Archive for 'Teen Crisis'

Probe Your Child When He Misbehaves

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When your child misbehaves, the best thing you can do to get his thoughts about the incident is to probe on the matter. This is significant for you to help your child come up with some coping skills each time problems arise.

You can ask your child questions like, “What are you gonna do the next time your classmate bullies you in school? Are you gonna pick a fight again?” Or it could be, “What are you going to do when you’re angry at someone cause you were not allowed to do something?”

These kids may not have something to answer when you ask such questions to them. If this happens the best thing for you to do is to help him articulate what you think is a good coping mechanism.

You can ask him, “Isn’t it wise to just listen to your iPod first before you speak about the matter particularly if you are still angry about it?” Or when you are feeling angry over something that’s not allowed for you to use, do you think walking away for a while will do the trick?”

Coping skills are one of the significant things that you must teach your child. This will be a measure of his being responsible in his adult life once he knows some great coping mechanisms to go for all the problems that might come his way.

Children have different coping mechanisms. You as a parent can determine what those are. It could be walking away, listening to the radio, going to the beach, swimming, or even merely playing his favorite video game.

Let the child realize what his coping mechanisms are. Then you help him figure out himself what coping mechanism to use the next time the same situation happens again. You can ask him, “Are you going to walk around the block the next time you’re angry at your brother or are you going to listen to your iPod?”

The child will either give you his choice or he may come up with his own. What’s significant is that the child will be able to quantify his coping mechanisms. This will ensure that the next time he encounters a problem he will know how to deal with it. It may not be a head-on collision all the time but what’s essential is that he has experienced how it is to devise some means to cope with any problems that arise.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

The Child Must Challenge and Confront His Own Perceptions

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The ultimate reason why the parent must challenge the wrong behavior of the child is for the child to challenge his own perceptions in the end. That’s why it’s not enough that the parent would let the child understand that what the child has is the wrong perception of what happened. He also has to confront the triggers and challenge them.

An example of how to do it would be to tell your child, “The rules seem to change when I said no to you when you asked me to drive you to your friend’s house last Friday.” It could also be in this way, “The rule of not stealing no longer applies when I told you to study on the kitchen table instead of your room.”

That’s the vital part about identifying the triggers of your child’s behavior. You simply have to find them out in order for you to challenge them. Basically, you challenge the triggers through putting your ideas into words. It’s the parent’s way of saying that rules should not change because you feel bad about me telling you no. The about not being verbally abusive to your siblings stays there even if I don’t let you play your video game on a Monday night.

More often a child would say, “Well, I shouted to Helen because she was not being nice to me.” Or he might say, “I don’t like math and doing the home work makes me sleepy all the time.”

What the parent must do is to challenge it by saying, “So just because you find it hard to stay up while doing your math home work, the rule about doing your home work changes?” Kids don’t have answers to statements like this. Another statement that kids are fond of making when they misbehave is that they say because you made me angry.

The parent would have to confront the issue then by saying, “Because you’re angry at me doesn’t make it okay for you to call me bad names.” And if your kid tries to evade the matter by saying for example, “That’s crazy,” then you tell him then you are not ready for this confrontation.

You as a parent must then make your child realize that this is supposed to be an honest conversation between you and him and that both of you must be committed to it. Then you must make him realize that he won’t be able to have the privileges back until such time he realized that the rules are set and that he should follow it.

The child must realize that whenever he does something unacceptable, there are consequences to it and the privileges will not be given back to him until such time he does the alternative behavior.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

How to Bring the Kid’s Focus to the Real Problem

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There’s one thing that your kid is more likely to do when you are confronting him head-on even if you are not blaming him or you are extra nice when you do so. Your kid will most likely resort to being emotional. He will lash out his anger at you and badmouth you or be verbally abusive to the other kids who he thinks has wronged him.

So when a parent is trying to help his kid come up with new strategies for behavioral change, he must keep that focus. It’s helpful to have a list with you when you are discussing things with your child. What can be part of the list is: discussion of how he doesn’t do his homework regularly or how he managed to steal $10 from his dad’s pockets while he is asleep.

It may be a bit funny and awkward but it is also a way of showing that you are dealing with the matter in all seriousness. Remember the concept of running your household and your family concerns just like you do with your business.

What a parent should do is to tell the child, “You know the last time you think that I am being unfair to you, you punched a hole in the wall. Your teacher can attest to that. As what you can see, Tommy, that’s just not working, no matter how many times you are going to do that.”

Usually to get away from it, the child will resort to “wishful thinking.” The child would usually say, “Okay, mum, I won’t do it ever again.” When the parent asks his child what he is going to do, he would simply say, “I just won’t do it ever again, okay?” Most likely after some time he will do it again.

As a parent then, it’s your responsibility to tell your child head-on, “Well, Tommy, I don’t think that wishful thinking is ever going to work at all. We simply have to be more focused and come up with another strategy here.

It also helps if you let the child realize that the more he sticks with the “wishful thinking” part, the more he is getting himself into trouble. This is a good way of keeping him focused and making him realize the significance of the matter.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Identifying Triggers of Bad Behavior with Your Child

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Most often the kids won’t be able to figure out the triggers of their negative behavior. When this happens the parents can help the children realize those triggers without having to result to backtracking and blaming.

Kids are prone to pulling their parents back to that incident and making them feel that they should be guilty. This is where parents must take control of the situation.

It’s best to talk to your child and let him realize his own triggers by asking him questions such as, “When was the last time you talked dirty to your sister?” it’s that time she didn’t allow you to drive the car so late at night.” Or it could be, “The last time you bad mouthed me was when I didn’t allow you to drink up until late Friday night with some friends.”

It’s also pertinent that the parent would let his or her child feel that it’s his perception of what happened that mist be wrong, again without the parent finger pointing at the child. It’s like saying, “Tommy, I know what you think there is that I have been unfair to you. But what exactly happened is this… When you don’t get what you want, this usually triggers the bad side of Tommy. It’s all about what you think of took place in the incident and there are times when what he think is not really what happened there.”

The important thing in this scenario is for the child to express his views, his ideas and whatever he thinks is happening. As a parent, you must also make your kid understand that perceptions of what’s happening may differ in every person and it may be that what one person thinks of what happened is not what really happened.

The most common reaction of the child in this situation is to start bringing up the emotional side of it. This is when the blaming and the crying would try to make you as a parent start to feel guilty yourself.

But that shouldn’t be the case. As a parent, you should see to it that you keep your focus. But as a parent, you have to remember that when your child starts getting emotional about it, it’s not because he is intending to hurt you or he is plotting it. The child simply doesn’t know how to handle the situation and this is his way of doing it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

How to Investigate When Your Kid Misbehaves

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The first thing to do when a kid misbehaves is to investigate what happened. You have to know what happened and with that you have to ask your child his perceptions. Most often, these perceptions are also the triggers for his misbehavior. That is why it is significant for you to investigate. In that way, you know what makes him behave in that manner.

It is not wise to argue with your child at this point. Neither are his perceptions clear since most often they are distorted. But the thing is you do have to hear them to establish the triggers.

One thing that you are sure about is that something happened there. Your child saw something. That’s why it is even more necessary that you stick to the facts and don’t let his distorted perceptions get in the way of your finding out what triggered his behavioral problems.

It is also significant for a parent to stay focused on what’s happening in the present and not to look back to what happened in the past. With this, you must also avoid blaming him or other people over what happened in the past. Nor should a parent justify his actions or even the actions of his own child.

A parent will only be able to do this if he won’t let his feelings meddle with his decisions and the way he is investigating his child. Thus, the questions in this instance must all be clear, concise and straightforward. Treat it like your handling a business issue.

Contrary to what most people would insinuate with running a home or managing your children, you have to be business-like with them. It’s the only way that your children will realize how serious you are about your rules although this doesn’t mean you would not feel totally anything at all towards your children or that you won’t allow your children to feel anything towards you. For sure that’s not the case with successful businesses as well.

Here’s an example of what you can say to your child when you’re investigating. You tell him, “I know for sure that you have a reason for doing this. I want to know what your thoughts are.” Once the child starts to talk, the parent owes the child his needle focus. It’s his time to tell and the parent must not interrupt the child while he is at it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

Look for the Alternative Options in Dealing with Your Kids

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A parent can only help his child behave well if he knows the right approach. There is such a thing as an alternative response when the child starts to misbehave. The usual reaction of a parent would be to yell and to talk to the child offensively.

A parent needs to have the tools, the right way to talk, the right tone and be able to use the right words for his child in the aim of making him realize his misdeed and to be careful not to do it again.

In this manner, the parent is making the child accountable for his actions and his behavior. Through an alternative way of responding to the child’s misbehavior the parent is aiming for a different response as well from the child. Aiming and doing what’s not common entails the use of methodology, formal talk, and formal manner of resolving the child’s problem.

It’s all about thinking out of the box and doing what something different for the child to help him in problem solving, training him how to do it until such time he can be left to fend for himself.

The purpose behind going for the alternative perception of the child is that you want to come up with solutions that are different. Parents can’t simply accept what seems to be usual answers from their children. Nor do parents want ideas and thoughts that have been used for years now but every parent knows they don’t work.

Remember that a child who feels he is responsible for his own actions would tend to be careful of his actions. This way he would be able to experience as well getting the rewards and punishments that come with every goal set for him to achieve.

Parents must look beyond the real issues when their children start to act out in public or when they decide not to do their home work. One alternative approach for this situation is making your child work on the kitchen table where you can watch him do his assignment.

This is a good alternative compared to not letting him go to the mall with you this weekend which he may even appreciate more. There are alternative means to resolve issues with your child. Make use of that all the time.

Here are some tips about obedient child that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

How to Discipline Your Obnoxious Child

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Parents often have concerns in handling their obnoxious children. There are tools that are needed for these children. Most often, parents also have to address some personal issues they have. One thing that both need to address, referring to the parent and the child, is goal setting.

In proper parenting, before you start to point out so many behavioral problems you have in mind, you must come up with specific goals. But first and foremost, you would need to define what a goal is.

A goal is not a wish. Most often children make wishes, like I want to be a good child to mom or I want to have a B in Math. Parents also commit this mistake of making a wish instead of setting a goal for their parenting.

A goal is when you say I will have to say this in order for Tommy to understand how important it is that he does his assignment. Or it could be that I will do this so that Tommy will find it hard to disobey me when it comes to eating dinner on time.

As a parent, it is also your goal to help your child come up with goals that are achievable and are clear cut for his own understanding. This will make it easier for him to follow.

Another thing that makes a goal a goal is commitment. This commitment is done when you make a pledge or a promise to accomplish something at a certain time line and with specific requirements. Without this pledge, you can’t have a commitment and without commitment there is no goal to speak of.

Kids often take false optimism as commitment. They would often think about doing great things someday and achieving great things. They simply cannot associate that goal with their having to do their homework every night or their having to finish the science project on time and not watching TV too late. It is now the parents’ role to let the child understand the goal, their commitment, and how their actions can lead to the attainment of the goal.

Another defining concept of a goal is specificity. One has to be really specific in one’s goals. You can’t say to your child, “You need to have an early bedtime.” It has to be, “You have to go to bed at 9 PM and not later than that.” By doing this it becomes clear to the child what time he is to sleep and what are the consequences if he won’t sleep at bedtime. This is also true for whatever goal you set with him to correct his problem behaviors and enhance more the right ones.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Being Committed to the Goal

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Commitment is one aspect that is needed in achieving a goal. For both the parent and child, commitment has to be preserved at all times for them to change the behavior of the child and for the parent to change his parenting style if need be.

Commitment is not something subjective. It is something that can be seen or observed. The following are some of the elements that have to be considered when you are figuring out what commitment is.

Commitment should be definitive. It’s not enough that you say I have to be home early. It should be I have to be at home every 6 pm so I can help my child in his home work. Children often don’t know how to moderate things. They often say I will the best child there is in school. How they can do this? They don’t know how to answer that themselves. Parents should guide their children to come up with more definitive goals. An example of this would be you have to get a B in science by studying more on the subject. You need to spend at least an hour on this every day.

Commitment is also observable. It’s not that you behave because you feel good. The good feeling comes from behaving properly. So when kids have become committed to their goals of behaving properly, it will show in their actuations and their behavior.
Commitment should also be reasonable. When it comes to time frame, skill set, as well as tools required, commitment must be doable by the child or by the parent if it concerns him. In that way, all the aforementioned aspects should be considered.

Another aspect of commitment that a parent must look into is if it is measurable. By measurable, it means you must be able to know if it is effective or not. With this, you will know if you are to pursue it or not.

In order for you to find out if the commitment works or not, you have to answer these four questions:
1) How do you know it’s working? 2) How do you know it’s not working? 3) What will happen if it’s not working? 4) What will happen if it’s working?

It’s working if you see some changes in the child though this doesn’t happen overnight. It’s common to see your child’s behavioral changes go one step forward and then take two steps backward. You simply have to keep on doing it.

One thing you have to remember also is that you don’t have to implement any punishment on the child. If he falters in his task, he will experience the consequences himself and that is enough punishment for him. That is why when you have a goal to be committed on, it should be quantifiable and objective enough to follow and measure.

Here are some tips about obedient child that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem child.

Having False Perception Is Dangerous

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Self perception can be set of ideas and images of yourself. You do not have to look at the mirror and see for yourself who you are because you already have set of images about yourself. These ideas and images can be a compilation gathered from as early as childhood and continuously throughout your whole life. Some of these ideas and images are already embedded deeply into your mind and getting these out of your system can be very hard.

Self perception can be similar to self image in which you live your daily life according to what you think you are. You can also have perceptions of other people around, your perception of the environment surrounding you and your family, and everything else. A problem may come in if you think that all these perceptions are true and you can only act accordingly.

A bigger problem may come in if you only live your life according to what you only imagined yourself to be. It would be good only if these things are on the positive side. Not accepting of whatever negative things coming your way will not be accepting life’s reality. And changing all these things can be hard if done only in your mature age.

Kids can be more positioned to acquire success in their lives if they have positive self image. Many kids have self perceptions of being very good at what they do and them being the best in anything. These kids can have more chances of encountering difficulties in their growing up years.

Kids with negative self perceptions are more likely to carry these ideas and images of themselves until adulthood. This might give them bad than good experiences in life. And to think that if these are buried deep in their psyche, taking these out would be very difficult.

A false perception can happen because sometimes we want people to see us doing the best and being the best. Kids can acquire these negative traits from the elders, not realizing that it can give them more harm than good. Parents should realize that kids can acquire attitudes such as these if they themselves are also doing it.

Self perception is also centered on a person’s ego. You are only seeing things according to your own point of view, is this kind of thinking. And kids are more susceptible to this kind of thinking and that they can do almost anything even if they don’t have the skills to do it.

Parents can be of more influence in reshaping the child’s perception of themselves. Negative perception can be changed especially if done at an early age.

Here are some tips about child obedience that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

What to Do When Kids Get So Negative

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Kids often see things awfully. They tend to see things negatively. As parents then, it is our responsibility to correct this perspective. At the first instance when the kid shows negativity or starts to negate the situation, you simply have to address the attitude directly.

As an example, you can tell your child, “Don’t make things too awful for you. Things will soon work out well for you, you’ll see.” You can say we can do it one step at a time. Then you help her take the first step and tell him that the next step will even be a lot easier for him.

This is what is called the take one step at a time approach. That is why when things get rough for your kid, you should come up with some sort of list to follow. Then you share the list to your kid and show him what you are going to do first down to the last step.

Like what any parent must do, you should help your child decide or perform the first step. It’s like holding his hand when he was just starting to walk. Then you tell him that the second step will be much easier for him but you will still be watching over him in case he needs you.

Another thing that’s important is for you to put out a calm demeanor. This will also calm your kid’s nerves and allow him to think clearly. When they can sense your calmness they are more to respond to you. This is effective when you are giving instructions or giving him advice on what to do.

Remember that your kids often follow your example. So if you are the frantic type of parent when it comes to emergencies and even for some minor setbacks, you might want to change your mind-set or at least control yourself when you are with your child.

Being organized is also one thing that you need to cultivate in you as a parent. Being systematic at home and even in implementing your rules will surely be a great help for you. First thing, your kids will easily understand you. When they understand you clearly well, they will more likely follow you.

Being organized and systematic can also help in having a more sunny perspective. One reason for this is that it keeps your mind uncluttered and yourself less stressed.

Here are some tips about child obedience that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem children.

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