Top Things Parents Shouldn’t Say to Their Child

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Words are the best way to express how we feel and what we’re thinking. Words are very powerful, and while it can let us express our love, it can also hurt if not used right.

Once we say something, we cannot take it back. This is why parents need to be very careful in what they say, especially when it’s around their child.

Here are just some of the things parents should never say to their child and what they should do instead:

Act Your Age!

So, your child is ten years old and acting like he’s six – and you tell him so. The thing is, telling your child to “act like his age” reflects your frustration more than the child’s behavior. So your child’s behavior is getting under your skin – doesn’t mean you have to take it out on him.

When this words come out of a parent’s mouth, what happens is that you criticize your child just when he’s having trouble and maybe needs your help to gain control.

What you wanna do: Practice counting to two before responding to your child, especially when you’re upset. This will give you enough time to clear out your mind for an appropriate response instead of snapping. If counting’s not your thing, take a deep breath before answering your child.

I don’t care!

Children love talking about all kinds of things – how the worm he saw on the way to school wiggled, what his classmate had for lunch, how funny his favorite character is. Most times, the things your child is talking about does not concern you and when the timing’s wrong you might have the urge to scream “I don’t care” in your child’s face.

When we say “I don’t care”, we’re sending a message to our child that what he says – no matter what – isn’t important. Like, it’s not worth listening to at all. Be careful, because this might also cut off your child’s desire to communicate.

When we see teenagers who doesn’t want to communicate with their parents, maybe the question to ask is not “what’s wrong with him?” but “what mistake have the parent done?” In a lot of cases, parents showed no interest in communicating with their child in an early age, a practice they subconsciously taught their child.

What you wanna do: If your child’s talking but you’re too busy to do so, let your child know that you will be available to talk later. Make sure that you pay attention to her while saying this, and not while your eyes are in front of the computer.

Say you’re sorry!

Ah, we’ve all been there before. Your child stepped on someone’s foot, took a toy from another child or doesn’t wanna share. It’s awkward, so you force your child to say sorry. Even when you say it nicely – “honey, do you wanna say sorry?” – it’s still forcing your child to do something and it’s not really teaching him compassion which is more important than just saying the word.

Besides, forcing a child to apologize does not teach him social skills. If you force him, it would delay his natural ability to understand the concept of apologizing.

What you wanna do: Apologize to other people for your child and apologize when you make mistakes. It’s as easy as modeling the behavior and your child will naturally follow what you’re practicing.

I’m going to leave without you

Probably the only thing that saves your insanity when you’re in a rush and your child’s stalling. I mean, c’mon, every parent must have screamed this once or twice in their lives. Sure, it makes your child run out the house once or twice but what if she realizes that you wouldn’t really leave without her?

Throwing empty threats is one of the worst things you can ever do as a parent. It destroys your authority as a parent when you say that you’ll do something and don’t.

What you wanna do: Don’t tell your child that you’ll leave without him. Instead, expect that it’s going to happen. Chances are, this is not the first time this happened. So, call him out early. And you might want something in the car that will make him hurry up.

For instance, take his favorite toy to the car when you go out. Also, make sure that you prepare everything that he needs. Put whatever he needs inside his bag so he doesn’t have to look for them just when it’s time to leave.

Using Public Humiliation as Child Punishment

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Recently, the internet has been bombarded with news of children being punished by holding signs on the street saying “I’m a thief” or “I don’t want to behave in school” and of a girl having her laptop shot in front of her by her father.

Some were happy that parents were brave enough to punish their child this way, while some were outraged by the parents’ behavior. So, I would like to look at the pros and cons of carrying out child punishment this way and if it’s a recommended way to discipline a child or not.

Let’s take a look at the advantages first. A lot of parents who resorted to public humiliation as a way of disciplining their child admit that they’ve done trying all kinds of child discipline techniques but nothing worked. In most cases, publicly humiliating their child was effective in sending their message across – they were able to nip the behavior in the bud and stop the child from doing it again.

Some parents also agree that public humiliation prepares our child for the real world. If he is caught by the manager or attendant shoplifting, for instance, there’s no doubt that he will be humiliated in front of dozens of people.

I should admit that children must be taught that there are rules in life and that there are consequences if we break them. I also agree that if a child misbehaves, reprimanding him right there and then – even in a public place – should be done in order for him to realize which action is being punished. If the parent waits to get home before reprimanding the child, chances are he’d forget what the punishment is all about.

So, we’ve established that public humiliation may be effective in disciplining a child, but the question is: will the effectiveness be enough to make up for the disadvantages?

Personally, I am not in favor of using public humiliation to carry out child punishment for many reasons. First, why would I want to humiliate my own child? Have you ever been humiliated? How do you like that shrinking feeling that makes you want to hide under a stone? I’ve been humiliated once or twice in my life and it never was a good thing. I hated it and I wouldn’t want my child to be in that situation.

It’s true that it is not the parents’ duty to shield the child from the world, but instead, it is our responsibility to raise them and prepare them to be decent, law-abiding citizen who will be an asset to the community. However, it is also the parents’ duty to protect the child from strangers who will laugh at them and even judge them without even knowing who they really are. And hanging a sign from the child’s neck is one of the easiest things to do that.

There’s also the connection of publicly humiliating a child and bullying. Humiliating your child in public is a form of bullying, and chances are he will repeat your behavior – only this time, he’d be using his peers as his victims.

I am also of the strong opinion that public humiliation is a form of emotional abuse. You are humiliating your child for crying out loud, and doing it in front of strangers too. Put yourself in your child’s shoes, how would you love to be humiliated in front of people?

Before even resorting to public humiliation, I think it’s necessary that parents find out the cause of the behavior first. If you child has been stealing, think why he’s behaving this way. According to American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, children and teenagers steal for various reasons. A child may steal to make things equal if a sibling seems to be more favored. Another reason is to show bravery to friends as a way to be accepted while some children steal out of fear of dependency meaning they take what they need so they don’t have to depend on other people providing it for them.

Once you find the cause of the behavior, it would be best to discipline the child in a positive way instead of resorting to public humiliation. Let’s take the example of stealing again. With this kind of problem, start by telling that child that stealing is wrong, and then help the child return the item to the owner or to pay for it (maybe set up a lemonade stand to come up with funds).

Make sure that the child does not benefit from the theft in any way so if you’re going to help him set up a lemonade stand, all funds should go to the payment of the item and the child doesn’t get to keep any money for himself. Avoid lecturing or labeling the child as a “thief” and saying that you now consider him to be a bad person. Lastly, make it clear to the child that this behavior is unacceptable to the family and to the community.

It’s true that it’s damn-if-you-do-damn-if-you-don’t when it comes to parenting. Whatever means of child discipline you use, some parents will applaud you for it while some will definitely hate you for doing so. Whatever it is, the most important thing is that we put our child first and always think of his welfare in whatever we do.

Teenage Pregnancy: How to Have the “Talk” with Your Teenage Child

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The number of teenage pregnancy has risen over the years. Statistics show that over 70% of senior high school students are sexually active. Why not? Everywhere a teenager looks, sex is packaged as a normal, everyday-to-do thing by the media – television, movies, magazines and even billboards. Though some are more discreet than the others, they are related to sex in some way and it’s not hard to make the connection. Ever seen a billboard for sexy lingerie? That’s what I’m talking about.

It is vital for parents to have the “talk” with his or her child. That is, to educate the child about the realities of sex and its consequences, however awkward it may be. It is not easy talking about this topic and it may just be the most awkward yet most important conversation you’ll ever have with your child.

What is the best age to talk about sex with my child?

The truth is there is no magical number. Many of us don’t know when it’s too early or too late to talk about sex with our child. Experts suggest letting the conversation come up naturally, and to use “teachable moments”. For instance, when a member of the family gets pregnant, chances are your child’s curiosity will get the better of him and ask questions. A couple of guidelines when your child starts asking:

• Don’t laugh or giggle – this will make your child feel ashamed of her curiosity and that’s unnecessary.
• Be casual about it – try not to appear overly serious or embarrassed about the matter.
• Be brief – there’s no need to go into long explanations. Once, my 4-year old asked how babies are brought into the world and I just answered him that they go through a special birth canal. He said “okay” and that was it.
• Be prepared to repeat yourself.

Sex education is also taught in schools at fifth or sixth grade. The students are shown videos and they have lectures as well. This is a good opportunity to clarify things and answer any questions your child may have.

Take the child to a walk and ask about the video – is there anything about it that they don’t understand or would they like to know more? Are they having signs of puberty and do they have any questions about it? For girls, ask them if they would like to buy a training bra and pads just in case. Of course, this is also a wonderful opportunity to talk to your child about sex – more about this later in this article. Also, I suggest that dads talk to boys and moms talk to girls. It makes the situation less awkward for your kids. For single parents, have a father figure talk to your son and vice versa.

What exactly should my teenage child and I talk about?

It’s best to start about talking about the basics of sex. There are a few stages to sex including attraction, arousal, foreplay, intercourse, etc. Parents should also cover the science behind sex – the difference between the male and female genitals, how eggs develop in women, what fertility is and how it comes about, etc.

Next, parents should talk about the importance of protection. What are the different kinds of protections? Condoms, pregnancy pills as well as calendar method and etc. How effective are these? Condoms, for instance work 100% when used properly. Account human error and the effectiveness rate goes down to 98%. Pregnancy pills are also effective, but what happens when you miss one pill? These are just some of the ways to control teenage pregnancy and it’s vital that you teach your kids about them whether you have a son or a daughter.

Finally, talk about the “what ifs?” This may just be the most important part. Note that parents shouldn’t go into a speech or a lecture. This should be a lesson about reality, and you have to point this out to your child. Explain ahead of time that you’re not trying to scare him or her but that you are presenting possible scenarios that may happen if she gets pregnant or if your son gets his girlfriend pregnant.

What if your child gets pregnant before she finishes school? Who would handle the bills? Where is she and the child going to leave? How is he or she going to support the child? What if he or she gets sexually transmitted disease?

But my child doesn’t want to sit and talk about it!

The thing is, it’s not really necessary to sit down in order for your child to talk. Throw in a couple of sex education lessons here and there, whenever you see the opportunity for it.

If your child is already having sex and you’re worried that he or she may not know enough about it, here’s something that may work.

Tell your child that you’d feel more comfortable if you know that she or he knows everything there is to know about sex. Because of this, you’d ask for no more than five minutes of your child’s time every day.

Proceed with making “lessons” for each day. Stick to the rule: no more than five minutes. Start with the basics of sex, and so on and so on (refer to above).

Note to parents

Doing all of these is not an assurance that your child will not engage in premarital sex, although they might do it responsibly, thanks to your effort. Just remember that we are all human, and sexual urges are very normal.

Also, I’d like to remind parents to make the conversation as natural as possible. Be straightforward and frank, but not crude. Be direct and matter-of-fact when talking. It wouldn’t help if you fumble every time you say “sex”.
Also, don’t be self-righteous about it. Again, the aim is to make your child understand about sex and its nature rather than defend yourself on how you waited to be married before engaging on it and etc.

If you have enough nerve, it would help if you tell your teenager about your first time. It makes you more relatable and help your teenage child understand that you’ve experienced it too. By telling him or her that you’ve experienced it, you are telling your child that you know about the consequences of it too.

Dealing with Defiance and Obesity in Kids: Why It’s a Deadly Combination

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Childhood obesity is one of the fastest rising problems in the country today. The number of obese children in the United States has tripled over the last thirty years, with the number of obese children age six to eleven years old increasing from 7% in 1980 to almost 20% in 2008. With a number increasing this fast, we all know how the statistics will be in the coming years if we don’t do anything.

First, what exactly is obesity? Does a child carrying extra weight considered obese? Simply looking at a child will not tell you if he/ she is obese or not. Your doctor can actually help you by calculating your child’s BMI or Body Mass Index. Your doctor will then determine your child’s percentile, which is how your child compares with other children of the same sex and age. For instance, if your doctor determined that your child is in the 80th percentile, it means that 80% of the other children of the same sex and age with your child have a lower BMI.

A cut off point was established by Center for Disease Control and Prevention states that BMI-for-age between 85th and 94th percentiles are overweight while BMI-for-age 95th percentile or above are considered obese.

Here’s a BMI calculator from mayoclinic.com which might help you out.

I know that many parents are aware of the negative effects of obesity, but what exactly are they?
Being obese comes with many physical consequences. Among these include increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, breathing problems and trouble sleeping. With an obese child or teenager, the physical consequences are easier to face than the emotional problems associated with the condition. These include depression and anxiety as a result of low self-esteem and being unpopular among peers.

What’s more difficult than having an obese child? Having an obese child who is also defiant, that’s what. Making a child go on a diet is difficult enough, what more if your child is determined never to let you tell (or even plead) him what to do?

More often than not, defiance happens when a child is angry at something. If your child is obese and he or she’s insecure about it, that’s a reason enough to be defiant.

Since statistics show that a child has 50% chances of becoming obese if one of the parents is also obese and an 80% chance if both parents are, you might want to start watching your weight too. Maybe one of the reasons why your child does not want to lose weight because he or she doesn’t really see the importance of doing so, so you have to show her. Parents are also the child’s role model, so you might want to start a weight-management program together. If your child really does not want anything to do with it, start by yourself and she or he may follow later.

Working out is also important for losing weight, so why don’t you do activities that’s fun for your child?

Some fun physical activities include hopscotch, biking, fishing, freeze tag, playing at the park, rollerblading, swimming and jumping on the trampoline.

You can do any kind of activity, really. The important thing is that your child is moving rather than sit on the couch the whole day. Of course, it’s also important that you do it as a family. Just have fun playing and spending time together and your child will never see it as working out.

Another important component of losing weight is having a proper diet. Now, that’s not too easy with kids. The trick is not to make them eat less, but to make them eat healthier. I know it’s close to impossible to make a child eat greens, so I looked for healthy nutritious snacks online that’s especially made for kids.

Frozen Fruit Pops – Use popsicle molds or regular ice trays to freeze your own fruit-sicles. Pop fresh or frozen fruit (the kind without added sugar) into the blender and swirl until nice and thick. Add milk or low-fat yogurt to make them extra creamy. Experiment with strawberries, bananas, mango, pineapple, blueberries and more.
Crunchy Bananas – Put some pizzazz into your ‘nanners by peeling and cutting them in half, dipping them in orange juice then rolling them in a baking pan filled with crushed cornflakes or another whole-grain cereal. The kids will love to participate in this project!

Pizza Pitas – Let the kids load up half of a whole-wheat pita, then bake in the oven for 8-10 minutes at 325 degrees Fahrenheit, or until the cheese is melted. The ingredients are up to you: cheese, mushrooms, peppers, turkey pepperoni, and diced baked chicken are all good options for the kiddos.

You can also make them a healthy pancake using the recipe I found here, and I also recommend reading this article about the top 5 condiments that you can use as alternatives to the poison in your fridge.

I have to admit, helping a child lose weight is not an easy feat but nobody will help your child but you. I’d also want to remind you that getting out of obesity is constant work. Studies show that children and teenager who lost weight are still prone to become obese as adults because they went back to their old eating habits and they’ve stopped working out. This is why it’s also important for parents to educate their child on the downsides of being obese. There are more than a dozen resources in the internet alone, and feel free to use them all as your guide.

Is it Remotely Possible to Make a Defiant Child Do Homework?

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One of the biggest issues of being a parent is making a child do homework. It’s close to impossible, and some parents even just accepted that fact that making a child do homework will always be a struggle.

I think parents need to put their feet in their child’s shoes. I’m sure you didn’t like doing homework when you were your child’s age, and I think it’s important to remember that feeling of dread every time you sit down on the table and your mom make you do the homework.

Now, why do kids hate doing homework so much? It’s because the alternative is so much better – playing video games, catching up with friends on Facebook, following Justin Bieber on Twitter; the list goes on and on. Heck, even sitting and starting at nothing is much better than doing homework. Remember that your child spend the whole day sitting and studying in school, so being forced to sit and study when they get home really is a punishment, right?

Now, why is studying important? Because teachers don’t give it just to piss off students. Homework is actually vital for the child’s learning and development. For instance, it helps the child master new skills. Critical thinking, for example, takes practice to master but there’s not enough time to do it in school. Once they learn about in the classroom, they need to practice it at home too. Doing homework is also vital for self-discipline. Doing homework allows the child to manage their time and work on their own and these are skills, we know, that are vital for one’s success in life.

So, the big question is “how would I make a defiant child do homework?”

As with dealing about anything with a defiant child, parents need to be firm. I know, you must have heard about this a million times but I think it’s necessary to remind every parent to be firm because dealing with a defiant child is not easy and it’s overwhelming that you can easily let your guard down.

Second, parents need to set up a routine and stick to it. If homework should be started the moment your child arrives from school, then that should be followed every day. This allows your child to know what to expect, and this is necessary so there will be no arguments when it’s homework time. It will also help your child if you tell them ahead of time that homework time is approaching. For instance, you can tell them that “homework is in 5 minutes” after having dinner.

Of course, you can’t just impose a schedule on your child. You have to let her or him decide on a schedule that he or she’s most comfortable with. If your child is more comfortable doing his homework right after school when he’s not too tired yet, then let him do it. If he wants to rest for a while and do it after dinner then that’s fine too. The important thing is that he chooses the schedule so you’re not forcing him into doing another thing that he doesn’t want to do (with doing homework being the first).

In my experience, the most effective method is to give your child rewards for doing the homework. No, you don’t have to spend any money because you just have to teach him that what he’s considering his rights are actually privileges. TV time, playing video games or using the internet for social networking are all very effective rewards to give to child or a teenager. How you use these is up to you. You can make a rule that any screen time is only allowed after homework is done or he can earn an hour of screen time daily for doing his homework and then use the earned time on weekends.

Getting your child to be responsible for his homework is also important. Your child would never run out of excuses for not doing the homework – “I’m too tired”, “it’s too hard” and “my teacher gives too much homework” are just some of the excuses children throw. These cunning creatures would also try manipulating you into doing their homework until whose homework it is becomes a blurred line.

With this being said, parents still need to assist their child when doing their homework. Guide them on what needs to be done and what they need help with. There is a big difference with helping your child find the answer and giving him the answer – and this is something that every parent needs to understand. Don’t spoon-feed your child – do not do the homework for them but always be there to help out.

Again, accept the fact that your child will never like doing homework. Although, it’s not an excuse for them not to do it at all. Expect arguments, expect defiance and expect them to rebel about it and it would actually be easier for you to help them do their homework.

When Your Child Refuses to Get Out of Bed

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Mornings are usually chaotic for most families. Everyone’s in a hurry, and there’s just so much to do.
One thing that I parents hate the most in the morning is waking up their child. Children, especially teenagers, just refuse to get out of bed no matter what you do! It’s very frustrating for both parent and child.

Parents usually start by a simple “wake up”. You do this several times until you’re starting to get mad. You then resort to pulling your child’s blanket out, drag him out by his feet and then threaten him for the finale. This goes day after day after day and it’s not a healthy way to start your and your child’s day.

According to The Total Transformation Program, parents actually need to stop taking responsibility for their kids. Sure, we don’t want them to miss the bus or miss homeroom but it’s time we teach our child to be responsible. If we are willing to wake up our child each and every morning, then why should they do it themselves?

Set up ground rules. It’s time that you set ground rules for your child to follow. In a lot of homes, the case of having to wake up the child early again and again started when they were too young to be responsible enough to wake up. Now that they’re old enough, it’s time that they do it themselves.

Sit with your child and explain what’s going to happen from now on – you wake them up once, and then it’s up to them to get out of bed. If they don’t, they’ll miss the bus and then they have to take the train or you drive them if you’re not too busy. Of course, this kind of ground rules may not work for everybody so feel free to customize it according what will fit your family. For instance, you take away their video games for the weekend as “payment” for you driving them to school or they do an extra chore for missing bus that day.

The important thing is to teach your child that making the bus every morning is their responsibility and that you won’t do it for them. They might miss the bus or even classes on the first few days – let them. They would not learn about their responsibility unless you really show them the consequences.

According to experts, teenagers need at least nine hours of sleep daily. The problem is biological sleep patterns during this stage make it difficult for them to sleep before 11pm, which is why they seem to always not have enough sleep when you wake them up early. This is why parents need to make their child’s sleep a priority. If he needs to wake up at seven in the morning, make sure that he goes to bed by 10:30pm (because of course, he don’t really fall asleep the moment he lies down).

Teenagers love going to bed late, and this is a fact. Going to bed at 11pm is okay as long as he wakes up on time. If not, adjust his bedtime to an earlier hour. You might tell your child “you seem to be having a hard time waking up early, so we’ll adjust your bedtime to 10pm”. If he wakes up on time for one whole week, set his bedtime back to 11pm. This is an effective way to teach your child about his responsibility because you are not directly telling him what to do (which teenagers hate so much), but rather, teaching him the consequence of his actions.

Of course, it’s also important that parents help their child. Sit with him and think of ways on how to make his morning earlier. For instance, place his alarm clock across the room instead of on the bedside table. You can also help him pack everything he does the night before so he doesn’t have to spend too much time packing them in the morning. These kinds of things are important to show your child that while you don’t like him getting up late in the morning, you also give your support to help him change this.

Giving your child a break once in a while might also help. It may seem counterproductive, but this would actually reinforce the lesson that normal mornings have schedules that he needs to follow. Of course, you can’t just give him an exception ay any given time. If say, there’s a program at school that doesn’t really require them to report to homeroom or if you can drive them to school since you don’t have to report to work early; you can use these opportunities to give your child a break. Besides, this is a great way to give them a rest from the routine and refresh them for the next day.

Making a child wake up early is really a challenge. My mom struggled with waking me up early when I was young, and now it’s my turn to struggle with my child. Of course, thank you for smart parenting programs like The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman and I get to learn effective parenting lessons.

When a Defiant Child Damages and Destroys Property: Causes and What a Parent can Do

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Throwing things out the window, stepping on your favorite plants or breaking your China are just some of the things a defiant child/ teen can do. In extreme cases, some defiant children reached the point of smashing windshields, breaking the neighbor’s window or even hurting other people’s pet.

Seeing your sweet child turn into this horrible monster is never easy, and a parent would normally feel a variety of emotions with shock topping the list – “when did my child turn into this horrible person?”, next comes anger – “why is he acting this way?” and then guilt – “what did I do wrong in raising him?”

Let me tell you now that while your parenting technique may have something to do with the child’s behavior, it’s not the main cause. Your child is acting this way because this is his “cope of choice”.

Whenever a child is angry, upset or disappointed; how he reacts to what is happening to him is called his “cope of choice”. Some children/ teenagers copes by keeping to themselves, some by talking to friends while some – like in this case – have to destroy things.

There may be different reasons behind a destructive child’s behavior. One of this is low frustration tolerance. Even adults want things to go their way, how much more with kids? Yes, toddlers throw tantrums out of frustration and yes, some teenagers throw tantrums way after we expect them to. By being destructive, kids are physically letting out stress. This can be very effective, although unpleasant to the people around the child.

One of the most effective ways to get over this is to help your child understand his emotions and to teach him another way of venting. The first step, of course, is to show him that you are also his friend. Talking, and especially, listening to your child can help. Start with small steps. Start by asking him how school went – if he doesn’t want to talk, don’t push it. He’ll eventually get used to this and would start to open up.

Do not get angry on your child for what he’s feeling. If your daughter’s mad that a friend doesn’t want to sit with her on the cafeteria anymore, acknowledge her feelings. When dealing with teenagers, saying “everything will be alright” may just be one of the worst things you can say. It might be better to just listen to your child and throw a question or two to keep her or him on talking.

Another reason for a child’s destructive behavior is intimidation. On the countless of studies experts have conducted on this matter, it was found out that a good number of teenagers actually know how control their feelings yet throws things around just to intimidate their parents into letting them have their way.

Personally, I think this is one of the easiest “causes” to control. It’s as simple as letting your child know who the parent is. This is also a lot like handling a toddler: if you ignore a toddler when he or she starts throwing a tantrum, chances are he’ll minimize doing it.

Once your teenage child starts getting destructive because he can’t get his way (note that this is different from children who really have problems controlling their behavior. For instance, Sally got so disappointed because the family can’t go to the theater due to the bad weather. There is no way that Sally’s “tantrum” can make the weather change but she still gets destructive because she’s too frustrated about the sudden change of plans), let him be. The key here is to ignore him, again, just like when a toddler starts throwing his toys away because he can’t “have one more candy”.

Of course, we can’t ignore the fact that some children gets destructive out of revenge on the parents. Some parents may find that something they value or something they owned gets broken and no one knows what happened. Unless you have proof that your child did it, I’m pretty sure he’d deny the deed until there’s no breath left in his body.
Now, this is why parents need to start discipline early in the child’s life. Although it’s not impossible, it’s harder to discipline a child when he’s older (lucky there are some effective parenting programs to help with a defiant child).

The problem stated above could have prevented if 1.) The parent taught the child how to handle his emotions more effectively 2.) If the child was taught how to express his emotions without having to be destructive and 3.) The parents have fostered a good parent-child relationship where the parents are available to talk to their child about anything and everything under the sun.

Having a destructive child/ teenager at home can really have a big effect on the family. Although parents want to shield and protect their child all the time, not making him responsible for his behavior will cause more problems. Instead of walking on eggshells around the child just so he don’t destroy or damage properties, talk to him and make sure that he knows who the parent is – the one in control. For extreme cases (sometimes nothing works no matter what we do), you might want to get help from a professional.

Toddler Airplane Travel: How to Manage a Toddler in a Plane

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News of toddlers being kicked out of planes is not new. Recently, a Rhode Island family was forced to get off a plane and spend another night in the Caribbean when their 2-year old child wouldn’t sit on the chair fastened by a seatbelt.

In a statement made by JetBlue (the airline who kicked out the family) made to TV station WJAR: “Flight 850 … had customers that did not comply with crew member instructions for a prolonged time period. The Captain elected to remove the customers involved for the safety of all customers and crew members on board.”
I read a couple of articles about this incident, and you wouldn’t believe the comments people made. Here are some of them:

““Toddler Kicked Off Plane Not the First” – And hopefully not the last. I was trapped on a plane with an out of control child a few months go and I ‘d have been perfectly happy if that child and its parents had been given parachutes and shoved out of the door.”

“I am with the airlines – this is a child that the parents can’t control, so off they go. Those of us who fly a lot wish there were a lot less children on board than there are but that won’t happen. If the child is afraid of flying then figure out vacations closer to home or get some type of help from your physician but don’t subject all of the rest of the passengers to your out of control child.”

“I don’t feel any sympathy for the mother in this story. Just because she bought a ticket does not mean she have the right to stay on the plane if she can’t control her child. If she refuses to use force to get her child on the seat and buckle the child up, the pilot have the right to return to the terminal and reject her and her child from the plane. The safety of crew and other passengers is the top priority, and it was clear this child’s refusal to stay in the seat was a danger to the other passengers’ safety. Nope, I do not feel any sympathy for any parent who cannot control their children.”

“If you can’t control your child, then leave it at home!! Why should all the paying passengers have to deal with an out of control 2 year old. Besides, who want to be in a confined area with a screaming brat! And who in their right mind takes a kid to the Caribbean?? Not normal!”

Now, I know what you’re thinking – insensitive, right? I mean, these people are not parents for sure. As a parent, we know that children have their moments sometimes. They misbehave at times, and they throw tantrums all the time but it doesn’t mean that we are bad parents or that they have bad kids.

Now, I do not agree with the comments people made but I’d also like us to imagine if we are on a plane with a screaming child. We got to admit that it’s annoying and that we’d wish we’re somewhere else. It wouldn’t be a nice plane ride, which is why I’d like to share tips on how parents can manage a toddler airplane travel.

TIP # 1

Don’t take planes if you can help it. Unless it’s an emergency or unless it’s really needed, don’t take a toddler into a plane. Prevent air travelling as much as possible. If you’re going on a vacation, choose spots that you can drive to. Wait for the child to get older to go overseas. A 2-year old wouldn’t really appreciate the Bahamas anyway.

TIP # 2

Prepare your child for the plane ride. Most toddlers cry on flights because they are scared, especially if it’s their first time getting on one. Weeks before the flight, introduce to them what a plane is. Show them pictures or videos to make them aware that a plane is not something to be scared of.

TIP # 3

The pressure during takeoff may hurt your child’s ears. If he’s old enough, you can give him a gum to reduce the pressure. If not, feed him using a bottle and he should be good. To prevent his or hurt from getting hurt, it’s best that the child’s asleep during takeoff so you might want to time the flight during his or her nap time unless of course there’s a delay.

TIP # 4

Bring books, toys or whatever that will entertain your child. Sitting still can be very boring, especially for active toddlers. One of the best ways to stop your child from bothering other people is to keep him or her entertained. Now, you have to make the toys/ books last so don’t take them out unless the child asks for it or he’s acting bored. Also make sure to take them out one at a time so you don’t run out of things to entertain him with.

TIP # 5

Stock up on food and drinks. One of the main causes of tantrums is hunger and thirst, so make sure that you have something to give your child when these needs come up. Having your child nibble in a cookie or a biscuit is also effective for handling pressure during landing.

TIP # 6

Bring a comfort tool. This is another good way of handling a child’s fear of flying. Bring a favorite blanket or toy – anything that will make your child comfortable during flying. On a flight once, my child was so scared that we pretended to hide under his security blanket and he was okay after that.

TIP # 7

Bring in a car seat. Most planes are equipped for car seats, and that’s something you have to take advantage of. By taking your child’s car seat, it will make him feel like the place is familiar even though it’s foreign.

Teaching Your Child Resiliency

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Growing up is hard. I’m sure we’ve been there at some point in our lives where everything is just wrong – our friends hate us, our teacher is mean and our parents are just too strict! Now that I’m an adult, I find it funny why I used to feel that way but I know that it’s only natural for growing kids to feel so.

Now that I have kids, I’m braising myself. I know the time would come for their turn to feel angry all the time, and I have to prepare them (and myself) for it.

My mom has always said that life is not easy, and the most important thing is that you learn how to bounce back no matter how low you think you are. This is why teaching your child to be resilient is very important.

What exactly is resiliency? It is the person’s ability to persevere and adjust when faced with challenges. We all face challenges at some point and how we think and react will determine how well we perform in those circumstances.
While resiliency comes naturally for some people, it can also be taught. By altering the way your child thinks about challenges, you can change the way he or she reacts to it.

The first thing that parents need to learn is to teach their child how to react to challenges based on their beliefs about certain adversities.

Adversities can be big or small. It can be about failing to pass a subject or something as small as having a friend who doesn’t want to play.

On the first scenario, one child may think “I’m so dumb. I’m not good enough to pass this simple subject” while another may think “my teacher’s so dumb. She doesn’t know how to teach well and she shouldn’t have been a teacher at all”. A third child may think “I’ve been very lax this school year. I didn’t give enough effort so I’ll study harder next school year. I’m sure I can do this”.

A lot of people would think that a child’s reaction would depend on the challenge given him, but this is not so. The truth is that a child will react according to what he THINKS about the problem. If he was taught that he can bounce back from any problem, then that would greatly determine how he will handle challenges.

Another tip for parents is to teach their child about self-talk. This is what we say to ourselves whenever a situation arises. It’s a tiny voice and you wouldn’t notice it most of the time but it’s there. Young children don’t know that they have it, but they will recognize it once you teach them about it.

For instance, your child told you that her best friend didn’t want to sit with her at the cafeteria today. To make her aware of her “self-talk”, you might want to ask her what she was thinking when she learned that her best friend wanted to sit with other people.

The next step is to teach your child to challenge her self-talk. Let’s say your child told you that she was thinking “how stupid I am because nobody, not even my best friend, wants to be seen with me”. You can proceed with challenging your child to think hard how accurate that thought is. Help her recall if nobody – ever – liked to be seen with her. Help her find situations that would counter these negative thoughts. Your daughter might say “well, Lisa walked home with me the other day” or “Actually, Anna said we’d audition together for the volleyball team”.

By encouraging your child to counter negative thoughts, you are teaching her to replace it with constructive, encouraging ones.

It’s not too late to teach your child about resiliency. The technique taught in this article would work for young kids as well as teenagers.

Turning the Negative Impacts of Video Games on Children into Positive

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Much like when television was first introduced, more and more people are enticed to play video games. Note that I said more “people”, since the number of adults getting into video games has also increased though it’s the children that we are having problems with.

If you’ve ever read about the effects of playing video games on your child, you must be familiar with the negative effects it causes. While this is true, it’s also true that video games have positive effects as well. This article aims to help parents be aware of the negative effects of video gaming and how they can use this form of entertainment as a tool for their child’s discipline.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF VIDEO GAMES ON CHILDREN

Although I’m pretty sure most parents have already done a research on the negative effects of video games at some point, I’d still like to tackle this for those who haven’t yet.

1. Impulsivity and video games seems to go hand-in-hand. According to a study published on in the current issue of the journal Psychology and Popular Media Culture, too much time spent playing video games may lead to impulsive behavior and attention problems in children. “Attention problems” in definition within this study is “having difficulty engaging or sustaining behavior to reach a goal”.
The study was conducted having more than 3,000 children ages 8 to 17 as subjects in the course of three years. Says lead study author Douglas Gentile, “This is an important finding because most research on attention problems has focused on biological and genetic factors rather than on environmental factors”.

2. It may stop children from doing other kinds of activities. Playing a video game can be very exciting, and experts say this is one the reasons why it’s everything a child wants to do. In a lot of cases, addiction to playing video games may make a person forget to eat, not want to go to school or step away from the game at all. In fact, a Korean college student has collapsed and died at a gaming center last year after playing an online game for 12 hours.

3. Children may get confused between real life and the life in video games. One of the concerns parent have about video games is that it exaggerates real life. For instance, children may think that stealing cars (as depicted in Grand Theft Auto) is okay and that it’s actually exciting being chased by the police. They may also get the notion that smoking and drinking are not really dangerous, as their characters in video games are not affected by it at all.

4. It may stop children from having a social life. Interacting with peers is an important part of a child’s development. Socialization, especially primary socialization is important because it sets the groundwork for all future socialization. This type of socialization occurs when a child learns the values, attitudes and actions appropriate to individuals as members of a particular culture. In a great deal, it will determine how the child will react to certain situations. For instance, if a close member of the family makes a negative comment about a neighbor, the child will think that it’s okay to behave that way.

POSITIVE EFFECTS OF VIDEO GAMES

1. There may be a link between video gaming and creativity. On a study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, it was found out that there’s a strong link between playing video games and being creative. The study was performed on 491 12-year olds, and it suggests that the ones who play video games are more creative. The children’s creativity was measured through Torrance Tests of Creative Thinking, which have kids perform various tasks including drawing pictures from a curved shape and then writing stories about those pictures.

2. May improve problem-solving skills. While it depends on the game, most games challenge the player to finish different tasks. This makes the child think how to pass obstacles, find the best way to do so and finish it within the time limit.

3. May make children workout while having fun. Games encouraging players to move around have been introduced some time ago – with positive results. Let’s take Kinect, for example, which is an add-on accessory for Xbox. With this gadget, the players need to physically jump, duck or run in order to play the games. Other games like this include Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero.

HOW TO MAKE IT POSITIVE

Of all the studies that I have read about video games, the negative effects only happen when the child plays too much of it. This is why the first rule should be to establish this idea to your child: video game playing (or any screen time for that matter, including television) is a privilege. If they want the privilege to play, they have to earn it. One good example is for parents to use video games as a reward. Every chore done has corresponding game time – 10 minutes for washing plates or 5 minutes for helping prepare the table. Take note though there should still be a limit for daily game time so even if your child has already earned 3 hours worth of game time, he couldn’t play for more than 1 hour daily and he could use the hours left for the next day. Have a notebook which your child can use for logging in the time he earned and the time used. Each time logged in should have the parent’s signature.

Another issue with video gaming is that kids are prevented from having a social life, so why don’t you encourage your child to choose games with 2 players or more? He/ she can play with you, a friend or other siblings. You can also set up a “game night” with the family where everybody takes turns playing. A good game for this Dance Revolution or Guitar Hero.

For older kids, MMPORGs or Massively Multiplayer Online Role-playing Games are more interesting. This is the kind of game that’s played online, and where your child can interact with other players through instant messaging. Because of this, it’s important that parents teach their child about being careful online – this means no giving of real name, address, phone number or any personal details.

To make something positive out of this, enlist your child’s help in selecting games that meet your criteria. For children who are old enough, they can make a case for each game – giving their opinions on why you should let them play that particular game. In the process, you’re teaching your child how to fight for what they think is right while also teaching them your values and beliefs.

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