Archive for 'obnoxious bad and abusive behavior'

Your Right to Compliance

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Getting compliance from kids is perhaps one of the most challenging parts of being a parent. However, there are some things that you can do in order to make sure that your kids honor your rules. While they are not going to be as easy, they are very effective and will help you keep that peace and harmony in your home.

Some parents resort to nagging just to get their kids to follow the rules. However, doing this only makes things a lot worse. Nagging your kids to follow the rules will only make them more angry or upset. So if you stop nagging, what can you do to make your kids stick with the rules?

There are three effective ways that experts recommend. These three techniques will help you get rid of the nagging while getting the compliance that you deserve. These are the three things that parents, bosses, and even teachers often forget. But once you use these techniques, you will realize that your rules are easily followed.

Remember the old saying,”Actions speak louder than words”? That is the very first tip. Regardless of how cliché it sounds, it is actually a very effective parenting technique. If you want your kids to follow the rule of not eating junk food before dinner, then you should not nibble on some carrots before 6 o’clock.

When your kids see you breaking the rules, do you really think they will follow whatever you say? You have to set an example to your kids. If you do not want them to feel that you are being unfair by them, then stick with your own rules and show them that honor the rules yourself.

You also have to clear with the rules and write them down. Kids like the idea of having contracts, so tell them that the rules are a contract between you and them. If they break the rules, they break the contract. If they break the contract, there are consequences. You can paste the contract somewhere readily visible so that aside from making it more official, it will serve as a constant reminder to your kids at the same time.

But the most crucial of the three things is the part where you have to make the time and explain the rules to your kids. Always keep in mind that telling your kids, “Because I said so” is the worst answer that you can give your kid. Aside from being rude, you are just encouraging further resistance.

Explaining clearly to your kids what is right from wrong will help them understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior better. When kids understand what they are doing, they will likely to continue it. When your kids know the reason why they are following the rules, they will comply without any sign or resistance.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Talk Back. Check on the link for more information.

Using Transitions to Teach Kids Respect

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Given how kids behave these days, parents should double their efforts in teaching their kids respect. Children of today are exposed to a lot of things that can easily confuse them in deciding which one is right and which one is wrong. Worse, these beliefs can even make them lose some of the important values in life.

There is no way that we can control and change the environment that our kids have, but we can definitely teach them proper manners and respectful behavior. Respect has been a primary concern for most parents in the past years because kids seem to have been slacking on that area. Teaching kids the value of respect is important not just because it is a basis for socializing, but also because it helps them learn to respect themselves as well.

Although it is every parent’s wish, kids are not born respectful. They learn respect from the people around them through imitation and direct teaching. That is why some experts see children as mirrors – they reflect back to us everything that we say and do. That means that about 90% of everything that our kids learn are from the grownups around them and only 5% of all they learn is from direct instruction.

Almost all children believe that the rest of the world exists because of them, and that everyone will give them everything that they need no matter what. It is the parent’s job to correct that somehow distorted belief. It is important for parents to start teaching them a few things as they grow such as hitting and grabbing are wrong, or that screaming and interrupting when adults are talking is not good.

When your child does something disrespectful, act firmly but without anger and say, “We agreed about no screaming in the house. Lower your voice down when you talk to your sister.” Simple rules like these will be essential reminders for kids to respect others and control their impulses.

Have rules at home that promote respect. You can impose rules like no name callings or using bad language, listening to what others have to say, not using a sibling’s belonging without asking permission, and saying things in a respectful way even when the person is annoying you.

It is also advised to give your children consistent consequences every time they break the rules and compliment them when they do otherwise. You can further teach respect in your kids by first building them up before telling them something negative.

Using transitions in teaching your kids proper behavior is one way of letting your kids value respect. You can tell them “I appreciate that you talk to me nicely. And now let’s talk about dad. Why don’t you try talking to him like the way you talk to me?” Through a transition, you let your child focus on the value of respect instead of his behavior problem.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Why Intermittent Reinforcement is Effective

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It is a must for every parent to be acquainted with the concept of how behavior is shaped and affected by intermittent reinforcement. Simply put, this behavioral concept believes that a behavior will be definitely difficult to change if the consequences of that behavior are not predictable and are not given on a regular basis. This principle applies whether the consequences involved are good or otherwise.

Some parents still confuse the concept of reinforcement in an overwhelming extent. In fact, there are even some parents who confuse positive and negative reinforcement so bad they are at a loss at deciding what kind of behavior should be reinforced and which one should be discouraged.

So to make things clearer, what intermittent reinforcement means is that the last thing that you would consider doing if you want to change an unacceptable behavior in your child is to be consistent about rewarding any good behavior. If you reward your child for washing the dishes for the rest of the year, you are teaching your child to help out ONLY when there is a reward – defeating the real purpose of letting him do the chore in the process.

Casinos are based on this principle. If you are a regular gambler, and say for example you lost every single time, common sense will tell you to stop playing and give it a rest. But if you win every once in a while, you will continue playing until you get extremely tired or until you realize the obvious and call it a day. That is why it becomes a bit wondrous why some people still sit and lose one game after another and still continue to play.

So when your child behaves appropriately in the store, every now and again buy your kid the toy that he wants or let him eat the food that he likes and tell him that you are doing it because of his good behavior. You will realize that the good behavior will continue in the same way that immediately taking your child home the moment he throws a tantrum is effective at eliminating the undesirable behavior.

Animal trainers do this all the time as well to maintain desired behaviors in their pets. The manner of “treat every time” is slowly reduced into praise and treat “every now and then”. In time, the animal continues to do the desired behavior consistently even when it does not always get a treat.

Just make sure that when you apply this behavior, you are consistent yourself – what is bad today should be bad tomorrow, and the next day. Try to be as consistent as you can in responding to your child’s behavior.

Being inconsistent is the worst thing that you can do to your child. Children are still confused and unpredictable, so your consistency will make things predictable for them.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

Take One Issue at a Time

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Giving consequences to abusive kids, especially when they are approaching adolescence has always been one of the biggest challenges to all parents. In fact, some parents give up and seize trying out of hopelessness and frustration. There are kids that no matter how hard their parents try, they still continue their unacceptable behavior or even get worse.

Most parents will certainly agree that finding the right consequences as well as the right privileges, and following through with them, is one of the hardest part of disciplining children. Although there are a lot of things that you can take away from your child in reality, parents usually find themselves powerless and with limited choices.

So what should parents do in order to teach kids who talk back appropriate behavior? If your daughter talks back, what should you do? If you tell your son that you are going to take away his iPod for a week if he does not get an A at his upcoming math test and he tells you, “You can try”, what should do?

First, you have to make it clear to your child that there is definitely no excuse for abuse, verbal and physical. Let your child know that in your home, any form of abuse is not tolerated. If your child continues to refuse the consequences, make things clear by saying, “Arguing with me like this is not going to change the rules. You know what you need to do right now.” Then walk away.

Always remember not to engage in a power struggle with your child, because once you do, things will get more complicated and out of hand. Engaging in a power struggle with your child is a trap that will give him a sense of control, something that he has been trying to get.

The key to properly disciplining your child, regardless of age is by focusing on one thing at a time. Yes as parents it is completely understandable to have a long list of things that you want to change or you want your child to do differently. But be realistic, attacking someone with every little thing that they are doing wrong will not make them change.

If you tell your child everything that he is doing wrong at one blow, he will be overwhelmed and will choose to stop trying altogether. Choose one or two at the most, of the most “alarming” behavior that you want to change in your child then focus on the skills to improve, the consequences to use, and the means of encouraging those new skills.

One way to help abusive kids improve is by teaching them to solve one problem at a time, so focus in on one thing: doing homework, cleaning the room, saying “thank you”. When you see your child improving on those areas, move on to the next behavior and so on.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

Why It’s Bad to Compare Your Family to Others

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Perhaps one of the biggest problems with families is not necessarily the problems that happen inside the home, but how we, parents, generally compare ourselves to other families.

At least once in your life, you heard a disappointed parent say, “I wish my son was more friendly and cheerful like his other classmates.” Or perhaps you overheard your daughter’s classmate say, “I wish my mom would understand like Anna’s mom.” Because these situations are somehow commonplace these days, it is then necessary that we understand why we often compare our own family to others. If we know the reason why we resort to this comparison, we will be able to find a workable solution.

Personally, I believe that we compare our families to others because a lot of families look better than our own families on the surface, which is why it is so easy to compare. Most of the time, we all tend to feel awkward talking about our family’s flaws with most people that we know.

Consequently, we begin to hold a false belief that we are in a “bad” family because we have problems, and everyone else knows what they are doing and we do not. That is why most often than not, we try to imitate the things that a parenting magazine tells us instead of doing what is best and proper for our family. We label ourselves after every challenge, and try to be like a “perfect family”, while overseeing the fact that the magazines are probably just trying to hide our homebound insecurities.

We all should remember that there is never a simple or a universal guideline for developing a truly productive family, let alone a perfect family one. There is no perfect way for a child to confess to his parents his true feelings and opinions about certain things, like being too overprotective. In the same sense that there is no magic dust that will make it easier for us parents to talk about unprotected sex and its dangers to our 16-year old daughters.

No magic or any magazine advice will make any family problem easier to solve. What it takes instead is a tremendous amount of efforts and understanding, for without these two, petty family issues can evolve into something bigger. It is important that we should realize the fact that there are no shortcuts that we can take when it comes to having a healthy and stable family.

Comparing your family to others is counterproductive. This does not mean that you expose all your family problems with everyone, but refusing to engage in any conversation where people brag about how wonderful their family happens to be.

Comparing families does not solve anything. If you stop doing it, you will see and appreciate the individuality your family has. And once you stop comparing and understand that your family is not THAT bad, solving family problems will be much easier.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

Poor Problem Solving Skills Causes Low Self-Esteem in Children

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It’s natural for parents to always want and give the best for their kids. We, as parents, would always worry what our kid’s future would be like, so we canít help but try and make their life as comfortable as possible. This is what we signed up for when we took the role of being providers for our children. But we should also remember that there has to be drawn limits between being caring parents and just mere spoon-feeders.

What our children learn from the lessons that life gives is the true measure of our success in being parents. So, when you feel that your kid has been having difficulty in facing situations or is having trouble in solving problems you need to intervene.

Parents should be aware that when kids fail at developing their problem solving skills they make up by showing bad behavior like being obnoxious or abusive to others. They do this because they don’t want to feel inadequate. If you can remember they gained these feeling of inadequacy because of their failure to solve problems. They compensate the feelings of inadequacy but in the process they develop low self-esteem. Their poor problem solving skills causes them to lack the self-esteem needed in order for them to try out solving new problems and face new challenges. In the long run, this is going to be a problem for your child and his future.

It doesn’t end there because if normal kids are in trouble, how much more are the ones with challenges or handicaps will be. They aren’t exempted from this. Which is why special children or impaired children shouldn’t be treated differently but instead they should be treated fairly like everybody else. They deserve that right of equality, not pity or worry or even false hopes. If you think about it the only free ride they’ll be getting is when they’re kids. But once they grow up, get a job and eventually have to live for themselves there isn’t going to be anyone to help them anymore.

Kids with impairments or challenges still have to obey the rules. They will still need to balance their jobs. They will still need to learn how to follow orders. They will still experience the pressures of life. As a parent, did you ever think they would be able to take in all these without difficulty? Of course they won’t. But you could at least help them by preparing them early. What if they were to break the rules, show bad or inappropriate behavior, or even abuse others? There is no excuse for rule-breaking even if you have disabilities, impairments or challenges.

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. It never has. So the best thing that every parent can do for their child is to prepare them for that. Parents should not be worried if their child is handicapped or normal because in the end it wont matter. All is fair and the sooner we help our kids learn how to properly solve problems on their own, the better. What they will learn from life gives us parents the added satisfaction.

Katherine Thompson, the author of this articles, encourages parents to check out http://kidsbehaviorproblems.com/ for more discussions about low self-esteem development and behavior problems in children.

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