it.

In considering how parents treat their children, parents oftentimes fail at differentiating how they should treat normal children and impaired children. Because of this often mistake being made, children learn to develop some kind of condition known as learned helplessness.

Once a child learns to use the helplessness other people see in him/her to an advantage, and furthermore abuse it, that is something called learned helplessness. You might already assume by now that learned helplessness is not a very good thing for any child to learn and you should be alarmed if they start learning so. It is because chances are children will take learned helplessness and make it as an excuse to feel immune from taking responsibility.

Actually, there is really not that much difference to children with impairments to normal children. Normal children can just do things easier compared to children with handicaps and challenges. This is completely the reason why impaired children reserve the right to be treated equally instead of treating them specially. If you want your child to develop the proper problem solving skills you should treat them fairly and trust in their capability.

Parents should be the one to decide what extent is their level of fairness measured. All they need to take into consideration is that what they set as the bar of achievement for their kids with impairments should actually be achievable for their child. Trust in the childís capabilities is far more important that giving them false praise, pity, or worry because they deserve more than that.

Katherine Thompson, the author of this article, recommends that parents who want their child to avoid developing learned helplessness should check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/.

Why Self-Esteem Is Important To Your Child’s Personality Development

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Self-esteem development in children has two contrasting definitions. Some say that children need self-esteem because they want to develop a sense of self-worth for themselves. Other, on the other hand, tells us that self-esteem is what children get after developing confidence. Though both ends don’t meet one thing is certain, parental involvement at this stage in the child’s development is crucial in helping the kid form healthy and accurate self-perceptions.

As a parent, it is important that you know where self-esteem comes from and how you can use it to your childís advantage. We get self-esteem by doing and accomplishing things that are hard to do. Self-esteem results from doing challenges that are difficult for us or for others that are our own level.

What makes it difficult for children to get self-esteem is because they don’t take challenges in the first place. They avoid challenges because they donít want to experience difficulty or more specifically, they don’t want to feel being inadequate. When they take on challenges and fail at them, they feel inadequate and thatís what they try to avoid. Having this mentality, they don’t learn or develop self-esteem at all.

Often, we think of praising our children and encouraging them would help them solve this problem. Well, its not really the problem. What parents need to focus on is helping the child how to actually handle the problem in the first place.

Children have to try, and fail, try again and fail again, and then try again until they succeed at some endeavor. This is how we all learn the value of success after persistence. So for children, this concept helps them to develop ideas about their own capabilities. By interacting with people they are able to create self-concepts. That is how important parental involvement is at this stage of the child’s personality development.

So with all this in mind, self-esteem plays an important role in the child’s stage of behavioral development. In fact, self-esteem is so important that it could be considered a turning point to whether you will have a well-rounded child or plain bad one. So to you, the parent, be at your child’s side and help walk him/her through this stage in his/her childhood. It will do you a great deal of good.

The Author, Katherine Thompson, highly recommends parents who suspect their children to have self-esteem issues to check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/.