Archive for 'obnoxious kid'

Showing Authority in Parenting

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Contrary to what some parents believe, showing authority to kids is actually a good thing. Kids need it to grow up in a healthy and proper manner. Children tend to thrive from the fact that they have parents who are in charge, who make rules, and give out consequences. While it is true that parents should be loving and fair to promote a good parent and child relationship, kids want to feel secure.

Parents can provide that sense of security when they are parents who are in control. In reality, children do not really want to be in charge, even when they seem to be running the show in the house almost all the time. Kids can get into the nerves of their parents, but they know deep inside them that they do not know enough about the world.

In order for kids to feel safe, secure and loved, parents should confidently take over and make the final decisions. Children see their parents as figures of authority. In the eyes of a child, a mother and a father are like God. Parents are omnipotent and omniscient – they care, feed, and clothe their kids. And most of all, they protect them from harm.

Teach your child to learn things out of his own willingness but under your authority put him in an environment where there is acceptance. Children are able to greatly improve when they are taught to develop their skills and maximize their potential under a firm, yet flexible parental authority.

One way to establish your parental authority over your children is through positive reinforcement. It is a universal fact that people repeat a certain behavior when its exhibition comes with a reward. However, there are some parents who have issues with giving rewards to their children to make them cooperate or agree to requests and expectations.

If you do not want your child to depend on the reward before doing something good, you can keep a record of all his deeds and then agree to a certain extent before he gets his reward. Children like the idea of charts and graphs. You can have a “good deed chart” at home and put a mark or a gold star for every successful performance.

But on top of the charts and the rewards, the most effective way of showing parental authority to your kids is to show it with love. Of all things, your kids need your love the most. So even when you do not personally agree with the rules that your children need to follow, act as if you do if you think that it is for the best.

You will not become effective at showing parental authority when you go against the rules set for your child just because you don’t agree with it. This will make your child think that he can also do the same thing.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

The Right Time to Give Cues: Stop Your Kids from Misbehaving Through Cues

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A lot of parents often find it hard to talk to their kids without getting into a fight. This problem in communication is usually the reason why a parent and a child get involved with a power struggle. When parents feel paralyzed when their kids give them a sarcastic and condescending tone, a screaming match is just around the corner.

In order to avoid these ugly fights, some parents resort of keeping silent and letting their kids have the say in the house. They walk on eggshells, and they ask their kids nicely instead of telling them firmly what to do. While walking on thin ice prevents arguments from happening, it is not really the solution to the problem. You have to realize that being considerate to your child is totally different from tiptoeing around your kids.

It is a fact that parents should be considerate to their children’s feelings and opinions. If your child has troubles going through something, you can be considerate in such a way that you help him overcome the challenge as smoothly as possible. Perhaps you can help in terms of adjusting the frequency and the intensity of the experience so that your child can learn to build tolerance.

Say for example your child is afraid to swim. Do you think throwing him into the pool is the best way to go? What you should do instead is to work with him in overcoming that fear. Talk to your child about the things that he finds difficult so that he builds up the tolerance for it and develops a solid base for his skills in the process.

But what if your child is very reactive in a negative way and talking seems to be not working? What you should do to stop his unacceptable behavior? Tiptoeing is definitely NOT the answer.

Tiptoeing around your child is like telling him that he can refuse his responsibilities as well as the things that he is expected to do. When you tiptoe around your kid, you are giving him the impression that he is more powerful than you and he will use that power to manipulate you in any way he can. That is why setting a limit to your child’s behavior is necessary.

There is proper way of correcting your child’s behavior, especially when he misbehaves in front of his friends or other people that you know. Yes it is your job to reprimand, but it does not include yelling or humiliating your child.

Use cues to tell your child that he is going out of line. Perhaps give him a solid stare or a sharp look to tell him, “Okay, that’s it. Stop it right there” whenever your child begins to misbehave. Remember, yelling will make things worse. But with cues, you will be able to stop your child’s misbehavior without getting into a fight.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Setting Long Term Goals with Your Kids

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Unfortunately, not many parents realize the importance of teaching their kids to set goals at a young age, perhaps because goal setting is often seen as a practice done by adults only.

We were all kids at one point of our lives, so we know that kids would rather spend all day running around and playing under the sun or hang out with friends instead of doing something serious like setting goals. So unsurprisingly, kids do not appreciate how important goal setting is as well.

If you are one of those parents, it is not too late. It is your role to guide your children and set goals, and teach them the importance of achieving it. You cannot really expect their schoolteachers to teach them this, because generally what they are after are grades and examinations. This is where you, the parent, comes in. You should not only teach your kids to be book smart, you also have to train them to become well rounded individuals.

In teaching your kids to set goals, be careful about suggesting deadlines or time limits. You might not be aware of it, but the way adults see time can be extremely different from the point of view of a 7-year old. Keep in mind that for a child, two weeks can be a painfully long time. Be sensitive to the age of your child when you talk to him about time frames.

Most of the time, it helps if you let your child write down their goals or do the writing yourself when they are still too young to write. But when your child already knows how to write, do not just let him write the goals, but include why the goal is important and what will happen if the goal is achieved.

But the most important thing to remember of all is to let your children be the ones to think of the ideas for their own goals, as much as possible. If you want to make suggestions, make sure to be sensitive with their age and interests.

If you decide for your child, the goals will most likely be short term instead of long term. If you feel that the goal is too big for your child to accomplish just yet, you can try and break it into mini-goals so that they can see progress quickly, even on a daily basis if possible.

You have to help your child achieve the goal; work with him, but do not take over. Just make sure you get involved enough so that your child will feel your support and your interest, but be careful no to let her think that you want to do it for her.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Taking the Wheel of Your Child’s Life

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When a child learns and has the guts to disrespect his or her parents, majority of the blame goes to the parents themselves. It is the parents’ responsibility to draw clear lines of authority as early as possible because if they don’t, the sense of authority that they have over their child can easily be swayed.

When your child feels unsure about who is the boss of whom in the family, they will likely assume the role and engage in risky behaviors or become bossy and arrogant. When that happens, parents get angry and frustrated with their kids because there is no way of controlling their kids anymore.

If you hope to live in an environment where your child sees you as his best friend, it is perfectly understandable. Every parent wants their children to feel that they are a friend, not a foe. In a perfect world that could work, but in reality there is a fat chance that it will not.

Building a parent-child relationship under that setup is problematic because our society thinks of a friend as someone who does not pose judgments, a person who shares an egalitarian relationship with someone else. And that is the last thing that you want if you want your kids to respect you and value your opinion. It is not exactly your role to be a friend, but it is your role to make judgments and decisions even when your children does not approve of them. You have to be the one who’s in charge, not the other way around.

However, being the boss does not mean controlling your kids, in black and white. It just means that you have to let your kids be aware of their limitations as kids and to introduce them to certain restrictions as well as the consequences of their every action. Being the boss means temporarily steering the wheel of your child’s life until he is equipped enough to do it on his own.

Show your kids the things that they are allowed and not allowed to do while still young. So that when they reach the adolescent age, it will not be as hard for you both. You see, it is during this time of rage and rebellion that kids will want you out of their lives and take control. But you can avoid that setup if you have already established the role of being the one in charge.

Being in-charge means keeping an open mind and a wider understanding of things. If your child commits a mistake, correct him. Even if that means calling the police yourself when he gets into trouble with the law. Although that will be perhaps the most difficult thing any parent can do, you need to have the courage and the power to do what is right for your child no matter what.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Guide: The Concrete Transactions Dilemma

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The use of concrete transactions is another practice that children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior look into. Parents will find this certain practice quite interesting because basically it involves how kids see themselves and the roles they and their parents have with each other.

A concrete transaction is a name for a way of thinking about things in which relationships are vehicles or mediums for achieving an end goal. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, the end goal usually displeases the parent because it involves things that publicize the bad behavior of the kid.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive children make use of concrete transactions to build a relationship with someone designed to help get around the rules. These relationships can be with a peer, friend, or even the parent. Rules are seen as obstacles to concrete transactions and to the relationships that are formed.

Kids will consider rules as obstacles no matter what. Kids who grow up to be followers are the kids that get around the rules by compliance. Diplomat-type kids are the ones who get around the rules through negotiation. But the bad, obnoxious and abusive kids see rules as high walls. They don’t want to pole-volt over the wall; they simply want to run around to get over the other side. This means they want to get around that obstacle so the only way for them to do this is by forming relationships with others to help them achieve that end goal.

Children like these will only be concerned with getting around obstacles. That mind set warrants the notion or idea that kids like these will create relationships and do just about anything to get around the rules. Rules, for them are obstacles thus rules are guidelines children’s behavior and to obtain power.

The loyalty issue is a really big matter for children. With once instance they can cast you aside and treat you like an enemy when you don’t help them overcome obstacles. Relationships based on concrete transactions aren’t relationships at all, they are just roles being filled that is why it is so easy for them to cast off people they know.

Parents should not be misled that they should get on the good side with their children by becoming their best friend. These are all false beliefs. Children already have a plethora of friends and best friends to choose from. Parents should serve as mentors, guides, and teachers to their children.

The best way of being a friend to your child is to become a good parent to him/her. Since children vary on how they define friendship and friends it would be the best option for a guardian. Children think of friends as the people who get committed and will really follow through to the end on their distorted ideas. Would you prefer the friendship you’ve established with your child over your thoughts on honesty, obedience, and morality among others? Definitely not. You can be your child’s best friend, but you cannot be both a best friend and a good parent at the same time.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to consider checking out The Total Transformation Program to get helpful parenting tips and resources.

Parenting Enemies: The One-Way Boundaries of Obnoxious and Abusive Kids

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Boundaries are used to mark dividing lines and define limits. Boundaries make separations clear. There are lots of things that need separations or dividing lines like property, territory, and even feelings and attitudes towards other people. These are what we call natural boundaries or personal boundaries that we use to protect ourselves from unwanted feelings. But when are these boundaries harmful?

Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior often employ the use of one-way boundaries at the home setting. One-way boundaries are interesting things because bad, obnoxious and abusive children subconsciously engage in this type of practice by being oppressive and discourteous to other people’s boundaries. But at the same time, they feel violated themselves when other people invade their boundaries or private space.

Searching their sibling’s rooms for toys, taking money from your hanged up jeans pocket, or listening over your phone conversations, these kids will do all that and more. Sounds harmless right? But these are actually problems in child behavior so you should be worried as a parent.

Bad, obnoxious and abusive kids who employ the use of one-way boundaries feel violated when you listen outside their room. They feel uneasy when you hover over them on the phone and will even accuse you of trespassing when you go into their room to check out something like searching for your lost phone or pocket money.

Kids with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior cannot see for a second that they’re being obsessively territorial when it comes to one-way boundaries. When it’s beneficial for their part, they can’t accept the fact that you had to invade their privacy because of some violation they did to you or to others. This is how one-way boundaries work.

Kids also deserve the right to privacy. But when you start to suspect that they might be doing misbehavior then that’s a whole different story. They don’t get the right to privacy if you suspect them to be doing drugs or stealing things. You have all the right to enforce that authority since it involves the child’s well-being.

If you have a feeling that your child is engaging in bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior, it is best that you acquaint yourself with how these kids usually behave. Children that take on bad characteristics and practices such as one-way boundaries get upset when you eavesdrop on their phone calls; they fight with their siblings over gifts and presents; and they even blame or accuse you of stealing when they catch you inside their room without consent.

Obnoxious and abusive kids want you to respect their boundaries but are irrespective and discourteous of other people’s boundaries. For these children, they believe that they can do whatever business they want with you but you can’t return the favor. Parents should be aware and should prepare themselves of the possible conflicts that could arise with children like these.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, you might want to check out The Total Transformationprogram for parents. It’s really excellent.

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