There comes a point in time in every parent’s life when child-rearing would both become a blessing and a bane. Despite the many perks of being able to raise a child, have you ever experienced arguments with your kids because of their bad, abusive or inappropriate behavior? Did you ever encounter a shouting war with your son or daughter? Do you sometimes feel like your kids have openly declared rebellion? These are just a few of the many questions and experiences that hit you in your daily traverse of being a parent.

The facts are that a lot of unrelenting disputes between parents and their children have turned many homes into veritable combat zones. Parents sometimes order their children to clean their rooms, do their homework, or be in bed by a certain hour. But chances are, most children with behavioral problems or learning problems would seethe with resentment or even worse, would openly defy their parents. Defiance is one of the rational yet illogical excuses most parents make mistakes about when their child display bad, abusive or inappropriate behavior. But taking a closer look, children with behavioral problems or learning problems more often than not unconsciously exhibit a thing called compensatory behavior.

If we look at kids in a general view, because of their youth they encounter a myriad of perceptions, thoughts, and feelings. And you would expect that given these feelings kids would react in certain ways to different situations. Sadly, some children tend to react in ways that disappoint or even anger their parents.

When children are experiencing difficulty or anxiety they tend to find outlets or physically manifest methods of venting out their reactions to these conditions and situations. This is where compensatory behavior in children comes into the fore. Children who get anxious and disturbed because of difficult situations react in ways that they think would compensate for the uneasy feelings they experience. Children develop and cultivate these reactions in order to compensate for these feelings and perceptions of difficulty, anxiety or uneasiness. Thus, we may call it compensatory behavior in children.

For example, when a kid is nervous or anxious about a certain activity what he might do is start running around the living room or jumping on the furniture in order to compensate those feelings of unrest. But to the parentsí point of view, this behavior might come out as defiance. What most parents donít realize or notice instantly is that they tend to see the behavior of these children as immediately defiant. This puts the children in a disadvantageous situation, bringing out more stress and uneasiness which in turn begets more inappropriate responses in the eyes of the parent.

What the parent needs to understand is that these children are finding ways to compensate for the feelings of anxiety and unrest they are experiencing and that these behavioral responses shouldn’t be immediately tagged as defiant behavior. The child is compensating for feelings of anxiety or fears that he is experiencing but doesn’t know how to deal with.

If you have a child with bad, abusive, or inappropriate behavior, I recommend that you take a look into discussions about compensatory behavior in children at The Total Transformation by James Lehman.