One of the problems that some parents encounter, and have a hard time talking about, is what to do when your child steals. You probably often see that your child turns up with things that don’t belong to him. Your instinctive reaction is to chastise him so as to nip his career as a petty thief. It is a fact that parents cannot administer adult standards of discipline, self-control and morality to the actions of young children.
Young children from one to three years sometimes do take things that are not theirs, but stealing is not their intention. They are too young to understand the idea of possession and that something could belong solely to someone. They are still developing the idea of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ so when they see a thing that interests them, they feel it’s all right to take it.
On the other hand, when children from six to adolescence steal, they are absolutely aware that what they are doing is totally wrong. By this time, their awareness has broadened. Thus, when children at this age take something that is not theirs, they act secretive and sneaky. They will most definitely hide the object they have stolen and then deny taking it when asked. It is quite easy to absolve a younger kid for taking what doesn’t belong to him because he is not aware of what he is doing. However, parents faced with children that are old enough to differentiate right from wrong are confounded by this ‘criminal’ behavior.
Oftentimes parents are astonished because they realize that the thing their child ‘stole’, is something that he already owns. Therefore, the stealing is odd. Where is this coming from? Sadness could be one reason. Maybe the child feels the need to be closer to his parents or has a hard time making friends. In that case, by stealing money he could try to buy the approval of his peers or satisfy his need for attention and affection in this complicated way. Feelings of fear, resentment, and jealousy can also be the root of stealing. There are many reasons why a child steals and ways to handle the problem.
Dealing with Children Stealing
You should walk a fine line between disciplining and humiliating your child. Making a big issue and treating your child like he is the worst criminal will not help at all. It will only frighten him. If you are absolutely certain that your child stole something, you must let your child know you are aware of this act. You should insist that he return it to the owner and that he must apologize. It is not necessary to embarrass the child, but at the same time you must make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be repeated.
If stealing persists, it could be because of other problem behaviors. You need to rectify the problem immediately. If stealing is chronic, you can consult a child psychologist or have your child undergo counseling. One program that worked for me is The Total Transformation by James Lehman.
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