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child_rewardsHave you ever told your child, “I’ll give you ten bucks if you clean your room”? Sounds familiar, huh? Have you ever asked yourself, “What if I have nothing more to give?”. Do you think your child would still do what you ask him to do? Some of you would probably answer, of course. What about the others? Was there ever a time when you asked you child, “Please help me in the kitchen” and you get “How much will you pay me?”?

I do agree that giving a reward to a child when he has done something good or achieved something. But you could be doing it the wrong way. Have you ever explained to her why she needs to clean her own room? That as she is getting older, she should be mature enough to take care of herself even in little ways. Did you make her understand that she needs to do her homework so that she can get good grades, graduate, get a good job and then be able to afford to raise her own family?

Let’s differentiate bribery from reinforcement, shall we? Bribery is when you offer/give something (like money) before the act. Reinforcement on the other hand is given after the act. When you offer your child money to do her tasks, you are just looking for a quick-fix. You get rid of the problem now but remember that you will most certainly face the same problem in the future. This does not help in the development of your child psychologically. She will no longer do what is expected of her if you are not offering anything in exchange. You will have a bigger problem then.

As a parent, I have this need sometimes to give my child almost anything I can afford. The look on her face when she sees that I have bought a new toy for her is priceless. But I realize also that doing this too often will let her think that all good deeds are rewarded only with material things and they forget about love, caring and responsibilities. These are the things you need to teach. I suggest that you reward your kids with non-materials things also like playing together, going on camping trips, fishing, or playing favorite sports together. I know that you can’t help buying your child material things, but don’t do it as a bribe. If you want to buy her things, do so because you want to and not because you want something done.

I have a few tips that I would like to share with you.

1. Don’t always give material rewards for every single thing. Your child should understand that there are things in life that she should do even if there are no rewards for that.

2. Reward her with praise. When your child has accomplished something or even just the act of trying to accomplish something, praise her and let her know that you are proud of her. Make her realize also that she should be proud of herself for what she has done or is trying to do.

3. Avoid giving threats. Don’t tell your child, “Clean your room or you won’t have allowance for the next week”. This will bring out a negative reaction. Focus more on the positive.

4. Give rewards as a surprise. This way, your child does her best without knowing that you are rewarding her. This will make her happier.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

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