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Why Obnoxious and Abusive Kids Think That It’s Unfair And What Parents Can Do About It

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We often hear the phrase “life is not fair” from our friends and colleagues and it goes without saying that they have a pretty good reason to believe why that is true. Life will not always be a bed of roses. An ideal life story isn’t always made of walks on the beach or beautiful sunset backdrops. Life is always meant to be what it is – ideally it is a struggle. And we encounter this realization as early as our childhood.

Life seemed so unfair when we were younger. Eventually most adults learn to outgrow that demeanor. Children, however, always see things as unfair. When kids start to set their minds that life is unfair and tag everything as unfair, they also start to believe that the rules will suddenly not apply to them anymore.

There are lots of uneventful situations that we think are unfair in life like getting a speeding ticket for doing a 60 on a 55 mile per hour drive; or getting your salary deducted for being tardy just one time. We can’t do anything about these situations because rules will always be rules. Kids, with their faulty and immature reasoning skills, are more prone to stick to the injustice talk. But be warned because when kids who have bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior start to jump into the bandwagon they engage in such practices like these to avoid learning basic responsibility.

Children, despite their immaturity, are thinking for themselves so it is not far off that there is a probability of getting manipulated by them. Children with bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior are the best con artists around.

Kids really think big and lean on the fairness issue. They are not lenient about it and taking the other side automatically makes you the enemy. For them, when you are the enemy they will stop at nothing to pin that you are being unfair to them. But it will never be a problem being unfair to others when the circumstances are favorable on their side.

Parents are oftentimes the moderators who carry out justice and settle disputes and quarrels between family members. With this in mind, it is your right as a parent to enforce authority on bad, obnoxious and abusive kids. Ask them for their homework or make them do chores when you see it fit, but expect that they would always put you on the defensive and that they will have you prove that what you’re doing and what you want them to do is fair.

The adult is put on the defensive on trying to justify what is fair and what isn’t every time the kid says it isn’t fair. But you shouldn’t be persuaded because it is just a manipulation. For bad, obnoxious and abusive kids, they will grab every chance they get to manipulate you and make you take their side. This is why your self-judgment as a parent and as an adult should not be tainted and should be lean on your value judgments.

Injustice in life is a given and we can’t do anything about it. We just need to deal with it and pay the price for our actions. That way, true fairness and equity is exercised. Parents should do the same in practicing the values of fairness and equity on their children even if it means becoming the enemy. If instilling proper discipline and correcting the bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior that a child has can be achieved this way, then it is definitely worth it.

Parenting is never an easy task. If you’ve got obnoxious and abusive children and would like to read more about them and how to solve related problems, I highly recommend The Total Transformation Program as something you should investigate.

Understanding Compensatory Behavior in Difficult Children

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There comes a point in time in every parent’s life when child-rearing would both become a blessing and a bane. Despite the many perks of being able to raise a child, have you ever experienced arguments with your kids because of their bad, abusive or inappropriate behavior? Did you ever encounter a shouting war with your son or daughter? Do you sometimes feel like your kids have openly declared rebellion? These are just a few of the many questions and experiences that hit you in your daily traverse of being a parent.

The facts are that a lot of unrelenting disputes between parents and their children have turned many homes into veritable combat zones. Parents sometimes order their children to clean their rooms, do their homework, or be in bed by a certain hour. But chances are, most children with behavioral problems or learning problems would seethe with resentment or even worse, would openly defy their parents. Defiance is one of the rational yet illogical excuses most parents make mistakes about when their child display bad, abusive or inappropriate behavior. But taking a closer look, children with behavioral problems or learning problems more often than not unconsciously exhibit a thing called compensatory behavior.

If we look at kids in a general view, because of their youth they encounter a myriad of perceptions, thoughts, and feelings. And you would expect that given these feelings kids would react in certain ways to different situations. Sadly, some children tend to react in ways that disappoint or even anger their parents.

When children are experiencing difficulty or anxiety they tend to find outlets or physically manifest methods of venting out their reactions to these conditions and situations. This is where compensatory behavior in children comes into the fore. Children who get anxious and disturbed because of difficult situations react in ways that they think would compensate for the uneasy feelings they experience. Children develop and cultivate these reactions in order to compensate for these feelings and perceptions of difficulty, anxiety or uneasiness. Thus, we may call it compensatory behavior in children.

For example, when a kid is nervous or anxious about a certain activity what he might do is start running around the living room or jumping on the furniture in order to compensate those feelings of unrest. But to the parentsí point of view, this behavior might come out as defiance. What most parents donít realize or notice instantly is that they tend to see the behavior of these children as immediately defiant. This puts the children in a disadvantageous situation, bringing out more stress and uneasiness which in turn begets more inappropriate responses in the eyes of the parent.

What the parent needs to understand is that these children are finding ways to compensate for the feelings of anxiety and unrest they are experiencing and that these behavioral responses shouldn’t be immediately tagged as defiant behavior. The child is compensating for feelings of anxiety or fears that he is experiencing but doesn’t know how to deal with.

If you have a child with bad, abusive, or inappropriate behavior, I recommend that you take a look into discussions about compensatory behavior in children at The Total Transformation by James Lehman.

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