Anger and stress usually turn out as negative emotions. These negative emotions can affect a person’s decision making capabilities. The result would be an irrational and not so sensible decision.

What a person can do is control the intensity of these emotions. He can then slowly convert these negative emotions into positive ones. By having the ability to cool down, relax and absorb everything around you, you can then have time to do some intellectual analysis. You’ll have time to think and plan on what the sensible decision to make.

Your ability to recognize and manage emotions can be a good coping mechanism in handling these negative emotions. Using humor and the ability to connect with other people’s emotions through non-verbal communications can easily bring you towards attaining positive attitude. These can lead you to give a more logical analysis on things before making the decision-making.

Getting emotions override your logical functions may not give you good decision results. A good example would be if you are interviewing an applicant for a certain position in your company. Don’t get emotions overrule your intellectual rationalization. If you have gut feelings that this applicant cannot be your brilliant employee because of his appearance or the way he conducts himself in your presence – you might be wrong.

Perceptions may not give you a good decision result. You may see an applicant and perceive him to be successful because of the way he talks – you may find out later that he is lazy. You have to base your selection on what his qualifications are, and how the selection process really turns out. Your decision must not be based on emotions or just your gut feelings.

Emotions can really get in the way of your decision making process if you let it override your logical way of analyzing things. Remember that emotions use only your heart and how you feel for a particular thing. Your brain was not given the opportunity to weigh the facts in order for a logical decision to be made.

A person may have a high ego and not readily accept that he can make a wrong decision. His line of thinking would be that his giving the decision was the more logical decision that can be made. What people should remember is that the brain is way over his heart. Therefore, it commands the better logic than his feelings.

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Teaching your children problem solving skills should start at home, regardless if he is already in school or just preparing for his first day. You have to teach your child how to cope with the challenges at home, first. But understand that when we say “problem solving” we do not refer to a math problem or an assignment from school.

Problem solving skills in children means teaching your kids the ways in coping with emotional problems and learning challenges that will help them get through childhood prepared for the real world. You should teach your kids as early as possible how to be responsible and how to solve life’s challenges.

While still at a young age, you should start teaching your kids how to handle situations without being aggressive or being rude. You see, kids are very prone to throwing tantrums. When things do not go their way, they get angry and frustrated and begin to be all over the place. Always remember that kids have limited self control, so it is very easy for them to “lose it.”

Almost anything can upset a child. Of course, every parent had tried having their kid throw a tantrum in a mall at least once in their lives. Say for example your child wants you to buy a toy for him, but you refuse because he already had a new toy for his birthday. But he insists and when it does not work, he starts making a scene and starts screaming.

Now, all the people at the mall are looking at you. How then should you handle the situation? How will you teach your kid the problem solving skills that the need that will spare you from all of that unwanted public attention? Well, you have to know a few things first to teach your children effective problem solving skills.

First, you have to help your child figure out what his real problem is. Perhaps the ultimate reason why your kid is upset is because he is having a hard time identifying the cause of his frustrations. You will not find it hard to know what is going on in your child’s life. When he calms down, ask him what is really going on and why he got so angry.

You have to help your child come up with alternative solutions to the problem. You have to help him weigh the consequences as well. When your child know what is really bothering him, help him think of solutions to that problem and help him consider all his options.

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Most parents worry about their kids not developing on time – like they have this checklist that they should complete by the time they reach the age 3, 7, 10, and so on. Some parents panic when their son still does not talk at the age 1, or when their 7-year old still wets the bed.

One contributor to a problematic parent and child relationship is the tendency of parents to have too high expectations. While it is also wrong to be too permissive or too strict, parents should know first what the actual abilities of their child are before setting the bar. They have to know their child’s actual potential first before setting anything.

Recent studies show that a lot of parents make the mistake of expecting too much from their kids. Most parents expect their kids to do the things that they are not yet capable of doing, and then they judge them for not being able to “meet the standards”. But actually, thinking that way is wrong.

The problem with most parents is that, they tend to overly age-target certain things. But what parents should understand is that children develop differently and in their own pace. If your daughter is good in Math, it does not mean that she will also be soccer team’s team captain.

You need to learn to stop looking at parenting under a subjective light. Avoid setting certain standards within a small group, and avoid judging your child according to your own experience. Stop comparing your kids to your cousin’s, to the neighbor’s, or even to your own childhood self.

You might be aware of it, but a lot of parents put extremely high expectations of their kids’ physical and psychological abilities. A number of child studies show that most parents consistently overestimate certain aspects of their child’s life. Like for example, a lot of parents get easily disappointed when their child do not meet their demands when it comes to self control, obeying instructions, performance, or even about their child’s social abilities. Worse, parents get too honest and real about this with their kids.

Always keep in mind that your child does not need you to get real, but he needs you to be understanding and considerate. As a parent, you should be sensitive to the fact that not all children are great in Math, or can swim fast, or can sing well. Your children are not little versions of you. They are not little adults, they are kids. So stop treating them like they are 30.

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However, a child may admit that he is wrong but with a slight problem. “Yes, I did it but…” is that line familiar to you? Kids may acknowledge that they did something wrong, but with an excuse at the end. “I’m sorry, but you did it first.” “I’m sorry, but it’s mine.” “I’m sorry, but you asked for it.” “I’m sorry, but you made me angry.”

When your child tells you these things, he is actually apologizing with a condition – “I’m sorry but it is not really my fault.” You have to be very careful not to let your child form the habit of making excuses for his actions. When your kid does not learn to own up to his mistakes, he is not learning how to take responsibility for his behavior. When he fails to learn to take responsibility, no matter what you do, he will not be able to change and correct his behavior.

Children learn to make excuses when parents ask them, “Why did you do it?” That question begs for an explanation, and in a child’s mind, his main goal is to avoid any punishment and blame. So when you ask your child a reason why he punched his sister in the face, thinking of a way out from the possible consequences or your disapproval becomes the automatic response.

When your child finds out that making up an excuse for his mistake actually gets him out of trouble, he will try to use that weapon over and over. It starts with a harmless excuse at a young age, but begins to escalate into bigger excuses as they grow older in order to avoid being held accountable for their misdemeanor. But without accountability, genuine change in behavior is hard to achieve.

When your child tells you, “I’m sorry I punched her, but she pinched me first”, challenge his thinking on the spot. Saying sorry is a good thing, but is meaningless when followed by an excuse. When your child makes up excuses, do not try to disvalue his excuse. Instead, correct his act of making an excuse.

So when your son tells you his sister broke his toy first that is why he kicked her doll, tell him, “Regardless if your sister broke your toy, it is not an excuse for kicking his doll.” Explain to him that making any excuse for his actions will not erase his mistake and will not save him from the consequences of his action.

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Losing your temper easily translates into shouting at your kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, increasing the consequences beyond necessary, and depriving them of their basic needs such as dinners to serve as a punishment.

Tension happens between parent and child almost every day, about almost everything – from getting dressed, finishing their potatoes, not sticking with the rules, to being verbally disrespectful. As children become teenagers, the problems escalate into issues concerning socializing, behavior outside the house, helping with household chores, and dishonesty.

The ultimate reason why parents get easily mad when their kids do not follow what they say is that they get trapped in power struggles with their kids. When you allow yourself to be eaten by power struggle, regardless of your child’s age, your emotions will be harder to control and you will find it more difficult to get out of the struggle.

Come to think of it – if losing temper was an effective parenting strategy, all parents in the world would be problem-free. All we have to do is to wait until our child gets into our nerves, yell at him for a while, and he goes out of the house a changed kid.

Losing your temper and taking things personally does not work. It is ineffective because the root of the problem gets lost in the heat of the argument, and it is left unsolved after all energy has been used for yelling and screaming. When you get angry, instead of learning the essential problem solving skill, your child gets nothing but power thrusts from you.

Think of it this way: if your child misbehaves and all you do is get a bigger hammer to correct his mistake, your child will grow and become a bigger nail. Understand that learning how to solve problems and control emotions is what your child needs to get out of childhood. If you do not teach him that, who will?

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Young children often worry about being punished, which is why they will sometimes try to pass the fault to somebody else. They may also lie, or come up with excuses for their actions. They have a difficult time owning up to their faults. When they have no choice because they were caught doing “bad behavior” they immediately become defensive and try to blame someone else. They think that by doing this, they’ll somehow get away with it. Teenagers, more so than younger kids, just don’t want to be told what to do. They hate being caught in the act of bad behavior, and they really hate it when you confront them.

I remember when I was a teenager and I almost failed a subject in school. My teacher sent a letter to my parents and, well, my parents hit the ceiling. I remember being scared and angry at the same time because I was not even given a chance to explain myself. But the truth was that, there was nothing to explain. I almost failed because I got lazy and didn’t do the things I needed to do. So, while my mom was flying into a rage, I was also starting to boil with anger. I began making up excuses for the outcome I was facing. I blamed my teacher for not knowing how to teach and just about anything I could think of. It didn’t work, of course, but I was just so angry at my mom.

Teenagers don’t know how to channel their anger well. So when confronted with a mistake the wrong way, they tend to get defensive, followed by getting angry. They usually don’t admit their mistake and even more rarely do they apologize with sincerity. Have you ever heard your child say “I’m sorry I hit my baby brother but he started it”? This is a child apologizing because he knows you expect it of him, but not because he truly believes it was his fault. There are also cases when your child tries to blame you for what has happened. When you notice this, you might try to explain to him that it wasn’t your fault. This would create a never-ending debate, and you’ll quickly forget what the original issue was. By the time you establish the fact that it wasn’t your fault, you would be too exhausted to go back to the real issue and your child gets away with it…again.

Here’s the big secret with respect to apologies … I’m being partially sarcastic here because the “secret” is pretty obvious once you think about it. Instead of trying to get your child to apologize first, focus on having him admit that he made a mistake. Do this without judging him, because you want him to feel safe making this admission.

When he has accepted his mistake, genuinely, it’s a lot easier to get a sincere apology. Often your child will apologize on his own (without you asking), after he first accepts his mistake. This is no easy task and it requires a lot of patience from you but you will be grateful you did this for you and for your child.

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It is time to wake up and face the truth. Your child has behavior problems that need to be handled firmly and immediately.

I know that many parents have a hard time accepting that their kids have behavior problems. They would rather make excuses as to why their kids act this way or that way. You may have heard yourself saying to a friend or relative, “Johnny is just going through a phase and it is very difficult for him right now” or, “He is coping with being a teenager and he will eventually come around”. I have personally heard these words slip out of the mouthes of many parents. Rejecting the notion that your child’s behavior is unacceptable is not going to help your child. On the contrary, it will only make matters worse.

Remember that children are programmed to manipulate their parents. You probably notice this when your child was young. Back then, you thought it was cute and charming ang that it was a sign of intelligence. If you let it get out of hand as they grow older, you’ll need a lot of Tylenol for your headaches. This might be what you are going through right now. Are you being manipulated into thinking that there is someone else to blame for their actions.

Remember – nobody is holding a gun to your child’s head making them behave in an unacceptable way. But you tend to believe your child in the hopes that the problem will go away in due time. The problem is not time – it is your child’s behavior.

It isn’t his friend’s fault if he comes home drunk. It isn’t the child next door that forced him to start using drugs, or join a gang. You are not a failure because your child hasn’t turned out the way you wanted – and you can ALWAYS change things for the better starting today.

Accepting all these may not come easy, but acknowledging that your child may have deviated from social norms is a good start. All those dreams and hopes you once had for child doesn’t need to fade away. With the right parenting skills, your child can still become that great person you envisioned him to be.

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