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spoiled-child1How do you know that your child is spoiled?

A spoiled child is without discipline, manipulative, and obnoxious most of the time. He acts like the following when he is at the age of 2 or 3:

a. Disregards rules and doesn’t like cooperating.
b. Ignores commands like “no” or “stop”.
c. Protests about anything and everything.
d. Confused about needs and wishes.
e. Always wants everything done his way.
f. Demands things from others.
g. Has no respects for the rights of other people.
h. Wants to control people.
i. Easily frustrated.
j. Often displays tantrums and whines all the time.
k. Complains about unnecessary things.

Your child becomes spoiled because you are too lenient and lax. You don’t have limits and then you consent to their tantrums and complaints. Your child is smart enough to know that he can have his way and get away with it.

The main cause of spoiled children is lenient, permissive parenting. Permissive parents don’t set limits and they give in to tantrums and whining. If parents give a child too much power, the child will become more self-centered. Such parents also rescue the child from normal frustrations. Sometimes a child is cared for by a nanny or babysitter who spoils the child by providing constant entertainment and by giving in to unrealistic demands.

The reason some parents are too lenient is that they confuse the child’s needs (e.g. feeding) with his wishes (e.g. play). They don’t want to hurt their child’s feelings or hear him cry. They may choose the short-term solution of doing whatever prevents crying which, in the long run, causes more crying.

A child’s ability to cry and fuss deliberately to get his way usually begins at about 5 or 6 months of age. There may be a small epidemic of spoiling in our country because some working parents feel guilty about not having enough time for their children. To make up for this, they spend their free time together trying to avoid the friction that setting limits might cause.

The difference between giving children the attention they need and spoiling them can be unclear. In general, attention is good for children. However, it can become harmful if it is excessive, given at the wrong time, or always given immediately. Attention from a parent is excessive if it interferes with a child’s learning to do things for himself and deal with life’s frustrations. Giving attention when you are busy because your child demands it is an example of giving attention at the wrong time. Another example is when a child is throwing a tantrum and needs to be ignored. If attention is always given immediately, your child won’t learn to wait.

Some parents worry about holding and cuddling as a form of attention. Holding babies is equivalent to loving them. In many cultures, parents hold their babies much more than we do in this country. Lots of holding does not spoil a child.

If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you read The Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens

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