We’ve all seen them. We know they’ve got a secret, some kind of deep knowledge we lack. How else could they do it? How can the people who work with children every day somehow manage to keep twenty and thirty children behaving properly… when we can barely keep up with our own two children at home? What secret parenting techniques could we learn from them, and how do we get them to teach us?

There are a lot of theories that don’t involve parenting techniques. There are those who say that children are naturally social, and if you provide a group activity they’ll simply go along with it. There are others who say it’s just the vast array of toys and games and art supplies; if you packed your house as full of child-friendly activities, your children would be that well-behaved, too.

While there is some truth to these methods, the real secret is a bit more subtle than that. Yes, children are social, and will act as a group; you can see them collecting into groups on the playground, even if they don’t know one another. And yes, having something child-friendly to do at any turn helps… ask any aunt or uncle who’s tried to babysit how children act in a house with no toys or games suited to their age. But there are real parenting techniques here, which we as parents can learn to employ.

The key element, which most of us miss because we simply don’t observe the right things, is that the child care professional does not set the children to doing something and then leave – but remains to interact with the children. As parenting techniques go, it seems simple and obvious… but how many of us do it?

The basic reality is that children, no matter what toys and games they are provided, crave the attention and approval of others. This is why they collect in groups themselves – to offer their own attention and approval to one another. But as we all know, children are often unwilling to be supportive at all times, and arguments can break out. It’s amazing how many sophisticated parenting techniques come up wanting, next to this simple and effective method: just pay attention to the children.

Of course, we all have things to do during the day. How can we get them done, if we’re constantly paying attention to the children? The answer is so simple as to be profound – involve the children in your daily routine. While going about your daily tasks, take your children with you, and explain what you are doing and why… with occasional questions to involve the child in displaying an understanding.

There are certainly other parenting techniques that can be used, and you’ll definitely want to know more than this “secret” of the child care professionals. But it’s honestly that easy; involve yourself with your children, and your children in your daily life. As a great man once said, all else is commentary.

To learn more about parenting toddlers, check out the Talking to Toddlers Audio Course. For parenting older children, I highly recommend The Total Transformation Program, by James Lehman.

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