Getting tired of your teen’s sass? It’s not yet hopeless. It can still be rectified without resorting to abusive methods. However, if this behavior is not confronted, it can lead to bigger problems. Sometimes you think that kids act this way because times have changed and it is different now. I beg to disagree. This is not how it should be. Talking back is a big problem most parents have to deal with in this time and age. This usually starts when your kids are still young. But you shrug it off at times and just think: kids say the darnest things.

At a very young age, children realize that the world is not always the fantasy land they thought it was. They begin to see the flaws of a human being and then they get to have an idea of what is right and what is wrong. This happens because they are developing mentally and physically. They start talking back and become demanding. As a parent, you have to deal with this carefully and not forcefully. Being angry or annoyed will get you nowhere.

At first, you thought it was cute when he said something cheeky and then you went on your merry way, not knowing that your child has just realized that he can actually talk back and get away with it. Gone is the child that always obeys whatever you told him to. The little lawyer in your child always comes out and practices his skills on you. You may have noticed that at one point, you are talking to your child, and the next you are locking horns with each other and shouting. Your child would rather argue with you instead of just picking up his bag, the one he dropped on the floor when he arrived from school, like you asked him to. If this kind of thing doesn’t happen always, maybe it’s fine, but when it becomes an everyday routine, no one enjoys that any longer.

You need to ask yourself where your child learned how to talk back because he did pick that up from somewhere or someone. He may have seen it at home, school, TV, neighbors or maybe he learned it with how you talk to him. You should have a very good make over plan to use with your child and you should be consistent with it.

You should have a relationship with your child that is based on respect. You should talk to your child and treat him with respect at all times. If your child sees that you act in a disrespectful way, he will think that this is just fine with you and then start acting like that also. You should take the role of modeling to your child seriously. When your child talks back at you, you should make it clear to him that what he is doing is wrong and that you don’t like it. Talking back is quite addictive and should be seen as a serious offense. You should be calm and should exude authority.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

How do you know that your child is spoiled?

A spoiled child is without discipline, manipulative, and obnoxious most of the time. He acts like the following when he is at the age of 2 or 3:

a. Disregards rules and doesn’t like cooperating.
b. Ignores commands like “no” or “stop”.
c. Protests about anything and everything.
d. Confused about needs and wishes.
e. Always wants everything done his way.
f. Demands things from others.
g. Has no respects for the rights of other people.
h. Wants to control people.
i. Easily frustrated.
j. Often displays tantrums and whines all the time.
k. Complains about unnecessary things.

Your child becomes spoiled because you are too lenient and lax. You don’t have limits and then you consent to their tantrums and complaints. Your child is smart enough to know that he can have his way and get away with it.

The main cause of spoiled children is lenient, permissive parenting. Permissive parents don’t set limits and they give in to tantrums and whining. If parents give a child too much power, the child will become more self-centered. Such parents also rescue the child from normal frustrations. Sometimes a child is cared for by a nanny or babysitter who spoils the child by providing constant entertainment and by giving in to unrealistic demands.

The reason some parents are too lenient is that they confuse the child’s needs (e.g. feeding) with his wishes (e.g. play). They don’t want to hurt their child’s feelings or hear him cry. They may choose the short-term solution of doing whatever prevents crying which, in the long run, causes more crying.

A child’s ability to cry and fuss deliberately to get his way usually begins at about 5 or 6 months of age. There may be a small epidemic of spoiling in our country because some working parents feel guilty about not having enough time for their children. To make up for this, they spend their free time together trying to avoid the friction that setting limits might cause.

The difference between giving children the attention they need and spoiling them can be unclear. In general, attention is good for children. However, it can become harmful if it is excessive, given at the wrong time, or always given immediately. Attention from a parent is excessive if it interferes with a child’s learning to do things for himself and deal with life’s frustrations. Giving attention when you are busy because your child demands it is an example of giving attention at the wrong time. Another example is when a child is throwing a tantrum and needs to be ignored. If attention is always given immediately, your child won’t learn to wait.

Some parents worry about holding and cuddling as a form of attention. Holding babies is equivalent to loving them. In many cultures, parents hold their babies much more than we do in this country. Lots of holding does not spoil a child.

If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you read The Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens

For some, teens may be the best years. For you and your teenager, they are undoubtedly the most difficult. Your child undergoes physical changes, and a lot of other changes that are not readily apparent. Your teenager has to contend with social pressure and identity issues, among others. In this period of conflict between parent and teenager, how do you motivate your child?

Remember that you should never fight with your teen. Encourage, but don’t demand. Adolescence is a time when your child begins to assert his independence. Making demands and nagging will only cause your teenager to rebel and challenge your authority. Teens appreciate being allowed to explore instead of simply being told. Let your child make his own mistakes. This is very difficult for parents. You want to protect your child from every hurt and heartache, and it is painful to see him on the verge of making mistakes, especially major ones, when you know very well that they could be avoided. However, you will find that teens rarely listen. They want to find out for themselves the hows and whys. Let them. Lessons learned from failures are the most memorable lessons they will ever get. As parents, our role is to let them make their own choices with just a little guidance, then be there to praise if they succeed or empathize if they fail.

When it comes to chores, try letting your teenagers choose which chores they prefer instead of telling them what should be done and by whom. Involve them in formulating a plan regarding your household chores. They will be more inclined to follow something they helped create.

Be generous with your compliments. Building your teen’s confidence and reap the benefits. A common issue between parents and their teenage child is organizing the latter’s room. Again, instead of telling him how messy his room is, you can encourage your child by finding something that showcases his organizational skills. His bathroom may be a mess but your teen’s record collection could be methodically arranged. Compliment him on that and suggest how his skill at arranging his collection could be put to use in other areas of his room.

The carrot-and-stick approach works on teens too. While involving your teenager in formulating plans, make sure he understands that his failure to stick to them will result in certain sanctions. An example is to reduce his TV time. It is important for you to be firm, while holding your teen answerable for what has been agreed upon. However, it is equally important that you reward your teen when he has been faithful to his responsibilities. Reward him with more freedom, such as time to do the activities he enjoys. This will persuade him to be even more responsible in the future.

Teens only lack motivation to do what their parents tell them to do. They obviously do not have the same problem when it comes to things they like to do. The secret is in involving them in the process, and making it worth their while.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Have you ever told your child, “I’ll give you ten bucks if you clean your room”? Sounds familiar, huh? Have you ever asked yourself, “What if I have nothing more to give?”. Do you think your child would still do what you ask him to do? Some of you would probably answer, of course. What about the others? Was there ever a time when you asked you child, “Please help me in the kitchen” and you get “How much will you pay me?”?

I do agree that giving a reward to a child when he has done something good or achieved something. But you could be doing it the wrong way. Have you ever explained to her why she needs to clean her own room? That as she is getting older, she should be mature enough to take care of herself even in little ways. Did you make her understand that she needs to do her homework so that she can get good grades, graduate, get a good job and then be able to afford to raise her own family?

Let’s differentiate bribery from reinforcement, shall we? Bribery is when you offer/give something (like money) before the act. Reinforcement on the other hand is given after the act. When you offer your child money to do her tasks, you are just looking for a quick-fix. You get rid of the problem now but remember that you will most certainly face the same problem in the future. This does not help in the development of your child psychologically. She will no longer do what is expected of her if you are not offering anything in exchange. You will have a bigger problem then.

As a parent, I have this need sometimes to give my child almost anything I can afford. The look on her face when she sees that I have bought a new toy for her is priceless. But I realize also that doing this too often will let her think that all good deeds are rewarded only with material things and they forget about love, caring and responsibilities. These are the things you need to teach. I suggest that you reward your kids with non-materials things also like playing together, going on camping trips, fishing, or playing favorite sports together. I know that you can’t help buying your child material things, but don’t do it as a bribe. If you want to buy her things, do so because you want to and not because you want something done.

I have a few tips that I would like to share with you.

1. Don’t always give material rewards for every single thing. Your child should understand that there are things in life that she should do even if there are no rewards for that.

2. Reward her with praise. When your child has accomplished something or even just the act of trying to accomplish something, praise her and let her know that you are proud of her. Make her realize also that she should be proud of herself for what she has done or is trying to do.

3. Avoid giving threats. Don’t tell your child, “Clean your room or you won’t have allowance for the next week”. This will bring out a negative reaction. Focus more on the positive.

4. Give rewards as a surprise. This way, your child does her best without knowing that you are rewarding her. This will make her happier.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Behavior Modification is one kind of approach used to treat adults and children that have behavior disorders such as Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Anxiety Disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to name a few. Operant conditioning is applied which means that the unacceptable behaviors are reinstated with better behaviors by giving positive or negative reinforcement. It has been proven that this non-medication treatment has helped teens and children with behavior problems.

Teens and children start having behavior problems in school or at their own homes for different reasons. Environmental, educational or emotional difficulties may arise. This should be approached and treated gradually.

If Behavior Modification is applied the right way, this will result in:

1. behavior change after a fair amount of time
2. more good behavior than bad behavior
3. better understanding between parent and child
4. almost all members of the family are less stressed

This approach can also give you negative results if it is NOT done right, such as:

1. there can be a negative impact on both parent and child
2. negative behavior may worsen if not handled well
3. situation can also go bad if the parent doesn’t understand the child as well as himself
4. positive and negative reinforcement can have bad implications if not balanced well

Managing the rules of positive and negative reinforcement is easier said than done. It is important that a child understands the consequences and rewards of his actions. Each child is an individual and therefore has different behavior. The approach or strategy then varies for each behavior type. Take for example an aggressive child. This child will often goad other kids, be in fights or cause an argument to happen. This kind of child is what we call a bully and doesn’t have many friends. His solution to every problem is by winning a fight. They make threats, and become verbally and physically aggressive. A teaser on the other hand makes fun of everybody and picks on them too. He puts down others by criticizing and harassing verbally. The object usually is a special child with special needs and the antagonist has a behavior disorder.

It is important that parents understand the behavior before it is treated. It is easy to turn a blind eye when a child has done something wrong. But without intervention this could have very bad results. When the program is being applied, the key to success is to always be consistent. Parents should also be a role model on the way they behave and react to situations at home. Lastly, parents should let all children feel and know that they are loved and that they can be better kids.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

A lot of teenagers, who end up being suicidal spend years going in and out of the juvenile court system, become dangerous to themselves in smaller ways – slashing their arms and legs, coping up with long-term depression, or getting themselves into trouble in the neighborhood. The way to being self-destructive is a long and gradual process. It is, therefore, hard to tell when a child or teenager actually crosses the line from being a “normal kid” to being a “troubled teenager.” This could actually mean that a number of troubled teens were not given professional help or it was too late to give it to them because the signs went unnoticed. Don’t make this same mistake. Seek professional help when you notice these signs in your child:

1. Intense/Constant Anger: Teenagers often have hormonal changes so it is not out of the ordinary for them to have mood swings. However, if they often display anger that leads to shouting matches or to violence, these signs should not be ignored.

2. Constant Sadness: Almost everybody feels sad once in a while, especially teenagers. These are popular topics for musicians to write songs about, after all. But if you notice that you never see your child happy, something else could be at hand. It could be a sign that there’s something bigger, like depression that you have to deal with.

3. Showing no Interest: All kids love exploring new things, different things and they find hobbies that they really love. They develop their skills and sometimes these hobbies blossom into a career. If your child seems to have shifted from being active to inactive and doesn’t do the things he loves doing, this should concern you. I’m not talking about giving up on one area of interest, but a more serious shift away from a variety of hobbies.

4. Succumbing to Peer Pressure: Friends or peers have a great influence in teenagers’ lives. It is normal for teens to seek acceptance but if your child seems to always succumb to peer pressure, this is no longer normal. Teenagers should still be able to make their own decisions and not be dictated by their peers. If they are, this is a sign of insecurity, low self-esteem and a lack of confidence; this may lead to bigger problems that may affect your kids their entire lives.

5. Cutting: Have you ever seen your teenager with slits on her wrists or arms? Does your child always wear a long-sleeved shirt even in the hottest weather to hide what they have done to themselves? This is a very serious problem. Cutting oneself is never normal and a clear sign that your child needs help. This kind of behavior is a potential sign that your child is thinking about suicide.

6. Eating: Some children develop eating disorders and this should also alarm you. If you notice a dramatic shift in your child’s eating pattern, you may want to evaluate why. This goes for both binge eating and starvation. Depending on the severity of this behavior, it can be fatal.

7. Lying: It’s normal for teenagers to lie about some things. But, if your child has developed a habit of lying at almost everything, this can be a sign of trouble. You should certainly discuss this with your child, especially if the lies are getting him or her into trouble.

Parenting is never easy. Some parents can never accept the fact that their kids are in serious trouble even if the signs are obvious to everyone else. I highly recommend The Total Transformation by James Lehman. You’ll learn how to deal with troubled kids.

One of the problems that some parents encounter, and have a hard time talking about, is what to do when your child steals. You probably often see that your child turns up with things that don’t belong to him. Your instinctive reaction is to chastise him so as to nip his career as a petty thief. It is a fact that parents cannot administer adult standards of discipline, self-control and morality to the actions of young children.

Young children from one to three years sometimes do take things that are not theirs, but stealing is not their intention. They are too young to understand the idea of possession and that something could belong solely to someone. They are still developing the idea of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ so when they see a thing that interests them, they feel it’s all right to take it.

On the other hand, when children from six to adolescence steal, they are absolutely aware that what they are doing is totally wrong. By this time, their awareness has broadened. Thus, when children at this age take something that is not theirs, they act secretive and sneaky. They will most definitely hide the object they have stolen and then deny taking it when asked. It is quite easy to absolve a younger kid for taking what doesn’t belong to him because he is not aware of what he is doing. However, parents faced with children that are old enough to differentiate right from wrong are confounded by this ‘criminal’ behavior.

Oftentimes parents are astonished because they realize that the thing their child ’stole’, is something that he already owns. Therefore, the stealing is odd. Where is this coming from? Sadness could be one reason. Maybe the child feels the need to be closer to his parents or has a hard time making friends. In that case, by stealing money he could try to buy the approval of his peers or satisfy his need for attention and affection in this complicated way. Feelings of fear, resentment, and jealousy can also be the root of stealing. There are many reasons why a child steals and ways to handle the problem.

Dealing with Children Stealing

You should walk a fine line between disciplining and humiliating your child. Making a big issue and treating your child like he is the worst criminal will not help at all. It will only frighten him. If you are absolutely certain that your child stole something, you must let your child know you are aware of this act. You should insist that he return it to the owner and that he must apologize. It is not necessary to embarrass the child, but at the same time you must make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be repeated.

If stealing persists, it could be because of other problem behaviors. You need to rectify the problem immediately. If stealing is chronic, you can consult a child psychologist or have your child undergo counseling. One program that worked for me is The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

So, your child has been diagnosed with ADHD. What now? Don’t panic! You might want to know a little bit first about the causes of ADHD. Once you understand what causes this, you will always have a grasp of what it really is and how to go about dealing with it.

One cause is thought to be genetic, meaning it is inherited from the parents. A child with ADHD, who may carry a specific version of a particular gene, has thin brain tissue in the parts of the brain that is associated with attention. Research has shown that the condition is not permanent and may develop as the child grows older.

A second factor that may cause ADHD is the environment. It is said that exposure to tobacco and alcohol at an early age causes this type of disorder. If the mother had complications or an infection during pregnancy, it could have contributed to the condition. Brain injury when the child was young is yet another factor. A definite factor associated with ADHD is a child’s diet. Ingesting artificial food coloring and chemicals such as sodium benzoate have been linked to hyperactivity.

Now that the causes have been identified, let’s move on to what you can do to help your child.

It is as a given fact that you follow your doctor’s advice. But there are also other ways of helping your child when he is at home or at school. This requires a team effort and cooperation among members of the family, teachers and doctors. Being a parent to a child who has ADHD is not easy. In fact, it is very challenging. Your child will need more structure and a clear set of expectations. You will definitely have to change some of your ways in order to help your child. Here are some suggestions:

1. Create a routine. Give him specific times for his activities like eating, playing, naps, homework and sleeping. Communicate this schedule with your child, if he is old enough. If you make changes to his schedule, you need to let him know and explain why these changes are happening so as not to upset him.

2. House Rules should be simple and clear. I can’t stress enough the importance of explanation; even minute details should be explained; Importantly, communicate the consequences of breaking the rules.

3. Be certain that your child understands directions. Find ways on how to get his attention without upsetting him. Directions should be short but concise. Ask your child to repeat instructions so you can tell that he understands.

4. Reward good behavior. Praise your child when he has done something good.

5. Children with ADHD should be supervised at all times because they are inherently impulsive.

6. Choose a good spot where he can do his homework without distractions (such as the TV). Encourage your child to take breaks from homework also. You’re not a slave driver.

7. Do not fall into the trap of focusing only on your child’s grades in school. Focus on his learning and improvement.

8. Request for a progress update from your child’s teachers.

Some children show progress from counseling or structured therapy. Others may progress from talking with a specialist on how to manage ADHD and other learning disorders. I have found a program called The Total Transformation by James Lehman. I highly recommend this to parents.

Children, especially adolescents, have mood swings and this is considered normal as they are growing up. However, if these so called mood swings affect or interfere with a child’s everyday life, something else could be causing this and should be given attention immediately. Bipolar disorder could be the reason. Anyone can have bipolar disorder, even teens and kids. Bipolar disorder or manic depression, is a mood disorder characterized by severe changes in mood, great increase of energy and erratic change of behavior.

You will notice that your child’s behavior during his ups or happy times, and his down or sad times is different from other children’s. Early signs or symptoms can be noticed when the child is at an early age but the disorder totally emerges during teenage years or adolescence. Many young people with this disorder try to hurt themselves or commit suicide. The effect of bipolar is not the same with every child and treatment differ greatly.

A child that is manic may:

a. show extreme mood swings, show happiness or silliness in an unusual way
b. think that he is indestructible and unrealistic
c. have very high energy level and can go on for days without sleeping
d. talk non-stop, change topics too often and can’t be interrupted because their thoughts are racing
e. do things that are risky or dangerous

A child that is depressive may:

a. show irritability and sadness too often and cry for no apparent reason
b. always think that he is in pain (stomach pains or heartaches)
c. sleep very little
d. lose interest in activities that he once enjoyed
e. show significant weight loss
f. think of ending his own life

Thanks to research, the ability to diagnose bipolar disorder in children and teens has improved. However, it is still a complex process and it requires observation for a period of time. It is better that a child is diagnosed at an early age.

Bipolar disorder can be treated. If your child is showing these symptoms, you should take him to a mental health professional and have him evaluated. Your child will have to go through different kinds of tests so he can be given the necessary treatment. You, as a parent should educate yourself about bipolar disorder so that you will understand exactly what your child is going through.

Bipolar disorder can be treated in two ways. One is through medication. Not all children with this disorder are given the same medication. Each child responds to medication differently. Next is through therapy. Therapy can help your child with his behavior and help him get along with other members of the family.

The basic thing that you can do for your child is to be patient, especially when he has his episodes of mood swings. Encourage your child to communicate with you. Have fun together and explain why the treatment you are giving him is necessary.

Please get your own copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman. This is a program that can help you with your child’s behavior.

Everybody gets mad at one point or another. You come home tired from work and you see that your house is a mess, you get mad. Your husband sees a scratch on his car, he turns red with anger. Never expect your teenager not to be angry about anything. He is human after all and, like us, he is also susceptible to this emotion. This is considered to be normal. This is how your subconscious mind releases emotional and mental pressure. However, not being able to control anger is not normal.

This could be the case in most teenagers. They let their anger get the best of them. They shout, curse, throw things or slam doors. If they turn their anger inwards, they become very depressed. In some cases, these teens turn violent. It could be directed to another person or to themselves. It is important that you help your teen manage his anger. This way he will also feel that you care enough and love him enough.

Bear in mind that teenagers have a lot of emotional issues at this age. There’s the issue of identity, then separation and let’s not forget relationships. Parent and child relationship also changes as the child grows older and becomes more independent.

All this can be confusing and frustrating for your child and therefore it leads to anger. If you don’t know how to react or respond to your child, the situation can get worse. You are not supposed to suppress your child’s anger, just help him control it.

Identify what triggers his anger. When your teenager has calmed down, talk to him in a way that won’t make him angry again. Ask him what happened. Why did he get angry? Dig deeper because the cause of his anger at that moment may not be the cause of his anger in general. Help him identify what the real issue is.

Know the underlying feelings in your teen. Ask him why it made him so mad when his friend was late or when he was clumsy earlier in the day. This will reveal the root of the emotion. Fear, loneliness, and or shame are emotions that need to be addressed as soon as possible, before it gets out of hand.

When you have identified what the problem is, ask your child how he can do this differently the next time it happens or what he can do to prevent it from happening at all. Make him realize that he has the power to prevent those kinds of things from happening. Do this with a gentle tone. Sometimes, without intending to or unknowingly, your voice sounds accusing or you sound like you are blaming your teen for the situation. Teens will react negatively to this. Believe me, I have done that.

As a doting parent, you want to give your teen the tools that could aid him in having a better future filled with love and happiness. Making the effort to help your teen is also helping yourself. If your teen reaches adulthood without dealing with his issues, there is a chance that he won’t be successful and you know that this will hurt you more.

For more advice on managing your angry teen, I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.