Archive for 'obnoxious bad and abusive behavior'

Anger Management versus Trigger Management

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We often hear from parents say they are in dire need of anger management therapy. James Lehman, a renowned child specialist, cringes at the idea behind anger management. According to him, anger cannot be managed. It is the trigger of this anger that you must know how to manage.

The same principle applies among children. In fact, when you say trigger management in children. It doesn’t mean anger alone. It applies to all forms of overwhelming emotions such as fear or anxiety, loss, separation, and others that children simply don’t have skills to manage.

In this sense, they need the help and support of their parents. One best thing that parents can do for their kids who are frequently suffering from the consequences of these uncontrolled emotions is to prevent it from happening. That is why parents must keep their children away from the triggers or the stimuli of these strong, negative emotions. The first thing to do is observe and figure out what these triggers are.

The concept of trigger management in fact refers to management of your thoughts. Our feelings are often triggered by our thoughts. It is also the thoughts that maintain the anger that it created itself. You can try it yourself. When you are feeling intense anger, try to think of a happy thought and it will actually lessen your anger and make you more relaxed in the end.

In children’s case, it may be doubly hard for them to control, release or cope in any way with their thoughts and the feelings they bring. They have not learned the skills to do this yet. That is where parents must help and support them all throughout.

So the first thing that parents can do to help children cope with their unfounded fears, anxiety, or anger may be is to let them understand why they shouldn’t have to be afraid, or sad or angry over certain matters that they shouldn’t be concerned about in the first place. The parents should be able to help their kids manage their thoughts to get rid of the unwanted triggers.

Parents can also opt to divert the attention of their child into something pleasing to appease his intense emotions. When this is done in repetition, the child will learn this on his own and this is such a valuable coping skill to possess.

James Lehman said that he accepts cases of anger (trigger) management still although he gets to help parents understand that it’s not the anger they are trying to get rid of but the triggers of this anger. They need techniques they can use on their kids for them to grow up being well-balanced, peace-loving, and responsible adults.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Parents Must Set a Status Level with Their Kids

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One thing that parents can do to make things clear with their kid is to set up a status level. It’s simple to do. Let’s say Status 1 is where the kid gets to enjoy all the privileges and he basically is able to do what he wants to do. Status 2 on the other hand is that level wherein the child is grounded and all the privileges are taken off him.

You can give it any name you want. The purpose of it is to make things clearer and more like a black a white set-up. So whenever the child misbehaves in school or at home, you can call him and directly say you are now Status B and you’ve lost your privileges. You are going to stay there until such time you decide to follow the rule.

Any parent may think it’s next to impossible to be able to set this up with your kid. Parents can actually verbalize things ideas like this for as long as they approach their child in the right manner. Timing is key to any parenting strategy.

Usually the child is more responsive and receptive when he is happy and during good times. So when he is all smiles while holding his favorite ice cream right in your living room, you can call him and tell him, “You know what, Tommy, am really happy whenever you are in the right side of things, when you’re happy and enjoying all your privileges. I really want you to stay on that level for as you can. Why don’t we make it a rule between the two of us? Let’s call it Status 1 when you are enjoying all the privileges and Status 2 when you are grounded and you don’t get to enjoy any privileges at all.

It’s just like that and there’s a 101% chance that the child will listen to you and agree with you; that is all because you said it to him when he is happy and feeling light.

So what happens here is when you ask your child to talk to you after he did something in school or after he flunked out of Algebra and he simple refuses to do so you tell him, “Tommy, until such time you are going to come to me and talk to me about what happened, you are still in Status 2.”

One thing that you have to be sure about is that once your child comes to you and tells you about what happened you switch him back to Status 1 wherein he is back to enjoying all his privileges.

You have to remember when you do this that you are not to forcing him to do it and that you are doing this for his own benefit and that you are merely convincing him or supporting him to stay within the family boundaries and the good side of things.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

How to Discipline Your Obnoxious Child

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Parents often have concerns in handling their obnoxious children. There are tools that are needed for these children. Most often, parents also have to address some personal issues they have. One thing that both need to address, referring to the parent and the child, is goal setting.

In proper parenting, before you start to point out so many behavioral problems you have in mind, you must come up with specific goals. But first and foremost, you would need to define what a goal is.

A goal is not a wish. Most often children make wishes, like I want to be a good child to mom or I want to have a B in Math. Parents also commit this mistake of making a wish instead of setting a goal for their parenting.

A goal is when you say I will have to say this in order for Tommy to understand how important it is that he does his assignment. Or it could be that I will do this so that Tommy will find it hard to disobey me when it comes to eating dinner on time.

As a parent, it is also your goal to help your child come up with goals that are achievable and are clear cut for his own understanding. This will make it easier for him to follow.

Another thing that makes a goal a goal is commitment. This commitment is done when you make a pledge or a promise to accomplish something at a certain time line and with specific requirements. Without this pledge, you can’t have a commitment and without commitment there is no goal to speak of.

Kids often take false optimism as commitment. They would often think about doing great things someday and achieving great things. They simply cannot associate that goal with their having to do their homework every night or their having to finish the science project on time and not watching TV too late. It is now the parents’ role to let the child understand the goal, their commitment, and how their actions can lead to the attainment of the goal.

Another defining concept of a goal is specificity. One has to be really specific in one’s goals. You can’t say to your child, “You need to have an early bedtime.” It has to be, “You have to go to bed at 9 PM and not later than that.” By doing this it becomes clear to the child what time he is to sleep and what are the consequences if he won’t sleep at bedtime. This is also true for whatever goal you set with him to correct his problem behaviors and enhance more the right ones.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Essential Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents

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In a divorce, the kids experience emotional and situational problems. It is not just the pain of losing their parents that they have to face. These kids also have to face questions like, “What am I going to say if mom talks about dad?” “How am I going to behave around Dad now that mom is not around?” “How often would I see mom?”

People often think that children act out because of the pain. Children in fact act out because they cannot solve the emotional and situational problems that beset them. They are merely children and they need to be cared for, instead of being confused on how they are going to take care of their parents.

The main role of a parent is to let the children realize that they still have to face and solve life’s problems, despite the divorce. It’s their responsibility to help them to understand that it is normal to feel the pain but after some time you would have to pull yourselves up together and get on with life.

That is why a child has to have an anchor parent. He needs someone who would continue with the parenting, somebody who is in control. In a divorce, kids would think that their parents are out of control. They need someone who would tell them “I know things are not okay now. But I will make it okay. I will take care of you and help you deal with it. I do not care much what your dad will tell you but with me, this is how it is going on to being.”

When this happens the parent is telling his child that good things can fall apart but we have to pick up the pieces and move on with life. This will give the child the comfort knowing that someone knows what’s going on here and someone is in control. This can help him to move on and continue with what has to be done.

It is like saying, “Okay now there’s divorce, but I still have to cook your dinner and take care of you and you still have to work on your homework.”

Encourage your kids to talk to you openly about their feelings and their thoughts about the situation because that is the only way that they will feel better. With all the confusion and questions in their heads, it is you that they need the most. Children get confused when their parents divorce, so prepare to answer their questions.

Letting your kids understand and accept a reality like divorce is an ongoing process. Always let your child feel that you still love them and care for them and that you will always be there for them despite the separation.

Here are some tips about child with obedient attitude that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

The Effects of Divorce on Children’s Behavior

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Couples who live a happy and successful life may not have behavioral problems with their children. While they are still together, the children look up to them as their role models. If they display good behavior and show nice attitude, it is expected that the children will have these too. Display of negative attitudes can be easily absorbed by the children.

Couples who experience marital problems naturally experience fights and disagreements, and if done in front of the children, can leave a very negative impression on them. The more disagreements they display, the more stressful the lives of the kids will be. And if the condition worsens and leads to divorce, the more the children’s behavior will be affected.

Children usually look up to their parents as models. They can have impressions on their parents but the moment they split ways, confusion may set in. This can lead them to make conclusions as to who is good or bad. Because of these confusions, more problems may come in like who he will be more loyal to the mother or father.

Parents need to understand that if they go into divorce, the children’s needs and welfare should be of foremost importance. Parenting in this situation needs display of civility. Children will get more confused if there is misunderstanding between the parents. Their disliking each other doesn’t give them the right to neglect the children. Taking care of the needs of the children may alleviate the stressful situation experienced by the kids.

Children from divorced parents are more likely to experience difficulties in school, their relationships with classmates and teachers, especially if they no longer feel love at home. These children will have low self-esteem, low self-worth and may easily get into trouble with people around. Their behavior will be very difficult to understand by people around them and they are more confused. Children from divorced parents have more probability of getting depressed because of the unpleasant situation they are in.

Good parenting skills are needed and should be learned by both parents to help their kids to have normal lives. Compassion and understanding are essential in parenting since the kids are more likely to be aggressive, and hateful towards his perceived bad parent.

For parents who go into divorce, they have to understand that children can be irritating and may display disobedience for months or years after the divorce. The stress that they experience can lead them to these negative behaviors.

It can be interesting to note also that not all children from divorce will display bad behavior. But it can be safe to conclude that more kids from divorce will display bad behavior and the parent’s role is needed in situations like these.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

Faulty Thinking in Children – What Parents Should Do

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When people hear faulty thinking, a frown in the face is the common reaction. However, what most people fail to realize is that faulty thinking is very common in both parents and children. But even when faulty thinking is something that occurs in a lot of individuals, it does not meant that it should be tolerated.

A common example where parents commit faulty thinking is when they try to make up excuses to make their child’s behavior more socially acceptable. It is also a sign of faulty thinking when parents start to blame the “flawed” school policy when their child gets caught breaking certain school rules. It is faulty thinking when parents believe that it is the teacher’s incompetence that made her child fail the Math exam.

Faulty thinking is not a solution to any problem, especially when it concerns children. That is why it is very important for parents to know when their child is relying on faulty thinking so that behavior problems will be properly addressed.

Kids who always indulge in faulty thinking often get into trouble, which often leads to parent frustration. Faulty thinking or sometimes called stinky thinking often leads to ugly results. One common example of stinky thinking is when a parent tries to talk to her child but tends to focus on something else.

A parent reprimanding her child about not staying out so late on weekends but insists that her son looks her in the eyes when she is talking to her is one perfect example. When a parents insist that her child does this or does that while in the middle of an important conversation, there is a huge chance for the message to be missed.

Emphasizing something else during a conversation will only bring your off topic, which makes you vulnerable to losing your chain of thought. In fact, it will even distract you into forgetting what you wanted to say or what your child is in trouble for to begin with. You need to stay on topic every time you talk to your child, especially when it concerns misbehavior.

Kids will always be kids, and they are and will never be little adults. Because they are young, they would easily make hasty generalizations of things. Be careful into these tricky generalizations and do not let it distract you from what you are supposed to say.

When you understand your child’s faulty thinking, you will be able to solidify the communication lines that you and your child shares. Aside from that, you will also be more effective in showing your child which is right and which is wrong behavior. Just because a child thinks it is okay, does not necessarily mean that it is. And your child needs your help to see that.

Here are some tips about obedient children that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Why Faulty Thinking can be Dangerous to your Kid

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Faulty thinking is common in people with ego problems. This is a false way of thinking of over confidence people brought about by the influences of everybody around them. This form of environment could be their friends, relatives, peers, teachers and almost everybody surrounding them. Influences could also be based on beliefs, religion, and others that may affect people’s behavior.

The problem with faulty thinking is non-acceptance that they may be wrong in the first place. When commented on what they are doing, they make all kinds of excuses and all forms of reasons to justify their actions. These types of people are always on the defensive mode because of non-acceptance in the first place.

Problems like these are also common in kids. Kids who think that they can get what they want, even when they did it in a violent manner, have faulty thinking. They might think that they were right in the first place, because they got the result they wanted. Things like these can be dangerous to your kid.

But an analysis and thorough thinking should be done also with yourself or the whole elders in the family. Could it be also that you have this kind of behavior? You may also be doing this and your kids just picked up the pieces. You may also be in a “no acceptance mode” thinking that you are always right and that you can never be wrong.

If you have this kind of behavior, it would be very hard to recognize if a problem also exists with your kid. Having faulty thinking, you will always have the tendency to believe you know more than you really know. You would always assume that you are right and acceptance of doing any wrongdoing is not in your vocabulary.

Since this kind of behavior comes from heavy influences your environment, it would be best to talk with your spouse and ask for an honest opinion if you have this kind of faulty thinking. You can look back also from your childhood and your upbringing.

Acceptance is the most important thing in handling this situation. You can also ask for guidance from counselors and other professionals if the problem is severe. Remember that it may bring havoc to your family, and the most important thing is what it can do to your kid.

But if you are not in this situation, your kid’s problem may not be hard to handle. You can do it easily, but don’t expect instant results. The most important thing is you do it early, and you need the help of everybody in the family. Faulty thinking in kids can be overcome because they are still young and can still be molded to display good behavior and think the right way.

Here are some tips about obedient kids that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

Self-Delusion in Children

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While most parents and children know what is real and what is not, there are some who seems to be confused of their real identity. There are kids who make up this false identity of themselves in their minds and tend to think of it so often that it becomes their reality. This situation is called an honest self delusion.

Self delusion greatly affects one’s self esteem and it distorts the way one sees the world. Perhaps you have tried being referred as “delusional” by your friends when you try to over-think things and blow situations out of proportions – you either think so low of yourself or you think so highly of yourself.

Honest self delusions among adults are relatively “normal”, but in children it is a bit different. Children have a harder time differentiating what is real and what is not, especially when it involves morality. A kid who tends to hide his mom’s keys said when asked why, “I am hiding her keys because she was not being nice to me.”

The child thinks that hiding the keys is the moral consequence of what his mom did to him. Changing something based on moral beliefs is very hard, even in kids. Mere explaining or talking your child out of such twisted moral belief will not suffice. And even when you show evidence that him hiding your keys has no effect on your behavior, that belief still remains unmoved.

Sometimes a child’s self delusions are upsetting and sometimes they can be upsetting. However, you need to make sure that your child’s self delusions remain at a manageable level, or else there will be serious consequences. Letting your child continue these self delusions and not correcting their twisted beliefs will make things worse.

Self delusions can involve both good and bad things. Negative self delusions happen when your child begins to think that everyone hates him or that his friends think ill of him all the time while in school or that there are aliens waiting to kidnap him in the middle of his sleep.

Positive delusions on the other hand make a child feel good – your child will think that one day he will be president and he will declare no school for a month. Self delusions about negative things are called paranoia, while self delusions involving positive things are called grandiose.

Self delusions are common in kids; however you should not take it lightly. Self delusions can only be considered normal up to a certain point, and kids should be able to leave them in their childhood as they grow older. You need to make sure that this self delusion is discontinued by your children, or else they will live the rest of their life in fantasy.

Here are some tips about obedient kids that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem child.

Why False Self-Perception Is Not Good for Your Kid

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A person’s self-perception can have a major influence in his interaction with other people. A kid with a perception of himself being the brightest student in his class may encounter more difficulties with his classmates. The other kids also have their own perceptions of themselves and also their individual perception of the kid who touted himself as being the brightest.

A problem may crop up if he is your kid, since this will bring him more attitudinal problems in later years. His false self-perception can give him the self-confidence of which he cannot distinguish later if it is accurate or not. It has already gotten into himself so deeply that he believes in its truthfulness.

Kids having this false self-perception should be corrected early in his life. His self-image which he has built around this self-perception has to be modified. The over confidence he have because of this self-image can be detrimental to him. And he might not know it because all the while he didn’t know that it was a negative perception.

Considering that your kid have already this confidence, he will not have any motivation to change. This part falls on the parents shoulders. It is their duty to explain the realities to the kids having false self-perception. And this process should be done slowly and soberly because the kid may react and have contradictory response.

Changing false self-perception should have been started from childhood. It would be very hard to change self-perception if they are already grown ups. The old adage that, a branch cannot be straightened when they are already grown trees, it applies in this case. Behaviors and attitudes can be molded more easily with children rather than grown ups.

Parents can also be good examples for the kids to follow, if they project positive perceptions of themselves. Parents projecting positive self-image can give more motivation for the kids to follow, rather than for parents with attitude problems and suffering from poor self-image.

It should be remembered that kid’s self-perception can be influenced more on the environment he experiences at home and also at school. Parent can be more influencing factor such that being role models should be the best thing to do.

Changing false self-perception in kids cannot be an easy thing to do if not assisted by all the help it needs. The help of peers, relatives, friends and more importantly, the parents, is needed to attain the objective of change in the kids’ self-perception.

Here are some tips about obedient child that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem children.

What to Do When Kids Get So Negative

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Kids often see things awfully. They tend to see things negatively. As parents then, it is our responsibility to correct this perspective. At the first instance when the kid shows negativity or starts to negate the situation, you simply have to address the attitude directly.

As an example, you can tell your child, “Don’t make things too awful for you. Things will soon work out well for you, you’ll see.” You can say we can do it one step at a time. Then you help her take the first step and tell him that the next step will even be a lot easier for him.

This is what is called the take one step at a time approach. That is why when things get rough for your kid, you should come up with some sort of list to follow. Then you share the list to your kid and show him what you are going to do first down to the last step.

Like what any parent must do, you should help your child decide or perform the first step. It’s like holding his hand when he was just starting to walk. Then you tell him that the second step will be much easier for him but you will still be watching over him in case he needs you.

Another thing that’s important is for you to put out a calm demeanor. This will also calm your kid’s nerves and allow him to think clearly. When they can sense your calmness they are more to respond to you. This is effective when you are giving instructions or giving him advice on what to do.

Remember that your kids often follow your example. So if you are the frantic type of parent when it comes to emergencies and even for some minor setbacks, you might want to change your mind-set or at least control yourself when you are with your child.

Being organized is also one thing that you need to cultivate in you as a parent. Being systematic at home and even in implementing your rules will surely be a great help for you. First thing, your kids will easily understand you. When they understand you clearly well, they will more likely follow you.

Being organized and systematic can also help in having a more sunny perspective. One reason for this is that it keeps your mind uncluttered and yourself less stressed.

Here are some tips about child obedience that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem children.

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