If you're new here you might want to check out our top recommendation for parents. You can get a copy of The Total Transformation Program for free for a limited time, and it truly is a fantastic resource.

Parents in this generation tend to want to be best pals with their kids. Do you fall into this trap? It’s easy to want your child to feel comfortable with you just like he would be with a friend. So you tell your child, “Hey! we’re friends, right? You can tell me anything”. Then, maybe you ran into a situation where your child screwed up. He did something “bad”, and you go switching roles on him, suddenly being the parent. In a flash, you start reacting differently than a friend would. Maybe you get mad, or maybe you just start offering guidance. Whatever you do, your child may feel betrayed because a “friend” wouldn’t act in that way. Friends don’t give each other such a hard time for poor behavior.

Now imagine having been through the scenario described above. Think about the next time you sit down with your child hoping that he’ll open up to you as he would to a friend. It won’t happen. He’ll keep things from you and you’ll be in the dark. It would be more effective to build an open and trusting relationship with your child as a parent, not as a friend.

Here’s another thing to consider: If you have a defiant child, being “friends” will make it difficult for you to overcome this. It may even make it worse. Children who are defiant would think it’s fine for them not to follow rules anymore. After all, you are friends, right? Friends understand each other and make excuses for each other. Your kid will tell you, “I’m not coming home for dinner, and I’ll out all night” (on a school night, no less). You’ll ask “why”, and get a casual answer about a party that’s happening somewhere.

When you finally have to have a talk to explain that such behavior is not OK, your child will feel betrayed. This will give him another reason to be defiant. He’ll blame you for the emotional stress that he is going through. He’ll blame you for bad grades, and all sorts of other problems. These are defiant children we are talking about. These are not normal teenagers who can listen to reason and actually BE reasonable.

Of course you can be close to your child and talk about things, but never expect that you can be tight buddies. Your children don’t need more friends. When they are in school, they have many friends. Your kids know how to make friends; even the shy kids have friends. So don’t try to become just another friend to them.

On the other hand, they only have one set of parents. YOU. So why not just take that role seriously and just be a parent? You can have fun together, talk, go on trips; but as parent and child. Your kids need guidance more than anything and you are the ones that are given that responsibility. Take it and do well in it. Your children won’t have another set of parents if you fail.

Parenting means learning constantly. Don’t hesitate to learn new skills and apply them if you think that it will make your child a better person.

Dealing with defiant children can sometimes take a toll on us. I have found a program that aims at helping you deal with your child effectively. Get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Tagged with:

Filed under: articles

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!