Forget About Your Feelings to Keep That Rule

Leave your comment

When you are trying to keep the rule at work, you have to stick with it, no matter what. Even when you’re tired, even when it seems too draining to engage in an argument with your child, you have to be consistent in implementing the rule you set.

If you won’t do this, your kids will think that there are times when rules don’t apply and that when you get tired you can easily break the rule. This of course is not a good lesson to learn by kids of this nature.

Kids who have behavioral problems all the more need the consistency in implementing the rule. They always are in need for rules to remain the same at all times. You as a parent must remember that rules must be there even if you are too tired and should not become loose or too stern, and are not dependent on your current situation.

Remember that parents must be the role model of their kids. They should act what they want their kids to act when they grow old. A good role model is one that is law-abiding and one that is consistent with his actions regardless of what his situation is.

Kids are quick to follow their models, which most of the time are their parents and siblings. It therefore helps for parents to behave the best while in the presence of the kids, even if sometimes it takes a lot of pretension.

Kids don’t have to know that you were even worse than they are now when you were their age. They need not know that you only behaved when your parents were around. If you have to talk about your childhood with them, it’s better to focus more on the good experiences. Kids may not be able to understand the complicated situations you went through as well some behavioral and emotional issues which may be too complicated for their own understanding.

It’s true that you may have to put your best foot forward if you want to raise better kids. That is until they grow up to become mature enough to understand the much darker side of things. Children still don’t have fully developed sense of morality. They are still groping when it comes to dealing with their relationships issues and even find it confusing to understand themselves.

That is why your rules are important. They are there to guide them while they are not yet that strong to evade what’s wrong and continue with what’s right.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Deflating the Rule

Leave your comment

Setting rules with your children is one way of communicating with them and telling them your expectations. Needless to say, in order to be taken seriously by the kids (and I assure you they never forget), you have to be consistent with your rules as part of your parenting tasks. Children will adopt many of the things they observe from their parents and you may want to make consistency as one of the good habits that they may want to inculcate in their young minds and manifest in the future.

You can start testing your consistency by setting up house rules and these rules need not be complicated, in fact simplicity closes the door on disputes and interpretations. By keeping your house rules simple, you can even have the kids memorize them and repeat them to assure that they know what your house rules are. And also, do not make so many house rules.

Make at the most three to five short ones that tackle the most basic of house rules like for instance “Always keep the door closed” or “Always wash your hands before you touch any type of food”. Communication is part of the aim of setting rules and when you set up so many, that is not communicating at all.

When setting up rules, always use positive language which means instead of starting the rules with negative words for instance, in lieu of Do not turn on the television while studying, you may want to put it as: Turn on the television only when done with the schoolwork.

This sets a positive tone on things and makes rules veer away from its negative connotation of restrictions. Instead, it can be construed by your child as regulations to make life better in the future.

Let the child participate in the rule making activity. This brings a sense of ownership to your child which will make them follow the rules even more. And you can even refer to that specific rule as your child’s rule, appending his or her name to it to fortify the sense of ownership and a sense of belonging.

Consistently refer ton the house rules. Children rarely forget but it pays to have them recite the rules as often as can be especially before guests arrive. You may ask him the rules on what specific rooms they can enter together with their playmates and those that they can’t.

Now comes the part when the rule gets broken, even accidentally or intentionally and this is where consistency again is put to the test. Never ever waver on the rules that are set especially with your child. The agreed upon sanctions have to be done to show to tour child that rules were made for specific reasons and there is always a price to pay when one disobeys the rules, whether it were intentional or not.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Stop Blaming Your Kids

Leave your comment

Rearing a child especially in this very modern and all-accessible world can be quite a handful, doubly difficult if you have a couple or more kids in tow. Unlike before when parents’ words are considered commands and they have to really be followed to the letter, children nowadays are exposed to too much information that molds them into very smart kids, too smart for comfort.

But it is not bad at all to expose out children to data that they can use in the future as long as you are to filter the information that is coming in. Keep in mind that children’s brains work like sponges and they easily absorb almost anything that they see especially if no one is there to contest it.

In the book Nobody Knows My Name written by James Baldwin, Baldwin states that: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders. But they have never failed to imitate them.” This dilemma encapsulates the general situation parents are trapped in.

Some parents, in their efforts to make their children listen to them, in their eagerness to instill what they think is correct, sometimes become too forceful in their attempts and overshoots the goal of making the children listen, really listen.

You see, there is a huge difference between children listening when they are being scolded than children listening when their parents are explaining in a calm and disarming manner. In the heat of the moment, particularly when the kids have done something quite terrible, parents forget the proper way to address such situation, give in to the outbursts of emotions and immediately blame the child or kid for the error done.

Blaming the kids is actually not the strategic way to approach such a situation. Instead of fixing the issue, we might only be driving the problem into the hearts of the children. And when blame is directed to the children consistently, there may come a time that they will unconsciously believe that they are really the one to blame for anything negative that is happening.

This is extremely bad for the child’s psyche because you will only be inculcating in his or her mind that he or she is not good at anything and whatever he or she does may turn into a disaster. In time, this negative feeling will turn into deeper psychologically stressing issues like anxiety, clinical depression, loss of confidence, low self esteem, and eventually even manifest in physical symptoms like headaches and such.

There is a tactful way of addressing such situations and that would be sitting down and discussing in a very composed manner the issue at hand. For example, ask how your child feels after a negative thing has been done. And then, discuss with the child the possible repercussions of his behavior and how it will affect not only other people’s lives but his as well.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

The Blame Game

Leave your comment

To blame is one of the most common things that a parent can do when times get rough. This can be blaming one’s self or blaming her spouse or the kids. At times, this can be understandable when the parents tend to be so preoccupied with problems, but it doesn’t mean that it’s healthy at all.

Most of the time, blaming takes place when you are spending too much of your time and your energy on blaming yourself or others for problems that are not really existing. It’s easy to react and point it out to your kids that they are to blame for example when you’re late for work because it took time for the kids to be ready for school.

The most common statement you can say as a parent is “It’s your fault that I’m late for work.” This statement doesn’t work at all. The best statement to go would be “It’s your responsibility to ready yourself when its’ time for us to go.”

This statement would not mean so much of a blame but more of making him accountable for the act. This would make him more mature in handling his responsibilities and making him accountable for his actions.

Kids will like that since it makes them feel like they are in control or that they are mature enough to handle themselves. Remember that most kids would like to feel that they are trusted by adults although in reality they want the adults to direct them to the right path and lead the way.

Blaming is not also good when you do it against yourself. Blaming one’s self would mean that you have low self-esteem. It’s also a sign or an indication of weakness which is the last thing that you want your kids to see in you.

Your kids will take on whatever you show them. That’s one of the main reasons why you need to pretend too, to shield them from anything that may be too harsh for their limited understanding and their underdeveloped sense of morality.

Blaming would also translate to not being able to acknowledge one’s mistakes, when the best way to go when things go wrong is to move on and rectify mistakes and make things better the next time you find yourself in the same situation again.

The best thing you can do when you just found out that it’s your mistake is to admit it to yourself but forgive yourself as well then move on. You can say to yourself, “You can do better than this the next time around.”

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including teens’ boot camp. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

All about Projection

Leave your comment

When parents pass on their emotional baggage to their child, the concept of projection happens. Projection can affect a child’s life in great proportions in one or more aspects of his or her life. The effects of projection could be so serious, it could increase a child’s vulnerability to certain behavioral and emotional imbalances.

Children usually inherit or adapt to certain things that they pick up at home, from and through the kind of relationships that they have with their parents. The problem begins when children starts to get nothing but the sensitive issues that their parents carry in their backs – the need for attention or social approval, difficulty in dealing with certain expectations, and the tendency to blame oneself.

Because children are young and fragile, they become very susceptible to inheriting the relationship problems of their parents such as feeling responsible for the happiness of others and vice versa as well as acting impulsively in order to relieve the feeling of anxiety instead of enduring that anxiety for a while to act thoughtfully. The stronger the projection of the parents, the stronger relationship baggage the child inherits from his or her parents.

When a person has too much relationship sensitivity, his or her vulnerability to emotional and behavioral problems can result to a a chronic anxiety in all aspects of one’s life. The process of projection occurs in three stages.

First, the parent sees the child with the fear that something is wrong with the child. Second, the parent sees any behavior of the child as a confirmation of that fear. And third, the parent treats the child as if something is actually wrong with him or her.

The steps of projection usually begin while the child is still young and continues until the child gets older. It is the unrealistic fear of the parents that inspires the problem – the child learns to develop or shape his or her perceptions of the world and of others according to what his or her parents think, embodying the fears and distorted perceptions themselves.

The concept of projection becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because the parents constantly try to “fix” the problem of the child according to their personal diagnosis. So when a parent believes that her child has a low self esteem, she will repeatedly affirm the child which consequently leads to the child’s self esteem growing dependent on that affirmation.

A lot of things can go wrong the moment the concept of projection occurs in a family. It could lead to a sibling rivalry, since the other “normal” siblings will not get as much attention as the child who “needs fixing” gets. Parents will also feel confused about their roles and both will often feel unsure of themselves and the kind of relationship that they have with their child.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including boot camp for teens. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

Project Attainable Expectations to Your Kids

Leave your comment

Everywhere we go, we are bound with certain expectations. There are certain expectations that we have to live up to at work – we need to perform our jobs right, help our co-workers finish a project, and so on. In school, we are also expected to make our assignments and to study. All relationships that we have and in every affiliation or association that we make, there are certain expectations that we have to fulfill.

At home, there are also certain expectations that we have to live up to. The main reason why families function well and remain united is due to the fulfilling of expectations by each family member. Parents are expected to provide for the family and offer food, clothing, comfort and love. Children are also expected to help with chores, to study, and to respect and love their parents.

One good way to avoid family conflicts is to make sure expectations from each member especially that of the children, are clear. As a parent, you need to create a list of expectations that apply to certain situations. By creating a list of expectations for your kids, you are telling them in a way what they should do during certain situations.

When you make your expectations clear to your kids, you are telling them their limitations in the process. Through a list of expectations, children know how they can interact with their friends, with strangers, and even with their romantic partners. By creating a list of expectations, you will be able to effectively show your children how to behave in church, at a restaurant, and in any public place.

However, you need to be consistent with your expectations. The moment you tell your kids that you expect them to be home by 8 p.m. sharp, it should always remain that way. Your expectations should not be variable and should not be easily affected by your mood or your opinion. Your expectations should always remain firm, even when your child feels otherwise.

So when your child gets a high score at test, it does not earn him the right to disrespect you. Even when your child has no school for two days, it does not mean that he or she is allowed to stay up all night and watch TV.

But the most important thing that you have to remember is to make your expectations realistic and reliable. Setting expectations that are too high or too low will lead to mediocre results. That is why you need to keep your expectations at normal, attainable levels and with respect to your child’s age.

Realistic and reasonable expectations will not make your child feel incompetent. Projecting expectations that are too high to attain will only make your child feel like he or she is “not good enough”. Too high expectations will make your child feel less about themselves and will make you unhappy and disappointed all the time.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including teens for boot camp. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

Projections Get in the Way of Parenting

Leave your comment

What you mean by projecting is reading other people’s minds. What happens when you do projection is just like a movie projector. When you feel bad about yourself it is being projected into another person. That’s when you think that they do think poorly of you.

You simply think that it’s a way of reading minds but in fact what you’re doing is you’re putting your own fear and your own self-doubt in the other person’s mind. This doesn’t work for you or for your kids when you’re parenting.

There are times when everything goes wrong and if you see it that way you might translate it as what your child thinks, to the detriment of your own kid. If you want to raise highly positive children you have to be positive yourself. You have to funnel your positivity to your kid. But remember it’s not all blue skies. Being positive doesn’t mean being delusional. When reality bites, you have to make it a point that your kid may be able to understand what you’re going through in their own simple way.

Projections can also happen the other way around. Sometimes kids also project what they feel towards themselves to you. When this happens you need to keep on reassuring them that what you think of them is exactly the opposite of that. You have to keep giving positive reassurance when this happens. Always make them feel that you’re accepting and that you understand how they feel, but there’s one thing you shouldn’t do and that is to make them see that you’re giving up on them.

Projecting is a symptom of an unhealthy mind. When you tend to project negativity, you probably have low self-esteem, have been hiding a lot of issues, and may even have issues about self-respect. However, when you project yourself too positively, it may be that you have superiority complex or have high self-esteem, which may sometimes be not that good as well.

That’s why they say that we all are a work in progress. We always have to check ourselves and try to make sure that we make a balanced thought of our surroundings and other people. We do this for our kids, for our loved ones, but most of all, for ourselves.

We owe it ourselves to experience life positively and to experience all our relationships positively. If we love in this manner, no amount of negativity can bring us down, whatever our goal may be, but most particularly when we are trying to raise our children.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including boot camp teens. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Emotional Labels Are Not At All Helpful

Leave your comment

One thing that parents should not do to their kids is to label their behavior with something that sets them off emotionally. There may be times when the kid just had a bad day at school, is a bit crazy, and is having a difficult time with his homework. What the parent often says is that “You’re doing that to make me angry at you, don’t you?”

That thing can set off an inferno in your kid, particularly for the teen-agers who have the rebellious streak in them. The thing is, parents are so fond of labeling it with feelings instead of keeping it a business. Time and again, it is important for a parent to know that parenting demands that you take charge of it as if it were a business.

What is a business like way to go about this scenario is: “Oh, you’re not doing the right things today. You have to start it over. For you to do that, you need to go back to your room and come back to start things right after fifteen minutes.”

It’s simple. There are no explanations, no but’s and if’s, and no questions asked. This is to assert your authority as a parent. This is being firm to your kid and a way of showing your responsible love and concern.

With this, a parent must not dwell with the emotions that most often would like to grab your attention and keep you away from a sound decision. When you are thinking about punishing your kid for one wrong doing, it should still be his well-being that you must focus on. Remember the one main goal for your punishing him is to make him realize his mistake and be able to make sense of why he must be corrected. Yes, that’s the case, even when he is still at a young age.

Moral development for your child takes place gradually. This is one of the instances wherein they can learn much from you. So don’t get frustrated if your kid commits a lot of blunders in decision making and their relationships with others. When you say everyone is a work in progress when it comes to that; that is much, much more applicable to kids.

That is why labeling them with emotional titles will not help. They themselves are not even aware of what they are feeling, most of the time. Oftentimes, parents would have to help their kid process his emotions and may sometimes have to let him understand it is normal to have that feeling.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including teens’ boot camp. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Teach Your Kids to Be Honest

Leave your comment

Finding out that your child has lied to you is utterly heartbreaking. After that one incident, you begin to feel apprehensive every time your child tells you something. After knowing for a fact that your child is capable of lying, you find it hard to trust anything that your child tells you. A sound child and parent relationship does not work that way, which is why you need to learn how to handle it.

While parents try as much as they can to let their children know the importance of honesty, there are still a few times when children forget about it. Because they are young, children are prone to shortcuts, failures, and temptations. These natural tendencies often lead to an occasional untruth, called the “white lie”.

A while lie is generally “harmless”, but then again kids can easily understand it in the wrong way. In order to prevent your kids from dishonesty, you have to nip the problem right in the bud. So that your kids will be discouraged from lying you have to teach them how to be honest.

The first step in teaching honesty is making your expectations of honesty very clear. You have to let your child know that telling the truth is very much important, therefore he should aim for it as much as possible. Tell your child that there are consequences for lying. As early as possible, nurture honesty in your kids as a desirable character trait.

But teaching your kids about being honest when you are dishonest yourself is just purely wrong. If you want to show your kids the importance of honesty, model honest behavior to your child. Prevent yourself from telling lies or misrepresenting facts. Kids are very keen observers and they know when they are being lied to, so do not risk it.

You have to reinforce any act of honesty too. When you reward your kids every time they tell the truth, you are also encouraging them to continue the behavior. Every time your kid is honest during a difficult situation, praise them for making the right move. After telling the truth about a sensitive situation, appreciate them.

It is very important that you believe your kids. So when you feel that your child is not telling you the truth, do not jump into hasty conclusions right away. Before you make any judgments, evaluate the facts first. It is very important that you find out for a fact that your kids are telling the truth or not before you accuse them of lying.

Teaching kids how to be honest is a daunting task. But if you make honesty a principle to live by, following through with it might not be as difficult. Take every opportunity there is and share the value of honesty with your kids as much as you can.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including boot camp teens. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

Don’t Act on Feelings

Leave your comment

Feelings only possess the value that you put on them. Don’t let the feelings or the emotions be the basis of your decision. These are not a good guide for making a decision regarding your child. It may be good but only when you talk about a situation where feelings were hurt.

The cliché “Don’t decide when you’re emotional” is in fact true when you are dealing with your child. This is because most often when these feelings wane, you will realize you have made the wrong decision and chances are, it may be difficult to repair the damage done.

An example of this is when your child bought himself a PSP from his own savings and you due to fear that he might not be able to cope with his home work and activities in school decided to sell the PSP without your child’s permission. That fear may be the anger you feel as well upon learning that your child made a decision without consulting you.

There’s a fat chance that your child will forever be doing this if you insisted to do it your way. These things could have been discussed with your child. One thing that he must understand is that even when he has the resources to buy it, he must consult with his mother if it is a good decision.

Again, emotions can be too powerful for kids to control and they have not developed the right elements to handle them. That’s why it is significant that you as parents are there to filter the things that may happen to them as well as the possible emotions that they may feel in every situation, special the critical ones, such as divorce.

You as a parent therefore must not be emotional when making a decision particularly if it’s about your child. You have to be an example of a well-balanced person to him and always make sure that when you decide on something about your child even if it’s about punishment, you must first consider his benefit and well-being.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including boot camp for teens. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

 Page 5 of 23  « First  ... « 3  4  5  6  7 » ...  Last »