Archive for June, 2010

Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Guide: The Concrete Transactions Dilemma

Leave your comment

The use of concrete transactions is another practice that children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior look into. Parents will find this certain practice quite interesting because basically it involves how kids see themselves and the roles they and their parents have with each other.

A concrete transaction is a name for a way of thinking about things in which relationships are vehicles or mediums for achieving an end goal. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, the end goal usually displeases the parent because it involves things that publicize the bad behavior of the kid.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive children make use of concrete transactions to build a relationship with someone designed to help get around the rules. These relationships can be with a peer, friend, or even the parent. Rules are seen as obstacles to concrete transactions and to the relationships that are formed.

Kids will consider rules as obstacles no matter what. Kids who grow up to be followers are the kids that get around the rules by compliance. Diplomat-type kids are the ones who get around the rules through negotiation. But the bad, obnoxious and abusive kids see rules as high walls. They don’t want to pole-volt over the wall; they simply want to run around to get over the other side. This means they want to get around that obstacle so the only way for them to do this is by forming relationships with others to help them achieve that end goal.

Children like these will only be concerned with getting around obstacles. That mind set warrants the notion or idea that kids like these will create relationships and do just about anything to get around the rules. Rules, for them are obstacles thus rules are guidelines children’s behavior and to obtain power.

The loyalty issue is a really big matter for children. With once instance they can cast you aside and treat you like an enemy when you don’t help them overcome obstacles. Relationships based on concrete transactions aren’t relationships at all, they are just roles being filled that is why it is so easy for them to cast off people they know.

Parents should not be misled that they should get on the good side with their children by becoming their best friend. These are all false beliefs. Children already have a plethora of friends and best friends to choose from. Parents should serve as mentors, guides, and teachers to their children.

The best way of being a friend to your child is to become a good parent to him/her. Since children vary on how they define friendship and friends it would be the best option for a guardian. Children think of friends as the people who get committed and will really follow through to the end on their distorted ideas. Would you prefer the friendship you’ve established with your child over your thoughts on honesty, obedience, and morality among others? Definitely not. You can be your child’s best friend, but you cannot be both a best friend and a good parent at the same time.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to consider checking out The Total Transformation Program to get helpful parenting tips and resources.

Parenting Enemies: The One-Way Boundaries of Obnoxious and Abusive Kids

Leave your comment

Boundaries are used to mark dividing lines and define limits. Boundaries make separations clear. There are lots of things that need separations or dividing lines like property, territory, and even feelings and attitudes towards other people. These are what we call natural boundaries or personal boundaries that we use to protect ourselves from unwanted feelings. But when are these boundaries harmful?

Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior often employ the use of one-way boundaries at the home setting. One-way boundaries are interesting things because bad, obnoxious and abusive children subconsciously engage in this type of practice by being oppressive and discourteous to other people’s boundaries. But at the same time, they feel violated themselves when other people invade their boundaries or private space.

Searching their sibling’s rooms for toys, taking money from your hanged up jeans pocket, or listening over your phone conversations, these kids will do all that and more. Sounds harmless right? But these are actually problems in child behavior so you should be worried as a parent.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive kids who employ the use of one-way boundaries feel violated when you listen outside their room. They feel uneasy when you hover over them on the phone and will even accuse you of trespassing when you go into their room to check out something like searching for your lost phone or pocket money.

Kids with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior cannot see for a second that they’re being obsessively territorial when it comes to one-way boundaries. When it’s beneficial for their part, they can’t accept the fact that you had to invade their privacy because of some violation they did to you or to others. This is how one-way boundaries work.

Kids also deserve the right to privacy. But when you start to suspect that they might be doing misbehavior then that’s a whole different story. They don’t get the right to privacy if you suspect them to be doing drugs or stealing things. You have all the right to enforce that authority since it involves the child’s well-being.

If you have a feeling that your child is engaging in bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior, it is best that you acquaint yourself with how these kids usually behave. Children that take on bad characteristics and practices such as one-way boundaries get upset when you eavesdrop on their phone calls; they fight with their siblings over gifts and presents; and they even blame or accuse you of stealing when they catch you inside their room without consent.

Obnoxious and abusive kids want you to respect their boundaries but are irrespective and discourteous of other people’s boundaries. For these children, they believe that they can do whatever business they want with you but you can’t return the favor. Parents should be aware and should prepare themselves of the possible conflicts that could arise with children like these.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to check out The Total Transformationprogram for parents. It’s really excellent.

Why It Is A Problem To Let Your Kids Assume They Are Unique

Leave your comment

Being unique is what makes each and every one of us special. So that’s why we stand out and differentiate ourselves rather than try hard and fit in just like everybody else. But when does being unique become harmful? Children see uniqueness in a lot of perspectives. But bad, obnoxious and abusive children think of uniqueness on a whole different perspective. Bad kids think negatively and believe that parents do not understand them because of their uniqueness.

Obviously, it is not bad to treat your kids as special. But as a parent, you should keep in mind that everything should have limits especially treatment to children. Parenting coaches and child therapists like to call this particular situation as the uniqueness assumption. Kids can claim that their uniqueness is a strong enough reason to exempt them from any form of responsibility and then retaliate by saying that they are being misunderstood by their parents. Kids with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior like to believe in these misconceptions.

Parents should not believe any of these assumptions. Parents have every right to enforce discipline on their children especially when they show bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior. Treat them special but exercise equity and fairness the most.

With the issue of uniqueness, we can agree that these kids should be held to different sets of rules, different set of accountability and different expectations should be made of them. But never justify or accept justification that uniqueness can exempt these bad kids from doing or learning responsibility. Uniqueness is a quality, but equity and fairness are values. And values precede character formation.

Kids with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior make parents believe that if they had understood them better there would be no problems. But that statement alone will not justify or support the notion of solving the problem at hand.

The uniqueness assumption presents an irony on the part of the people who use it because they think that they are being misunderstood by others. Using uniqueness as a springboard to being called inconsiderate of others in order to justify their condition, kids and individuals with this trait are often immature and have faulty reasoning skills. Delivering those same tiring speeches would be useless and would just be lecturing because there is actually no viable solution being demanded to solve the problem.

The development of this characteristic or practice by obnoxious and abusive children is sad to note because these children learn it first hand from our current culture. We live in a current timeframe called the culture of victimization where the culture is bad and awful. Everybody excuses their behavior for something or some reason nowadays. It is not helping parents treat the problems of their children because in truth it is more like the culture is the one teaching our children on how they should behave and respond. Parents feel resigned from the responsibility of being parents.

Parenting should be done by parents so we shouldn’t let our culture dictate how our children should be raised. Keeping kids away from bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior is part of a parent’s responsibility so as not to let kids consequently fall into bad practices or characteristics such as the assumption of uniqueness to let them avoid learning responsibility.

Parenting is not an easy task. Discover how to deal with problems such as oppositional behavior with The Total Transformation Program, which comes highly regarded by parents.

Why Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Think That It’s Unfair And What Parents Can Do About It

Leave your comment

We often hear the phrase “life is not fair” from our friends and colleagues and it goes without saying that they have a pretty good reason to believe why that is true. Life will not always be a bed of roses. An ideal life story isn’t always made of walks on the beach or beautiful sunset backdrops. Life is always meant to be what it is – ideally it is a struggle. And we encounter this realization as early as our childhood.

Life seemed so unfair when we were younger. Eventually most adults learn to outgrow that demeanor. Children, however, always see things as unfair. When kids start to set their minds that life is unfair and tag everything as unfair, they also start to believe that the rules will suddenly not apply to them anymore.

There are lots of uneventful situations that we think are unfair in life like getting a speeding ticket for doing a 60 on a 55 mile per hour drive; or getting your salary deducted for being tardy just one time. We can’t do anything about these situations because rules will always be rules. Kids, with their faulty and immature reasoning skills, are more prone to stick to the injustice talk. But be warned because when kids who have bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior start to jump into the bandwagon they engage in such practices like these to avoid learning basic responsibility.

Children, despite their immaturity, are thinking for themselves so it is not far off that there is a probability of getting manipulated by them. Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior are the best con artists around.

Kids really think big and lean on the fairness issue. They are not lenient about it and taking the other side automatically makes you the enemy. For them, when you are the enemy they will stop at nothing to pin that you are being unfair to them. But it will never be a problem being unfair to others when the circumstances are favorable on their side.

Parents are oftentimes the moderators who carry out justice and settle disputes and quarrels between family members. With this in mind, it is your right as a parent to enforce authority on bad, obnoxious and abusive kids. Ask them for their homework or make them do chores when you see it fit, but expect that they would always put you on the defensive and that they will have you prove that what you’re doing and what you want them to do is fair.

The adult is put on the defensive on trying to justify what is fair and what isn’t every time the kid says it isn’t fair. But you shouldn’t be persuaded because it is just a manipulation. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, they will grab every chance they get to manipulate you and make you take their side. This is why your self-judgment as a parent and as an adult should not be tainted and should be lean on your value judgments.

Injustice in life is a given and we can’t do anything about it. We just need to deal with it and pay the price for our actions. That way, true fairness and equity is exercised. Parents should do the same in practicing the values of fairness and equity on their children even if it means becoming the enemy. If instilling proper discipline and correcting the bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior that a child has can be achieved this way, then it is definitely worth it.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, I highly recommend The Total Transformation Program as something you should investigate.