Do you remember a long time ago when you first held your child after he was born? You then started to imagine how what child would grow up to be. You imagined him saying his first words, taking his first steps, going to school and so on. You believed your child was an angel, and completely perfect. Unconsciously, you set a standard for that child and you expect those standards to be met. As the years passed, every time your child misbehaved, you just thought of it as a “normal” thing that a child does. You probably did your best to solve the problem, and went on your merry way thinking that you’d dealt with it. Maybe you didn’t notice the problem grow into something bigger, nor did you realize that different parenting skills were required.

It is time to wake up and face the truth. Your child has behavior problems that need to be handled firmly and immediately.

I know that many parents have a hard time accepting that their kids have behavior problems. They would rather make excuses as to why their kids act this way or that way. You may have heard yourself saying to a friend or relative, “Johnny is just going through a phase and it is very difficult for him right now” or, “He is coping with being a teenager and he will eventually come around”. I have personally heard these words slip out of the mouthes of many parents. Rejecting the notion that your child’s behavior is unacceptable is not going to help your child. On the contrary, it will only make matters worse.

Remember that children are programmed to manipulate their parents. You probably notice this when your child was young. Back then, you thought it was cute and charming ang that it was a sign of intelligence. If you let it get out of hand as they grow older, you’ll need a lot of Tylenol for your headaches. This might be what you are going through right now. Are you being manipulated into thinking that there is someone else to blame for their actions.

Remember – nobody is holding a gun to your child’s head making them behave in an unacceptable way. But you tend to believe your child in the hopes that the problem will go away in due time. The problem is not time – it is your child’s behavior.

It isn’t his friend’s fault if he comes home drunk. It isn’t the child next door that forced him to start using drugs, or join a gang. You are not a failure because your child hasn’t turned out the way you wanted – and you can ALWAYS change things for the better starting today.

Accepting all these may not come easy, but acknowledging that your child may have deviated from social norms is a good start. All those dreams and hopes you once had for child doesn’t need to fade away. With the right parenting skills, your child can still become that great person you envisioned him to be.

It is not easy to handle child misbehavior. I have found a program that aims at helping you deal with your child effectively. Get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Many kids love going to school. Some see it as a place where they can spend time with friends, socialize or goof around. Many of them also really see it as a place to learn so they can have a good future ahead of them. Now, some kids hate schools. They think that school is a waste of their time, it is not pleasant for them and they feel trapped. These types of children just want to hang out with their friends outside the school, stay at home, play computer games, sleep or just do nothing. They don’t do their homework nor study for exams.

Why is it that kids are not motivated?

1. Learning. Each child has a different learning style. I have 2 kids and I have noticed that each one of them studies differently. One learns better through visual aids and the other learns faster with audio. It could be that the teacher’s approach in teaching doesn’t match with your child’s learning style.

2. Neurological Learning Disabilities. This disability affects the child’s learning ability so they just give up or fail their classes. This is sad but true.

3. Psychological Disorders. This includes depression and anxiety. If a child went through a traumatic or stressful experience in his family, his grades would drop.

4. Alcohol and Drugs. These 2 are probably the most common problem in school. The intake of alcohol and the use of drugs make a lot of students lose interest in their studies and other activities that are school related. Marijuana is the most common drug that kids are using now.

5. Social Pressure and Distractions. Many children don’t have enough parental supervision so they get involved with activities that they shouldn’t be involved with. Parents give them too much freedom and are more lenient than they should be. When a child bonds with other children, they are influenced easily.

These are just a few reasons why kids aren’t motivated. But you know what? I personally think that everybody is motivated. All you have to do is find out what motivates your child.

What motivates him not to do anything? In many cases, the reason for laziness goes deeper. They could be harboring feelings of anger, frustration, loss, or think they don’t have control over their own lives. These feelings are at a subconscious level. This is the reason why getting angry or just punishing your child, without understanding the root causes for the behavior, backfires. Your kid already thinks that life is bad enough without you screaming in their ears.

Please get your own copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman. This is a program that can help you improve your child’s behavior.

Teens are not adults, not yet anyway, and boot camps are so adult sounding, so do teenagers really belong there?

When you hear the phrase boot camp do you immediately think of military and the military form of discipline? I certainly do. So what is a boot camp exactly? A boot camp is said to be a harsh, highly structured facility run by staff that act as drill instructors. It is a state or private owned correctional facility for troubled teenagers where in the staff teach both physical and mental discipline.

Now we have your boot camp residents, the troubled, unruly teenagers, one of them maybe being your teen. With your house being a constant battle ground, and you screaming at your child almost daily, it seems that God answered your prayers when you discovered boot camp. But is it really the right choice for you and your teen?

Here are a few reasons why your child should not be deported to boot camp:

1.) Boot camps serve as a transition place for a teenager to grow into a conscientious adult. But does rigid, rigorous physical exertion really develop your teenager into a responsible adult? Maybe. If you’re breeding racehorses or circus lions.

2.) Now we have the painstaking mental exercise that boot camps employ. How can instilling fear in a teenager help with their discipline? Sure, they will do as they are told while in the camp, but as soon as they are out they would discard this temporary form of deference and revert back to being disrespectful. Respect, as in any age group, must be earned. Teens will certainly not respect you just because they fear you. They will do as they’re told maybe but only out of fear.

3.) Raging hormones – Teenagers have these. Hormones are especially high in troubled teens. Placing them in an environment where hormones are up to a brim, (with the danger of exploding) doesn’t help the situation get better. Camps full of teens + rampant hormones equals more trouble.

4.) Emotional support. I seriously doubt boot camps have them where being tough is the name of the game, but this factor is fundamental in the development of a struggling teenager. In an environment that does not permit any outside contact, there is no way to nurture your teens feelings.

All these and a lot more are valid reasons not to allow your child to be shipped to a boot camp. Most of what instructors achieve in boot camp only makes temporary changes to your teenager and may even cause more harm that good as teens may resent any person of authority more than ever.

They say a child bred in love will know only love but a child bred in hate may learn to hate. With teens at such an impressionable age, this can’t be more true.

If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you read The Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens

Getting tired of your teen’s sass? It’s not yet hopeless. It can still be rectified without resorting to abusive methods. However, if this behavior is not confronted, it can lead to bigger problems. Sometimes you think that kids act this way because times have changed and it is different now. I beg to disagree. This is not how it should be. Talking back is a big problem most parents have to deal with in this time and age. This usually starts when your kids are still young. But you shrug it off at times and just think: kids say the darnest things.

At a very young age, children realize that the world is not always the fantasy land they thought it was. They begin to see the flaws of a human being and then they get to have an idea of what is right and what is wrong. This happens because they are developing mentally and physically. They start talking back and become demanding. As a parent, you have to deal with this carefully and not forcefully. Being angry or annoyed will get you nowhere.

At first, you thought it was cute when he said something cheeky and then you went on your merry way, not knowing that your child has just realized that he can actually talk back and get away with it. Gone is the child that always obeys whatever you told him to. The little lawyer in your child always comes out and practices his skills on you. You may have noticed that at one point, you are talking to your child, and the next you are locking horns with each other and shouting. Your child would rather argue with you instead of just picking up his bag, the one he dropped on the floor when he arrived from school, like you asked him to. If this kind of thing doesn’t happen always, maybe it’s fine, but when it becomes an everyday routine, no one enjoys that any longer.

You need to ask yourself where your child learned how to talk back because he did pick that up from somewhere or someone. He may have seen it at home, school, TV, neighbors or maybe he learned it with how you talk to him. You should have a very good make over plan to use with your child and you should be consistent with it.

You should have a relationship with your child that is based on respect. You should talk to your child and treat him with respect at all times. If your child sees that you act in a disrespectful way, he will think that this is just fine with you and then start acting like that also. You should take the role of modeling to your child seriously. When your child talks back at you, you should make it clear to him that what he is doing is wrong and that you don’t like it. Talking back is quite addictive and should be seen as a serious offense. You should be calm and should exude authority.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

How do you know that your child is spoiled?

A spoiled child is without discipline, manipulative, and obnoxious most of the time. He acts like the following when he is at the age of 2 or 3:

a. Disregards rules and doesn’t like cooperating.
b. Ignores commands like “no” or “stop”.
c. Protests about anything and everything.
d. Confused about needs and wishes.
e. Always wants everything done his way.
f. Demands things from others.
g. Has no respects for the rights of other people.
h. Wants to control people.
i. Easily frustrated.
j. Often displays tantrums and whines all the time.
k. Complains about unnecessary things.

Your child becomes spoiled because you are too lenient and lax. You don’t have limits and then you consent to their tantrums and complaints. Your child is smart enough to know that he can have his way and get away with it.

The main cause of spoiled children is lenient, permissive parenting. Permissive parents don’t set limits and they give in to tantrums and whining. If parents give a child too much power, the child will become more self-centered. Such parents also rescue the child from normal frustrations. Sometimes a child is cared for by a nanny or babysitter who spoils the child by providing constant entertainment and by giving in to unrealistic demands.

The reason some parents are too lenient is that they confuse the child’s needs (e.g. feeding) with his wishes (e.g. play). They don’t want to hurt their child’s feelings or hear him cry. They may choose the short-term solution of doing whatever prevents crying which, in the long run, causes more crying.

A child’s ability to cry and fuss deliberately to get his way usually begins at about 5 or 6 months of age. There may be a small epidemic of spoiling in our country because some working parents feel guilty about not having enough time for their children. To make up for this, they spend their free time together trying to avoid the friction that setting limits might cause.

The difference between giving children the attention they need and spoiling them can be unclear. In general, attention is good for children. However, it can become harmful if it is excessive, given at the wrong time, or always given immediately. Attention from a parent is excessive if it interferes with a child’s learning to do things for himself and deal with life’s frustrations. Giving attention when you are busy because your child demands it is an example of giving attention at the wrong time. Another example is when a child is throwing a tantrum and needs to be ignored. If attention is always given immediately, your child won’t learn to wait.

Some parents worry about holding and cuddling as a form of attention. Holding babies is equivalent to loving them. In many cultures, parents hold their babies much more than we do in this country. Lots of holding does not spoil a child.

If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you read The Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens

For some, teens may be the best years. For you and your teenager, they are undoubtedly the most difficult. Your child undergoes physical changes, and a lot of other changes that are not readily apparent. Your teenager has to contend with social pressure and identity issues, among others. In this period of conflict between parent and teenager, how do you motivate your child?

Remember that you should never fight with your teen. Encourage, but don’t demand. Adolescence is a time when your child begins to assert his independence. Making demands and nagging will only cause your teenager to rebel and challenge your authority. Teens appreciate being allowed to explore instead of simply being told. Let your child make his own mistakes. This is very difficult for parents. You want to protect your child from every hurt and heartache, and it is painful to see him on the verge of making mistakes, especially major ones, when you know very well that they could be avoided. However, you will find that teens rarely listen. They want to find out for themselves the hows and whys. Let them. Lessons learned from failures are the most memorable lessons they will ever get. As parents, our role is to let them make their own choices with just a little guidance, then be there to praise if they succeed or empathize if they fail.

When it comes to chores, try letting your teenagers choose which chores they prefer instead of telling them what should be done and by whom. Involve them in formulating a plan regarding your household chores. They will be more inclined to follow something they helped create.

Be generous with your compliments. Building your teen’s confidence and reap the benefits. A common issue between parents and their teenage child is organizing the latter’s room. Again, instead of telling him how messy his room is, you can encourage your child by finding something that showcases his organizational skills. His bathroom may be a mess but your teen’s record collection could be methodically arranged. Compliment him on that and suggest how his skill at arranging his collection could be put to use in other areas of his room.

The carrot-and-stick approach works on teens too. While involving your teenager in formulating plans, make sure he understands that his failure to stick to them will result in certain sanctions. An example is to reduce his TV time. It is important for you to be firm, while holding your teen answerable for what has been agreed upon. However, it is equally important that you reward your teen when he has been faithful to his responsibilities. Reward him with more freedom, such as time to do the activities he enjoys. This will persuade him to be even more responsible in the future.

Teens only lack motivation to do what their parents tell them to do. They obviously do not have the same problem when it comes to things they like to do. The secret is in involving them in the process, and making it worth their while.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Have you ever told your child, “I’ll give you ten bucks if you clean your room”? Sounds familiar, huh? Have you ever asked yourself, “What if I have nothing more to give?”. Do you think your child would still do what you ask him to do? Some of you would probably answer, of course. What about the others? Was there ever a time when you asked you child, “Please help me in the kitchen” and you get “How much will you pay me?”?

I do agree that giving a reward to a child when he has done something good or achieved something. But you could be doing it the wrong way. Have you ever explained to her why she needs to clean her own room? That as she is getting older, she should be mature enough to take care of herself even in little ways. Did you make her understand that she needs to do her homework so that she can get good grades, graduate, get a good job and then be able to afford to raise her own family?

Let’s differentiate bribery from reinforcement, shall we? Bribery is when you offer/give something (like money) before the act. Reinforcement on the other hand is given after the act. When you offer your child money to do her tasks, you are just looking for a quick-fix. You get rid of the problem now but remember that you will most certainly face the same problem in the future. This does not help in the development of your child psychologically. She will no longer do what is expected of her if you are not offering anything in exchange. You will have a bigger problem then.

As a parent, I have this need sometimes to give my child almost anything I can afford. The look on her face when she sees that I have bought a new toy for her is priceless. But I realize also that doing this too often will let her think that all good deeds are rewarded only with material things and they forget about love, caring and responsibilities. These are the things you need to teach. I suggest that you reward your kids with non-materials things also like playing together, going on camping trips, fishing, or playing favorite sports together. I know that you can’t help buying your child material things, but don’t do it as a bribe. If you want to buy her things, do so because you want to and not because you want something done.

I have a few tips that I would like to share with you.

1. Don’t always give material rewards for every single thing. Your child should understand that there are things in life that she should do even if there are no rewards for that.

2. Reward her with praise. When your child has accomplished something or even just the act of trying to accomplish something, praise her and let her know that you are proud of her. Make her realize also that she should be proud of herself for what she has done or is trying to do.

3. Avoid giving threats. Don’t tell your child, “Clean your room or you won’t have allowance for the next week”. This will bring out a negative reaction. Focus more on the positive.

4. Give rewards as a surprise. This way, your child does her best without knowing that you are rewarding her. This will make her happier.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

Behavior Modification is one kind of approach used to treat adults and children that have behavior disorders such as Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Anxiety Disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to name a few. Operant conditioning is applied which means that the unacceptable behaviors are reinstated with better behaviors by giving positive or negative reinforcement. It has been proven that this non-medication treatment has helped teens and children with behavior problems.

Teens and children start having behavior problems in school or at their own homes for different reasons. Environmental, educational or emotional difficulties may arise. This should be approached and treated gradually.

If Behavior Modification is applied the right way, this will result in:

1. behavior change after a fair amount of time
2. more good behavior than bad behavior
3. better understanding between parent and child
4. almost all members of the family are less stressed

This approach can also give you negative results if it is NOT done right, such as:

1. there can be a negative impact on both parent and child
2. negative behavior may worsen if not handled well
3. situation can also go bad if the parent doesn’t understand the child as well as himself
4. positive and negative reinforcement can have bad implications if not balanced well

Managing the rules of positive and negative reinforcement is easier said than done. It is important that a child understands the consequences and rewards of his actions. Each child is an individual and therefore has different behavior. The approach or strategy then varies for each behavior type. Take for example an aggressive child. This child will often goad other kids, be in fights or cause an argument to happen. This kind of child is what we call a bully and doesn’t have many friends. His solution to every problem is by winning a fight. They make threats, and become verbally and physically aggressive. A teaser on the other hand makes fun of everybody and picks on them too. He puts down others by criticizing and harassing verbally. The object usually is a special child with special needs and the antagonist has a behavior disorder.

It is important that parents understand the behavior before it is treated. It is easy to turn a blind eye when a child has done something wrong. But without intervention this could have very bad results. When the program is being applied, the key to success is to always be consistent. Parents should also be a role model on the way they behave and react to situations at home. Lastly, parents should let all children feel and know that they are loved and that they can be better kids.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

A lot of teenagers, who end up being suicidal spend years going in and out of the juvenile court system, become dangerous to themselves in smaller ways – slashing their arms and legs, coping up with long-term depression, or getting themselves into trouble in the neighborhood. The way to being self-destructive is a long and gradual process. It is, therefore, hard to tell when a child or teenager actually crosses the line from being a “normal kid” to being a “troubled teenager.” This could actually mean that a number of troubled teens were not given professional help or it was too late to give it to them because the signs went unnoticed. Don’t make this same mistake. Seek professional help when you notice these signs in your child:

1. Intense/Constant Anger: Teenagers often have hormonal changes so it is not out of the ordinary for them to have mood swings. However, if they often display anger that leads to shouting matches or to violence, these signs should not be ignored.

2. Constant Sadness: Almost everybody feels sad once in a while, especially teenagers. These are popular topics for musicians to write songs about, after all. But if you notice that you never see your child happy, something else could be at hand. It could be a sign that there’s something bigger, like depression that you have to deal with.

3. Showing no Interest: All kids love exploring new things, different things and they find hobbies that they really love. They develop their skills and sometimes these hobbies blossom into a career. If your child seems to have shifted from being active to inactive and doesn’t do the things he loves doing, this should concern you. I’m not talking about giving up on one area of interest, but a more serious shift away from a variety of hobbies.

4. Succumbing to Peer Pressure: Friends or peers have a great influence in teenagers’ lives. It is normal for teens to seek acceptance but if your child seems to always succumb to peer pressure, this is no longer normal. Teenagers should still be able to make their own decisions and not be dictated by their peers. If they are, this is a sign of insecurity, low self-esteem and a lack of confidence; this may lead to bigger problems that may affect your kids their entire lives.

5. Cutting: Have you ever seen your teenager with slits on her wrists or arms? Does your child always wear a long-sleeved shirt even in the hottest weather to hide what they have done to themselves? This is a very serious problem. Cutting oneself is never normal and a clear sign that your child needs help. This kind of behavior is a potential sign that your child is thinking about suicide.

6. Eating: Some children develop eating disorders and this should also alarm you. If you notice a dramatic shift in your child’s eating pattern, you may want to evaluate why. This goes for both binge eating and starvation. Depending on the severity of this behavior, it can be fatal.

7. Lying: It’s normal for teenagers to lie about some things. But, if your child has developed a habit of lying at almost everything, this can be a sign of trouble. You should certainly discuss this with your child, especially if the lies are getting him or her into trouble.

Parenting is never easy. Some parents can never accept the fact that their kids are in serious trouble even if the signs are obvious to everyone else. I highly recommend The Total Transformation by James Lehman. You’ll learn how to deal with troubled kids.

One of the problems that some parents encounter, and have a hard time talking about, is what to do when your child steals. You probably often see that your child turns up with things that don’t belong to him. Your instinctive reaction is to chastise him so as to nip his career as a petty thief. It is a fact that parents cannot administer adult standards of discipline, self-control and morality to the actions of young children.

Young children from one to three years sometimes do take things that are not theirs, but stealing is not their intention. They are too young to understand the idea of possession and that something could belong solely to someone. They are still developing the idea of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ so when they see a thing that interests them, they feel it’s all right to take it.

On the other hand, when children from six to adolescence steal, they are absolutely aware that what they are doing is totally wrong. By this time, their awareness has broadened. Thus, when children at this age take something that is not theirs, they act secretive and sneaky. They will most definitely hide the object they have stolen and then deny taking it when asked. It is quite easy to absolve a younger kid for taking what doesn’t belong to him because he is not aware of what he is doing. However, parents faced with children that are old enough to differentiate right from wrong are confounded by this ‘criminal’ behavior.

Oftentimes parents are astonished because they realize that the thing their child ’stole’, is something that he already owns. Therefore, the stealing is odd. Where is this coming from? Sadness could be one reason. Maybe the child feels the need to be closer to his parents or has a hard time making friends. In that case, by stealing money he could try to buy the approval of his peers or satisfy his need for attention and affection in this complicated way. Feelings of fear, resentment, and jealousy can also be the root of stealing. There are many reasons why a child steals and ways to handle the problem.

Dealing with Children Stealing

You should walk a fine line between disciplining and humiliating your child. Making a big issue and treating your child like he is the worst criminal will not help at all. It will only frighten him. If you are absolutely certain that your child stole something, you must let your child know you are aware of this act. You should insist that he return it to the owner and that he must apologize. It is not necessary to embarrass the child, but at the same time you must make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be repeated.

If stealing persists, it could be because of other problem behaviors. You need to rectify the problem immediately. If stealing is chronic, you can consult a child psychologist or have your child undergo counseling. One program that worked for me is The Total Transformation by James Lehman.