Archive for 'Motivate Teens'

The Right Time to Teach Children the Right Behavior

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Parents often suffer one major problem when teaching their child discipline and right behavior. When they have everything all planned, down to the list of strategies they can suggest to their child, the child simply refuses to sit down and talk to them.

There’s one factor that makes them do this: stress. Children are smart. They know when they are about to be confronted about something they did in school. Most often, they can get clues from the parent’s tone of voice and his facial expression. That’s why parents must think of a way to get their ideas through the child thoroughly.

The rule of thumb here is “Don’t talk to your child when he is shouting or when he is agitated.” In this instance, his mind is not open. He is stressed and most probably, he can’t take in any idea from anybody.

Timing is the key to everything. Start the conversation with your child during good times, meaning when he is happy, during ice cream time, while you are popping corn for a late night TV show. Then comes the “hypodermic affection” technique. This is done by telling the child the good deeds he has done first then attach a task that he’s going to accomplish.

The parent can say nonchalantly, “You did a great job there, Tommy, about going home early after school. You keep on doing that and you’re on your way to earning that weekend trip to Yosemite with dad and me. Now let’s discuss about the way you talk to your sister.”

With these said, the child won’t feel that he is being reprimanded or that he is being talked into doing something. And because he is feeling light, relaxed and happy at this time, all the ideas that are discussed with mom or dad are easy to settle in.

What must parents do then if the child is restless and stressed? Aside from giving him space, you give him a real time-out. A time-out is a time for him to go to some place that’s neutral and quiet where he can calm down, collect his thoughts, and let the agitation simmer down.

Parents must then wait for the right moment when the child becomes his old self again, when he is light and gay. That is the right time when you can engage your child in a light banter and inject the tasks you set for him without him feeling it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

Teach Your Kids to Be Honest

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Finding out that your child has lied to you is utterly heartbreaking. After that one incident, you begin to feel apprehensive every time your child tells you something. After knowing for a fact that your child is capable of lying, you find it hard to trust anything that your child tells you. A sound child and parent relationship does not work that way, which is why you need to learn how to handle it.

While parents try as much as they can to let their children know the importance of honesty, there are still a few times when children forget about it. Because they are young, children are prone to shortcuts, failures, and temptations. These natural tendencies often lead to an occasional untruth, called the “white lie”.

A while lie is generally “harmless”, but then again kids can easily understand it in the wrong way. In order to prevent your kids from dishonesty, you have to nip the problem right in the bud. So that your kids will be discouraged from lying you have to teach them how to be honest.

The first step in teaching honesty is making your expectations of honesty very clear. You have to let your child know that telling the truth is very much important, therefore he should aim for it as much as possible. Tell your child that there are consequences for lying. As early as possible, nurture honesty in your kids as a desirable character trait.

But teaching your kids about being honest when you are dishonest yourself is just purely wrong. If you want to show your kids the importance of honesty, model honest behavior to your child. Prevent yourself from telling lies or misrepresenting facts. Kids are very keen observers and they know when they are being lied to, so do not risk it.

You have to reinforce any act of honesty too. When you reward your kids every time they tell the truth, you are also encouraging them to continue the behavior. Every time your kid is honest during a difficult situation, praise them for making the right move. After telling the truth about a sensitive situation, appreciate them.

It is very important that you believe your kids. So when you feel that your child is not telling you the truth, do not jump into hasty conclusions right away. Before you make any judgments, evaluate the facts first. It is very important that you find out for a fact that your kids are telling the truth or not before you accuse them of lying.

Teaching kids how to be honest is a daunting task. But if you make honesty a principle to live by, following through with it might not be as difficult. Take every opportunity there is and share the value of honesty with your kids as much as you can.

Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including boot camp teens. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

ODD Disorder

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An article on oppositional defiant disorder is our latest blog post. This article defines ODD and helps you recognize its symptoms in your child. The importance of early detection is stressed as ODD can only get worse as the child grows. Help yourself help your child by reading our post on ODD disorder now. Also, for more help in fighting ODD, we highly recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. (Check it out now since you can get it for free if you fill out a feedback survey.)

Give Your Kids Options through a Menu

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Learning the art of gentle yet firm persuasion is one of the things that every parent should learn. Being able to persuade kids to do the things that you want them to do require skill, and it usually needs a lot of time and experience. Just imagine being able to convince your son into doing his homework without getting into a heated argument, then parenting would be less stressful.

That is exactly the reason why you need to learn how to persuade your children. It does not happen overnight, but it is very possible. If you know how to convince your kids, it will make a lot of difference. You have to accept the fact that kids are not wired to obey instructions, that is why you need to help them do what they ought to do.

You should help your children realize that there are certain things that they have to do, whether they like it or not. Even when your child is a strong willed one, you should think of something that will make him do the things that he should be doing.

Although it sounds impossible, you can let your children do everything you want them to do without having to repeat yourself over and over. There are some things that you can do to make parenting less stressful. If you do these things, sooner or later, your children will cheerfully respond to your instructions.

Think about the time that you can save if there was less fighting or arguing. Think about how much anger you can avoid if you know how to make your kids do what you want them to do. Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up one day and not hear complaints or get ignored by your kids when you tell them to finish their vegetables? Or perhaps be obeyed right away when you tell your kids to wash their hands?

But if you think that kids get all suddenly obedient after you tell them so happens overnight, think again. You have to learn to accept the fact that it is a part of a child’s nature to refuse anything that adults, especially their parents, ask them to do.

With certain techniques, you will be able to get around that. There are actually some things that you can do to make your children follow your every instruction. One of which is to give your children options. But first, you have to know the things that they like doing so that you know what rewards to give them.

Have a menu or a list of things that they like doing and later use those things to help replace certain behaviors that you want to discourage. Tell your son, “I see that you like this video game. If you help your sister with the chores instead of watching TV all day, I will let you play this.”

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Why your Child is Unmotivated

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Many kids love going to school. Some see it as a place where they can spend time with friends, socialize or goof around. Many of them also really see it as a place to learn so they can have a good future ahead of them. Now, some kids hate schools. They think that school is a waste of their time, it is not pleasant for them and they feel trapped. These types of children just want to hang out with their friends outside the school, stay at home, play computer games, sleep or just do nothing. They don’t do their homework nor study for exams.

Why is it that kids are not motivated?

1. Learning. Each child has a different learning style. I have 2 kids and I have noticed that each one of them studies differently. One learns better through visual aids and the other learns faster with audio. It could be that the teacher’s approach in teaching doesn’t match with your child’s learning style.

2. Neurological Learning Disabilities. This disability affects the child’s learning ability so they just give up or fail their classes. This is sad but true.

3. Psychological Disorders. This includes depression and anxiety. If a child went through a traumatic or stressful experience in his family, his grades would drop.

4. Alcohol and Drugs. These 2 are probably the most common problem in school. The intake of alcohol and the use of drugs make a lot of students lose interest in their studies and other activities that are school related. Marijuana is the most common drug that kids are using now.

5. Social Pressure and Distractions. Many children don’t have enough parental supervision so they get involved with activities that they shouldn’t be involved with. Parents give them too much freedom and are more lenient than they should be. When a child bonds with other children, they are influenced easily.

These are just a few reasons why kids aren’t motivated. But you know what? I personally think that everybody is motivated. All you have to do is find out what motivates your child.

What motivates him not to do anything? In many cases, the reason for laziness goes deeper. They could be harboring feelings of anger, frustration, loss, or think they don’t have control over their own lives. These feelings are at a subconscious level. This is the reason why getting angry or just punishing your child, without understanding the root causes for the behavior, backfires. Your kid already thinks that life is bad enough without you screaming in their ears.

Please get your own copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman. This is a program that can help you improve your child’s behavior.

Motivate Your Teen

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motivate_teensFor some, teens may be the best years. For you and your teenager, they are undoubtedly the most difficult. Your child undergoes physical changes, and a lot of other changes that are not readily apparent. Your teenager has to contend with social pressure and identity issues, among others. In this period of conflict between parent and teenager, how do you motivate your child?

Remember that you should never fight with your teen. Encourage, but don’t demand. Adolescence is a time when your child begins to assert his independence. Making demands and nagging will only cause your teenager to rebel and challenge your authority. Teens appreciate being allowed to explore instead of simply being told. Let your child make his own mistakes. This is very difficult for parents. You want to protect your child from every hurt and heartache, and it is painful to see him on the verge of making mistakes, especially major ones, when you know very well that they could be avoided. However, you will find that teens rarely listen. They want to find out for themselves the hows and whys. Let them. Lessons learned from failures are the most memorable lessons they will ever get. As parents, our role is to let them make their own choices with just a little guidance, then be there to praise if they succeed or empathize if they fail.

When it comes to chores, try letting your teenagers choose which chores they prefer instead of telling them what should be done and by whom. Involve them in formulating a plan regarding your household chores. They will be more inclined to follow something they helped create.

Be generous with your compliments. Building your teen’s confidence and reap the benefits. A common issue between parents and their teenage child is organizing the latter’s room. Again, instead of telling him how messy his room is, you can encourage your child by finding something that showcases his organizational skills. His bathroom may be a mess but your teen’s record collection could be methodically arranged. Compliment him on that and suggest how his skill at arranging his collection could be put to use in other areas of his room.

The carrot-and-stick approach works on teens too. While involving your teenager in formulating plans, make sure he understands that his failure to stick to them will result in certain sanctions. An example is to reduce his TV time. It is important for you to be firm, while holding your teen answerable for what has been agreed upon. However, it is equally important that you reward your teen when he has been faithful to his responsibilities. Reward him with more freedom, such as time to do the activities he enjoys. This will persuade him to be even more responsible in the future.

Teens only lack motivation to do what their parents tell them to do. They obviously do not have the same problem when it comes to things they like to do. The secret is in involving them in the process, and making it worth their while.

James Lehman, a Behavioral Therapist has put together a program that could change your child’s behavior effectively. I recommend that you get a copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman.