Everybody gets mad at one point or another. You come home tired from work and you see that your house is a mess, you get mad. Your husband sees a scratch on his car, he turns red with anger. Never expect your teenager not to be angry about anything. He is human after all and, like us, he is also susceptible to this emotion. This is considered to be normal. This is how your subconscious mind releases emotional and mental pressure. However, not being able to control anger is not normal.

This could be the case in most teenagers. They let their anger get the best of them. They shout, curse, throw things or slam doors. If they turn their anger inwards, they become very depressed. In some cases, these teens turn violent. It could be directed to another person or to themselves. It is important that you help your teen manage his anger. This way he will also feel that you care enough and love him enough.

Bear in mind that teenagers have a lot of emotional issues at this age. There’s the issue of identity, then separation and let’s not forget relationships. Parent and child relationship also changes as the child grows older and becomes more independent.

All this can be confusing and frustrating for your child and therefore it leads to anger. If you don’t know how to react or respond to your child, the situation can get worse. You are not supposed to suppress your child’s anger, just help him control it.

Identify what triggers his anger. When your teenager has calmed down, talk to him in a way that won’t make him angry again. Ask him what happened. Why did he get angry? Dig deeper because the cause of his anger at that moment may not be the cause of his anger in general. Help him identify what the real issue is.

Know the underlying feelings in your teen. Ask him why it made him so mad when his friend was late or when he was clumsy earlier in the day. This will reveal the root of the emotion. Fear, loneliness, and or shame are emotions that need to be addressed as soon as possible, before it gets out of hand.

When you have identified what the problem is, ask your child how he can do this differently the next time it happens or what he can do to prevent it from happening at all. Make him realize that he has the power to prevent those kinds of things from happening. Do this with a gentle tone. Sometimes, without intending to or unknowingly, your voice sounds accusing or you sound like you are blaming your teen for the situation. Teens will react negatively to this. Believe me, I have done that.

As a doting parent, you want to give your teen the tools that could aid him in having a better future filled with love and happiness. Making the effort to help your teen is also helping yourself. If your teen reaches adulthood without dealing with his issues, there is a chance that he won’t be successful and you know that this will hurt you more.

For more advice on managing your angry teen, I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.