Archive for 'child behavior'

Oppositional Children

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We posted a new article on our website. This article on oppositional children discusses the difficulties parents have with this kind of behavior from their children and gives tips on how to be effective in handling it. Understanding that the opposition is all about the child just needing some form of power or control over himself and his surroundings can be enough to give parents an idea on how to solve the problem. Learn how to solve this problem by visiting our site now. For more techniques in dealing with difficult behavior, we also recommend you try the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. Try it now since you can get it for free if you fill out a feedback survey.

Give Your Kids Basic Directions When Doing Assignments

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Research has it that 75% of parents today fail to help their kids with their homework because they feel that they are not qualified to do so. Parents often feel unprepared, especially when the assignment is about Math or Science. Parents believe that they do not have the enough knowledge or the resources to help their kids answer their homework.

Math and Science are two very challenging subjects for kids. But when they ask help from their parents, they often get rejected because the parents themselves find the subject too complicated. Because of that, making assignments and school work in general becomes a stressful topic in some households.

However, there are some parents who are very helpful with their kids when it comes to making assignments. Most education experts even suggest that parents should always stay on top of their kid’s activities in school. But that does not mean taking over the kid’s responsibilities – parents can help their kids with school work, only up to a certain point.

Parents can help their kids do their homework by reminding them of the time and by making sure that they child’s homework gets done. But when it comes to making the actual thing, parents should stay out of it.

Doing this is something difficult for some parents. Today, parents find it hard to keep their hands off their kid’s work because of the volume of work that schools are burdening kids these days. On top of that, the current school curricula in are more complicated than the years before. That is why parents sometimes find it hard to step back.

Every parent wants his child to submit the best project in class, or write the best term paper. Parents want their kids to perfect every exam and get a high mark on every assignment. Parents often feel the need to protect their kids from making mistakes, so they end up doing the work themselves.

As a parent, you should remember that assignments are there for a reason. In order for your kids to learn, you should control yourself and refrain from doing their assignments for them. Some parents get carried away and take special classes or buy textbooks so that they can brush up on current topics. You should remember that as a parent, your role should only be your child’s “stage manager.”

Your role is to guide your kids through homework by giving basic direction. Give encouragement and show a positive attitude towards school and studying. Your job is to make sure that your child does the assignment promptly and that he has a quiet, organized, well-lit area to study and do his work. But if you really want to be there while your child works, you can do your own silent activity nearby.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

The Right Time to Give Cues: Stop Your Kids from Misbehaving Through Cues

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A lot of parents often find it hard to talk to their kids without getting into a fight. This problem in communication is usually the reason why a parent and a child get involved with a power struggle. When parents feel paralyzed when their kids give them a sarcastic and condescending tone, a screaming match is just around the corner.

In order to avoid these ugly fights, some parents resort of keeping silent and letting their kids have the say in the house. They walk on eggshells, and they ask their kids nicely instead of telling them firmly what to do. While walking on thin ice prevents arguments from happening, it is not really the solution to the problem. You have to realize that being considerate to your child is totally different from tiptoeing around your kids.

It is a fact that parents should be considerate to their children’s feelings and opinions. If your child has troubles going through something, you can be considerate in such a way that you help him overcome the challenge as smoothly as possible. Perhaps you can help in terms of adjusting the frequency and the intensity of the experience so that your child can learn to build tolerance.

Say for example your child is afraid to swim. Do you think throwing him into the pool is the best way to go? What you should do instead is to work with him in overcoming that fear. Talk to your child about the things that he finds difficult so that he builds up the tolerance for it and develops a solid base for his skills in the process.

But what if your child is very reactive in a negative way and talking seems to be not working? What you should do to stop his unacceptable behavior? Tiptoeing is definitely NOT the answer.

Tiptoeing around your child is like telling him that he can refuse his responsibilities as well as the things that he is expected to do. When you tiptoe around your kid, you are giving him the impression that he is more powerful than you and he will use that power to manipulate you in any way he can. That is why setting a limit to your child’s behavior is necessary.

There is proper way of correcting your child’s behavior, especially when he misbehaves in front of his friends or other people that you know. Yes it is your job to reprimand, but it does not include yelling or humiliating your child.

Use cues to tell your child that he is going out of line. Perhaps give him a solid stare or a sharp look to tell him, “Okay, that’s it. Stop it right there” whenever your child begins to misbehave. Remember, yelling will make things worse. But with cues, you will be able to stop your child’s misbehavior without getting into a fight.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Why You Need to Redirect the Interest of Your Kid

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Dealing with kids is not an easy task and is somewhat complicated. As parents, it is important for you to understand the concepts of the principles of growth and development because in this way it may makes the work a lot easier. You have to understand that each age level displays different behaviors. Even though the sequence of development is predictable, the parents should know how to handle the changes of behaviors.

As parent you have to have your techniques and styles on how to redirect the interest and behaviors of your child. In the case of the toddler child, No-No attitudes, and every time you want him to do something a loud NO is expected, the best thing to do is make choices for him to do as you want.

As the child grows from pre-school age to school age, you may notice that everything he does is associated with play. The activities of the child as soon as he wakes up in the morning to bed time are mostly playing, to the extent that if not monitored and followed up may even skip meals and jeopardize health. Studies are even neglected and preferred to play instead. The role of a parent here is important and difficult because for the kid play is more fun than eat properly and study the lessons.

If your kid reaches the adolescent period, the parent’s task is more challenging and much difficult because peer pressure here is more prevalent. You have to be keen observer here on any behavioral and emotional changes your kid may manifest. It is common on this stage, the school problems, like failure of grades, misdemeanors or even starts to talk back to you. Communication is a must during this age level. Active listening to your kid can make it easier to reach your kid. If open communication is developed between your kid and you since, problems is easily resolved.

Young teenagers now are easily manipulated and influenced by the surroundings, and as a parent it is you obligation to guide your kid to the right path. Though it is not easy but it is your duty as parent to make sure that your kid will have a bright future. The future of your child will depend on your proper guidance. Always know how to redirect the interest of your kid. Since your methods of guidance and discipline may not be effective at all times, then you have to look for other alternatives to make your parental roles effective.

Just make sure that when you impose rules, it must clearly explain to the kid to avoid confusion. Explain to your kid the consequences every time he misbehaves and violates the rules imposed. You have to be firmed and consistent if you start to discipline your kid. In this way your kid will learn to abide the rules at home and the laws of the society too.

To make it easier for you to redirect the interest of your kids is to develop trust. Start trusting your child by trying not to be judgmental. Let to your kid first before you give some advices and sanctions if needed. If you trust him, he will learn how to trust you also. And trust can establish a good relationship, which is very important in a family.

But most importantly, be a role model. The child can easily adapt good behaviors by examples. Remember mostly the parents are the idols of the children. The parent’s obligation to make a child to be a responsible person is a great and important task.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

The Proper Way of Talking to Your Child’s Teacher

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Part of being a parent is having to talk to your child’s teacher from time to time. So if one day your son comes home crying complaining about something school related or if you notice your child having a difficult time doing his assignments or is getting low grades then perhaps talking to his teacher is a good idea.

The day will come that your child will complain about a classmate, or a difficult subject, or the teacher herself. When that happens, your kid’s teacher is the best person to ask about what exactly is going on with your child academically.

Any parent can easily get emotional when a preschooler comes home sad and disappointed from school. But you also have to keep in mind that the teacher stands in front of 18 to 30 kids all day, each one having unique needs and concerns. Therefore it will be impossible for her to accommodate everyone at the same time.

The best way to address your kid’s issues at school is to call the teacher and set up a meeting. Now, it helps if you will not think of the meeting as something formal and stiff, and instead think of it as a problem-solving session with a friend who is willing to help.

As your child’s second parent, lighten up in the fact that your child’s teacher also wants the best for your child. Walk to the meeting with an open mind and with the willingness to work together as partners. If you want your child to enjoy his school work and aim for better grades, it would help if you know how to approach his teacher without putting your parent-teacher relationship at stake.

As soon as the meeting is scheduled, keep in mind that you and the teacher are on the same side – no one is against anyone. So as you walk to the teacher’s office, think about collaborating with a partner for ways of solving a particular problem.
Remember, your kid’s teacher is your ally and not the enemy. So work with her in understanding the real problem and find ways together on how to deal with it.

Approaching your child’s teacher in a non-confrontational manner and with a prepared list of concerns ready is perhaps the most effective way to clarify your concerns. Regardless if you are upset with what your child told you what happened, start with a warm hello and a friendly tone.

Making a list of your concerns is the most important thing to remember here – when you do this, you will be able to stay focused during the discussion. On top of that, you will also be able to make sure that all your concerns are tackled, so you do not go home and realize that you forgot to point out something.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Following the Single-Issue Structure

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Contrary to the common excitement of most parents, they are some parents who feel worried instead of thrilled whenever a new school year begins. The start of the school year does not mean shopping for new notebooks and fitting new uniforms for some parents. Instead, it means another year of fights and arguments about getting homework done and about not cutting classes by their obnoxious children.

Every parent dreams of a successful son or daughter, and one way to make sure of that success is by having a good education. That is why the moment a teenage daughter back talk something like, “This assignment is so stupid. I’m not doing it!”, it causes an alarm. Most especially if a son tells his dad with confidence, “I don’t need a degree. A lot of people have great jobs without going to college!”

If you want to keep your children from having this kind of thinking, then you should start teaching your kids responsibility and the value of education while still young. Keep your eye on this single issue and work on it by helping your child make a habit out of it – impose a house rule about study time, doing homework, going to bed early during school day and so on. When you constantly remind your child about these things while still young, he will carry this on as he grows older.

However, do not expect it to be easy. You will have to go a series of “but I’m tired mom”, “I don’t understand, can we do it tomorrow?”, “It’s so hard, do it for me”, “I hate math!”, “This is so stupid, I don’t want to do it”, “The deadline is still on Friday, I’ll do it on Thursday”, “My teacher doesn’t know what she’s saying, I don’t want to do this” before you can actually instill the values in your child’s head.

In order to avoid falling into those traps, think of something that will make him do it without resorting into a power struggle. Find a way to make your child do it without actually telling him to.

You can tell him, “You can only watch cartoons if you finish your homework.” Or if he wants to eat that pie on the fridge, tell him, “I will let you eat one slice of pie if you answer your math exercises first.”

Creating a situation where your child is unable to get what he wants unless he does what he is supposed to do is one effective way of teaching kids the lessons that they need to learn. “I’ll be at the living room with your assignment until you’re ready to do them.”

Setting a condition like this and focusing on the issue will let your child learn to be responsible and eventually like doing schoolwork. With help like that, you are letting your child accomplish something without giving him a chance to back talk.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Talk Back. Check on the link for more information.

Thinking Errors: Stop Your Kids from Making Excuses

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Almost all parents feel the same thing – arguing with their kids is a losing battle. It can be so amazing that no matter what you tell your child, he will always have that smart comeback that is often very effective at pushing your buttons or leaving you speechless. And no matter how mature you try to be and what reasoning you put on, the moment your child gets angry, he is never at fault.

It has remained a real wonder how children manage to come up with this witty comebacks. But one thing is certain – children have several “traps” for you to fall into. That is why it is important to know these traps in order for you to avoid them. When you realize what these traps are, you will be able to hold your child accountable for his actions.

It is a natural thing to see our kids blame others and point their fingers at other people when we hold them responsible for their behavior. Usually, kids think they are the victims despite the gravity of their mistakes. Seeing themselves as the victim makes them feel, in their mind, that they can get away with anything.

If you often notice your child blame other people whenever you call his attention and corrects his behavior, then there is a need to challenge the way your child sees himself. If he acts out and starts to make a scene whenever you make him realize his unacceptable behavior, then you need to find ways to stop that pattern immediately.

Children should be discouraged from blaming other people, situations, or things for not completing a certain task and for not meeting set expectations. When your child blames someone else, in reality he is saying that it is not his fault because he is the victim.

The classic, “My dog ate my homework” actually means in reality, “I am a victim of my dog, so I am not responsible for it and should not be punished for either.”

Children who see themselves as victims and are tolerated to believe that kind of thinking will grow up having a hard time achieving some of the very important milestones that early life development demands. So when your son tells you next time that his classmate punched him first, tell him “Blaming your classmate does not solve anything. You need to apologize to him right now or I will tell your father about this.”

Stop your kids from making excuses and putting the blame on others. It is important that you realize these thinking errors and hold your kids accountable for their actions. When you understand these thinking errors, you will not only be able to avoid the traps they have set for you during arguments, you will also be able to stop the blaming, the habit of making excuses, as well as the victim thinking.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

Teaching Kids Right from Wrong: Don’t Use Your Emotions

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No parent enters parenthood fully aware and prepared for the surprises parenthood brings. If all parents had a crash-course on parenthood, it would have been one of the easiest things to do. That is why when parents begin to notice that their child is ignoring the rules, they begin to panic as well.

The inevitable time will come when that cute little baby that you have nurtured and cuddled through the night becomes a determined preschooler who screams at you and demands that you turn the TV on, “right now”. Seeing your child act like that the first time could make you think back and evaluate if you have done something wrong to get that much hate from your kid. Although the emotion could be real, hatred is not exactly what your child feels.

It is normal to feel violated and hurt when your child begins to get out of hand and engage in scandalous behaviors. In fact, keeping your emotions in check and trying not to take things personally can be really difficult to do.

But if it is any consolation, it is actually a good sign that your child begins to challenge your rules and attempts to demand what they want. When your child breaks your heart without worrying about you not loving them afterwards actually means a developmental milestone. But still, it does not mean that the behavior is acceptable.

Every parent has his and her own set of standards to discipline and acceptable behaviors, so you have to get to work and recognize what is proper behavior to you.

When you hear your child say, “I hate you!” in a firm and loud voice, breathe and relax. Do not take it personally because actually, what he is trying to say is something like “I’m hungry or I’m exhausted or I’m scared” and so on.

Do not let your emotions get the best of you, instead try some active listening and communication techniques to help you acknowledge what your child truly feels while letting him know that his behavior is out of bounds. Do not contradict what your child said in order to avoid getting into a power struggle.

So next time your child tells you something rude or yells something hurtful at you, respond in a calm voice, “I understand that you are angry because you want to eat your cookie now, but shouting at mommy like that is bad.” Introducing your child to what is right and what is not will help you feel in control while you reinforce his limitations in the process. On top of that, you were able to teach your child right from wrong without getting too emotional or too absorbed in the matter.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Bigger Hammers Develop Bigger Nails: Why Parents Should Not Take Things Personally

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Our children spend at least half of their lives living with us, watching our every move every day. We might not be aware of it, but as they grow our children also absorbs the things that make us tick, both in good and bad ways. Kids are very adaptive of their environment, so do not be surprised to hear your daughter answer back with the most overwhelming argument.
Perhaps it is inherent to all parents to try and control their emotions, even bite their tongue as much as they can. However,
some parents can only hold their temper for so long and release a sleeping monster within. If you are one of the many parents who struggle so hard with keeping their emotions as manageable as possible, you might find this read interesting and helpful.

Losing your temper easily translates into shouting at your kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, increasing the consequences beyond necessary, and depriving them of their basic needs such as dinners to serve as a punishment.

Tension happens between parent and child almost every day, about almost everything – from getting dressed, finishing their potatoes, not sticking with the rules, to being verbally disrespectful. As children become teenagers, the problems escalate into issues concerning socializing, behavior outside the house, helping with household chores, and dishonesty.

The ultimate reason why parents get easily mad when their kids do not follow what they say is that they get trapped in power struggles with their kids. When you allow yourself to be eaten by power struggle, regardless of your child’s age, your emotions will be harder to control and you will find it more difficult to get out of the struggle.

Come to think of it – if losing temper was an effective parenting strategy, all parents in the world would be problem-free. All we have to do is to wait until our child gets into our nerves, yell at him for a while, and he goes out of the house a changed kid.

Losing your temper and taking things personally does not work. It is ineffective because the root of the problem gets lost in the heat of the argument, and it is left unsolved after all energy has been used for yelling and screaming. When you get angry, instead of learning the essential problem solving skill, your child gets nothing but power thrusts from you.

Think of it this way: if your child misbehaves and all you do is get a bigger hammer to correct his mistake, your child will grow and become a bigger nail. Understand that learning how to solve problems and control emotions is what your child needs to get out of childhood. If you do not teach him that, who will?

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

Child Behavior: What About When Parents Get Blamed?

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Most parents are blamed for their child’s behavior because they are the ones who are primarily looked upon and become the basic role model in the family. But parents are not the sole influence on their child’s behavior nor can they be responsible for every negative move a child makes. Children can still become involved in negative behavior even with the most loving and disciplined upbringing.

Most people see the reason or a child’s uncontrollable behavior as being related to parental neglect, or lack of discipline. This is a a common misconception that doesn’t totally apply to everybody. Every individual is responsible for their own actions including the children themselves. The role of parents is to guide a childs behavior but when they get out of control and abusive. Then it’s time to take a step back and analyze why and how this has happened before searching for the solutions.

Obnoxious and abusive children have a knack for blaming others for their actions because they have problems accepting responsibilities. Here’s an example scenario: A kid gets asked to wash the dishes but she’d rather play with her dolls because she broke a couple of plates the last time she did that particular chore. When asked by her mother she says yes. This is followed by a series of questions on why the task isn’t done. She shrugs off the questions rudely.

The reason she acted that way was because that child had problems accepting responsibilities she couldn’t handle. Some kids have underdeveloped skills necessary to solve everyday problems and so this results in them compensating for it by becoming obnoxious and abusive. Not being able to solve the problems by themselves makes the child feel very confused, frustrated and powerless resulting in avoiding responsibilities instead of accepting them.

Once asked, children might reason their way out of a task by saying it’s someone else’s turn, or saying they are being treated unfairly. The child may act as if his feelings are not being heard. What they want is to make you feel guilty so you can give in to their whims and tolerate their bad behavior. Learn to control rather than be controlled. A parent is, without a doubt, one of the greatest influences a child will ever have in his life – for good or for bad. But ultimately, as children get older, they become aware and gradually become responsible for their actions. Coach them all the way and instill in them the good values as any individual should have while they’re still young, malleable and easy to handle. The way the twig is bent, so the tree will grow.

If you have a child with abusive and disrespectful behavior, I recommend that you grab a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

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