If you're new here you might want to check out our top recommendation for parents. You can get a copy of The Total Transformation Program for free for a limited time, and it truly is a fantastic resource.

Although most of us have little trouble seeking help, for troubled teenagers, it’s frequently hard for them to know they need help. Bombarded on all sides with conflicting messages, lacking the experience and wisdom of adulthood, the path to their dream life may seem all too clear… even when there is no path at all.

The teenager is working from a flawed understanding of the world, trusting the voices of people in authority, in much the same way they did as children. At the same time, they are rejecting the family unit – a group they had no choice in joining – and gravitating to a circle of friends they have chosen themselves.

This combination can be volatile, and lead to additional bad choices, as an improperly chosen circle of friends will frequently look to an improper authority, leading to improper behavior aimed at an improper set of lifestyle choices.

While it’s certainly not possible to choose your teen’s friends, let alone convince them to wear different clothes or listen to different music, it’s certainly possible to educate them on the subtleties of the world… without dictating specific changes in their lifestyle.

It’s important to understand that the teenager believes our view of the world is flawed – that we are stuck in old ways of doing things, neglecting the new technologies and the new social groups that are available now.

Help for troubled teens is not usually difficult because of the teens themselves, but because of our approach. When you couple a universal principle too tightly with a tradition or standard, teens feel that you are simply selling them your tradition, not showing them the principle. As programs like James Lehman’s Total Transformation Program show, the principles themselves are what is important – not the traditions and standards that make us feel comfortable as adults.

When you draw a box around what you are offering help for, troubled teens have difficulty seeing beyond that box to the application of your principles in their daily lives. Instead of discussing how you can accomplish a specific goal, it is more effective to examine how goals like this one can be accomplished.

By taking that extra step back, you provide room for your teen to take a step forward into an additional problem… perhaps one that is embarrassing, and certainly not anything to ask an adult. When the principle is universal, and the reasoning is sound, your guidance can be used to solve other problems – and gradually earn the respect and trust of your teen, as the principles you explain prove their value in the real world your teen inhabits.

To learn more about help for troubled teenagers, I highly recommend The Total Transformation Program, by James Lehman.

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