Archive for 'Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder'

Following the Single-Issue Structure

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Contrary to the common excitement of most parents, they are some parents who feel worried instead of thrilled whenever a new school year begins. The start of the school year does not mean shopping for new notebooks and fitting new uniforms for some parents. Instead, it means another year of fights and arguments about getting homework done and about not cutting classes by their obnoxious children.

Every parent dreams of a successful son or daughter, and one way to make sure of that success is by having a good education. That is why the moment a teenage daughter back talk something like, “This assignment is so stupid. I’m not doing it!”, it causes an alarm. Most especially if a son tells his dad with confidence, “I don’t need a degree. A lot of people have great jobs without going to college!”

If you want to keep your children from having this kind of thinking, then you should start teaching your kids responsibility and the value of education while still young. Keep your eye on this single issue and work on it by helping your child make a habit out of it – impose a house rule about study time, doing homework, going to bed early during school day and so on. When you constantly remind your child about these things while still young, he will carry this on as he grows older.

However, do not expect it to be easy. You will have to go a series of “but I’m tired mom”, “I don’t understand, can we do it tomorrow?”, “It’s so hard, do it for me”, “I hate math!”, “This is so stupid, I don’t want to do it”, “The deadline is still on Friday, I’ll do it on Thursday”, “My teacher doesn’t know what she’s saying, I don’t want to do this” before you can actually instill the values in your child’s head.

In order to avoid falling into those traps, think of something that will make him do it without resorting into a power struggle. Find a way to make your child do it without actually telling him to.

You can tell him, “You can only watch cartoons if you finish your homework.” Or if he wants to eat that pie on the fridge, tell him, “I will let you eat one slice of pie if you answer your math exercises first.”

Creating a situation where your child is unable to get what he wants unless he does what he is supposed to do is one effective way of teaching kids the lessons that they need to learn. “I’ll be at the living room with your assignment until you’re ready to do them.”

Setting a condition like this and focusing on the issue will let your child learn to be responsible and eventually like doing schoolwork. With help like that, you are letting your child accomplish something without giving him a chance to back talk.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Talk Back. Check on the link for more information.

Ways to Discourage Kids from Justifying Their Behavior

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Every parent will arrive in that point where confronting a teenage son will be necessary. Say for example you are concerned about your children getting into bad vices and hanging out with bad company. So you ask him one night, “Charlie, are you smoking?”

Releasing something as huge as this can lead your child to react in two ways, either he denies the behavior like what most teenagers do and tells you, “What? Of course not”, which brings up a concern for honesty and lying; or your son can admit it to you pointblank but with a certain flaw, “Yes I smoke, but all my friends does it so it’s normal.”

What your son did was not just give you an excuse; he was also trying to justify his behavior. Children tend to do this because they believe that if they can justify their actions, that makes it okay. So next time you ask your daughter why she pierced her nose, expect an answer that goes something like, “Everybody does it mom, so relax.”

A child trying to justify his behavior is a child who does not know the value of responsibility and accountability. If you tolerate your child with all his justifications, you are allowing him to think that he can do anything he wants without consequences.

Part of being a parent is the duty of teaching your kids to certain boundaries and limitations. That is why you need to discourage your kids from making justifications of their actions as early as possible. And the best way to do that is by teaching them two important values: accountability and responsibility.

The first thing that you need to do in order to build a home that upholds accountability and responsibility is by making sure that you have a positive relationship with your kids. Spend quality time with them and try to strengthen a good relationship with them. You will not be able to teach your children anything valuable if they don’t trust you or anything that you say.

You can also teach your kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions if you give them assigned tasks regularly. You will be more effective and teaching them how to be responsible if you give them a routine, perhaps a weekly or a daily task. Try giving your kids daily or weekly tasks, even something as simple as changing the sheets or putting the trash out.

But the best way that you can teach your kids to be responsible is by showing them yourself. How can you tell them to be responsible if you are not showing them that you are responsible as well? If you really want your kids to learn how important owning up to their mistakes and being responsible for their actions are, then it should start with you first.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

How to Stay Focused in Disciplining Your Child

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Although it is not a matter to celebrate, it is a reality that a lot of parents out there are being held hostage by their abusive children. Some mothers even dread bringing their sons and daughters at the mall because they know they will end up buying anything their children want, just to avoid being humiliated by their kids in public.

When parents feel powerless against their kids, the typical ending is giving in to their children’s every whim. But the thing is, when parents respond to their kids’ unacceptable behavior by backing down they are not actually providing solution to the problem. Instead, they are encouraging their child’s behavior because they are letting their child feel superior over them.

Children continue to abuse their parents because they know that at some point, their parents will give in. When your child starts to make a scene at the mall and what you do is buy him what he wants to make him shut up and stop humiliating you, you are actually sending him a message that misbehavior works.

If you do not respond to your child in an effective way every time he makes a scene in public, you are letting him create a pattern of behavior where he learns to blackmail you to give in to his qualms. When you give in to your child’s tantrums and public outbursts, you are encouraging his thinking of “Give me what I want or I will humiliate you”.

Buying your son the robot that he wants when he starts yelling and screaming in public is actually strengthening his wrong behavior. Every time you reward him, you are like telling your child not to change and not to mature. Every time you give in to their tantrums, you are making that portion of your child’s personality valid and accepted.

But perhaps giving a screaming child what he wants is the easiest way to make him stop, what with all the things that we have to think about. Especially when we start to get into a long argument with our child in public, our minds can easily jump from one concern to another. So what can we do in order to stay focused?

If you find it hard to stay focused whenever your child throws a tantrum, it will help if you write down your concerns in an index card and keep referring to it. You can have two or three things on this card, and carry it with you at all times or when you go to a place where your child is likely to make a scene if you fail to give in to his demands.

Doing this will certainly help you keep your focus whenever you and one of your abusive kids gets into an argument or whenever he tries to distract you off the topic with his yells and screams.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Take One Issue at a Time

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Giving consequences to abusive kids, especially when they are approaching adolescence has always been one of the biggest challenges to all parents. In fact, some parents give up and seize trying out of hopelessness and frustration. There are kids that no matter how hard their parents try, they still continue their unacceptable behavior or even get worse.

Most parents will certainly agree that finding the right consequences as well as the right privileges, and following through with them, is one of the hardest part of disciplining children. Although there are a lot of things that you can take away from your child in reality, parents usually find themselves powerless and with limited choices.

So what should parents do in order to teach kids who talk back appropriate behavior? If your daughter talks back, what should you do? If you tell your son that you are going to take away his iPod for a week if he does not get an A at his upcoming math test and he tells you, “You can try”, what should do?

First, you have to make it clear to your child that there is definitely no excuse for abuse, verbal and physical. Let your child know that in your home, any form of abuse is not tolerated. If your child continues to refuse the consequences, make things clear by saying, “Arguing with me like this is not going to change the rules. You know what you need to do right now.” Then walk away.

Always remember not to engage in a power struggle with your child, because once you do, things will get more complicated and out of hand. Engaging in a power struggle with your child is a trap that will give him a sense of control, something that he has been trying to get.

The key to properly disciplining your child, regardless of age is by focusing on one thing at a time. Yes as parents it is completely understandable to have a long list of things that you want to change or you want your child to do differently. But be realistic, attacking someone with every little thing that they are doing wrong will not make them change.

If you tell your child everything that he is doing wrong at one blow, he will be overwhelmed and will choose to stop trying altogether. Choose one or two at the most, of the most “alarming” behavior that you want to change in your child then focus on the skills to improve, the consequences to use, and the means of encouraging those new skills.

One way to help abusive kids improve is by teaching them to solve one problem at a time, so focus in on one thing: doing homework, cleaning the room, saying “thank you”. When you see your child improving on those areas, move on to the next behavior and so on.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

Bigger Hammers Develop Bigger Nails: Why Parents Should Not Take Things Personally

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Our children spend at least half of their lives living with us, watching our every move every day. We might not be aware of it, but as they grow our children also absorbs the things that make us tick, both in good and bad ways. Kids are very adaptive of their environment, so do not be surprised to hear your daughter answer back with the most overwhelming argument.
Perhaps it is inherent to all parents to try and control their emotions, even bite their tongue as much as they can. However,
some parents can only hold their temper for so long and release a sleeping monster within. If you are one of the many parents who struggle so hard with keeping their emotions as manageable as possible, you might find this read interesting and helpful.

Losing your temper easily translates into shouting at your kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, increasing the consequences beyond necessary, and depriving them of their basic needs such as dinners to serve as a punishment.

Tension happens between parent and child almost every day, about almost everything – from getting dressed, finishing their potatoes, not sticking with the rules, to being verbally disrespectful. As children become teenagers, the problems escalate into issues concerning socializing, behavior outside the house, helping with household chores, and dishonesty.

The ultimate reason why parents get easily mad when their kids do not follow what they say is that they get trapped in power struggles with their kids. When you allow yourself to be eaten by power struggle, regardless of your child’s age, your emotions will be harder to control and you will find it more difficult to get out of the struggle.

Come to think of it – if losing temper was an effective parenting strategy, all parents in the world would be problem-free. All we have to do is to wait until our child gets into our nerves, yell at him for a while, and he goes out of the house a changed kid.

Losing your temper and taking things personally does not work. It is ineffective because the root of the problem gets lost in the heat of the argument, and it is left unsolved after all energy has been used for yelling and screaming. When you get angry, instead of learning the essential problem solving skill, your child gets nothing but power thrusts from you.

Think of it this way: if your child misbehaves and all you do is get a bigger hammer to correct his mistake, your child will grow and become a bigger nail. Understand that learning how to solve problems and control emotions is what your child needs to get out of childhood. If you do not teach him that, who will?

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

Monkey See Monkey Do: Teaching Kids by Example

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All parents feel the need to provide as much as they can for their kids. It is the law of nature; every parent should look after and take care of their young. That is why the moment a child is born, parents automatically make the decision of becoming great parents in all ways possible.

When new parents hit the bookstore to find a few parenting books they could refer to, that is Mother Nature in action. Most first time parents research piles and piles of books and heaps of internet articles just to know as much as they can about good parenting. It is every parent’s dream to transform their little bundle of joy into a responsible, mature, and hard working adult. But how can they do that?

If you try to compare the things that parenting books, magazines, and internet articles about parenting, you will see a common theme among the entries. However, there is also one common thing that these sources often oversee – the importance of our example.

Actually, our example is perhaps the best tool that we have in teaching our kids to be decent adults. Most parents believe that telling their kids to “do as I say, not as I do” is enough, but almost always that statement is confusing for kids and will be downright ineffective. And no matter how much you try to set the differences between the two, kids will always do what they see.

We all know that language formation among children has been well researched. If a child encounters a new language at a young age, it is highly possible that the child will learn, speak, and understand that particular without flaw. This happens because the language was learned at the time when the human brain is still fresh filled with neurons ready to fire to create new pathways of communication.

The same principle applies for learning the important values in life like respect and honesty. These things are best learned when the child is still at a young age and is open to make new connections. So if you want to tell your 5-year old daughter that you want her to pick up her toys and put them in its proper place, make sure that your room and your computer at home is properly arranged as well.

You tell your son that it is wrong to hit his younger brother, but you belt them hard when they do something unacceptable. You tell your daughter that she should finish her homework and go to bed early, yet you watch TV all day until you fall asleep in the couch.

Teach your kids the important values while they are still young, and do it by setting a good example. Any lesson that we want to teach our children, we must first do ourselves.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

Giving Your Kids Logical Boundaries

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If you are at the brink of losing your wits because your kids simply won’t listen to anything you say, knowing that you are not alone might make you feel a little better. Almost all parents find it difficult, in one way or another, to control their kids at a certain point. That is why most parents look for help as to how a parent can better handle their kids.

Any reference will tell you that the best way to discipline a child is by giving out firm, yet flexible and logical consequences. The parenting strategy of giving logical consequences will transform your life and how your children behave, and you will realize that being a parent is not that hard after all.

Parents need to know that at any age, all kids thrive on consistency and a feeling of security. As they grow, they want to test the limits and it is your job as a parent to let them know that there are certain boundaries to what they are allowed to do.

Setting limits is never an easy thing to do, especially if you want your kids to effectively learn from the logical consequences of the behaviors and choices that they make. You need to remember that disciplining your kids does not necessarily mean having an iron fist, for it can be done from a positive and loving perspective. Here are some examples of the better consequences that you can give your kids in certain situations.

Most parents struggle with setting a certain bedtime routine for their kids, resulting to an inevitable fight between parent and child whenever the latter refuses to go to bed at the agreed time.

One way to get around that problem is set a bedtime with a consistent routine that leads to the child being in his or her bedroom with firm expectations that he or she is to stay there, settle down and fall asleep. Although it would be impossible to force your kids to sleep, you can allow your kids certain “freedom” – lights on or lights off or a bedtime story of their choice – if they stay in the room until they fall asleep.

Setting a regular time for meals facilitate both good food choices as well as good table manners. Plan a list of meals where everybody in the family contributes during the preparation or cleaning up after meals. And if someone behaves improperly at the table, present the logical consequence of missing the meal or not joining the fun during preparation and clean up.

Every parent wants to raise responsible, self-confident and happy children. As long as your kids understand their limitations and that the consequences you set are flexible, reaching that goal will not be that hard.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

The Right Approach to Kids’ Lying

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Part of being a parent is being ready to face the things that your child will go through. From the moment your child is born, he is bound to undergo a lot of changes – not just physically, but emotionally and socially as well – and you should be prepared to accept whatever challenges come along the way.

Lying is a crucial part in a child’s development. You have to be aware that all kids, at a certain point at a certain age, will experiment with lying. However, their reasons for lying are totally different from the motives of adults who lie. Kids lie not really to manipulate, but to see what things they can and cannot get away with. That is why when your kids lie to you, it would be better if you don’t make it personal.

In order to discourage your child from lying, implementing harsh punishments is the least that you can do. In fact, punishing a kid for lying is actually a form of reinforcement. So instead of spanking your child for lying, focus on the values that you want to teach. To counter the lying behavior, teach him honesty and help him get the chance to aim for it.

Say for example your son lied to your for the first time, insisting that he was telling the truth. When kids lie, most of the time they will sound really convincing, so keep your guards up. If you know that your child is lying and is trying to stand by his lie, find a way to make him realize that it is wrong without resorting to punishment.

You can tell him a story – that your hearts are actually connected by a hundred invisible little threads and that whenever he tells a lie, he cuts one of these threads cutting the connection between you two in the process.

So the more lies that he tells, the more threads are cut. And if he continues to lie, the thread will be completely destroyed and you will both be separated for good. However, if he tells the truth, the threads will grow thicker and the connection will grow stronger.

Instilling important values in children requires sincerity and warmth. Instead of beating your child to be honest, help him in any way you can to the truth. When he tells the truth, he will feel authentic. Which in turn, encourage him to tell the truth at all times.

It is the job of the parents to keep their children honest as much as possible. However, that does not imply being strict or uptight. Always be in your right mind when dealing with your kids, especially when they lie. Taking these lies personally can actually make things worse.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Be Brave about Asking Help for Your Kids

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Have you ever experienced your kid talking back at you? This may be hard to swallow but considering today’s lifestyle, this is already our reality. So many things are influencing your child’s behavior like the daily dose of violent television shows and influence of modern technology like the internet. But this should not stop you from imposing discipline to your kid. Good discipline will make a child a better person in his adult years. Nobody can take out the discipline that is already instilled in his mind and this will show in his character.

Disciplining your kid means you have to have a set of rules which he has to follow. But you have to let your child know also what you expect of him. Issue warnings if some rules are broken and follow through by encouraging your child to express his feelings about your rules. Be a good role model also for him to follow. But if he really breaks the rules, you have to impose sanctions and make him suffer the consequences.

Minor child misbehaviors may be ignored but if done too much, controlling it is imperative. Communication is an effective factor in this situation. Explain to the child that his behavior is not right and that rules are not met. But if extreme misbehavior is done frequently, something drastic have to be done. There is a saying that sparing the rod will spoil a child. Although there are plenty of debates on this matter, some professionals are saying that doing it in a fair manner can give positive results. Don’t hesitate to seek for advice on this issue.

Laying a hand on your kid for extreme misbehavior but doing it while showing your love and care may be effective. Be more consistent in your imposition of disciplinary actions and results will be expected. But you have to notice also the positive behavior that is shown.

Be firm in disciplining your child. Be clear and consistent also so that everything will be clear from the start. Having set your rules and explaining the boundaries, it will be clear to the child that there are limitations to what they can do. But there are kids also who have attitudes that need to be straightened. These are the kind of kids who will attempt to test you.

Try to discipline your child with love to end this power struggle. When an exchange of words has started, then these could be a start of relationship problems. This can end in two ways. The child can have his way and the parent loses or the parents will firmly impose discipline and will be good for the child’s future.

Disciplining your child means explaining to him why there are rules set and the need for him to follow those. It will be good also if you will listen to his inputs. It must be made clear that he has to take responsibilities in his behavior and consequences are imposed if rules are broken.

Good discipline is being consistent, persistent, and imposing something drastic if rules are not met. Don’t hesitate to use drastic things but don’t forget also to seek advice to see if there is really a need to do these.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

What is ADHD?

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What-is-ADHDADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a common disorder that develops during childhood and could continue through adolescence. It is a neuro-behavioral developmental disorder that impairs your child’s ability to function in different settings like school, home and even relationships with other children. The good news is that if given proper treatment, children with this disorder can manage their symptoms.

What are the signs of ADHD?

A child who is inattentive shows the following symptoms:

a. Easily distracted, and often goes from one activity to another.
b. Has difficulty focusing or finds it hard to keep his attention on a single task.
c. Has difficulty learning new things.
d. Has a hard time focusing on his homework if he has lost a possession that he needs to get it done (e.g., pencils, erasers).
e. Doesn’t seem to listen when talking to him.
f. Usually confused.
g. Has a hard time processing information.
h. Cannot follow instructions as easily as other children.

A child who is hyperactive shows the following symptoms:

a. Cannot sit still in school or when eating at home.
b. Talks incessantly.
c. Runs around touching anything he wants to.
d. Doesn’t do tasks quietly.
e. Can’t wait for his turn.
f. Interrupts others.

A child who is impulsive shows the following symptoms:

a. Impatient
b. Gives disrespectful comments, shows emotions without control and doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions..
c. Can’t wait for his turn when playing, or can’t wait to have what he wants.

How can ADHD be diagnosed?

There are times when parents mistake normal factors for ADHD. These symptoms usually manifest early on in your child’s life. They are difficult for parents to diagnose because each child has different symptoms. When you have seen or observed the symptoms mentioned above, you should seek professional help. This may include using the services of child psychiatrists, psychologists, behavioral pediatricians, behavioral neurologists.

I have found an at-home study program that I highly recommend for parents of problem children. It’s full of useful strategies for parents. Grab a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman who is a Behavioral Therapist. It will really help you and your child.

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