Archive for 'abusive kid'

Defiant Kids

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Please take some time to read the latest post on our website. This article on defiant kids will explore angles that may be causing children to defy authority at home. If you have been seeking answers to your kid’s defiant behavior, this latest article of ours might just be able to provide you with some. More techniques in dealing with defiance can be learned from Total Transformation – the at home child behavior change program by Dr. James Lehman. You can get the program for free if you fill out a survey form.

Transforming a Disrespectful Child

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If you want to transform a disrespectful child without ever having to drag him or her to a therapist’s office, then you might be interested in our latest post on our website. This article written by a parent just like you would prove to be an informative and helpful read especially if you already feel powerless about your situation at home. Visit myproblemchild.net and check out the article Transforming a Disrespectful Child now. Also, if you want to learn the skills needed to handle and turn around a disrespectful child by yourself, we highly recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. It can be yours for free if you fill out a feedback survey.

Jump Start Your Kid’s Homework

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There are kids who are very into their schoolwork that the moment they reach home, they sit right in front of their books and get on with their assignments without being told. Unlike most kids, these kids finish their work with minimal input from their parents. And if they find something that they do not understand, they ask their parents for help without much hassle.

While there are kids who love school and learning, most kids dislike the idea of making assignments. These kids quickly shift from one mood to another and they are totally negative when it comes to making assignments. When they find something confusing, they end up complaining and feeling frustrated.

In order to prevent their kids from throwing a fit, some parents do their children’s assignments instead. Children with poor frustration tolerance makes homework a subject for argument, and in order to avoid that parents end up answering their child’s math problems. To keep a positive air at home, some parents do the actual work for their kids.

This practice however, is counterproductive. Parents can help their kids, but they should not be the ones making the actual assignments. If your child gets easily bored or tired by his assignments, there are some things that you can do to perk your child up and establish a positive attitude towards learning.

In order for you to let your child see the positive side of making assignments, you should give him his own world where he can do his assignments. Make sure that your child has his own study area at home that is free from any distractions. Make sure that it is conducive for learning as well – it is well-lit, organized, and filled with references like books and encyclopedias, and so on.

You also have to make sure that your child follows a certain routine when it comes to making assignments. You should set up a time for making assignments and make it the same every single day. Once the time is set, see to it that your child sticks to it until he makes a habit out of it. Remember, kids find things running in a structure less frustrating than random practices.

But the most important thing that you should remember is by giving your child a head start every time he finds something confusing in his assignment. Say for example your child is tasked to write a biography about some historical figure. If you feel that your child finds the subject difficult, give him the first few sentences of the biography and let him finish it on his own.

When you give your child a head start, you are helping him do his homework without over functioning. Not only that, you are also letting your child make his own decisions as to how his assignment should go.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Talk Back. Check on the link for more information.

How to Stay Focused in Disciplining Your Child

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Although it is not a matter to celebrate, it is a reality that a lot of parents out there are being held hostage by their abusive children. Some mothers even dread bringing their sons and daughters at the mall because they know they will end up buying anything their children want, just to avoid being humiliated by their kids in public.

When parents feel powerless against their kids, the typical ending is giving in to their children’s every whim. But the thing is, when parents respond to their kids’ unacceptable behavior by backing down they are not actually providing solution to the problem. Instead, they are encouraging their child’s behavior because they are letting their child feel superior over them.

Children continue to abuse their parents because they know that at some point, their parents will give in. When your child starts to make a scene at the mall and what you do is buy him what he wants to make him shut up and stop humiliating you, you are actually sending him a message that misbehavior works.

If you do not respond to your child in an effective way every time he makes a scene in public, you are letting him create a pattern of behavior where he learns to blackmail you to give in to his qualms. When you give in to your child’s tantrums and public outbursts, you are encouraging his thinking of “Give me what I want or I will humiliate you”.

Buying your son the robot that he wants when he starts yelling and screaming in public is actually strengthening his wrong behavior. Every time you reward him, you are like telling your child not to change and not to mature. Every time you give in to their tantrums, you are making that portion of your child’s personality valid and accepted.

But perhaps giving a screaming child what he wants is the easiest way to make him stop, what with all the things that we have to think about. Especially when we start to get into a long argument with our child in public, our minds can easily jump from one concern to another. So what can we do in order to stay focused?

If you find it hard to stay focused whenever your child throws a tantrum, it will help if you write down your concerns in an index card and keep referring to it. You can have two or three things on this card, and carry it with you at all times or when you go to a place where your child is likely to make a scene if you fail to give in to his demands.

Doing this will certainly help you keep your focus whenever you and one of your abusive kids gets into an argument or whenever he tries to distract you off the topic with his yells and screams.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Take One Issue at a Time

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Giving consequences to abusive kids, especially when they are approaching adolescence has always been one of the biggest challenges to all parents. In fact, some parents give up and seize trying out of hopelessness and frustration. There are kids that no matter how hard their parents try, they still continue their unacceptable behavior or even get worse.

Most parents will certainly agree that finding the right consequences as well as the right privileges, and following through with them, is one of the hardest part of disciplining children. Although there are a lot of things that you can take away from your child in reality, parents usually find themselves powerless and with limited choices.

So what should parents do in order to teach kids who talk back appropriate behavior? If your daughter talks back, what should you do? If you tell your son that you are going to take away his iPod for a week if he does not get an A at his upcoming math test and he tells you, “You can try”, what should do?

First, you have to make it clear to your child that there is definitely no excuse for abuse, verbal and physical. Let your child know that in your home, any form of abuse is not tolerated. If your child continues to refuse the consequences, make things clear by saying, “Arguing with me like this is not going to change the rules. You know what you need to do right now.” Then walk away.

Always remember not to engage in a power struggle with your child, because once you do, things will get more complicated and out of hand. Engaging in a power struggle with your child is a trap that will give him a sense of control, something that he has been trying to get.

The key to properly disciplining your child, regardless of age is by focusing on one thing at a time. Yes as parents it is completely understandable to have a long list of things that you want to change or you want your child to do differently. But be realistic, attacking someone with every little thing that they are doing wrong will not make them change.

If you tell your child everything that he is doing wrong at one blow, he will be overwhelmed and will choose to stop trying altogether. Choose one or two at the most, of the most “alarming” behavior that you want to change in your child then focus on the skills to improve, the consequences to use, and the means of encouraging those new skills.

One way to help abusive kids improve is by teaching them to solve one problem at a time, so focus in on one thing: doing homework, cleaning the room, saying “thank you”. When you see your child improving on those areas, move on to the next behavior and so on.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

Setting Long Term Goals with Your Kids

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Unfortunately, not many parents realize the importance of teaching their kids to set goals at a young age, perhaps because goal setting is often seen as a practice done by adults only.

We were all kids at one point of our lives, so we know that kids would rather spend all day running around and playing under the sun or hang out with friends instead of doing something serious like setting goals. So unsurprisingly, kids do not appreciate how important goal setting is as well.

If you are one of those parents, it is not too late. It is your role to guide your children and set goals, and teach them the importance of achieving it. You cannot really expect their schoolteachers to teach them this, because generally what they are after are grades and examinations. This is where you, the parent, comes in. You should not only teach your kids to be book smart, you also have to train them to become well rounded individuals.

In teaching your kids to set goals, be careful about suggesting deadlines or time limits. You might not be aware of it, but the way adults see time can be extremely different from the point of view of a 7-year old. Keep in mind that for a child, two weeks can be a painfully long time. Be sensitive to the age of your child when you talk to him about time frames.

Most of the time, it helps if you let your child write down their goals or do the writing yourself when they are still too young to write. But when your child already knows how to write, do not just let him write the goals, but include why the goal is important and what will happen if the goal is achieved.

But the most important thing to remember of all is to let your children be the ones to think of the ideas for their own goals, as much as possible. If you want to make suggestions, make sure to be sensitive with their age and interests.

If you decide for your child, the goals will most likely be short term instead of long term. If you feel that the goal is too big for your child to accomplish just yet, you can try and break it into mini-goals so that they can see progress quickly, even on a daily basis if possible.

You have to help your child achieve the goal; work with him, but do not take over. Just make sure you get involved enough so that your child will feel your support and your interest, but be careful no to let her think that you want to do it for her.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Family Business Is Real Business

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Everything I learned about business is all thanks to my father. He gave me my first job. He hired me to work for him in the family business. I was in college back then and the prospect of having extra money aside from the allowance I get sounded like a really sweet deal. Indeed it was and I can’t thank him enough. My first job was as a disbursement officer. What I do is compute salaries of employees and create weekly payrolls. Then I handed the paychecks each weekend. It was quite an easy task for someone who was studying as a Management major. I didn’t really dive into the whole taxation scene because I felt that I wasn’t ready for that yet.

After years of working for my dad, I realized now why he had hired me. It wasn’t for the extra money he wanted to give me because he could have supported me financially without me doing anything for him. I know now that he wanted me to learn. He wanted to teach me the ways of the family business. He wanted me to be part of it.

A lot of family members get hired to work for a family business for reasons such as trust and confidence that can easily be obtained from those of your own flesh and blood, the responsibilities and commitments that a family members gets to fully understand in due time, the taxes that can be lowered and savings from health insurances, and even social security issues and the like.

It was when I applied for a position in a private company that I first came across the subject of employee retention. The Human Resource Manages of the company was trying so hard to explain it that it asked myself why it is so important for a company. I even questioned how difficult could it be to hire someone competent enough and be assured of his or her loyalty to the company. But it only lead me to realize that not a lot of people get the chance to work for a family business and know the real deal about dedication and honesty.

The thing with having to learn from your parents is that you are taught in a whole new different way. You don’t learn for bonuses and incentives but you do it out of love and respect. What happens is that you tend to disregard everything else if you are doing something for the family business. From experience, I can say that even if I were asked to do something very late or too early in the morning, it wouldn’t be a problem because I am doing it for the family. Try doing it for your boss from a private company. It’s not going to be the same.

Also when money matters come in and financial issues rise, as an employee of the family business, there is a great chance that you will even offer to work for free just to help out. These things don’t happen to private companies a lot of times and sometimes never. That’s the main difference being an employee for a family business versus an employee of a private company. You are more concerned, more affected, and more understanding when it comes to times or turmoil. This is because you have the “heart” and we are talking about family.

Another similar thing is how parents impart wisdom and educate their children about the business compared to how managers just tell their subordinates what to do and what not to do. Obviously parents want to teach kids a thing or two about the business in the hopes that one day they will be able to run it effectively. If an employee of a private firm messes up, they will just find a replacement for that person, but you simply can’t find a replacement for your own children.

The success of a family business all boils down to everyone who is working hard for it. For family members, it is easier to fix any disagreements among themselves. They can even develop openness in their communication and foster work ethics with each other with compassion and tolerance. I know this for sure because of first hand experience and this is probably the chief reason why I have a personal preference of working for the family business and I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to do so.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

Treat Your Home Like a Business: How to Tell Your Kids NO

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Most parents believe that every rule needs to be explained thoroughly to their kids in order for them to understand and follow. Although this works fine for certain circumstances, going beyond one instance of explaining your decision might pave the way for more serious problems. Letting your child understand every decision and every reason that you have can easily turn to wanting their approval.

This could lead you into a very dangerous cycle of over-explaining every little thing to your kids. At work, did you hear your boss over-explain his decision about not allowing employees sleep while on duty? Have you heard about a CEO sitting beside the janitor, explaining the reason why he needs the office clean at all times? That is why most experts recommend that if you have already given your child an explanation once, repeating everything for the second time is not necessary.

Evaluate your relationship with your kid, have you been frequently explaining your rules and your reasons every time your child disagrees with you? If so, then you probably have kept talking to your kid every time a misunderstanding occurs – a clear indication that you have been defending your own decisions to your child, right in your own home.

If unnoticed, this habit usually grows with the child. You will soon find yourself compromising some more to your kid, and even changing the rules in favor of your kid every time he disagrees. Be reminded that when you over-elaborate your decisions to your child, you are training him NOT to follow your rules.

Always be firm; when you tell your child, “No, we will buy that on your birthday” at the toy store, and he keeps insisting that you should buy it now, and you give in after a while buying him the toy eventually, you just trained your child not to value your decision.

Remember that when you give in to your child’s whim even when already said no earlier, you are grooming him to break the rules, your rules. Of course, that is not what you want.

When you do not stand by your “no”, this is what happens – when you say “no” to your kids, they will think that you are just letting them challenge your authority, the punishment that you set, or the responsibilities that they have. When you explain yourself to your child over and over and end up doing what he wants, you are trying to be successful at allowing your child to overpower you without even knowing.

In order to avoid that, it is then necessary that you show your child certain limits that he is not to violate. These limits could be as minor as setting a curfew to saying, “No cartoons before homework”. Setting these rules sans the over-explaining habit lets your child realize the value of being told “no”.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Guide: The Concrete Transactions Dilemma

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The use of concrete transactions is another practice that children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior look into. Parents will find this certain practice quite interesting because basically it involves how kids see themselves and the roles they and their parents have with each other.

A concrete transaction is a name for a way of thinking about things in which relationships are vehicles or mediums for achieving an end goal. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, the end goal usually displeases the parent because it involves things that publicize the bad behavior of the kid.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive children make use of concrete transactions to build a relationship with someone designed to help get around the rules. These relationships can be with a peer, friend, or even the parent. Rules are seen as obstacles to concrete transactions and to the relationships that are formed.

Kids will consider rules as obstacles no matter what. Kids who grow up to be followers are the kids that get around the rules by compliance. Diplomat-type kids are the ones who get around the rules through negotiation. But the bad, obnoxious and abusive kids see rules as high walls. They don’t want to pole-volt over the wall; they simply want to run around to get over the other side. This means they want to get around that obstacle so the only way for them to do this is by forming relationships with others to help them achieve that end goal.

Children like these will only be concerned with getting around obstacles. That mind set warrants the notion or idea that kids like these will create relationships and do just about anything to get around the rules. Rules, for them are obstacles thus rules are guidelines children’s behavior and to obtain power.

The loyalty issue is a really big matter for children. With once instance they can cast you aside and treat you like an enemy when you don’t help them overcome obstacles. Relationships based on concrete transactions aren’t relationships at all, they are just roles being filled that is why it is so easy for them to cast off people they know.

Parents should not be misled that they should get on the good side with their children by becoming their best friend. These are all false beliefs. Children already have a plethora of friends and best friends to choose from. Parents should serve as mentors, guides, and teachers to their children.

The best way of being a friend to your child is to become a good parent to him/her. Since children vary on how they define friendship and friends it would be the best option for a guardian. Children think of friends as the people who get committed and will really follow through to the end on their distorted ideas. Would you prefer the friendship you’ve established with your child over your thoughts on honesty, obedience, and morality among others? Definitely not. You can be your child’s best friend, but you cannot be both a best friend and a good parent at the same time.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to consider checking out The Total Transformation Program to get helpful parenting tips and resources.

Parenting Enemies: The One-Way Boundaries of Obnoxious and Abusive Kids

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Boundaries are used to mark dividing lines and define limits. Boundaries make separations clear. There are lots of things that need separations or dividing lines like property, territory, and even feelings and attitudes towards other people. These are what we call natural boundaries or personal boundaries that we use to protect ourselves from unwanted feelings. But when are these boundaries harmful?

Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior often employ the use of one-way boundaries at the home setting. One-way boundaries are interesting things because bad, obnoxious and abusive children subconsciously engage in this type of practice by being oppressive and discourteous to other people’s boundaries. But at the same time, they feel violated themselves when other people invade their boundaries or private space.

Searching their sibling’s rooms for toys, taking money from your hanged up jeans pocket, or listening over your phone conversations, these kids will do all that and more. Sounds harmless right? But these are actually problems in child behavior so you should be worried as a parent.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive kids who employ the use of one-way boundaries feel violated when you listen outside their room. They feel uneasy when you hover over them on the phone and will even accuse you of trespassing when you go into their room to check out something like searching for your lost phone or pocket money.

Kids with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior cannot see for a second that they’re being obsessively territorial when it comes to one-way boundaries. When it’s beneficial for their part, they can’t accept the fact that you had to invade their privacy because of some violation they did to you or to others. This is how one-way boundaries work.

Kids also deserve the right to privacy. But when you start to suspect that they might be doing misbehavior then that’s a whole different story. They don’t get the right to privacy if you suspect them to be doing drugs or stealing things. You have all the right to enforce that authority since it involves the child’s well-being.

If you have a feeling that your child is engaging in bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior, it is best that you acquaint yourself with how these kids usually behave. Children that take on bad characteristics and practices such as one-way boundaries get upset when you eavesdrop on their phone calls; they fight with their siblings over gifts and presents; and they even blame or accuse you of stealing when they catch you inside their room without consent.

Obnoxious and abusive kids want you to respect their boundaries but are irrespective and discourteous of other people’s boundaries. For these children, they believe that they can do whatever business they want with you but you can’t return the favor. Parents should be aware and should prepare themselves of the possible conflicts that could arise with children like these.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to check out The Total Transformationprogram for parents. It’s really excellent.