Archive for September, 2010

Using Humor in Disciplining Children

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Say for example your child called you a “poopyhead” after insisting that he must clean up his room or finish his assignment first before watching TV, what would you do?

Most parents would feel enraged or irritated at the very least when their child does this kind of behavior. Some will demand an immediate apology, while some will put their kids in time-out and send them away to the time-out area at home. Stricter parents will even take this kind of behavior personally and will resort to spanking.

However, a few parents might shrug the harm off and simply give their kid a reply, “Shhh! Don’t be so loud about my secret name. Your sister might hear you!” If you feel that this response is more appropriate, then you are what child psychologists call as a “playful parent.”

Being a playful parent has its perks. By answering your child’s insults in a light and positive way, you have broken the tension with silliness and formed a bond with your child. In fact, your child might just be so excited about knowing your “secret name”, and if you continue the game by telling him further that your actual “spy name” is Captain Chocolate Truffles, he will forget that he did not want to clean his room.

Parents take child discipline quite seriously, which is exactly the reason why a lot of parents fail at it. Taking the task of teaching kids right from wrong becomes something that is very heavy and very stressful. But if you use humor to play and connect with your child as you set limits and establish discipline, the entire experience will be a lot less stressful and a lot more fun.

The most important factor in child discipline that all parents should keep in mind is the connection between parent and child. And the only way to make and strengthen that connection is by play and humor because play is where the world of the child revolves; it is where they live. And when everyone feels stressed out and overloaded, that is when kids need play the most.

There are a number of ways that you can incorporate play into child discipline. Say for example your toddler is resisting bedtime, or your 7-year old daughter wants to have ice cream in the middle of the night, how can you discipline your child without putting yours and your child in a stressful and heated situation?

One way is to use funny voices, like taking an opera voice at the top of your lungs. You can talk to your child in a funny voice or in different characters. You can also try falling down, like “playing dead.” A lot of toddlers find it hilarious when adults fall down. Or you can use a game such as arm wrestling and pillow fights. When you use humor in disciplining your kids, it will be a more fruitful and fun experience.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Using Transitions to Teach Kids Respect

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Given how kids behave these days, parents should double their efforts in teaching their kids respect. Children of today are exposed to a lot of things that can easily confuse them in deciding which one is right and which one is wrong. Worse, these beliefs can even make them lose some of the important values in life.

There is no way that we can control and change the environment that our kids have, but we can definitely teach them proper manners and respectful behavior. Respect has been a primary concern for most parents in the past years because kids seem to have been slacking on that area. Teaching kids the value of respect is important not just because it is a basis for socializing, but also because it helps them learn to respect themselves as well.

Although it is every parent’s wish, kids are not born respectful. They learn respect from the people around them through imitation and direct teaching. That is why some experts see children as mirrors – they reflect back to us everything that we say and do. That means that about 90% of everything that our kids learn are from the grownups around them and only 5% of all they learn is from direct instruction.

Almost all children believe that the rest of the world exists because of them, and that everyone will give them everything that they need no matter what. It is the parent’s job to correct that somehow distorted belief. It is important for parents to start teaching them a few things as they grow such as hitting and grabbing are wrong, or that screaming and interrupting when adults are talking is not good.

When your child does something disrespectful, act firmly but without anger and say, “We agreed about no screaming in the house. Lower your voice down when you talk to your sister.” Simple rules like these will be essential reminders for kids to respect others and control their impulses.

Have rules at home that promote respect. You can impose rules like no name callings or using bad language, listening to what others have to say, not using a sibling’s belonging without asking permission, and saying things in a respectful way even when the person is annoying you.

It is also advised to give your children consistent consequences every time they break the rules and compliment them when they do otherwise. You can further teach respect in your kids by first building them up before telling them something negative.

Using transitions in teaching your kids proper behavior is one way of letting your kids value respect. You can tell them “I appreciate that you talk to me nicely. And now let’s talk about dad. Why don’t you try talking to him like the way you talk to me?” Through a transition, you let your child focus on the value of respect instead of his behavior problem.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

The Right Time to Give Cues: Stop Your Kids from Misbehaving Through Cues

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A lot of parents often find it hard to talk to their kids without getting into a fight. This problem in communication is usually the reason why a parent and a child get involved with a power struggle. When parents feel paralyzed when their kids give them a sarcastic and condescending tone, a screaming match is just around the corner.

In order to avoid these ugly fights, some parents resort of keeping silent and letting their kids have the say in the house. They walk on eggshells, and they ask their kids nicely instead of telling them firmly what to do. While walking on thin ice prevents arguments from happening, it is not really the solution to the problem. You have to realize that being considerate to your child is totally different from tiptoeing around your kids.

It is a fact that parents should be considerate to their children’s feelings and opinions. If your child has troubles going through something, you can be considerate in such a way that you help him overcome the challenge as smoothly as possible. Perhaps you can help in terms of adjusting the frequency and the intensity of the experience so that your child can learn to build tolerance.

Say for example your child is afraid to swim. Do you think throwing him into the pool is the best way to go? What you should do instead is to work with him in overcoming that fear. Talk to your child about the things that he finds difficult so that he builds up the tolerance for it and develops a solid base for his skills in the process.

But what if your child is very reactive in a negative way and talking seems to be not working? What you should do to stop his unacceptable behavior? Tiptoeing is definitely NOT the answer.

Tiptoeing around your child is like telling him that he can refuse his responsibilities as well as the things that he is expected to do. When you tiptoe around your kid, you are giving him the impression that he is more powerful than you and he will use that power to manipulate you in any way he can. That is why setting a limit to your child’s behavior is necessary.

There is proper way of correcting your child’s behavior, especially when he misbehaves in front of his friends or other people that you know. Yes it is your job to reprimand, but it does not include yelling or humiliating your child.

Use cues to tell your child that he is going out of line. Perhaps give him a solid stare or a sharp look to tell him, “Okay, that’s it. Stop it right there” whenever your child begins to misbehave. Remember, yelling will make things worse. But with cues, you will be able to stop your child’s misbehavior without getting into a fight.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Not Every Argument is Worth Fighting For

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Of course, you would not want to live in a house filled with fussing and fighting. But that does not mean that you should leave all the decisions to your kids. For a house to become a home there should be a balance. And the best way to do that is to choose your battles with your kids wisely and stick to your guns on certain issues, while remaining more flexible on others.

According to parenting experts, the best parents are those who are moderately strict. To break it down in simpler terms, that means not being too strict, or too lenient. When parents are overly strict to the point of controlling their kids, they tend to run the risk of forcing their kids to stand up for themselves and rebel.

Have you tried squeezing a bird in your hand? The bird would likely do everything it can to break free from your grasp. Children feel no different – they could have security issues because their parents are not putting appropriate walls around them. Parents should remember that putting a fence around a child can affect him in two ways – either it constricts him, or make him feel safe.

Being the one in charge, parents are responsible in striking a sense of balance in handling their kids. And the first step is to choose their battles carefully. Rebellion may be considered safe and healthy at some extent, but beyond that needs special attention. Adolescents are expected to let go of their parents’ hands and try a few things on their own as they become their own persons, in which case some rebellion is necessary.

So when your daughter tells you that she is thinking of dying her hair red from being a natural blonde, consider that as a “safe” rebellion. However, when your 16-year old daughter tells you that she is thinking of getting a tattoo or her tongue pierced, it is a different story – doing permanent things like this may not necessarily be safe.

Parents should learn to prioritize their concerns – they can be rock solid on matters regarding health and safety, but can choose to be flexible on other issues. Curfew for example is about making sure that your children get home safe, so it should be a battle that you should choose to fight. But issues about what clothes to wear or applying make up, you can choose to back off.

Make sure that you stand firm when it comes to matters concerning school and studying as well as proper nutrition and proper hygiene. And if you are strong in your faith, then church attendance should not be a subject for debate.

Choose your battles wisely and do not back down when you feel that it is important or worthy of getting into conflict. Do not be afraid to demand your kids into doing something, but show them that you are considerate on certain things.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

Importance of Redirecting Child Behavior

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Any parent would agree that waiting for their kids to do what they are told usually ends up in a bad way. This is because kids only think in a linear manner, and their activities usually exclude their parents. Perhaps you have seen a number of kids touch right away anything that they find attractive before even thinking about it. Or perhaps you have experienced being annoyed by your kid saying “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy” when you refused to buy what he wants.

There are some parents who are really good at diverting their kid’s interests without getting into a fight. If your child does not listen to you when you tell him to come down the table and sit, then perhaps you need to learn from the natural parents who have found a way to make their kids do what they want them to do.

Some parents are able to make their children do things without difficulty. Their children listen to what they say without fighting or arguing. You may have seen a mom whisper gently to her son at the mall, and her son follows her and behaves well without any attempt of throwing a tantrum.

Most probably the mom has managed to divert her son’s attention into something else. Because once you figure out how to effectively redirect your child’s behavior, conflict and head-to-head discipline will remain just a bad memory.

For instance you saw your child hold a pair of scissors. Normally, you would yell from across the room out of panic and command him to give the scissors to you at once. But then again, the chances of your son to hand the scissors out peacefully and without a chase is slim.

However, if you have learned the art of distracting your children, you will be able to redirect your child’s attention from the scissors, say point out to the TV and tell him something interesting about what is going on on screen. And as you point to the TV, you slowly reach out for the scissors and put it away.

Once your child gets hooked to the TV, the scissors will be released safely in your hands. You have been successful at getting what you want without a fight and without engaging in a power struggle with your kid. Everything was peacefully done, without conflict and without drama.

Redirecting your child’s behavior is a very important parenting skill that you should master. On top of letting you get what you want, you are also able to let your child do what you want him to do without any resistance. Redirecting your child’s behavior gets tasks done and prevents tantrums from happening in the process as well.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Why You Need to Redirect the Interest of Your Kid

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Dealing with kids is not an easy task and is somewhat complicated. As parents, it is important for you to understand the concepts of the principles of growth and development because in this way it may makes the work a lot easier. You have to understand that each age level displays different behaviors. Even though the sequence of development is predictable, the parents should know how to handle the changes of behaviors.

As parent you have to have your techniques and styles on how to redirect the interest and behaviors of your child. In the case of the toddler child, No-No attitudes, and every time you want him to do something a loud NO is expected, the best thing to do is make choices for him to do as you want.

As the child grows from pre-school age to school age, you may notice that everything he does is associated with play. The activities of the child as soon as he wakes up in the morning to bed time are mostly playing, to the extent that if not monitored and followed up may even skip meals and jeopardize health. Studies are even neglected and preferred to play instead. The role of a parent here is important and difficult because for the kid play is more fun than eat properly and study the lessons.

If your kid reaches the adolescent period, the parent’s task is more challenging and much difficult because peer pressure here is more prevalent. You have to be keen observer here on any behavioral and emotional changes your kid may manifest. It is common on this stage, the school problems, like failure of grades, misdemeanors or even starts to talk back to you. Communication is a must during this age level. Active listening to your kid can make it easier to reach your kid. If open communication is developed between your kid and you since, problems is easily resolved.

Young teenagers now are easily manipulated and influenced by the surroundings, and as a parent it is you obligation to guide your kid to the right path. Though it is not easy but it is your duty as parent to make sure that your kid will have a bright future. The future of your child will depend on your proper guidance. Always know how to redirect the interest of your kid. Since your methods of guidance and discipline may not be effective at all times, then you have to look for other alternatives to make your parental roles effective.

Just make sure that when you impose rules, it must clearly explain to the kid to avoid confusion. Explain to your kid the consequences every time he misbehaves and violates the rules imposed. You have to be firmed and consistent if you start to discipline your kid. In this way your kid will learn to abide the rules at home and the laws of the society too.

To make it easier for you to redirect the interest of your kids is to develop trust. Start trusting your child by trying not to be judgmental. Let to your kid first before you give some advices and sanctions if needed. If you trust him, he will learn how to trust you also. And trust can establish a good relationship, which is very important in a family.

But most importantly, be a role model. The child can easily adapt good behaviors by examples. Remember mostly the parents are the idols of the children. The parent’s obligation to make a child to be a responsible person is a great and important task.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

The Value of Strategic Recognition and Strategic Affection

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Most parenting experts encourage giving regular recognition to your kids. Why? Because giving constant recognition strengthens the relationship between a child and a parent. It builds the self esteem of the child and at the same time makes him feel loved and noticed. So if you do not want your child to feel insecure and ignored, you should start acknowledging the things that he has done.

There are several ways of letting your child feel appreciated, but the most effective way of giving recognition is by doing it verbally. There are four types of verbal recognition, and all of which are very easy to use and very quick to apply.

The four types of verbal recognition are: active recognition, experiential recognition, proactive recognition, and creative recognition. Essentially close with each other, these four types of recognition provide a strong sense of appreciation to kids. By applying these four, your child will less likely feel insecure or unwanted.

Active recognition is like giving your child a quick summary of his current activity or mood. It is like telling your child whatever that you see him do or feel any time. It is like saying, “Hey, I notice you are building a house with three windows and a solid red door. It looks very strong. I’m sure it can stand any storm.”

Experiential recognition on the other hand is like active recognition, except that you inject a little reinforcement on the values and behaviors that you want your child to have. So for example you say, “I see that you are really concentrating on that math assignment of yours for 10 minutes. That is a great way to start, 10 minutes at a time.”

Like experiential recognition, proactive recognition also gives reinforcements but the main goal is to highlight your child’s success at sticking with rules. It may be a bit backdoor, but it is very effective. Creative recognition on the other hand is the combination of giving acknowledgment and compliance every time your child follows your requests.

The idea in creative recognition is making very simple and clear requests like, “Will you please hand me that spoon.” When your child does what he is told without muttering, you recognize his behavior by saying, “Thank you for doing that very quickly dear. Now I can have my breakfast.”

You can also use recognition as a tool to make your kids listen to you whenever you want to remind him or something about something that he is not supposed to do (again). This method is called strategic recognition and affection. When you want to correct your child about his “pushing behavior” at the game earlier, you can tell him, “You did a great job in the game today. And now let’s talk about pushing.” Saying it like that will make your child listen without feeling criticized or attacked.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Talk Back. Check on the link for more information.

What Parents Should Do To Guide Children Properly

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The world has never been this chaotic and full of strife and this current world state of affairs should put more emphasis on the responsibility of parents to make sure that their children are guided according to the proper moral standards. Noel Swanson’s eBook The Good Child Guide gives a pretty picture of how to create generally glad and good children. He even gave points on how to correctly rear a child and here are three of these pointers.

1. Vocalize your commendations and high regard to the good things that your kids do and do not be thrifty with them.

Not being thrifty does not mean extolling on everything that they do since that would show a bit of an embellishment and may not bring in the pitch and idea that you want to impart. Remember that once you deliver a compliment, you change the level of moral principles your child has and you bring his or her set of expectations up a notch. You win their trust more every time you acknowledge their good deeds.

2. Avoid getting into authority issues with your children because it leaves a bad taste to the mouth.

Stay at the helm and be the one to steer the rudder of your children’s lives but do not overdo as to make the impression that you are being dictatorial. Children need and want a figure to guide them and tell them what to do even though they are not fully aware of it and having that kind of supervision gives them a sense of reassurance. Since they are not yet exposed to the many hazards of the real world, they should not be left alone in dealing with life’s decisions. But little by little, as they age, you can allow them and even encourage them to make decisions on certain things in their lives.

This stage in life is very delicate so giving them the limited option to choose should not go overboard as to stir inside them a kind of thinking that they are the ones in control. Having that thought in mind may make them more adventurous enough to poke every now and then and challenge your authority and you would not want that. They should completely realize that you are still the top man on everything else.

3. Just like mirrors, children grow up based on what they observe around them.

Whatever is popular is what they will follow may be because of peer pressure and because they will tend to believe what many believe and you should be there to tell them popular does not unavoidably mean right.

Be the role model in moral values and the sense of obligation. Be reminded that children minds’ are so open to anything they see and hear and they will adapt to that in the blink of an eye. So make sure that you act appropriately most especially when the kids are present. If you want them to grow old with the right values, show it to them now.

However you may look at it, it is your prime responsibility as a parent to ensure that the lessons that your kids learn are things that will guide them to be better individuals when they grow up. What you just read here are three tips on how to do just that. For more details, read Swanson’s Review For Effective Parenting.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

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