Archive for 'obnoxious and abusive behavior'

Teach Your Kids to Get Away from the Triggers of Negative Emotions

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The best way for you to help your kids avoid any negative thoughts is to evade the triggers. That’s how significant it is for parents to get to know what these triggers are. Most often these are very observable and often only require common sense to figure out.

It’s as simple as when you are not bringing with you any cash, you better not swing by the candy store since this may trigger a huge problem with your kid. If your kid finds his brother annoying then he must not be seated beside his brother during TV and dinner time. This is also true when you let your child sit beside a school bully.

However, the ultimate goal of any parent would be to teach their kids how to figure out and eventually be able to avoid triggers in the end. This is particularly true because parents are not with their kids all the time. Kids must be able to handle themselves well when they are on their own.

In time, when kids are able to do this on their own with an automatic button, kids will finally feel and learn to accept that they indeed have a responsibility in figuring out triggers, avoiding them totally to keep away from anger.

There are times when a sugar spike brought about by a can of Pepsi can trigger a boost of energy and when it subsides, the child gets restless and gets angry eventually. So it’s the best thing for parents to do to help the child realize this so he would try to avoid drinking a whole bottle of Pepsi if he can’t handle its effects on him.

More often these kids are not aware that these triggers are for real and they happen. So the next time his mother tells him to go to bed at 9 PM as the father you ask the child what he feels or thinks about his mother. Most probably the child would retort that he is angry at his mother and he thinks that she only wants to get rid of him so she told him to sleep early.

Then you tell your child to start talking to himself in a different manner. Remember that this strategy can be used in every day situations. It could be in school, at home, or even in the community playground where he usually stays.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Teach Your Child How to Make Amends and Face Consequences

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The last step to a disciplinary process is for the parent to teach the child how to face the consequences of his actions and formulate ways of making amends. Doing so is tantamount to giving the child some sort of accountability, which is a good training strategy for him to learn coping skills.

As a parent you tell your child, “What is it you plan to do to make amends with your brother after you kicked his butt yesterday?” What are you going to do with your sister after you picked on her at school?”

Let the child devise a way for him to do this. When he finds it difficult to do so, then pave the way for him by somehow verbalizing his thoughts.

Your child may opt to clean his sister’s room as a way of making amends. He may also suggest to wash the dishes as his way of making amends to his brother.

You may also lead the child on for him to do something to make amends by saying, “Why don’t you get your sister’s slipper when she gets home and give it to her?” Or you could also tell him, “I think it’s a good idea that when your brother gets home, you ask him if he needs a fresh pair of PJ’s. Then get one and give it to him.”

This way, as a parent, you are helping your child come up with different means to make amends. But in the end, remember that it is he himself who must decide what to do.

There’s just one thing any parent must not do in this instance and that is to be satisfied with “saying sorry,” as if it’s some kind of making amends.

Sorry is merely an apology. Making amends is doing something to clean up the mess. It is an opportunity for the child to right the wrong, which happens to be the purpose of doing so.

Another long term effect of learning how to make amends is for the child to learn how to be accountable over a certain matter and how to handle responsibilities given to him.

Essentially, as parents, supervision is something that must not be thrown out the window. Watch out when your child said he wants to make amends by doing a certain act. Be sure that the child lives up to his word and that it’s not an easier-than-done matter.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem child.

Declare Your Rule To Your Child in Black and White

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There’s no point in identifying, confronting, and challenging the triggers if you are not going to declare your rule about it. One thing to remember when you declare your rule is to keep ti simple with no emotions involved, simply in black and white.

A parent can say to the child, “Don’t talk to me that way because I told you not to be verbally abusive to your sister. I won’t let you talk to me that way.” Or you could say, “Don’t turn your back on me just because you don’t want to hear what I’m going to tell you.”

You can also say to your child, “If you think that I’m being unfair doesn’t mean you can call me names.” Or you can tell him straight to his face, “Just because you think that your sister is not being nice to you, you can steal from her. This behavior is not right and it’s not acceptable at all. If you want to communicate with me don’t talk to me that way.”

In this case what you are doing is telling your child that he doesn’t have any alternative but to do what you suggest him to do. It’s all in black and white. It’s your way of saying that he would suffer from the consequences of what he has done. It’s your way of making him realize that he would not have certain privileges until such time he takes into account and practice all the alternative behaviors for making him behave well.

This is what responsible love and concern is all about. When a parent does this with his child, he must state it in a matter of fact way without any emotions involved. He should be doing it in the kitchen table in a one-on-one setting. It’s very business-like, very serious, and matter of factly, which will make him realize that you are not intent on making him do the alternative behavior.

You as a parent must also let him understand that there are two things that he should bear in mind always when it comes to his behavior and these are: 1) what are its effects to others or 2) if it solves the problem at all.

It’s your responsibility to tell your child that it’s not a good behavior if it hurts other people or if it doesn’t solve the problem.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem child.

How to Bring the Kid’s Focus to the Real Problem

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There’s one thing that your kid is more likely to do when you are confronting him head-on even if you are not blaming him or you are extra nice when you do so. Your kid will most likely resort to being emotional. He will lash out his anger at you and badmouth you or be verbally abusive to the other kids who he thinks has wronged him.

So when a parent is trying to help his kid come up with new strategies for behavioral change, he must keep that focus. It’s helpful to have a list with you when you are discussing things with your child. What can be part of the list is: discussion of how he doesn’t do his homework regularly or how he managed to steal $10 from his dad’s pockets while he is asleep.

It may be a bit funny and awkward but it is also a way of showing that you are dealing with the matter in all seriousness. Remember the concept of running your household and your family concerns just like you do with your business.

What a parent should do is to tell the child, “You know the last time you think that I am being unfair to you, you punched a hole in the wall. Your teacher can attest to that. As what you can see, Tommy, that’s just not working, no matter how many times you are going to do that.”

Usually to get away from it, the child will resort to “wishful thinking.” The child would usually say, “Okay, mum, I won’t do it ever again.” When the parent asks his child what he is going to do, he would simply say, “I just won’t do it ever again, okay?” Most likely after some time he will do it again.

As a parent then, it’s your responsibility to tell your child head-on, “Well, Tommy, I don’t think that wishful thinking is ever going to work at all. We simply have to be more focused and come up with another strategy here.

It also helps if you let the child realize that the more he sticks with the “wishful thinking” part, the more he is getting himself into trouble. This is a good way of keeping him focused and making him realize the significance of the matter.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

The Effects of Divorce on Children’s Behavior

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Couples who live a happy and successful life may not have behavioral problems with their children. While they are still together, the children look up to them as their role models. If they display good behavior and show nice attitude, it is expected that the children will have these too. Display of negative attitudes can be easily absorbed by the children.

Couples who experience marital problems naturally experience fights and disagreements, and if done in front of the children, can leave a very negative impression on them. The more disagreements they display, the more stressful the lives of the kids will be. And if the condition worsens and leads to divorce, the more the children’s behavior will be affected.

Children usually look up to their parents as models. They can have impressions on their parents but the moment they split ways, confusion may set in. This can lead them to make conclusions as to who is good or bad. Because of these confusions, more problems may come in like who he will be more loyal to the mother or father.

Parents need to understand that if they go into divorce, the children’s needs and welfare should be of foremost importance. Parenting in this situation needs display of civility. Children will get more confused if there is misunderstanding between the parents. Their disliking each other doesn’t give them the right to neglect the children. Taking care of the needs of the children may alleviate the stressful situation experienced by the kids.

Children from divorced parents are more likely to experience difficulties in school, their relationships with classmates and teachers, especially if they no longer feel love at home. These children will have low self-esteem, low self-worth and may easily get into trouble with people around. Their behavior will be very difficult to understand by people around them and they are more confused. Children from divorced parents have more probability of getting depressed because of the unpleasant situation they are in.

Good parenting skills are needed and should be learned by both parents to help their kids to have normal lives. Compassion and understanding are essential in parenting since the kids are more likely to be aggressive, and hateful towards his perceived bad parent.

For parents who go into divorce, they have to understand that children can be irritating and may display disobedience for months or years after the divorce. The stress that they experience can lead them to these negative behaviors.

It can be interesting to note also that not all children from divorce will display bad behavior. But it can be safe to conclude that more kids from divorce will display bad behavior and the parent’s role is needed in situations like these.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

Don’t Make Everything Look Awful

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Part of a child’s development is perhaps every parent’s desire to make him or her as well-rounded and productive as possible so that when the time should come for him or her to be independent, everything will be alright. This very state is what also motivates us to inculcate into our kids the true essence of living positively.

To live with positivity is to live with hope – that in all things there will always be a side that is good and bright. This does not mean that the “not so good” side is disregarded but it actually means that the better way to live is to notice the better rather than the worse.

As adults we should understand that this is the better option so if we have kids we should also make it a point to make them see and understand this. It is sometimes difficult indeed to carry on a smile when things around you look “blurry” and feel heavy but if we have kids around who depend on positive nurturing, there can be no better way than to look past the “awful”.

It is not a tough thing to understand that when you rear your kids in a way that they see and feel awful about a lot of things, they DO end up growing up full of angst in life. This makes them unproductive and maybe even angry at a lot of things – as you may see from some adults who may have been exposed to this kind of outlook while growing up.

Why would you rather see your child always sad, angry and insecure when you can have him or her always happy, optimistic and self-assured? They could achieve more in childhood and all throughout adulthood one day when they are on the brighter side. So, instead of saying “life is awful”, say that “life is hopeful”.

You can always get a good help from “appreciation”. Learn to appreciate and praise things that come into your life and your kid will understand and learn to also adopt this kind of disposition. Make him understand that appreciation of even the littlest things in his life could go a long way.

Motivating your kids that he could go further in life could be achieved through frequent re-enforcement that he is special and is loved. His confidence mainly depends on his feeling of being accepted and belongingness – never forget this. So if you want your kid to achieve more, tell him HE CAN.

As they say, “practice what you preach”. Remember that the best way to teach your kids to turn away from regarding life and things to be “awful” is by doing so yourself! The moment that kids see you living with praise rather than a curse, they are most likely to do the same.

Here are some tips about child with obedient attitude that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Remind Kids the Effects of the Consequences Given to Them

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Kids are so find of minimizing the consequences as a way to justify their behavior. More often they would say, “Oh, I don’t care about that much. It doesn’t hurt that bad anyway.”

It’s the parents’ role to always remind the kids of the consequences and how it affected their kids the last time they experienced it. You can tell your kid, “The last time you kicked your classmate, you lost your Nintendo and it was so bad. Don’t you forget that. And now you are saying that you don’t care at all but you surely cared that much the last time.”

This is the parents’ way to remind the kid of the pain that the consequences can inflict on him as well as the true damage that the behavior can cause in the family and in school.

Be ready for distortions that your kid can create to cover up the pain of the consequences and to cover up the bad behavior. That is why distortions and make-believe may sometimes be the two main ways of escaping the consequences of bad behavior and they are also considered faulty thinking.

By reminding kids of the consequences, you are not only making it clear that they are being corrected with their mistakes but that you as a parent are also the authority in the household. It is your way of saying that your voice is must be heard by them and that your word is final.

Remember that kids have to look up to somebody who knows how to rule the household and who knows the right things to do. This persona of authority is a must-have figure for the kids to have the proper discipline and outlook in life. This authority figure will also serve as their guide in their decision making and to resolve problems they will encounter as they grow up.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

Make the Task Doable

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Childhood is not only a phase for having fun or playing all the time. This is one essential stage where kids learn about independence and start understanding the different responsibilities that he must embrace as a transition towards growing up. And adults are given more tasks into ensuring that kids get a positive acceptance of meeting this necessary independence and task-building.

It isn’t as easy to introduce kids to independence and help them develop the capacity to do things on their own. Some of these tasks could prove to be a bit too much for their young age. Also, not all kids develop with the same degree or pacing – some may still find accomplishing tasks difficult than others. Remember that this is but normal so don’t get frustrated. Instead of feeling frustrated, do something about it.

As adults we should support our kid’s development – something that is crucial in any child’s life and transition into more mature individuals. In order to do this, it is important that we find ways to make our kids’ task more doable.

There will be times when your kids would not be able to finish the task at hand and this becomes a perfect opportunity to help kids tailor the task into one that is equivalent to his size or capacity. This doesn’t mean that you cut him off from accomplishing his task but simply adjust it into something that you deem potentially achievable by your kid corresponding to his size and age. Again, every child’s capacity to accomplish tasks differs so don’t get frustrated.

Seeing that you, as an adult, are flexible and open to understanding his limitations as of the moment, kids are more prone to tell you up front about his capabilities. He or she won’t find it hard to tell you what he is potentially capable and in fact becomes more open to accomplishing more tasks in the future.

Another way to treat this situation is to divide the task into parts. This would enable him to accomplish part of the task today and then save the rest to be accomplished tomorrow. Be lenient and flexible in this given situation so as not to impose too much undue pressure on the child.

To make a certain task doable for a child is the least that we, adults could do. This is to ensure that kids would positively enjoy growing up and consequently look at tasks or responsibilities to be a good part of anybody’s life until they come into adulthood.

The best that any adult could do for kids is to offer positive solutions to any tasks at hand. Meet it and give it constructively and you are sure to witness kids grow up with hope and optimism.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem children.

All about Excuses

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In these day and age, with the many possible activities that the modern world has provided, nobody can actually say they are not busy (even sick people in the hospital are busy). Even the most lethargic person has something to do – lounge in a couch and watch TV and he is too busy doing that he cannot be peeled off the Velcro seat and to mow the loan.

And since everyone in a regular family is tied up almost the whole day all must share in the household chores. A well-run family schedules its chores with each member partaking in the whole process and the consistency in this household chore arena should be as sticky as the diligence manifested on appointments, school activities, invites, at cetera.

At some point certain activities are going to be set aside or even cancelled but nonetheless, the cleanliness and safety of the home cannot be compromised at all. At all. Nobody, especially responsible parents, would want to come home and rest in a house full of clutter because someone missed out on his or her turn on the cleaning schedule.

Now is the time to be consistent with the house rules and never waver on your children’s excuses. Keep in mind that at this early, if we instill in them the habit of sticking to what was agreed upon, then they will grow up to become better people at home and in business.

Kid’s excuses come in different forms and they become more creative as time passes by so you also have to rack your brains and anticipate their next excuse. Or much better – leave no room for excuses. To do this, always make clear your expectations and the repercussions when these expectations are not met. There should always be a consequence because if there aren’t, then the whole expectation scheme is put to waste.

Never be vague, for instance, simply telling your kid to clean his or he room will not cut it because they can come up with a workaround on that. You have to specify what you meant by clean, identifying specific areas and objects that need to be put back to where it should be or wiped spotless. You can even make a list to prove your point. Make it a checklist even so that you and them can monitor the progress and you can review and make an inventory afterwards.

However, this would only work with very young kids. Older kids have to handles with more tact since they would appreciate it more if you allow them to strategize as to how they will go about their chores. You can even praise them after they have done a good job of doing their chore using their own ways and means. It would really be frustrating to them if you enumerate to them the items that you want done. You can even tell them the general idea of what you want done and tell them that you trust them on what they would do.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Deflating the Rule

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Setting rules with your children is one way of communicating with them and telling them your expectations. Needless to say, in order to be taken seriously by the kids (and I assure you they never forget), you have to be consistent with your rules as part of your parenting tasks. Children will adopt many of the things they observe from their parents and you may want to make consistency as one of the good habits that they may want to inculcate in their young minds and manifest in the future.

You can start testing your consistency by setting up house rules and these rules need not be complicated, in fact simplicity closes the door on disputes and interpretations. By keeping your house rules simple, you can even have the kids memorize them and repeat them to assure that they know what your house rules are. And also, do not make so many house rules.

Make at the most three to five short ones that tackle the most basic of house rules like for instance “Always keep the door closed” or “Always wash your hands before you touch any type of food”. Communication is part of the aim of setting rules and when you set up so many, that is not communicating at all.

When setting up rules, always use positive language which means instead of starting the rules with negative words for instance, in lieu of Do not turn on the television while studying, you may want to put it as: Turn on the television only when done with the schoolwork.

This sets a positive tone on things and makes rules veer away from its negative connotation of restrictions. Instead, it can be construed by your child as regulations to make life better in the future.

Let the child participate in the rule making activity. This brings a sense of ownership to your child which will make them follow the rules even more. And you can even refer to that specific rule as your child’s rule, appending his or her name to it to fortify the sense of ownership and a sense of belonging.

Consistently refer ton the house rules. Children rarely forget but it pays to have them recite the rules as often as can be especially before guests arrive. You may ask him the rules on what specific rooms they can enter together with their playmates and those that they can’t.

Now comes the part when the rule gets broken, even accidentally or intentionally and this is where consistency again is put to the test. Never ever waver on the rules that are set especially with your child. The agreed upon sanctions have to be done to show to tour child that rules were made for specific reasons and there is always a price to pay when one disobeys the rules, whether it were intentional or not.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

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