Defiant Kids

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Please take some time to read the latest post on our website. This article on defiant kids will explore angles that may be causing children to defy authority at home. If you have been seeking answers to your kid’s defiant behavior, this latest article of ours might just be able to provide you with some. More techniques in dealing with defiance can be learned from Total Transformation – the at home child behavior change program by Dr. James Lehman. You can get the program for free if you fill out a survey form.

Effective Communication

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Having healthy communication with your kids means more than just talking to them on a regular basis. In trying to establish effective communication, it is very important that you make sure that what you are trying to say actually gets through to your kids. You also have to make sure that whatever it is you are telling them, they understand properly and fully.

One way to have a true effective communication is to guarantee an exchange of thoughts, ideas and emotions from one mind to another – in your case, expressing your thoughts to your child, and vice versa. The most crucial point of communication within a parent child relationship happens during the adolescence period, also known as the teenage years.

So if you are thinking that you and your child’s relationship will not get shaken by the time she reaches that phase, you are terribly wrong. It is important that you prepare for it and plan ahead on how to handle should the situation gets ugly. Actually, there are several ways to establish and keeping the communication lines working properly.

Start as early as possible – while still a baby, express feelings of security and love to your child. Continue doing it as your child grows in order to strengthen the lines of communication between you and your child. But then again, this is easier said than done. You should encourage your child to be expressive while still at a young age.

Children have this need to learn and look for attention from their parents. So do not be surprised if one day your son runs to your room all giddy about sharing something. If you cut your son with an irritated “Shhh!!” or make some angry expression, you will crush your child’s enthusiasm. In the same breath that you are cutting the communication lines with your kids every time you take their “I hate you” personally.

As a parent, you have to have patience and self control. Most kids have limited control, so they can easily blurt something hurtful during a heated argument or during times of stress and anxiety. Instead of judging them and taking things personally against you, remind them to be polite and to not use that tone on you in calm way.

When you do that, you are not just correcting your child’s disrespectful behavior, but are also trying to set an example of having self control. You do not want your kids to continue hating you, but instead you want them to run to your when they have problems and when they need guidance.

Taking things personally gets in the way of having effective communication with your kids. Understand that adolescence is very hard for kids, and the least that they need is you reading into everything that they say. Sometimes, it helps if you just let some things slide.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her effective solutions for adhd by visiting her website about problem children.

Don’t Personalize

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Say for example one day your teen just told you that they hate you during a heated argument. Of course, you pause and try to evaluate yourself. Nothing breaks a parent’s heart like hearing those painful words. However, almost all parenting experts suggest that you do not take your child’s outbursts personally especially if you have teenagers. Most likely, it is their hormones that are talking and not your kids themselves.

Try to remember your own experiences when you were still a teenager. Do you remember how changeable your moods were? Like how you were several years ago, your children are also trying to assert their independence in ways that they know how. Your teen could also be so angry at the world right now because she is unsure of herself due to the changes that her body is going through.

So when your teenage daughter says something awful to you, do not be surprised if they strike out at you verbally. Again, think about your own childhood experience. You have probably gone through the same thing before. Probably you have also said some hurtful things to your parents when you were a teenager, so do not be surprised.

Instead, try to learn to accept the outbursts and whatever distance that your child is putting in between you. Think of it as a part of the growing process. Remember, your child is going through a lot at this point of her life. Adding more pressure by telling her to do well in school or to treat their friends well could be asking them to do something that they are not sure how to go about.

When your child has negative outbursts, do not immediately react to it. Actually, they do not mean to literally attack you. Just think of it as a coincidence – you just happened to be there when they were feeling upset and unsure of things.

The only way that you can help is to remain calm. Instead of returning a negative response back at them, ignore what they say and keep in mind that it was just a product of the moment.

If you react to your child’s verbal declarations and take them personally, you are putting more fuel to the fire. What you can do is to step back and tell your child that you are taking a time out. Do not let your emotions rule you, and let your temper cool down for a little while.

Always keep in mind that your child is going through a phase, and you are not making things easier for them if you keep taking things personally. The key to effective communication with children is to not personalize things. Instead, think of ways to bring your child closer and more comfortable in talking to you about her problems.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her effective solutions for adhd by visiting her website about my problem children.

Don’t Use the Words Like Never and Always

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Times are getting harder and pressure is put on parents to do everything for their families. The kids are sometimes not getting enough time and attention from their parents. The kids are also getting more exposed to peer pressure which could sometimes be doing badly for them.

Saying inspiring words to your kids can bring positive things in life to them. Good and inspiring words like – “I’m so proud of you” or “You are my hero” are inspiring words of appreciation that even us adults will take it gladly.

You may say that you are proud of your kids, but you have to be careful not to elaborate this concept since it may have a negative effect. Like for instances as parents, let them understand that hurting somebody who will do harm to them is not something to be proud of. Let them understand what is right and wrong. You just focus on the positive things, and the kids can take it from there.

You cannot impose something on your kids and expect them to do it all the time. If you say – “never do these things again”, or “never accept things from strangers”, anticipate that the kids may not do it when you are not around. The more you talk to your kids negatively, the more they will take it positively.

Curiosity is one of the natural behaviors of the kids, and they will always want to explore and experiment on almost everything. No matter how you explain to them the possible effects of everything they will do, they will still do it. Telling them about doing bad things can lead them to harm, still the kids will try to do it anyway and see if the effects can really harm them.

You really have to have good communication skills if you want to connect with your kids. You may have a conversation with your kids but they may not be listening. There are many ways to communicate to your kids, but words must be carefully chosen for your kids to understand you. Sometimes you have to go down to their level to enable to reach them. Using simple words can be more effective and understandable by the kids.

Comparing your kids to others will do more bad than good to him. Saying things like –“why can’t you be always like the other kids” – may have a bad impression on your kids. They may see it as nagging words and very offensive. Doing this can veer your kids away from you and this is not building a good character to your kids.

Parents have to remember always that kids are kids and something can go wrong along the way. To guide your children to their ultimate success refrain from saying NEVER and ALWAYS in a wrong way. If in case these words are used, it is for a very good reason. As parents don’t expect your kids to do everything good, just take them as they are and always guide them.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her solutions for adhd by visiting her website about my problem children.

Defiant Teenagers

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We’ve posted another informative article on our website that might interest you if you’re looking to understand defiance and teenagers. Teenagers are under a lot of pressure from the changes going on around them that they sometimes unconsciously react undesirably to all of it. By understanding how stress and criticism breed resentment and ultimately defiance, parents may just be spared a lot of hurts and frustration in the future. Read our post on defiant teenagers now. We also advise you to check out Total Transformation by the authority on child behavior change programs, Dr. James Lehman, for more help. You can get Dr. Lehman’s program if you fill out a feedback survey.

Misbehaving Children

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The latest post on our blog tackles misbehaving children, and we recommend you read it. There are always reasons why children misbehave, but parents may be surprised to find out just how ordinary or everyday those reasons are. By knowing the reasons that cause misbehaving children to act the way they do, parents may just be able to immediately nip a future behavior problem right in the bud. For additional help on child behavior problems, we also recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman, which you can have for free if you fill out a feedback survey.

“All or Nothing” Thinking Is Bad in Parenting

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Only when you are able to outgrow the “all or nothing thinking” phase of development can you become a real mature adult. Overcoming this kind of thinking will let you understand that there is no person or situation that is entirely bad or entirely good. When a parent no longer thinks in an “all or nothing” kind of thinking, he will have an open mind.

Although thinking in black and white only seems to be a more organized way of living, the best parts of parenting is usually during those gray moments between the two extremes. When you raise your kids in an uptight and stiff world, you are limiting their capabilities to see life as it truly is. At the same time, you are also stopping yourself from appreciating the real joys of parenting.

It is true that living life spontaneously have its consequences. However, the end results are rarely severe. On the other hand, thinking in pure blacks and whites will only attract negative thoughts and emotions. These negative feelings then inspire fear and frustration, which then makes you an ineffective parent sooner or later. When you take parenting too seriously, you are making yourself vulnerable to depression and low self esteem.

Some parents think in absolutes like “My family never listens to me” or “I am always wrong when it comes to making my children happy”. These thoughts are dangerous, inaccurate, and lack creativity. When you think in this manner, you are actually causing yourself stress and anxiety. Thinking like this limits your number of options down to two – this, or that.

Telling yourself “I am a bad breadwinner” or “I am an ineffective mother” oversimplifies the role of parenting as a whole. Remember, parenting is already a tough job. And when you keep telling yourself these things, you are making things more difficult for you.

However, if you are open to changes and to possibilities, you are giving yourself more wiggle room – more options and more choices every time you are trying to resolve an issue. Having the willingness to explore the gray areas of life lets you have an open mind and the spirit to explore new routes and parenting strategies.

Get rid of the “all or nothing” kind of thinking, for it only paralyzes your sound judgment, especially during stressful situations with your kids. A painter who wants too much perfection in his work accomplishes nothing in the end, in the same way that you are putting your child in a bubble because of fear.

As a parent, it is your job to add colors to yours and your child’s life. Bring in vivid colors, not just plain black and white. Lighten up and have some fun at parenting. Because when you do, you will realize that parenting is not that hard after all.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions by visiting her website about problem child.

Parents Should Assume for the Best

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Have you noticed that most of the time your assumptions about your kids cause you a lot of worry and stress? If you are most parents who always think that their kids are doing something bad behind their backs or are about to do something unacceptable, then you might want to take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

A lot of parents believe that their children are always up to something bad. Parents assume that their kids are doing something wrong so when they ask their children if there is something wrong, their tone becomes accusatory and suspicious without realizing it.

For example a parent asks his son to do something, but the child forgets about it. When this happens, there are some parents who assume that their son was not paying enough attention because he did not care about whatever they say. Because of that thinking, some parents automatically scold their children for not paying attention or for being too distracted.

Parents who assume often think that when their kids act out, they should change their behavior so they “learn” how to behave, without even asking the child first what is really bothering him or her. Or if the parent asks, she asks in a biased tone as if she already knows the answer to the question – and the answer she has in her head is not something nice.

If you always assume that your children was wrong or is up to something wrong, your tone no longer represents openness and inquisition but will imply that you have already made your decision about the matter. That is why it is very important that you be careful not to assume.

Instead of assuming that something wrong is going to happen, why not change the way you look at things? There is another choice that you can make. You can always choose to assume that your kid is up to something good. When you make this choice, it can literally change your relationship with your child and your life as a whole.

Assuming positive intent from your kids starts with a sense of willingness to assume that your children have good intentions and are doing their best to perform what they are told and to accomplish what they are expected to fulfill. This choice is something that you consciously do because most of the time, it does not come naturally to parents.

Assuming that your kids are always misbehaving behind your back or are up to no good will get in the way of knowing what they are actually doing. Ask without assumption what really happened. Look at your child objectively and without preconceived notions. Your child needs you to be fair and to be supportive.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her solutions for adhd by visiting her website about problem children.

To Assume Is an Unhealthy Thinking Pattern in Parenting

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When you are fond of assuming with finality or jump into conclusion without looking at the facts yet you are simply cutting off all communication lines. You are closed as what they say.

Once you have already assumed that a certain person did or did not do anything expected of him, there is no way you can still communicate. You have already made up your mind.

The same thing applies to your kids. Sometimes kids assume that they get punished because of some rule that you have set at home. The tendency for these kids is to become overly defensive to the extent of being rude at you. This will go on unless you start to open the communication lines with them by asking first a question.

When you do so, you have to show your sensitivity to his emotions. You do it gently and without any hint that you are accusing him of any wrongdoing. This will make your child feel comfortable that you are not going to hurt his feelings and that you are ready to hear his side of the story.

Thus, even if you have heard that your child has started to smoke, it helps to ask him about it and discuss with him what he thinks are the benefits that smoking can give him. When you confront him and tell him downright that he just made a wrong decision by smoking, you are simply driving him away and perhaps pushing him to do it more.

Remember that kids especially those who are in their adolescence tend to be rebellious. Partly this is because of the many drastic changes that are taking place in themselves from surging hormones to emotional and psychological changes that go with it. As a parent, you must be careful not to give your teen-agers any reason to rebel or be in a prolonged argument with you. This will more likely result to him running towards his peers who mostly are not equipped to handle his issues as well.

There are times though when parents can’t help but suspect about their kid being hooked into something he is not allowed to do. It helps if you keep an eye on him from afar and make sure not to meddle in his affairs. By then you will surely notice some changes in his routine and his behavioral patterns, if he really is into something.

With that, don’t hesitate to consult with his teachers or his guardian or any authority who might be able to help you deal with it.

Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions for your child by visiting her website about my problem children.

Rebellious Teens

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We’ve posted a new article on our website that tackles the phenomenon of rebellious teens. Most parents are at a loss as to why their teenagers are so stubborn and rebellious and fail to see what may be causing it. This article shines the spotlight on the underlying factors that influence teens to be so rebellious. Read more about rebellious teens by visiting our website. For more help on transforming difficult teenagers, we recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. It can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.

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