Archive for 'ODD Disorder'

Teach Your Kids to Get Away from the Triggers of Negative Emotions

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The best way for you to help your kids avoid any negative thoughts is to evade the triggers. That’s how significant it is for parents to get to know what these triggers are. Most often these are very observable and often only require common sense to figure out.

It’s as simple as when you are not bringing with you any cash, you better not swing by the candy store since this may trigger a huge problem with your kid. If your kid finds his brother annoying then he must not be seated beside his brother during TV and dinner time. This is also true when you let your child sit beside a school bully.

However, the ultimate goal of any parent would be to teach their kids how to figure out and eventually be able to avoid triggers in the end. This is particularly true because parents are not with their kids all the time. Kids must be able to handle themselves well when they are on their own.

In time, when kids are able to do this on their own with an automatic button, kids will finally feel and learn to accept that they indeed have a responsibility in figuring out triggers, avoiding them totally to keep away from anger.

There are times when a sugar spike brought about by a can of Pepsi can trigger a boost of energy and when it subsides, the child gets restless and gets angry eventually. So it’s the best thing for parents to do to help the child realize this so he would try to avoid drinking a whole bottle of Pepsi if he can’t handle its effects on him.

More often these kids are not aware that these triggers are for real and they happen. So the next time his mother tells him to go to bed at 9 PM as the father you ask the child what he feels or thinks about his mother. Most probably the child would retort that he is angry at his mother and he thinks that she only wants to get rid of him so she told him to sleep early.

Then you tell your child to start talking to himself in a different manner. Remember that this strategy can be used in every day situations. It could be in school, at home, or even in the community playground where he usually stays.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Anger Management versus Trigger Management

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We often hear from parents say they are in dire need of anger management therapy. James Lehman, a renowned child specialist, cringes at the idea behind anger management. According to him, anger cannot be managed. It is the trigger of this anger that you must know how to manage.

The same principle applies among children. In fact, when you say trigger management in children. It doesn’t mean anger alone. It applies to all forms of overwhelming emotions such as fear or anxiety, loss, separation, and others that children simply don’t have skills to manage.

In this sense, they need the help and support of their parents. One best thing that parents can do for their kids who are frequently suffering from the consequences of these uncontrolled emotions is to prevent it from happening. That is why parents must keep their children away from the triggers or the stimuli of these strong, negative emotions. The first thing to do is observe and figure out what these triggers are.

The concept of trigger management in fact refers to management of your thoughts. Our feelings are often triggered by our thoughts. It is also the thoughts that maintain the anger that it created itself. You can try it yourself. When you are feeling intense anger, try to think of a happy thought and it will actually lessen your anger and make you more relaxed in the end.

In children’s case, it may be doubly hard for them to control, release or cope in any way with their thoughts and the feelings they bring. They have not learned the skills to do this yet. That is where parents must help and support them all throughout.

So the first thing that parents can do to help children cope with their unfounded fears, anxiety, or anger may be is to let them understand why they shouldn’t have to be afraid, or sad or angry over certain matters that they shouldn’t be concerned about in the first place. The parents should be able to help their kids manage their thoughts to get rid of the unwanted triggers.

Parents can also opt to divert the attention of their child into something pleasing to appease his intense emotions. When this is done in repetition, the child will learn this on his own and this is such a valuable coping skill to possess.

James Lehman said that he accepts cases of anger (trigger) management still although he gets to help parents understand that it’s not the anger they are trying to get rid of but the triggers of this anger. They need techniques they can use on their kids for them to grow up being well-balanced, peace-loving, and responsible adults.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Probe Your Child When He Misbehaves

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When your child misbehaves, the best thing you can do to get his thoughts about the incident is to probe on the matter. This is significant for you to help your child come up with some coping skills each time problems arise.

You can ask your child questions like, “What are you gonna do the next time your classmate bullies you in school? Are you gonna pick a fight again?” Or it could be, “What are you going to do when you’re angry at someone cause you were not allowed to do something?”

These kids may not have something to answer when you ask such questions to them. If this happens the best thing for you to do is to help him articulate what you think is a good coping mechanism.

You can ask him, “Isn’t it wise to just listen to your iPod first before you speak about the matter particularly if you are still angry about it?” Or when you are feeling angry over something that’s not allowed for you to use, do you think walking away for a while will do the trick?”

Coping skills are one of the significant things that you must teach your child. This will be a measure of his being responsible in his adult life once he knows some great coping mechanisms to go for all the problems that might come his way.

Children have different coping mechanisms. You as a parent can determine what those are. It could be walking away, listening to the radio, going to the beach, swimming, or even merely playing his favorite video game.

Let the child realize what his coping mechanisms are. Then you help him figure out himself what coping mechanism to use the next time the same situation happens again. You can ask him, “Are you going to walk around the block the next time you’re angry at your brother or are you going to listen to your iPod?”

The child will either give you his choice or he may come up with his own. What’s significant is that the child will be able to quantify his coping mechanisms. This will ensure that the next time he encounters a problem he will know how to deal with it. It may not be a head-on collision all the time but what’s essential is that he has experienced how it is to devise some means to cope with any problems that arise.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

How to Investigate When Your Kid Misbehaves

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The first thing to do when a kid misbehaves is to investigate what happened. You have to know what happened and with that you have to ask your child his perceptions. Most often, these perceptions are also the triggers for his misbehavior. That is why it is significant for you to investigate. In that way, you know what makes him behave in that manner.

It is not wise to argue with your child at this point. Neither are his perceptions clear since most often they are distorted. But the thing is you do have to hear them to establish the triggers.

One thing that you are sure about is that something happened there. Your child saw something. That’s why it is even more necessary that you stick to the facts and don’t let his distorted perceptions get in the way of your finding out what triggered his behavioral problems.

It is also significant for a parent to stay focused on what’s happening in the present and not to look back to what happened in the past. With this, you must also avoid blaming him or other people over what happened in the past. Nor should a parent justify his actions or even the actions of his own child.

A parent will only be able to do this if he won’t let his feelings meddle with his decisions and the way he is investigating his child. Thus, the questions in this instance must all be clear, concise and straightforward. Treat it like your handling a business issue.

Contrary to what most people would insinuate with running a home or managing your children, you have to be business-like with them. It’s the only way that your children will realize how serious you are about your rules although this doesn’t mean you would not feel totally anything at all towards your children or that you won’t allow your children to feel anything towards you. For sure that’s not the case with successful businesses as well.

Here’s an example of what you can say to your child when you’re investigating. You tell him, “I know for sure that you have a reason for doing this. I want to know what your thoughts are.” Once the child starts to talk, the parent owes the child his needle focus. It’s his time to tell and the parent must not interrupt the child while he is at it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

Self-Delusion in Children

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While most parents and children know what is real and what is not, there are some who seems to be confused of their real identity. There are kids who make up this false identity of themselves in their minds and tend to think of it so often that it becomes their reality. This situation is called an honest self delusion.

Self delusion greatly affects one’s self esteem and it distorts the way one sees the world. Perhaps you have tried being referred as “delusional” by your friends when you try to over-think things and blow situations out of proportions – you either think so low of yourself or you think so highly of yourself.

Honest self delusions among adults are relatively “normal”, but in children it is a bit different. Children have a harder time differentiating what is real and what is not, especially when it involves morality. A kid who tends to hide his mom’s keys said when asked why, “I am hiding her keys because she was not being nice to me.”

The child thinks that hiding the keys is the moral consequence of what his mom did to him. Changing something based on moral beliefs is very hard, even in kids. Mere explaining or talking your child out of such twisted moral belief will not suffice. And even when you show evidence that him hiding your keys has no effect on your behavior, that belief still remains unmoved.

Sometimes a child’s self delusions are upsetting and sometimes they can be upsetting. However, you need to make sure that your child’s self delusions remain at a manageable level, or else there will be serious consequences. Letting your child continue these self delusions and not correcting their twisted beliefs will make things worse.

Self delusions can involve both good and bad things. Negative self delusions happen when your child begins to think that everyone hates him or that his friends think ill of him all the time while in school or that there are aliens waiting to kidnap him in the middle of his sleep.

Positive delusions on the other hand make a child feel good – your child will think that one day he will be president and he will declare no school for a month. Self delusions about negative things are called paranoia, while self delusions involving positive things are called grandiose.

Self delusions are common in kids; however you should not take it lightly. Self delusions can only be considered normal up to a certain point, and kids should be able to leave them in their childhood as they grow older. You need to make sure that this self delusion is discontinued by your children, or else they will live the rest of their life in fantasy.

Here are some tips about obedient kids that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem child.

What to Do When Kids Get So Negative

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Kids often see things awfully. They tend to see things negatively. As parents then, it is our responsibility to correct this perspective. At the first instance when the kid shows negativity or starts to negate the situation, you simply have to address the attitude directly.

As an example, you can tell your child, “Don’t make things too awful for you. Things will soon work out well for you, you’ll see.” You can say we can do it one step at a time. Then you help her take the first step and tell him that the next step will even be a lot easier for him.

This is what is called the take one step at a time approach. That is why when things get rough for your kid, you should come up with some sort of list to follow. Then you share the list to your kid and show him what you are going to do first down to the last step.

Like what any parent must do, you should help your child decide or perform the first step. It’s like holding his hand when he was just starting to walk. Then you tell him that the second step will be much easier for him but you will still be watching over him in case he needs you.

Another thing that’s important is for you to put out a calm demeanor. This will also calm your kid’s nerves and allow him to think clearly. When they can sense your calmness they are more to respond to you. This is effective when you are giving instructions or giving him advice on what to do.

Remember that your kids often follow your example. So if you are the frantic type of parent when it comes to emergencies and even for some minor setbacks, you might want to change your mind-set or at least control yourself when you are with your child.

Being organized is also one thing that you need to cultivate in you as a parent. Being systematic at home and even in implementing your rules will surely be a great help for you. First thing, your kids will easily understand you. When they understand you clearly well, they will more likely follow you.

Being organized and systematic can also help in having a more sunny perspective. One reason for this is that it keeps your mind uncluttered and yourself less stressed.

Here are some tips about child obedience that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem children.

Dealing w/ ODD

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If you have a child diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD, you might find the latest article post on our website helpful. Dealing with ODD is an article that gives you tips on how to handle the type of behavior associated with those suffering from ODD. By simply following these 3 tips, you may find noticeable improvements in the behavior of your child. We also recommend that you try the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman for more training on how to handle ODD. You can get the program for free if you fill out a feedback survey.

Why Expecting Too Much From Kids is Bad

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Having expectations from children is perhaps one very confusing issue when it comes to parenting. One parenting book will tell you that expecting too little from your kids is not helpful, while your friend who is a mother of three tells you otherwise. Expecting too much from kids will only discourage and pressure them, all at the same time.

Almost all parents want their kids to learn things right away. Parents want their kids to be the best in class and to behave themselves like adults at home and in public. However, rushing children like this is usually the reason why some parents forget that every child is unique. It is not any excuse, but rushing our children into doing things right there and then actually gives them a lot of stress.

You have to bear in mind that children learn and grow at a different pace. That means that children do not get to achieve or surpass certain aspects in life in the same way, or at the same time. So, you should not expect your son to be as smart as his classmate or be as talented as his cousin.

There are certain ways that will help you find out if you are putting a lot of pressure on your child’s shoulder. Ask yourself if you are the kind of parent who expects his child to say all the nice things in public. Ask yourself if you keep telling your children “stop acting like a child” or if you often find yourself scolding your daughter when she refuses to play the piano in your friend’s house.

One of the most important things that you must do as a parent is to understand that your child is different from others psychologically and behavior-wise. You have to understand that not all children are born friendly, or social, or extrovert or emotionally stable just because you think they should be.

As a parent, you have to learn to stop expecting your child to do the things that you want them to do correctly, right away. You have to stop making your child feel how disappointed you are when they are not able to meet your demands.

When a child feels that they fail at pleasing their parents, they become sad and feel discouraged. When they realize that they are not “good enough”, they develop low self esteem which could later on make them feel depressed. That is why before you expect anything from your child, assess first his potential and capabilities.

If they just learned their first sentence, do not rush them into saying a full paragraph. Do not feel disappointed when they do not say “thank you”. Gratitude is one thing that kids do not understand right away. So do not expect them to acknowledge your every parenting deed.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

Give Your Kids Options through a Menu

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Learning the art of gentle yet firm persuasion is one of the things that every parent should learn. Being able to persuade kids to do the things that you want them to do require skill, and it usually needs a lot of time and experience. Just imagine being able to convince your son into doing his homework without getting into a heated argument, then parenting would be less stressful.

That is exactly the reason why you need to learn how to persuade your children. It does not happen overnight, but it is very possible. If you know how to convince your kids, it will make a lot of difference. You have to accept the fact that kids are not wired to obey instructions, that is why you need to help them do what they ought to do.

You should help your children realize that there are certain things that they have to do, whether they like it or not. Even when your child is a strong willed one, you should think of something that will make him do the things that he should be doing.

Although it sounds impossible, you can let your children do everything you want them to do without having to repeat yourself over and over. There are some things that you can do to make parenting less stressful. If you do these things, sooner or later, your children will cheerfully respond to your instructions.

Think about the time that you can save if there was less fighting or arguing. Think about how much anger you can avoid if you know how to make your kids do what you want them to do. Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up one day and not hear complaints or get ignored by your kids when you tell them to finish their vegetables? Or perhaps be obeyed right away when you tell your kids to wash their hands?

But if you think that kids get all suddenly obedient after you tell them so happens overnight, think again. You have to learn to accept the fact that it is a part of a child’s nature to refuse anything that adults, especially their parents, ask them to do.

With certain techniques, you will be able to get around that. There are actually some things that you can do to make your children follow your every instruction. One of which is to give your children options. But first, you have to know the things that they like doing so that you know what rewards to give them.

Have a menu or a list of things that they like doing and later use those things to help replace certain behaviors that you want to discourage. Tell your son, “I see that you like this video game. If you help your sister with the chores instead of watching TV all day, I will let you play this.”

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.

Transition Time with Your Kids

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The most important thing that will do you great in your role as a parent is to understand your own emotions. It is a universal fact that parenting is tough. But the truth is, when you get angry or show negative emotion, something happens with the way you think that screws everything up.

There are actually some chemical changes in your brain that will affect how it functions and how you think. When that happens, you will not be able to see the situation for what it actually is and you will not be able to think clearly.

Have you ever been in an argument with your child that you just knew you could impossibly win? Well, if it is any consolation, all parents have been at least once. But the good news is that there are actually some things that you can do to make you avoid going through the same things again.

The first thing that you can do to avoid getting into a power struggle with your kid and automatically losing the argument is by changing your mindset. It is absolutely true when some say you get what you expect in life. You need to understand this fact and once you do it, you will totally change the way you live your life.

If you come home from work and while driving your car you think that the moment you reach home, a spat with your kid is about to happen, then you will surely get one. Are you wondering why other parents come home with happy and warm kids waiting for them? Are you wondering what the difference is? Perception.

If you truly believe that an argument is waiting for you at home, then you will definitely get one. Not only will you begin to genuinely think that there is actually one waiting for you at home, but your subconscious will also begin to work against you. This is because what you do in the conscious mind makes up only 10% of what we think, and the other 90% is all subconscious.

So when you tell yourself that, “I’m sure Peter has done something wrong in school today. He is going to be in so much trouble when I get home”, your subconscious will believe it and will begin to make it your reality. This has been happening time and time again for a lot of parents.

If you are bogged down with kids screaming and yelling and you can’t seem to see your way through it all, you need to take some time and learn to compose yourself first. Only when you can compose yourself properly can you effectively be of benefit to your kids and to yourself as well. When you are calm, you can elicit any changes in your kids.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

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