Archive for 'behavior problems'

Why Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Think That It’s Unfair And What Parents Can Do About It

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We often hear the phrase “life is not fair” from our friends and colleagues and it goes without saying that they have a pretty good reason to believe why that is true. Life will not always be a bed of roses. An ideal life story isn’t always made of walks on the beach or beautiful sunset backdrops. Life is always meant to be what it is – ideally it is a struggle. And we encounter this realization as early as our childhood.

Life seemed so unfair when we were younger. Eventually most adults learn to outgrow that demeanor. Children, however, always see things as unfair. When kids start to set their minds that life is unfair and tag everything as unfair, they also start to believe that the rules will suddenly not apply to them anymore.

There are lots of uneventful situations that we think are unfair in life like getting a speeding ticket for doing a 60 on a 55 mile per hour drive; or getting your salary deducted for being tardy just one time. We can’t do anything about these situations because rules will always be rules. Kids, with their faulty and immature reasoning skills, are more prone to stick to the injustice talk. But be warned because when kids who have bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior start to jump into the bandwagon they engage in such practices like these to avoid learning basic responsibility.

Children, despite their immaturity, are thinking for themselves so it is not far off that there is a probability of getting manipulated by them. Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior are the best con artists around.

Kids really think big and lean on the fairness issue. They are not lenient about it and taking the other side automatically makes you the enemy. For them, when you are the enemy they will stop at nothing to pin that you are being unfair to them. But it will never be a problem being unfair to others when the circumstances are favorable on their side.

Parents are oftentimes the moderators who carry out justice and settle disputes and quarrels between family members. With this in mind, it is your right as a parent to enforce authority on bad, obnoxious and abusive kids. Ask them for their homework or make them do chores when you see it fit, but expect that they would always put you on the defensive and that they will have you prove that what you’re doing and what you want them to do is fair.

The adult is put on the defensive on trying to justify what is fair and what isn’t every time the kid says it isn’t fair. But you shouldn’t be persuaded because it is just a manipulation. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, they will grab every chance they get to manipulate you and make you take their side. This is why your self-judgment as a parent and as an adult should not be tainted and should be lean on your value judgments.

Injustice in life is a given and we can’t do anything about it. We just need to deal with it and pay the price for our actions. That way, true fairness and equity is exercised. Parents should do the same in practicing the values of fairness and equity on their children even if it means becoming the enemy. If instilling proper discipline and correcting the bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior that a child has can be achieved this way, then it is definitely worth it.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, I highly recommend The Total Transformation Program as something you should investigate.

Poor Problem Solving Skills Causes Low Self-Esteem in Children

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It’s natural for parents to always want and give the best for their kids. We, as parents, would always worry what our kid’s future would be like, so we canít help but try and make their life as comfortable as possible. This is what we signed up for when we took the role of being providers for our children. But we should also remember that there has to be drawn limits between being caring parents and just mere spoon-feeders.

What our children learn from the lessons that life gives is the true measure of our success in being parents. So, when you feel that your kid has been having difficulty in facing situations or is having trouble in solving problems you need to intervene.

Parents should be aware that when kids fail at developing their problem solving skills they make up by showing bad behavior like being obnoxious or abusive to others. They do this because they don’t want to feel inadequate. If you can remember they gained these feeling of inadequacy because of their failure to solve problems. They compensate the feelings of inadequacy but in the process they develop low self-esteem. Their poor problem solving skills causes them to lack the self-esteem needed in order for them to try out solving new problems and face new challenges. In the long run, this is going to be a problem for your child and his future.

It doesn’t end there because if normal kids are in trouble, how much more are the ones with challenges or handicaps will be. They aren’t exempted from this. Which is why special children or impaired children shouldn’t be treated differently but instead they should be treated fairly like everybody else. They deserve that right of equality, not pity or worry or even false hopes. If you think about it the only free ride they’ll be getting is when they’re kids. But once they grow up, get a job and eventually have to live for themselves there isn’t going to be anyone to help them anymore.

Kids with impairments or challenges still have to obey the rules. They will still need to balance their jobs. They will still need to learn how to follow orders. They will still experience the pressures of life. As a parent, did you ever think they would be able to take in all these without difficulty? Of course they won’t. But you could at least help them by preparing them early. What if they were to break the rules, show bad or inappropriate behavior, or even abuse others? There is no excuse for rule-breaking even if you have disabilities, impairments or challenges.

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. It never has. So the best thing that every parent can do for their child is to prepare them for that. Parents should not be worried if their child is handicapped or normal because in the end it wont matter. All is fair and the sooner we help our kids learn how to properly solve problems on their own, the better. What they will learn from life gives us parents the added satisfaction.

Katherine Thompson, the author of this articles, encourages parents to check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/ for more discussions about low self-esteem development and behavior problems in children.