Archive for 'Rebellious Teens'

Let the Child Choose His Coping Mechanism

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There are several things that your child can do to cope with the concern regarding his misbehavior. The best thing that a parent can do after he lets the child figure out for himself what his coping strategies are is to let him choose what he wants if in case the same situation comes about again.

“What will you do when you go home one day and you want to ride your bike yet I won’t let you because you still have home work to do? Do you think it will do you good if you walk away for a bit? What will I expect you to do in that instance? What will you do that you haven’t done now” This is an example of letting your child choose from any of his options for dealing with the concern at hand.

But just in case he has problem rephrasing his own coping strategy or simply putting it into words, you can help him do it well. One tip to make sure that the choices will work to his utmost advantage is to make it time focused. You can show this with the use of words like “in the future,” “tomorrow” or “the next day.”

One possible answer that your child may give is that “he will take a time out.” Then you try to motivate him to do that as well by saying, “Okay that’s a good idea.”

However, you as a parent must help your child understand the principle behind what a time out is. Time out is that time when you go to a neutral place, often a silent place, to gather your thoughts or simply to let your overstimulation simmer down. This is what your child needs the moment he gets agitated over something.

Also one common mistake that parents commit is they consider time outs as punishments. Time out is not a punishment. It is a time for your kid to calm down and clear out his mind so he will be able to resolve the issues involved in the incident.

It’s not like saying, “Okay so you misbehave in school and your teacher said he saw you kicked a girl. Now you’re going to take a time out and sit on that chair for two hours every day.” The use of the word time out in this scenario is not accurate.

A time out is supposed to help the child calm down but not to punish him or to take away certain privileges.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem child.

Declare Your Rule To Your Child in Black and White

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There’s no point in identifying, confronting, and challenging the triggers if you are not going to declare your rule about it. One thing to remember when you declare your rule is to keep ti simple with no emotions involved, simply in black and white.

A parent can say to the child, “Don’t talk to me that way because I told you not to be verbally abusive to your sister. I won’t let you talk to me that way.” Or you could say, “Don’t turn your back on me just because you don’t want to hear what I’m going to tell you.”

You can also say to your child, “If you think that I’m being unfair doesn’t mean you can call me names.” Or you can tell him straight to his face, “Just because you think that your sister is not being nice to you, you can steal from her. This behavior is not right and it’s not acceptable at all. If you want to communicate with me don’t talk to me that way.”

In this case what you are doing is telling your child that he doesn’t have any alternative but to do what you suggest him to do. It’s all in black and white. It’s your way of saying that he would suffer from the consequences of what he has done. It’s your way of making him realize that he would not have certain privileges until such time he takes into account and practice all the alternative behaviors for making him behave well.

This is what responsible love and concern is all about. When a parent does this with his child, he must state it in a matter of fact way without any emotions involved. He should be doing it in the kitchen table in a one-on-one setting. It’s very business-like, very serious, and matter of factly, which will make him realize that you are not intent on making him do the alternative behavior.

You as a parent must also let him understand that there are two things that he should bear in mind always when it comes to his behavior and these are: 1) what are its effects to others or 2) if it solves the problem at all.

It’s your responsibility to tell your child that it’s not a good behavior if it hurts other people or if it doesn’t solve the problem.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem child.

How to Discipline Your Obnoxious Child

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Parents often have concerns in handling their obnoxious children. There are tools that are needed for these children. Most often, parents also have to address some personal issues they have. One thing that both need to address, referring to the parent and the child, is goal setting.

In proper parenting, before you start to point out so many behavioral problems you have in mind, you must come up with specific goals. But first and foremost, you would need to define what a goal is.

A goal is not a wish. Most often children make wishes, like I want to be a good child to mom or I want to have a B in Math. Parents also commit this mistake of making a wish instead of setting a goal for their parenting.

A goal is when you say I will have to say this in order for Tommy to understand how important it is that he does his assignment. Or it could be that I will do this so that Tommy will find it hard to disobey me when it comes to eating dinner on time.

As a parent, it is also your goal to help your child come up with goals that are achievable and are clear cut for his own understanding. This will make it easier for him to follow.

Another thing that makes a goal a goal is commitment. This commitment is done when you make a pledge or a promise to accomplish something at a certain time line and with specific requirements. Without this pledge, you can’t have a commitment and without commitment there is no goal to speak of.

Kids often take false optimism as commitment. They would often think about doing great things someday and achieving great things. They simply cannot associate that goal with their having to do their homework every night or their having to finish the science project on time and not watching TV too late. It is now the parents’ role to let the child understand the goal, their commitment, and how their actions can lead to the attainment of the goal.

Another defining concept of a goal is specificity. One has to be really specific in one’s goals. You can’t say to your child, “You need to have an early bedtime.” It has to be, “You have to go to bed at 9 PM and not later than that.” By doing this it becomes clear to the child what time he is to sleep and what are the consequences if he won’t sleep at bedtime. This is also true for whatever goal you set with him to correct his problem behaviors and enhance more the right ones.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Essential Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents

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In a divorce, the kids experience emotional and situational problems. It is not just the pain of losing their parents that they have to face. These kids also have to face questions like, “What am I going to say if mom talks about dad?” “How am I going to behave around Dad now that mom is not around?” “How often would I see mom?”

People often think that children act out because of the pain. Children in fact act out because they cannot solve the emotional and situational problems that beset them. They are merely children and they need to be cared for, instead of being confused on how they are going to take care of their parents.

The main role of a parent is to let the children realize that they still have to face and solve life’s problems, despite the divorce. It’s their responsibility to help them to understand that it is normal to feel the pain but after some time you would have to pull yourselves up together and get on with life.

That is why a child has to have an anchor parent. He needs someone who would continue with the parenting, somebody who is in control. In a divorce, kids would think that their parents are out of control. They need someone who would tell them “I know things are not okay now. But I will make it okay. I will take care of you and help you deal with it. I do not care much what your dad will tell you but with me, this is how it is going on to being.”

When this happens the parent is telling his child that good things can fall apart but we have to pick up the pieces and move on with life. This will give the child the comfort knowing that someone knows what’s going on here and someone is in control. This can help him to move on and continue with what has to be done.

It is like saying, “Okay now there’s divorce, but I still have to cook your dinner and take care of you and you still have to work on your homework.”

Encourage your kids to talk to you openly about their feelings and their thoughts about the situation because that is the only way that they will feel better. With all the confusion and questions in their heads, it is you that they need the most. Children get confused when their parents divorce, so prepare to answer their questions.

Letting your kids understand and accept a reality like divorce is an ongoing process. Always let your child feel that you still love them and care for them and that you will always be there for them despite the separation.

Here are some tips about child with obedient attitude that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

Parenting Teens

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The latest post on our website discusses the challenges of parenting teens. This article will help convince you that there is a way around the problem of difficult teens. It also takes care to mention several important facts that parents should never forget when dealing with teenagers, and which can prove useful in improving relations at home. In addition to reading the article, we also suggest you try the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. This at-home child behavior change program can be yours for free if you fill out feedback survey.

Military Schools

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Today our website offers a new article that discusses the appropriateness of sending kids to military schools for reformation. It is a fact today that military schools have changed and are actually distancing themselves from their brat camp reputation in the past. They only take the best now and if you were considering sending your misbehaving child there, you could be in for a surprise. To help you decide on whether or not to send your child there, read our post, Military Schools, now. To learn more skills in handling difficult behavior in children, we recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. You can get it for free if you fill out a feedback survey.

Boot Camp Teens

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A new article has been posted on our blog that talks about boot camps. Parents who are considering taking their teens to such camps may be interested to read this article first before making a decision. Boot Camp Teens was written to give parents an idea of what to expect in such facilities and whether or not their teen’s difficult behavior would warrant such tough love treatment. If you want to transform difficult teens through behavioral therapies, then we recommend you try out the Total Transformation Program. This at-home child behavior change program can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.

Difficult Teen

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The article we posted on our blog today is for parents who are having a tough time with their teens. It zeroes in on the often overlooked cause of the teens’ difficult behavior. Parents need to accept that teens require a different kind of treatment from children, and this article titled, Difficult Teen, discusses what are the adjustments they need to make in order to handle their teens effectively. To learn more ways to handle rebellious and disrespectful teens, try the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. This behavior program can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.

Set Your Family’s Values Clearly

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Family values can be different from household to household or from one nation to another. As there are sets of beliefs that can help keep the family together, culture may have a big effect on family values. Religiosity can also be a big factor in molding traditional family values.

Traditional values can start with the value of the family and of value of children. Equality among family members can also be good traditional family values as well as family welfare and the value of family health and well being. The value of communication among family members cannot be overlooked as this is the most important thing in the flow from the family head down to every member of the family.

Traditional family values may be affected by cultural changes in a society. Change may be affected in response to economic development in places. More money in peoples’ hands may lead to a possibility of acquiring lower moral values. Spiritual values may also be affected by increased financial prosperity. This is where the influence of the family head comes in. You should not be the one to acquire these negative values.

Values should be permanently instilled in the minds of the young, given that the parents will be their beckoning light and a guide in the dark towards living a healthy and balanced adult life that is anchored on proper values.

The values that a family develops can be made as a good foundation for the children to learn and grow. They can function well in the community if they have acquired this good foundation. The parents can be good teachers if they have shown good examples. It is a known fact that you work hard for your family, obtaining material things, and getting financial rewards. All of these will be for your family. But be sure that you have time for them.

Family time done perfectly well can surely give good results. It can be such time as play time or relaxation with your kids. This will create healthy family bond that will be difficult to break. The child that can always look at you whenever they need you will forever appreciate it. This is family values that they can pass on also to their future kids.

Meetings with family members can be a good time for sharing healthy family values. Take time to share with your family, share meals together, work together and play together. This will be a good opportunity to identify and create good family values.

Interactions done with your kids will make them socially interact with peers and friends. This will mold their attitude and show character in their adult life. The most important thing is they can pass on this good family values to their future kids.

Looking for parenting advice? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Obnoxious Children. Check on the link for more information.

Rebellious Teens – What to do with them?

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rebellious-teensChildren do grow up. They turn into teenagers and form their own opinions, make their own decisions and sometimes they become rebellious. What turns these sweet kids into these angry, hateful and sometimes violent teenagers? This is the age where your children become “little adults” and they should be handled with care. You should deal with them like they are fragile beings. One wrong move and they shatter like glass.

What should you do when you are faced with this situation? First, let me tell you what you should avoid when you have a rebellious teenager in your hands. You should never get in the habit of screaming at your child. We all raise our voice sometimes, but don’t make it a habit. If you do, your child will simply stop listening, see you as “the crazy one” and resent you.

Sarcasm never made anybody feel good about themselves, so avoid this totally. It will only hurt your child.

You might have images in your mind about about hitting your child. When you have run out of patience this might cross your mind. You think to yourself, “maybe if I smack him he’ll change his ways”. Wrong! Resorting to violence is never the answer in solving problems. If you want to develop a loving relationship with your child, don’t take actions that completely destroy this possibility.

This next one is a real classic. Never compare your child to another teenager or to yourself when you were a teenager. Times have changed and the way things were when you were young are not the same in this day and age. We’re smarter now. We know better. Your child wouldn’t care nor listen about such comparisons. This will only irritate him more.

There are many ways to handle a rebellious teenager. Why don’t you start with sitting down with him and talk, just the two of you like two adults. Discuss the problem with him and give him lots of chances to do the talking. Become a good listener. Ask insightful questions. If the conversation is about something such as use of drugs, be supportive while explain your concerns rather than simply barking orders along with the reason “because I say so”. Lay down the rules, stick to the rules, and explain the consequences of breaking them. Make sure your child understands that the consequences are in his control because he can choose to follow rules or to break them. Give your child a reason to choose to follow them. Let your child know that you are proud of him when he has done something good. Last but not the least; communicate.

If all else fails, I highly recommend that you get your own copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman. This program will teach you parenting skills that will help you a lot in dealing with your rebellious teenager.