Archive for 'obnoxious and abusive kids'

Teaching Kids Right from Wrong: Don’t Use Your Emotions

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No parent enters parenthood fully aware and prepared for the surprises parenthood brings. If all parents had a crash-course on parenthood, it would have been one of the easiest things to do. That is why when parents begin to notice that their child is ignoring the rules, they begin to panic as well.

The inevitable time will come when that cute little baby that you have nurtured and cuddled through the night becomes a determined preschooler who screams at you and demands that you turn the TV on, “right now”. Seeing your child act like that the first time could make you think back and evaluate if you have done something wrong to get that much hate from your kid. Although the emotion could be real, hatred is not exactly what your child feels.

It is normal to feel violated and hurt when your child begins to get out of hand and engage in scandalous behaviors. In fact, keeping your emotions in check and trying not to take things personally can be really difficult to do.

But if it is any consolation, it is actually a good sign that your child begins to challenge your rules and attempts to demand what they want. When your child breaks your heart without worrying about you not loving them afterwards actually means a developmental milestone. But still, it does not mean that the behavior is acceptable.

Every parent has his and her own set of standards to discipline and acceptable behaviors, so you have to get to work and recognize what is proper behavior to you.

When you hear your child say, “I hate you!” in a firm and loud voice, breathe and relax. Do not take it personally because actually, what he is trying to say is something like “I’m hungry or I’m exhausted or I’m scared” and so on.

Do not let your emotions get the best of you, instead try some active listening and communication techniques to help you acknowledge what your child truly feels while letting him know that his behavior is out of bounds. Do not contradict what your child said in order to avoid getting into a power struggle.

So next time your child tells you something rude or yells something hurtful at you, respond in a calm voice, “I understand that you are angry because you want to eat your cookie now, but shouting at mommy like that is bad.” Introducing your child to what is right and what is not will help you feel in control while you reinforce his limitations in the process. On top of that, you were able to teach your child right from wrong without getting too emotional or too absorbed in the matter.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Treat Your Home Like a Business: How to Tell Your Kids NO

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Most parents believe that every rule needs to be explained thoroughly to their kids in order for them to understand and follow. Although this works fine for certain circumstances, going beyond one instance of explaining your decision might pave the way for more serious problems. Letting your child understand every decision and every reason that you have can easily turn to wanting their approval.

This could lead you into a very dangerous cycle of over-explaining every little thing to your kids. At work, did you hear your boss over-explain his decision about not allowing employees sleep while on duty? Have you heard about a CEO sitting beside the janitor, explaining the reason why he needs the office clean at all times? That is why most experts recommend that if you have already given your child an explanation once, repeating everything for the second time is not necessary.

Evaluate your relationship with your kid, have you been frequently explaining your rules and your reasons every time your child disagrees with you? If so, then you probably have kept talking to your kid every time a misunderstanding occurs – a clear indication that you have been defending your own decisions to your child, right in your own home.

If unnoticed, this habit usually grows with the child. You will soon find yourself compromising some more to your kid, and even changing the rules in favor of your kid every time he disagrees. Be reminded that when you over-elaborate your decisions to your child, you are training him NOT to follow your rules.

Always be firm; when you tell your child, “No, we will buy that on your birthday” at the toy store, and he keeps insisting that you should buy it now, and you give in after a while buying him the toy eventually, you just trained your child not to value your decision.

Remember that when you give in to your child’s whim even when already said no earlier, you are grooming him to break the rules, your rules. Of course, that is not what you want.

When you do not stand by your “no”, this is what happens – when you say “no” to your kids, they will think that you are just letting them challenge your authority, the punishment that you set, or the responsibilities that they have. When you explain yourself to your child over and over and end up doing what he wants, you are trying to be successful at allowing your child to overpower you without even knowing.

In order to avoid that, it is then necessary that you show your child certain limits that he is not to violate. These limits could be as minor as setting a curfew to saying, “No cartoons before homework”. Setting these rules sans the over-explaining habit lets your child realize the value of being told “no”.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

Monkey See Monkey Do: Teaching Kids by Example

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All parents feel the need to provide as much as they can for their kids. It is the law of nature; every parent should look after and take care of their young. That is why the moment a child is born, parents automatically make the decision of becoming great parents in all ways possible.

When new parents hit the bookstore to find a few parenting books they could refer to, that is Mother Nature in action. Most first time parents research piles and piles of books and heaps of internet articles just to know as much as they can about good parenting. It is every parent’s dream to transform their little bundle of joy into a responsible, mature, and hard working adult. But how can they do that?

If you try to compare the things that parenting books, magazines, and internet articles about parenting, you will see a common theme among the entries. However, there is also one common thing that these sources often oversee – the importance of our example.

Actually, our example is perhaps the best tool that we have in teaching our kids to be decent adults. Most parents believe that telling their kids to “do as I say, not as I do” is enough, but almost always that statement is confusing for kids and will be downright ineffective. And no matter how much you try to set the differences between the two, kids will always do what they see.

We all know that language formation among children has been well researched. If a child encounters a new language at a young age, it is highly possible that the child will learn, speak, and understand that particular without flaw. This happens because the language was learned at the time when the human brain is still fresh filled with neurons ready to fire to create new pathways of communication.

The same principle applies for learning the important values in life like respect and honesty. These things are best learned when the child is still at a young age and is open to make new connections. So if you want to tell your 5-year old daughter that you want her to pick up her toys and put them in its proper place, make sure that your room and your computer at home is properly arranged as well.

You tell your son that it is wrong to hit his younger brother, but you belt them hard when they do something unacceptable. You tell your daughter that she should finish her homework and go to bed early, yet you watch TV all day until you fall asleep in the couch.

Teach your kids the important values while they are still young, and do it by setting a good example. Any lesson that we want to teach our children, we must first do ourselves.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.

Why Parents Should Look at the Characteristics and Practices of their Obnoxious and Abusive Kids

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It’s hard to figure out children. Disciplining children is a common struggle for all parents but it is even more challenging when you have kids who are displaying bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior and you don’t know how or what these kids are thinking. That’s why getting to know how children behave and think would make parenting a whole lot easier.

Taking a look at an obnoxious and abusive childís characteristics and practices is one thing that parents are advised to do according to the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. How to actually deal with the child is just as important as the general idea of how you, as a parent, should raise them. So in order for you to properly handle situations with your children you need to have a good idea about the characteristics and practices they show especially when the child displays bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior.

Understanding and identifying each and every characteristic and practice that a child displays is one responsibility that parents should tend to. Cognitive learning researches assert the theory that we also learn by mere observation of others. When parents get to observe their child’s behavior and response patterns to situations they actually get to learn more about their child. Parents are advised that focusing on the bad characteristics and practices the child displays is more relevant and crucial compared to focusing on the good behavior.

These bad characteristics and practices are not the results of the faults of the parent because in reality these are what the child has but parents fail to recognize that. In their attempt to mislead or fool the parent, children oftentimes put the blame on them. It isnít your fault as a parent. Putting the blame on others is one common bad characteristic or practice those children with obnoxious or abusive behavior share.

Fair and clear assessments of children’s behaviors can help give parents a clear understanding of how to deal with them. Yet assessing the behaviors of the child is only half the job done towards a long term solution. The other half is how to properly deal the problem such that the relationship between the parent and the child will not be harmed.

“Whoever best describes the problem is the one most likely to solve it”, claimed book author Dan Roam. A parent who is able to correctly define the problem will most likely be able to correctly define the proper solution to it as well. As what they say, it is the problem that drives the solution and not the other way around.

It is not an easy task to be able to identify the characteristics and practices that a child displays. So parents are advised to think that this is a big problem that can be broken down into smaller pieces. Doing so can help parents understand their children better. The problem is treatable and solvable so parents need not worry or get discouraged. It is important that parents be reminded to do as much as they can to get involved and solve the problem.

Parenting isn’t easy. Learn how to deal with a Defiant Teenager with The Total Transformation Program, which comes highly recommended by parents.

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