Archive for 'Oppositional Defiant Disorder'

Setting Long Term Goals with Your Kids

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Unfortunately, not many parents realize the importance of teaching their kids to set goals at a young age, perhaps because goal setting is often seen as a practice done by adults only.

We were all kids at one point of our lives, so we know that kids would rather spend all day running around and playing under the sun or hang out with friends instead of doing something serious like setting goals. So unsurprisingly, kids do not appreciate how important goal setting is as well.

If you are one of those parents, it is not too late. It is your role to guide your children and set goals, and teach them the importance of achieving it. You cannot really expect their schoolteachers to teach them this, because generally what they are after are grades and examinations. This is where you, the parent, comes in. You should not only teach your kids to be book smart, you also have to train them to become well rounded individuals.

In teaching your kids to set goals, be careful about suggesting deadlines or time limits. You might not be aware of it, but the way adults see time can be extremely different from the point of view of a 7-year old. Keep in mind that for a child, two weeks can be a painfully long time. Be sensitive to the age of your child when you talk to him about time frames.

Most of the time, it helps if you let your child write down their goals or do the writing yourself when they are still too young to write. But when your child already knows how to write, do not just let him write the goals, but include why the goal is important and what will happen if the goal is achieved.

But the most important thing to remember of all is to let your children be the ones to think of the ideas for their own goals, as much as possible. If you want to make suggestions, make sure to be sensitive with their age and interests.

If you decide for your child, the goals will most likely be short term instead of long term. If you feel that the goal is too big for your child to accomplish just yet, you can try and break it into mini-goals so that they can see progress quickly, even on a daily basis if possible.

You have to help your child achieve the goal; work with him, but do not take over. Just make sure you get involved enough so that your child will feel your support and your interest, but be careful no to let her think that you want to do it for her.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ADHD. Check on the link for more information.

What to Do When Kids Lie: Do Not Let Your Kid Distort Your Values

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Children will always try to lie. Lying is something that all human beings, especially children are naturally wired to do. For kids, lying is a way of testing their boundaries and no child is an exception. Although morally wrong, parents should not take these lies seriously. Keep in mind that lying is a part of a child’s development. However, if your kids lie almost all the time, then that is a different story.

Kids lying are almost always a common problem shared by parents all around the world. Frequent lying, contrary to occasional, harmless lies has to be taken seriously in order to make it stop. Just like any other behavioral problem, the best thing to address a lie is to understand its cause. Parents should understand that kids are kids, therefore their lies are generally completely different from adult lies.

One common reason why children lie is because they are modeling after an adult, usually a parent. That is applicable to certain situations, but not all the time. This is because kids do not always try to imitate others, and the cause for lying may be different.

Read on and see a few ways to handle this problem. Take note of the major difference between a child who lies to hide something he did wrong and a child who lies just to get everybody’s attention.

When your child did something wrong, do not ask him something that you already know. After he broke a vase, saying “Did you do this?” when you already know is giving an opportunity for him to lie. Instead, say what you know very clearly. Since you already know what happened, tell him that and apply a punishment as necessary. Playing with that truth will only confuse your child.

If you learn that your child lied to you about something, do not be angry or yell at your child. Your anger is the ultimate reason why your kid lied, he wants to avoid it any way he can. When you react with anger, you are only pushing him to lie more. So keep your voice low and ask him why he lied. He needs your help to get rid of the behavior, not encourage it.

Kids who are caught lying usually lie more in the efforts of covering up their first lie. When that happens, be careful and do not buy your kid’s excuses. Stick with your values, and always insist on honesty and in telling the truth. Tell your kids what these values can bring such as trust and independence, and then tell them what lies bring too, such as punishment.

Handling a lying child may be easier said than done. But if you keep these things in mind and you stick to your values, then it might be a little easier than you expected.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.

Why It’s Bad to Compare Your Family to Others

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Perhaps one of the biggest problems with families is not necessarily the problems that happen inside the home, but how we, parents, generally compare ourselves to other families.

At least once in your life, you heard a disappointed parent say, “I wish my son was more friendly and cheerful like his other classmates.” Or perhaps you overheard your daughter’s classmate say, “I wish my mom would understand like Anna’s mom.” Because these situations are somehow commonplace these days, it is then necessary that we understand why we often compare our own family to others. If we know the reason why we resort to this comparison, we will be able to find a workable solution.

Personally, I believe that we compare our families to others because a lot of families look better than our own families on the surface, which is why it is so easy to compare. Most of the time, we all tend to feel awkward talking about our family’s flaws with most people that we know.

Consequently, we begin to hold a false belief that we are in a “bad” family because we have problems, and everyone else knows what they are doing and we do not. That is why most often than not, we try to imitate the things that a parenting magazine tells us instead of doing what is best and proper for our family. We label ourselves after every challenge, and try to be like a “perfect family”, while overseeing the fact that the magazines are probably just trying to hide our homebound insecurities.

We all should remember that there is never a simple or a universal guideline for developing a truly productive family, let alone a perfect family one. There is no perfect way for a child to confess to his parents his true feelings and opinions about certain things, like being too overprotective. In the same sense that there is no magic dust that will make it easier for us parents to talk about unprotected sex and its dangers to our 16-year old daughters.

No magic or any magazine advice will make any family problem easier to solve. What it takes instead is a tremendous amount of efforts and understanding, for without these two, petty family issues can evolve into something bigger. It is important that we should realize the fact that there are no shortcuts that we can take when it comes to having a healthy and stable family.

Comparing your family to others is counterproductive. This does not mean that you expose all your family problems with everyone, but refusing to engage in any conversation where people brag about how wonderful their family happens to be.

Comparing families does not solve anything. If you stop doing it, you will see and appreciate the individuality your family has. And once you stop comparing and understand that your family is not THAT bad, solving family problems will be much easier.

Searching for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

Battling with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

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oppositional-defiant-disorderOppositional defiant disorder is a continuing pattern of disobedient, hostile and defiant behavior toward authority which goes beyond the limits of normal childhood behavior. This disorder is usually diagnosed in childhood. Children and adolescents with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are more troublesome to others than they are troubled themselves.

What Causes Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

While the cause of Oppositional Defiant Disorder is unknown, there are two principal theories suggested to explain the development of ODD. It is said that ODD develops in toddlers. Children and adolescents who develop ODD may have had a hard time isolating from their first attachment figure and developing independent skills. ODD is observed as an extension of the normal developmental issues that were not properly settled during the toddler years.

It is suggested that ODD may be the result of bad techniques used by parents or authority figures. The use of bad techniques by parents is seen as increasing the rate and eagerness of oppositional behaviors in the toddler as it fulfills the desired attention, time, and love with parents or authority figures.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder does run in families. If a parent is an alcoholic and has trouble following the law, their children will likely have ODD.

How will you Know that your Child has ODD?

Here are a few signs of Oppositional Defiant Disorder:

1. Constant temper tantrums
2. Always arguing with adults
3. Frequently challenging the rules
4. Has a hard time abiding with the rules/Defiant
5. Intentional attempts to irritate people
6. Can’t own up to his misbehavior
7. Easily upset by others
8. Frequent anger and resentment
9. Mean and spiteful talking when angry
10. Seeks revenge

Most symptoms are noticeable when the child is either at home or in school. If your child presents any symptom, he should have a comprehensive evaluation. You may also want to look for other conditions such as ADHD. There are a lot of programs that you can use such as The Total Transformation by James Lehman to help you with your child.

A child that has ODD can be very challenging for parents. Parents can help their child with ODD in the these ways:

a.) Always focus on the positives. Give him praise when he shows compliance.
b.) Take a break if you are about to make matters worse. This would set as a good example for your child. Encourage him to take a break as well if he is about to lose it.
c.) Choose your battles. You cannot be fighting with your child with every single misbehavior that he does. Choose first what you think is the most important.
d.) Be reasonable when you give consequences like time-outs. His age should be considered.
e.) Manage your own stress and temper. Try exercising or other relaxation methods.

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