motivate_teensFor some, teens may be the best years. For you and your teenager, they are undoubtedly the most difficult. Your child undergoes physical changes, and a lot of other changes that are not readily apparent. Your teenager has to contend with social pressure and identity issues, among others. In this period of conflict between parent and teenager, how do you motivate your child?

Remember that you should never fight with your teen. Encourage, but don’t demand. Adolescence is a time when your child begins to assert his independence. Making demands and nagging will only cause your teenager to rebel and challenge your authority. Teens appreciate being allowed to explore instead of simply being told. Let your child make his own mistakes. This is very difficult for parents. You want to protect your child from every hurt and heartache, and it is painful to see him on the verge of making mistakes, especially major ones, when you know very well that they could be avoided. However, you will find that teens rarely listen. They want to find out for themselves the hows and whys. Let them. Lessons learned from failures are the most memorable lessons they will ever get. As parents, our role is to let them make their own choices with just a little guidance, then be there to praise if they succeed or empathize if they fail.

When it comes to chores, try letting your teenagers choose which chores they prefer instead of telling them what should be done and by whom. Involve them in formulating a plan regarding your household chores. They will be more inclined to follow something they helped create.

Be generous with your compliments. Building your teen’s confidence and reap the benefits. A common issue between parents and their teenage child is organizing the latter’s room. Again, instead of telling him how messy his room is, you can encourage your child by finding something that showcases his organizational skills. His bathroom may be a mess but your teen’s record collection could be methodically arranged. Compliment him on that and suggest how his skill at arranging his collection could be put to use in other areas of his room.

The carrot-and-stick approach works on teens too. While involving your teenager in formulating plans, make sure he understands that his failure to stick to them will result in certain sanctions. An example is to reduce his TV time. It is important for you to be firm, while holding your teen answerable for what has been agreed upon. However, it is equally important that you reward your teen when he has been faithful to his responsibilities. Reward him with more freedom, such as time to do the activities he enjoys. This will persuade him to be even more responsible in the future.

Teens only lack motivation to do what their parents tell them to do. They obviously do not have the same problem when it comes to things they like to do. The secret is in involving them in the process, and making it worth their while.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

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