Right from childhood, it is ingrained in us not to vent our anger, especially in public. However real the cause for anger, as children we were encouraged to avoid displaying it, or risk being chastised. Sometimes, as a parent now, you deal with your angry, hostile child by getting angry yourself. At times you may even apply unreasonable punishments because of your emotional state. You are responding to anger with anger, and then feeling guilty about it later. Normally an angry child is most likely to respond negatively if you deal with him sternly.

You have surely witnessed this. The moody toddler whose uncalled-for tantrums leave her hopeless parents scrambling to pacify her; the dominating preschooler who never discovered how to share toys or get acquainted with other children or strangers socially; the brooding teen who deems any request as the world war of wills; the bully whose rage and destructive behavior make him feared, friendless, and miserably alone. Many of these children have all the comforts they require. They live in caring, loving homes, yet for some baffling reason they feel and truly believe that most of the things that happen to them are simply unjust. They start their day angry, and can explode into an all-out rage over little setbacks or imagined offenses. These are children who are so full of rage that has no apparent or distinct cause.

For you, as a parent, one of the most distressing things to deal with is an angry, aggressive child. It wears you out mentally, and is emotionally agonizing. Worse yet, you are baffled by the cause of such destructive behavior and how to deal with it.

Many things can lead a child to behave inappropriately or act harshly toward others. He may be frustrated, sad, overwhelmed, or his feelings may have been hurt. The anger may arise from family problems (like divorce, alcoholism, abuse), social problems (banter from peers), school problems (learning difficulties, low grades), or internal problems (depression). The anger could be a reaction to stress in the family, or it could be his way of getting what he wants.

Maybe you feel (or hope) your child’s antagonized behavior is just a phase that will somehow disappear in time. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen. In my own experience anger is an emotion that usually intensifies over time. Not paying attention to this can lead to bigger problems, and even violence. It can be a consuming force within your family that harms everyone, including your child. For this reason, it’s crucial that you deal with anger as early as possible and set the rules for change at once.

Keep in mind that the darkness that seems to be floating around you and your family is not a figment of your imagination. Rage takes a heavy toll on everybody who surrounds your child, luckily, once understood, this behavior of the angry child can be replaced with more favorable and pleasant behaviors. Dr. James Lehman’s The Total Transformation is a program that works wonders. I am not saying that change will happen overnight, nor am I misleading you that the changes will be easy both for you or your child. You absolutely have to work at it. But the rewards of this work are paid pack infinitely to your and your family.