Avoid Trivializing Consequences

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One of the most important things that every parent should teach their kids is accepting responsibility for their own actions. Starting at a young age, every parent should start instilling the value of owning the consequences of one’s actions to their children. And of course, the best place to teach responsibility and values is at home.

In teaching your kids the concept of dealing with consequences of their actions, you should first let them understand what exactly responsibility is. Doing this prepares a child to enter adulthood under a responsible disposition, which consequently allows a child to become a successful part of the society. As parents, it is your job to guide your kids using positive means while making sure that you also set reasonable limits at the same time.

It is very important that you teach your kids how natural consequences can affect one’s life. For example, if your son will leave a spoon while heating food on the microwave, the natural consequence is that the appliance will explode and cause damage.

When something like this happens, you have to explain to your child that what he did was wrong not just because he was not following instructions but also because microwave ovens are expensive and you cannot afford to keep buying new appliances anytime you please.

You can teach your children the value of natural consequences using practical and real examples. Say you and your daughter has agreed to that she will feed the dog and she fails to do so, explain to her that it is not like the dog is really going to starve, but that she has to understand that the dog is her responsibility and she has to do her job.

But even when there are no natural consequences, still make it a point to explain to your children that there are certain things that they have to be responsible for because as they grow older and become adults, most of the time excuses are unacceptable – you have to do what you have to do. In other words, make your child understand that there will always be consequences for every action, and they better make sure it is a positive one.

Although placing a punishment on every action seems a good idea to emphasize the importance of natural consequences, there is a very huge chance that your child will get the wrong message – if you punish him for not doing something, he will likely repeat the action to piss you off.

One of the most effective ways to teach children to be responsible for their own actions is to not let them trivialize the consequences that follow. If you let your kids grow believing that it is “not that bad”, he will more likely take the concept of consequences lightly.

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What to Do When Kids Are Making Excuses or Minimizing Their Mistakes

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In the most part of being a kid, kids hardly know which is actually good and acceptable and which is not. And if adults or parents are not keen on this one, kids may be led to believe that some things are actually okay even when they are not.

Whether we like it or not, our kids will pass through the stage of learning how to make excuses for their every action. This is in a way like trying to convince even their own selves that what they do is okay and should therefore be accepted by those around them. Therefore, even if they slightly know that they have done something wrong, they might rationalize and justify it to avoid either corrections or punishment and for some parents, this is the stage when it is most tough to take.

You would surely be surprised – frantic even – when one day you discover your kid doing something wrong in school but standing firmly on his belief that what he or she did is excusable and acceptable. However, don’t forget that your kid is not alone in going through such phase as most kids actually do.

Parental intervention and adult supervision is a “must” in this concern. It is not wise to punish your kid outright especially if he or she is “clueless” about the error of his or her action. Upon the initial discovery of your kid’s “making excuses” and “minimizing their mistakes” it is our obligation as adults who know best to talk it through with your kid in private.

In your private conversation, it is important that you stress the “wrong” in trying to make excuses or trying to make his mistake appear minimal when in fact it is. Make your kid understand the gravity of his action and wrongful belief by telling him to try and put his self in the other side of the table. He could realize his mistake if you show your kid “what if what you did happened to you too”.

Never burst in anger in public. Whatever can be said calmly and by yourselves should be done so for your kid not to be embarrassed. Most often putting your kid in an embarrassing situation could belittle his self-esteem and make him turn away from you.

Remember that it is best to tell your kid that what he did or is doing is not good and should therefore be corrected. This would make him see clearly which things are morally acceptable and which are not – with how he regard himself, you and other people.

Finally, the key to understanding your kid and imposing discipline is to put yourself in his shoes – ever innocent and less knowing than you as an adult and confront his every action with lots of love and patience.

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Do Not Trivialize Your Mistakes

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If you want to make parenting a little bit easier, you need to learn to accept the fact that kids will always be kids. This means that kids are likely to do whatever they feel like doing, even when the outcome ends up not as good as it is supposed to. If you do not accept this fact, you will likely get easily angry or frustrated with your kids.

While it is true that dealing with your child’s mood swings and tantrums is not an easy task, there is something that you can do to somehow lighten up the situation – understand where you child is coming from every time he or she acts out. Perhaps your child is having a bad day or maybe he or he is just trying to get your attention.

One way of changing your child’s behavior for the better is to be consistent with your rules and discipline methods. If you made a rule that they are not allowed to watch TV past 8 in the evening during schooldays, always stick to that rule. It will help if you talk to your spouse about it, so that you will be both effective in disciplining your child and so that you both will know what to do.

It is very important that you understand where your child is coming from, which is why you need to spend time with them as often as possible. When you give your child the attention he or she needs, your child will be less likely to engage in outbursts in public. But if you do not spend time with your kids, they will do everything in their power to get your attention.

Spending time with your kids will also let you understand your child better. It will show you what exactly your child is going through. Spending time with your kids will help you help them solve their problems. Remember, almost every kid finds it hard to go through childhood and it is your job as a parent to help ease their burden.

Another way of changing your child’s behavior is by channeling your child’s energy into something good and more productive. Enroll your child to a summer class when there is no school or let him join a club in school. You need to encourage your child to have extracurricular activities so that he or she will have something to be proud of.

But the best way to change your child’s attitude is to change yours first. Show your child what proper behavior is and what is not. If you start that change, your child will follow your lead and behave.

Do not trivialize your mistakes, especially when your kids are around. Set an example to your child in facing consequences. When you show your child that you yourself are responsible for your own actions, he or she will likely follow.

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The Risks of Faulty Thinking

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A lot of factors affect the relationship between a parent and a child negatively and one of them is faulty thinking. Based on current psychological updates, there at the least seven types of faulty thinking that may have a direct effect of a child-parent relationship. They are: personalizing, hypodermic focus, rule deflation, emotionalizing, mind reading, assuming, and all-or-nothing thinking.

When you see a kid who is very timid, the attitude is either inborn or the product of a problematic household and the child at so many points was subjected to faulty thinking and it eventually led to really long moments of silence. Hence, there are kids who retreat to silence after becoming victims of erroneous assumptions, mind reading, and/or personalizing.

Silence comes after continuous failure of attempts to make fruitful conversations. And because of the silence, they become more misunderstood by other people, and they feel less confident and eventually become bottled up and its just a matter of time before they implode, or worse, explode.

In certain families where the parents are always deemed as eternally correct, there is a huge tendency that children will grow resentful and drive their anger towards other objects in the absence of the parents. Destructive behavior targeting toys, furniture, and other objects that cannot fight back is what the child normally exhibits. It does not normally manifest at home when everyone is around but he may turn to be a bully in school.

Racism or any other form of different types of discrimination such as gender and age based types are the worst types of escalations of stereotyping, another form of faulty thinking. And this form of faulty thinking may start unwittingly at home instigated by overprotective misled parents.

Children who grow old and manifest stereotyping behavior were most likely the product of close minded parents who have segregated views on the society that we currently live in. Typecasting old people as senile, cheerleaders as flirts, et cetera, all these are thought supplied at home and the nearby environment.

The teenage life of a person and the way the parents treat that stage in a child’s life is always a crucial and a very pivotal stage where social behavior is cultured and developed, and the outcome is generally is a creation of the immediate surroundings and the people around them who have influence over them, the parents. Even though schools and friends contribute to the progression of faulty thinking in a person, parents are the people most of the children look up to.

Other kids may be influenced by what they see on the television and learn in school and start to challenge the inappropriate line of thinking propagated by the parents, yet some stay blind and continue to patronize the wrong principles of faulty thinking.

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Make the Task Doable

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Childhood is not only a phase for having fun or playing all the time. This is one essential stage where kids learn about independence and start understanding the different responsibilities that he must embrace as a transition towards growing up. And adults are given more tasks into ensuring that kids get a positive acceptance of meeting this necessary independence and task-building.

It isn’t as easy to introduce kids to independence and help them develop the capacity to do things on their own. Some of these tasks could prove to be a bit too much for their young age. Also, not all kids develop with the same degree or pacing – some may still find accomplishing tasks difficult than others. Remember that this is but normal so don’t get frustrated. Instead of feeling frustrated, do something about it.

As adults we should support our kid’s development – something that is crucial in any child’s life and transition into more mature individuals. In order to do this, it is important that we find ways to make our kids’ task more doable.

There will be times when your kids would not be able to finish the task at hand and this becomes a perfect opportunity to help kids tailor the task into one that is equivalent to his size or capacity. This doesn’t mean that you cut him off from accomplishing his task but simply adjust it into something that you deem potentially achievable by your kid corresponding to his size and age. Again, every child’s capacity to accomplish tasks differs so don’t get frustrated.

Seeing that you, as an adult, are flexible and open to understanding his limitations as of the moment, kids are more prone to tell you up front about his capabilities. He or she won’t find it hard to tell you what he is potentially capable and in fact becomes more open to accomplishing more tasks in the future.

Another way to treat this situation is to divide the task into parts. This would enable him to accomplish part of the task today and then save the rest to be accomplished tomorrow. Be lenient and flexible in this given situation so as not to impose too much undue pressure on the child.

To make a certain task doable for a child is the least that we, adults could do. This is to ensure that kids would positively enjoy growing up and consequently look at tasks or responsibilities to be a good part of anybody’s life until they come into adulthood.

The best that any adult could do for kids is to offer positive solutions to any tasks at hand. Meet it and give it constructively and you are sure to witness kids grow up with hope and optimism.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem children.

All about Excuses

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In these day and age, with the many possible activities that the modern world has provided, nobody can actually say they are not busy (even sick people in the hospital are busy). Even the most lethargic person has something to do – lounge in a couch and watch TV and he is too busy doing that he cannot be peeled off the Velcro seat and to mow the loan.

And since everyone in a regular family is tied up almost the whole day all must share in the household chores. A well-run family schedules its chores with each member partaking in the whole process and the consistency in this household chore arena should be as sticky as the diligence manifested on appointments, school activities, invites, at cetera.

At some point certain activities are going to be set aside or even cancelled but nonetheless, the cleanliness and safety of the home cannot be compromised at all. At all. Nobody, especially responsible parents, would want to come home and rest in a house full of clutter because someone missed out on his or her turn on the cleaning schedule.

Now is the time to be consistent with the house rules and never waver on your children’s excuses. Keep in mind that at this early, if we instill in them the habit of sticking to what was agreed upon, then they will grow up to become better people at home and in business.

Kid’s excuses come in different forms and they become more creative as time passes by so you also have to rack your brains and anticipate their next excuse. Or much better – leave no room for excuses. To do this, always make clear your expectations and the repercussions when these expectations are not met. There should always be a consequence because if there aren’t, then the whole expectation scheme is put to waste.

Never be vague, for instance, simply telling your kid to clean his or he room will not cut it because they can come up with a workaround on that. You have to specify what you meant by clean, identifying specific areas and objects that need to be put back to where it should be or wiped spotless. You can even make a list to prove your point. Make it a checklist even so that you and them can monitor the progress and you can review and make an inventory afterwards.

However, this would only work with very young kids. Older kids have to handles with more tact since they would appreciate it more if you allow them to strategize as to how they will go about their chores. You can even praise them after they have done a good job of doing their chore using their own ways and means. It would really be frustrating to them if you enumerate to them the items that you want done. You can even tell them the general idea of what you want done and tell them that you trust them on what they would do.

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Effects of Clinging to the Idea of Uniqueness

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It’s good to be unique to a certain extent but when you start to use uniqueness as a reason for not following rules or doing what’s expected of you that is not the real concept of uniqueness you are practicing there.

Being clingy to this concept as the be all and end all hinders you to change as a parent and if it’s the case of your child in his growth as a person. If you let your child cling to the idea of uniqueness you are allowing him to get away from the work and responsibilities that he has to accomplish for that change.

As a parent yourself, when you let yourself cling to the idea of your uniqueness as a parent, you are simply letting yourself slip away from having to do the tasks you need done for change or for you to help your child change for better behavior.

I am like this because I am a product of a broken home. This is the usual complaint of children from broken homes as they start to mature, in age that is. It’s high time they knew that their admission of having some deficiencies in their family life is affecting them is great help enough for them to help themselves and face their issues. Sadly most adults who used to be children who were not trained to deal with their “unique” situation are more likely to wallow in their being a single-parent-reared kid.

Not all children who came from broken homes are like that, but most of them are. We have this preconceived notion that we are defined and our personalities are formed based on our family values. This is partly true but it doesn’t mean that we can use a broken home condition as an excuse for not being a responsible and a better person as we grow.

Adults who do this are like children who have never transcended their issues as they grow. These adults are not unique at all. In fact, most of the adults have unresolved childhood issues that are prominent in their personality. Though some of these issues may be harmless and even helpful for having a likeable personality, there are those that are totally unacceptable like being utterly helpless and resolving to drastic measures of expression as drug and alcohol abuse.

Of course there is no clear cut formula on rearing children for them to become successful adults in the end, but there are ways and scientifically proven strategies that help your children learn proper behavior as early as they can. The concept of uniqueness most of the time hinders parents from having, learning, and using them.

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Uniqueness: A Good Setting for Excuses

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It’s a common thing to hear parents say, “Oh that’s not a thing to help my kid.” Kids on the other hand may say, “This isn’t going to help my mom; she’s not capable of doing it.” This is an indication of the concept called uniqueness.

Uniqueness may sound like it’s positive and ordinary but when taken into the context of parenting it would show as an interference in your program for transformation for your kid or a hindrance in your ability to view a situation involving your child clearly.

There are many example situations wherein uniqueness is used as an excuse. It’s clearly indicated when you hear your child say, “This is not going to happen to me because…” then he fills in the blank. Or he can say, “Homework doesn’t matter to me because…I’m a divorce baby.” Whatever he may use as an excuse, he is pointing it out that his case is unique from the others.

What your kids are trying to say when they give excuses is that they are unique and therefore the rule and the situation don’t apply to them.

This is exactly the opposite of what you should let your children know, which is that no one is above the rule and the rule stays no matter what the conditions are. Your children must know how to follow rules and obey the authorities even at a young age. When they start to make these excuses, you simply have to correct them.

Childhood is the best stage for you to correct in your children what needs to be corrected. That’s when their sense of morality and their value system is still starting to develop. That is how important it is to be morally upright when you want to make sure that your kids grow up to be responsible and with a strong sense of character and a formidable value system.

We may be fond of pushing uniqueness as a positive trait, meaning it is being true to one’s self, being different and being respectful of everyone’s differences in views and opinions. This can be true but as parents you have to be vigilant whether your kid is truly learning this concept of uniqueness or he could be using concept of uniqueness as an excuse not to follow rules and abide by authorities.

Once you do hear your child use uniqueness as an excuse, get on with it but do it gradually.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

Perception Hinders Healthy Parent Child Relationship

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Perception is reality when it comes to parent and child relationships. It may not be obvious, but the way you and your child tell each other your opinion about things as well as how you and your child handle problems, reach decisions, and handle stress are greatly shaped by your own, individual perceptions.

As a parent, you should expect to have a significant amount of conflicts and misunderstandings with your child especially when he or she is nearing adolescence. That is something that you have to learn to accept because there is a huge chance of getting into a disagreement with your child even when your pre-teen relationship has been great. And when your head is filled with a lot of twisted perceptions about your child, the problems get harder to solve.

For some time, parenting experts have tried to determine what quality will make a parent and child relationship healthy. Experts used to believe that what makes a healthy parent and child relationship is effective communication. But there were a lot of case studies who proved that even when a family “talks”, some issues still remains unsolved.

Recently, it was agreed to revise the way a healthy parent and child relationship is viewed. Now, what determine a healthy relationship between parent and child are the warmth and the close relationship that is shared by the two. Under this new definition, a child cares about what his or her parent thinks and holds it in high regard. However, children who do not share this warm and close relationship with a parent indicate a long-endured problem.

If the kind of relationship that you share with your kid has always been difficult, there are some things that you can do to begin the change. But first of all, you need to alter your perceptions and emotions that you have towards your child.

People are fond of channeling their feelings on situations and other people. Perhaps you have overheard someone say, “When I heard him say that, I got so angry” or “When I see you wearing that shirt, it irritates me”. But in reality, it was not actually the statement of the guy or the shirt per se that made the person angry – the emotions were actually based on how the person interprets such events.

When your child misbehaves in public, probably the first thing that comes to your head is “He is doing it again to humiliate me in front of these people”. This thinking then leads to a fight and a heated argument. But for all you know, your child was just having a bad day.

Perceptions, wrong conclusions and generalizations always ruin any human relationship. Treat your child without preconceived notions. Free your judgment of wrong perceptions and you will realize that there is still room to improve your understanding and communication skills.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

How to Make Your Rules Firm

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Despite living in a liberal world, there are still a lot of parents who feel wrong about disciplining their kids. But then again, it is the job of every parent to make sure that their kids grow up responsible adults. And the only way to do that is to summon the confidence in pointing children to the right direction, no matter what it takes.

Although child discipline is a highly debatable issue to this day, most parents and parenting experts would agree that having only a single set of rules to apply for all your children will not work. On the contrary, what parents and parenting experts suggest is for parents to come with different “forms” of rules for kids in different developmental stage.

For most parents, the solution to make children follow rules is nagging. But then again, the time will come when nagging becomes too exhausting. When that happens, parents then start asking the inevitable question, “If I stop nagging my kids into following the rules, what will make them obey?”

What most parents fail to realize is the fact that there are actually several ways apart from nagging the kids that will make children follow the rules at home. Several years of research revealed that there are actually three possible strategies that will make it easier for children to follow house rules, which will make the lives of parents more convenient in the process as well.

If you are trying to implement firm house rules with your kids, you need to remember three things. First, you need to understand that your actions really speak louder than your words. You have to accept the fact that if you want your kids to honor your rules, you have to do it first. So if you tell your kids that there should be no munching of junk food before dinner, do not open a bag of potato chips right before supper.

You also need to make sure that your rules are clearly explained and understood by the kids. If you ask them to do something, make sure that you follow it up with an explanation. Although the question “why?” can be very irritating at times, it is your job as a parent to clear whatever confusion there is in your child’s head.

Your rules need to be official for your kids to treat them seriously. You can make your rules official by writing them down in a piece of paper and displaying in the house for everyone to see. Let your children know that when they break the rules on the paper, they are also breaking a contract with you.

Write the rules and place it in the kitchen or in the hallway to constantly remind your child the power and authority that you have. Written rules are more effective because they earn more respect. Put value in your rules and be careful not to deflate them.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

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