james lehman Archives

Why It’s Bad to Compare Your Family to Others

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Perhaps one of the biggest problems with families is not necessarily the problems that happen inside the home, but how we, parents, generally compare ourselves to other families.

At least once in your life, you heard a disappointed parent say, “I wish my son was more friendly and cheerful like his other classmates.” Or perhaps you overheard your daughter’s classmate say, “I wish my mom would understand like Anna’s mom.” Because these situations are somehow commonplace these days, it is then necessary that we understand why we often compare our own family to others. If we know the reason why we resort to this comparison, we will be able to find a workable solution.

Personally, I believe that we compare our families to others because a lot of families look better than our own families on the surface, which is why it is so easy to compare. Most of the time, we all tend to feel awkward talking about our family’s flaws with most people that we know.

Consequently, we begin to hold a false belief that we are in a “bad” family because we have problems, and everyone else knows what they are doing and we do not. That is why most often than not, we try to imitate the things that a parenting magazine tells us instead of doing what is best and proper for our family. We label ourselves after every challenge, and try to be like a “perfect family”, while overseeing the fact that the magazines are probably just trying to hide our homebound insecurities.

We all should remember that there is never a simple or a universal guideline for developing a truly productive family, let alone a perfect family one. There is no perfect way for a child to confess to his parents his true feelings and opinions about certain things, like being too overprotective. In the same sense that there is no magic dust that will make it easier for us parents to talk about unprotected sex and its dangers to our 16-year old daughters.

No magic or any magazine advice will make any family problem easier to solve. What it takes instead is a tremendous amount of efforts and understanding, for without these two, petty family issues can evolve into something bigger. It is important that we should realize the fact that there are no shortcuts that we can take when it comes to having a healthy and stable family.

Comparing your family to others is counterproductive. This does not mean that you expose all your family problems with everyone, but refusing to engage in any conversation where people brag about how wonderful their family happens to be.

Comparing families does not solve anything. If you stop doing it, you will see and appreciate the individuality your family has. And once you stop comparing and understand that your family is not THAT bad, solving family problems will be much easier.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

The Right Approach to Kids’ Lying

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Part of being a parent is being ready to face the things that your child will go through. From the moment your child is born, he is bound to undergo a lot of changes – not just physically, but emotionally and socially as well – and you should be prepared to accept whatever challenges come along the way.

Lying is a crucial part in a child’s development. You have to be aware that all kids, at a certain point at a certain age, will experiment with lying. However, their reasons for lying are totally different from the motives of adults who lie. Kids lie not really to manipulate, but to see what things they can and cannot get away with. That is why when your kids lie to you, it would be better if you don’t make it personal.

In order to discourage your child from lying, implementing harsh punishments is the least that you can do. In fact, punishing a kid for lying is actually a form of reinforcement. So instead of spanking your child for lying, focus on the values that you want to teach. To counter the lying behavior, teach him honesty and help him get the chance to aim for it.

Say for example your son lied to your for the first time, insisting that he was telling the truth. When kids lie, most of the time they will sound really convincing, so keep your guards up. If you know that your child is lying and is trying to stand by his lie, find a way to make him realize that it is wrong without resorting to punishment.

You can tell him a story – that your hearts are actually connected by a hundred invisible little threads and that whenever he tells a lie, he cuts one of these threads cutting the connection between you two in the process.

So the more lies that he tells, the more threads are cut. And if he continues to lie, the thread will be completely destroyed and you will both be separated for good. However, if he tells the truth, the threads will grow thicker and the connection will grow stronger.

Instilling important values in children requires sincerity and warmth. Instead of beating your child to be honest, help him in any way you can to the truth. When he tells the truth, he will feel authentic. Which in turn, encourage him to tell the truth at all times.

It is the job of the parents to keep their children honest as much as possible. However, that does not imply being strict or uptight. Always be in your right mind when dealing with your kids, especially when they lie. Taking these lies personally can actually make things worse.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Be Brave about Asking Help for Your Kids

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Have you ever experienced your kid talking back at you? This may be hard to swallow but considering today’s lifestyle, this is already our reality. So many things are influencing your child’s behavior like the daily dose of violent television shows and influence of modern technology like the internet. But this should not stop you from imposing discipline to your kid. Good discipline will make a child a better person in his adult years. Nobody can take out the discipline that is already instilled in his mind and this will show in his character.

Disciplining your kid means you have to have a set of rules which he has to follow. But you have to let your child know also what you expect of him. Issue warnings if some rules are broken and follow through by encouraging your child to express his feelings about your rules. Be a good role model also for him to follow. But if he really breaks the rules, you have to impose sanctions and make him suffer the consequences.

Minor child misbehaviors may be ignored but if done too much, controlling it is imperative. Communication is an effective factor in this situation. Explain to the child that his behavior is not right and that rules are not met. But if extreme misbehavior is done frequently, something drastic have to be done. There is a saying that sparing the rod will spoil a child. Although there are plenty of debates on this matter, some professionals are saying that doing it in a fair manner can give positive results. Don’t hesitate to seek for advice on this issue.

Laying a hand on your kid for extreme misbehavior but doing it while showing your love and care may be effective. Be more consistent in your imposition of disciplinary actions and results will be expected. But you have to notice also the positive behavior that is shown.

Be firm in disciplining your child. Be clear and consistent also so that everything will be clear from the start. Having set your rules and explaining the boundaries, it will be clear to the child that there are limitations to what they can do. But there are kids also who have attitudes that need to be straightened. These are the kind of kids who will attempt to test you.

Try to discipline your child with love to end this power struggle. When an exchange of words has started, then these could be a start of relationship problems. This can end in two ways. The child can have his way and the parent loses or the parents will firmly impose discipline and will be good for the child’s future.

Disciplining your child means explaining to him why there are rules set and the need for him to follow those. It will be good also if you will listen to his inputs. It must be made clear that he has to take responsibilities in his behavior and consequences are imposed if rules are broken.

Good discipline is being consistent, persistent, and imposing something drastic if rules are not met. Don’t hesitate to use drastic things but don’t forget also to seek advice to see if there is really a need to do these.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Effective Parenting and Abusive or Obnoxious Children

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When you’re a parent, other people who don’t have kids tend to think of you as an expert. But you really aren’t an expert out of the gate, are you? Generally, a parent’s basic understanding about parenting is based upon how they were brought up by their parents. Or, they are influenced by the kind of environment they’ve grown up in.

Walking in your parent’s shoes, and following what the people in your neighborhood think about parenting isn’t really the best path to effective parenting. Your child is the best person to consult if you want to become the right parent to your child.

One line in the movie Forrest Gump is, “Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. This also applies to parenting. You never know what type of child you will have, but you still have to be the right parent for him.

As a parent, you would always think of your child as your ideal child. You want your child to fit into your “my ideal child” checklist, which you keep right beside your “my ideal spouse” checklist, right? More often than not, your child doesn’t fit these idealistic expectations. In fact, sometimes they may seem to be the exact opposite from ideal. When this happens, you have to be able to respond appropriately.

When you continue to parent your child like he’s the ideal child, you’re encouraging your child’s bad behavior. That’s why when your child starts acting out, you have to address it as soon as possible.

You cannot eat soup with fork. Similarily, you must use the right tools or develop the right skills, to parent your specific child. There are seminars, online forums and specialists that can help you find out more about your child’s behavior. You can also visit the website for The Total Transformation by James Lehman for handling aggressive, verbally abusive children who behave badly.

Everyone can become a good parent to their children, but not everyone succeeds in becoming an effective parent. When you let your child get away with not doing his homework because he had a bad day, that doesn’t make you a bad parent. But it doesn’t make you an effective parent either. Effective parenting is about doing what’s right for your child.

So don’t settle for being a good parent. Become an effective parent instead.

Looking to fix your problem child? I highly suggest you check this out: The Total Transformation Program. I don’t think this will last long, but you can actually grab a free copy of the program right now. Get it free here..

Save Over $300 On The Total Transformation Program with their Feedback Offer

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If you are a parent dealing with an abusive or defiant child, this may be of interest to you.

There is a program called “The Total Transformation Program” by James Lehman. It helps parents with serious problems regarding their child’s behavior. I’ve gone through all of the material and I agree it is a great course.

Sure, it is definitely not the only course available for these problems, but I do like it a lot, and it’s a whole lot better than doing nothing. If you do nothing, you’ll keep getting the same (poor) results. That’s not what you want.

Anyway, back to the whole point of this article. The company behind The Total Transformation Program has put out an incredible offer. If you give them feedback on the program they will refund you the purchase price of the product.

As parenting products go, it’s fairly expensive. It usually has a price tag of over $300, broken down into three payments of $109. So if you go through the feedback process, you get a great program for no money. Awesome deal.

Is there a catch? Not really, but there are some things you need to know. First of all, the advertising says it will take you about 30 minutes to do feedback per lesson. With 9 total feedback forms to fill out, that’s about 4.5 hours of time. When you look at it this way it sounds daunting.

Let’s look at it from another angle. How much time do you spend trying to solve poor child behavior now? How much emotional stress is it causing your family? I bet it’s a lot.

And how about this: The savings of providing feedback works out to about $80 per hour for you. I calculated that by looking at the money you save versus the time you need to invest in filling out feedback forms. Most people make less than that at their day jobs!

Also, be aware that you need to make the first monthly payment when you buy the program. You are then given three whole months to submit the feedback forms. That’s less than 30 minutes per week in terms of your effort. Hardly a big deal!

There has to be a downside, right? Not really. They used to offer a 30-day free trial but now you don’t have an option to return it. You buy the course and then get your money back if you do your part by providing feedback. To me that seems like a better deal.

There are only 1000 copies available to be given out for free, so you definitely should take action now before they get rid of this offer.

Is this too good to be true? I actually don’t think so. You know how those mail-in-rebate offers work, right? They count on people not bothering to do the minor work required to get their rebate. So if you do the work, you save the money. You control your ability to beat the odds.

In order to take action on this free offer, click here.

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