Archive for 'Total Transformation Program'

How to Bring the Kid’s Focus to the Real Problem

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There’s one thing that your kid is more likely to do when you are confronting him head-on even if you are not blaming him or you are extra nice when you do so. Your kid will most likely resort to being emotional. He will lash out his anger at you and badmouth you or be verbally abusive to the other kids who he thinks has wronged him.

So when a parent is trying to help his kid come up with new strategies for behavioral change, he must keep that focus. It’s helpful to have a list with you when you are discussing things with your child. What can be part of the list is: discussion of how he doesn’t do his homework regularly or how he managed to steal $10 from his dad’s pockets while he is asleep.

It may be a bit funny and awkward but it is also a way of showing that you are dealing with the matter in all seriousness. Remember the concept of running your household and your family concerns just like you do with your business.

What a parent should do is to tell the child, “You know the last time you think that I am being unfair to you, you punched a hole in the wall. Your teacher can attest to that. As what you can see, Tommy, that’s just not working, no matter how many times you are going to do that.”

Usually to get away from it, the child will resort to “wishful thinking.” The child would usually say, “Okay, mum, I won’t do it ever again.” When the parent asks his child what he is going to do, he would simply say, “I just won’t do it ever again, okay?” Most likely after some time he will do it again.

As a parent then, it’s your responsibility to tell your child head-on, “Well, Tommy, I don’t think that wishful thinking is ever going to work at all. We simply have to be more focused and come up with another strategy here.

It also helps if you let the child realize that the more he sticks with the “wishful thinking” part, the more he is getting himself into trouble. This is a good way of keeping him focused and making him realize the significance of the matter.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

Identifying Triggers of Bad Behavior with Your Child

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Most often the kids won’t be able to figure out the triggers of their negative behavior. When this happens the parents can help the children realize those triggers without having to result to backtracking and blaming.

Kids are prone to pulling their parents back to that incident and making them feel that they should be guilty. This is where parents must take control of the situation.

It’s best to talk to your child and let him realize his own triggers by asking him questions such as, “When was the last time you talked dirty to your sister?” it’s that time she didn’t allow you to drive the car so late at night.” Or it could be, “The last time you bad mouthed me was when I didn’t allow you to drink up until late Friday night with some friends.”

It’s also pertinent that the parent would let his or her child feel that it’s his perception of what happened that mist be wrong, again without the parent finger pointing at the child. It’s like saying, “Tommy, I know what you think there is that I have been unfair to you. But what exactly happened is this… When you don’t get what you want, this usually triggers the bad side of Tommy. It’s all about what you think of took place in the incident and there are times when what he think is not really what happened there.”

The important thing in this scenario is for the child to express his views, his ideas and whatever he thinks is happening. As a parent, you must also make your kid understand that perceptions of what’s happening may differ in every person and it may be that what one person thinks of what happened is not what really happened.

The most common reaction of the child in this situation is to start bringing up the emotional side of it. This is when the blaming and the crying would try to make you as a parent start to feel guilty yourself.

But that shouldn’t be the case. As a parent, you should see to it that you keep your focus. But as a parent, you have to remember that when your child starts getting emotional about it, it’s not because he is intending to hurt you or he is plotting it. The child simply doesn’t know how to handle the situation and this is his way of doing it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

Confronting Your Child for His Misbehavior

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When your child misbehaves one of the things a parent dreads is confronting him. But when we say confront, it doesn’t mean you are being hostile to your child. Nor does it mean arguments or shouting or having to throw dirty stuff at each other.

Confronting is much like meeting someone head-on honestly. This would mean having to tell the child what you saw happened or what the teacher saw or the child’s guardian saw. Of course in a confrontation you must give the child enough time to express his own perception of what happened. Then you tell him what you saw happened. It’s more like comparing his perceptions with the facts of what took place.

There are so many instances when a parent must do it. An example would be to tell the child, “I know that it how you feel and sometimes things do happen. I don’t think you’re crazy to be thinking that way but here is what I saw. When I got inside the room I saw you grab your brother’s hair and I heard you shout to your sister.” Or it could also be, “I know that you hate being disturbed when you are reading silently in school but here is what your teacher said. You suddenly threw the book you were reading towards your seatmate.”

One thing that a parent has to remember is that with confrontation what you actually want is to change his behavior and not his reasons or his feelings. That’s the logic behind having to compare his perceptions, his thoughts, and his ideas with what really happened. So when he starts to jump in to his own version of what happened you simply have to refocus him to the present.

In the end, the child may still think that it is unfair to him that he gets reprimanded over having to talk back to his sister that way, but still you as a parent has got him to do it anyway.

The parent in other words has to be reminded of what his purpose is for the confrontation, which is to change the kid’s behavior and not his perception of his behavior. Try to remember that in the end what matters is that the child gets to behave well in school. The realization may happen later when he gets older, which is usually the case.

Children are not morally upright yet. Nor are they aware of their wrong behavior that’s why parents should be there to guide then all the way by being role models.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem children.

How to Investigate When Your Kid Misbehaves

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The first thing to do when a kid misbehaves is to investigate what happened. You have to know what happened and with that you have to ask your child his perceptions. Most often, these perceptions are also the triggers for his misbehavior. That is why it is significant for you to investigate. In that way, you know what makes him behave in that manner.

It is not wise to argue with your child at this point. Neither are his perceptions clear since most often they are distorted. But the thing is you do have to hear them to establish the triggers.

One thing that you are sure about is that something happened there. Your child saw something. That’s why it is even more necessary that you stick to the facts and don’t let his distorted perceptions get in the way of your finding out what triggered his behavioral problems.

It is also significant for a parent to stay focused on what’s happening in the present and not to look back to what happened in the past. With this, you must also avoid blaming him or other people over what happened in the past. Nor should a parent justify his actions or even the actions of his own child.

A parent will only be able to do this if he won’t let his feelings meddle with his decisions and the way he is investigating his child. Thus, the questions in this instance must all be clear, concise and straightforward. Treat it like your handling a business issue.

Contrary to what most people would insinuate with running a home or managing your children, you have to be business-like with them. It’s the only way that your children will realize how serious you are about your rules although this doesn’t mean you would not feel totally anything at all towards your children or that you won’t allow your children to feel anything towards you. For sure that’s not the case with successful businesses as well.

Here’s an example of what you can say to your child when you’re investigating. You tell him, “I know for sure that you have a reason for doing this. I want to know what your thoughts are.” Once the child starts to talk, the parent owes the child his needle focus. It’s his time to tell and the parent must not interrupt the child while he is at it.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as dealing with ODD disorder. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child.

Look for the Alternative Options in Dealing with Your Kids

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A parent can only help his child behave well if he knows the right approach. There is such a thing as an alternative response when the child starts to misbehave. The usual reaction of a parent would be to yell and to talk to the child offensively.

A parent needs to have the tools, the right way to talk, the right tone and be able to use the right words for his child in the aim of making him realize his misdeed and to be careful not to do it again.

In this manner, the parent is making the child accountable for his actions and his behavior. Through an alternative way of responding to the child’s misbehavior the parent is aiming for a different response as well from the child. Aiming and doing what’s not common entails the use of methodology, formal talk, and formal manner of resolving the child’s problem.

It’s all about thinking out of the box and doing what something different for the child to help him in problem solving, training him how to do it until such time he can be left to fend for himself.

The purpose behind going for the alternative perception of the child is that you want to come up with solutions that are different. Parents can’t simply accept what seems to be usual answers from their children. Nor do parents want ideas and thoughts that have been used for years now but every parent knows they don’t work.

Remember that a child who feels he is responsible for his own actions would tend to be careful of his actions. This way he would be able to experience as well getting the rewards and punishments that come with every goal set for him to achieve.

Parents must look beyond the real issues when their children start to act out in public or when they decide not to do their home work. One alternative approach for this situation is making your child work on the kitchen table where you can watch him do his assignment.

This is a good alternative compared to not letting him go to the mall with you this weekend which he may even appreciate more. There are alternative means to resolve issues with your child. Make use of that all the time.

Here are some tips about obedient child that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

How to Discipline Your Obnoxious Child

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Parents often have concerns in handling their obnoxious children. There are tools that are needed for these children. Most often, parents also have to address some personal issues they have. One thing that both need to address, referring to the parent and the child, is goal setting.

In proper parenting, before you start to point out so many behavioral problems you have in mind, you must come up with specific goals. But first and foremost, you would need to define what a goal is.

A goal is not a wish. Most often children make wishes, like I want to be a good child to mom or I want to have a B in Math. Parents also commit this mistake of making a wish instead of setting a goal for their parenting.

A goal is when you say I will have to say this in order for Tommy to understand how important it is that he does his assignment. Or it could be that I will do this so that Tommy will find it hard to disobey me when it comes to eating dinner on time.

As a parent, it is also your goal to help your child come up with goals that are achievable and are clear cut for his own understanding. This will make it easier for him to follow.

Another thing that makes a goal a goal is commitment. This commitment is done when you make a pledge or a promise to accomplish something at a certain time line and with specific requirements. Without this pledge, you can’t have a commitment and without commitment there is no goal to speak of.

Kids often take false optimism as commitment. They would often think about doing great things someday and achieving great things. They simply cannot associate that goal with their having to do their homework every night or their having to finish the science project on time and not watching TV too late. It is now the parents’ role to let the child understand the goal, their commitment, and how their actions can lead to the attainment of the goal.

Another defining concept of a goal is specificity. One has to be really specific in one’s goals. You can’t say to your child, “You need to have an early bedtime.” It has to be, “You have to go to bed at 9 PM and not later than that.” By doing this it becomes clear to the child what time he is to sleep and what are the consequences if he won’t sleep at bedtime. This is also true for whatever goal you set with him to correct his problem behaviors and enhance more the right ones.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Being Committed to the Goal

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Commitment is one aspect that is needed in achieving a goal. For both the parent and child, commitment has to be preserved at all times for them to change the behavior of the child and for the parent to change his parenting style if need be.

Commitment is not something subjective. It is something that can be seen or observed. The following are some of the elements that have to be considered when you are figuring out what commitment is.

Commitment should be definitive. It’s not enough that you say I have to be home early. It should be I have to be at home every 6 pm so I can help my child in his home work. Children often don’t know how to moderate things. They often say I will the best child there is in school. How they can do this? They don’t know how to answer that themselves. Parents should guide their children to come up with more definitive goals. An example of this would be you have to get a B in science by studying more on the subject. You need to spend at least an hour on this every day.

Commitment is also observable. It’s not that you behave because you feel good. The good feeling comes from behaving properly. So when kids have become committed to their goals of behaving properly, it will show in their actuations and their behavior.
Commitment should also be reasonable. When it comes to time frame, skill set, as well as tools required, commitment must be doable by the child or by the parent if it concerns him. In that way, all the aforementioned aspects should be considered.

Another aspect of commitment that a parent must look into is if it is measurable. By measurable, it means you must be able to know if it is effective or not. With this, you will know if you are to pursue it or not.

In order for you to find out if the commitment works or not, you have to answer these four questions:
1) How do you know it’s working? 2) How do you know it’s not working? 3) What will happen if it’s not working? 4) What will happen if it’s working?

It’s working if you see some changes in the child though this doesn’t happen overnight. It’s common to see your child’s behavioral changes go one step forward and then take two steps backward. You simply have to keep on doing it.

One thing you have to remember also is that you don’t have to implement any punishment on the child. If he falters in his task, he will experience the consequences himself and that is enough punishment for him. That is why when you have a goal to be committed on, it should be quantifiable and objective enough to follow and measure.

Here are some tips about obedient child that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem child.

Essential Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents

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In a divorce, the kids experience emotional and situational problems. It is not just the pain of losing their parents that they have to face. These kids also have to face questions like, “What am I going to say if mom talks about dad?” “How am I going to behave around Dad now that mom is not around?” “How often would I see mom?”

People often think that children act out because of the pain. Children in fact act out because they cannot solve the emotional and situational problems that beset them. They are merely children and they need to be cared for, instead of being confused on how they are going to take care of their parents.

The main role of a parent is to let the children realize that they still have to face and solve life’s problems, despite the divorce. It’s their responsibility to help them to understand that it is normal to feel the pain but after some time you would have to pull yourselves up together and get on with life.

That is why a child has to have an anchor parent. He needs someone who would continue with the parenting, somebody who is in control. In a divorce, kids would think that their parents are out of control. They need someone who would tell them “I know things are not okay now. But I will make it okay. I will take care of you and help you deal with it. I do not care much what your dad will tell you but with me, this is how it is going on to being.”

When this happens the parent is telling his child that good things can fall apart but we have to pick up the pieces and move on with life. This will give the child the comfort knowing that someone knows what’s going on here and someone is in control. This can help him to move on and continue with what has to be done.

It is like saying, “Okay now there’s divorce, but I still have to cook your dinner and take care of you and you still have to work on your homework.”

Encourage your kids to talk to you openly about their feelings and their thoughts about the situation because that is the only way that they will feel better. With all the confusion and questions in their heads, it is you that they need the most. Children get confused when their parents divorce, so prepare to answer their questions.

Letting your kids understand and accept a reality like divorce is an ongoing process. Always let your child feel that you still love them and care for them and that you will always be there for them despite the separation.

Here are some tips about child with obedient attitude that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

The Effects of Divorce on Children’s Behavior

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Couples who live a happy and successful life may not have behavioral problems with their children. While they are still together, the children look up to them as their role models. If they display good behavior and show nice attitude, it is expected that the children will have these too. Display of negative attitudes can be easily absorbed by the children.

Couples who experience marital problems naturally experience fights and disagreements, and if done in front of the children, can leave a very negative impression on them. The more disagreements they display, the more stressful the lives of the kids will be. And if the condition worsens and leads to divorce, the more the children’s behavior will be affected.

Children usually look up to their parents as models. They can have impressions on their parents but the moment they split ways, confusion may set in. This can lead them to make conclusions as to who is good or bad. Because of these confusions, more problems may come in like who he will be more loyal to the mother or father.

Parents need to understand that if they go into divorce, the children’s needs and welfare should be of foremost importance. Parenting in this situation needs display of civility. Children will get more confused if there is misunderstanding between the parents. Their disliking each other doesn’t give them the right to neglect the children. Taking care of the needs of the children may alleviate the stressful situation experienced by the kids.

Children from divorced parents are more likely to experience difficulties in school, their relationships with classmates and teachers, especially if they no longer feel love at home. These children will have low self-esteem, low self-worth and may easily get into trouble with people around. Their behavior will be very difficult to understand by people around them and they are more confused. Children from divorced parents have more probability of getting depressed because of the unpleasant situation they are in.

Good parenting skills are needed and should be learned by both parents to help their kids to have normal lives. Compassion and understanding are essential in parenting since the kids are more likely to be aggressive, and hateful towards his perceived bad parent.

For parents who go into divorce, they have to understand that children can be irritating and may display disobedience for months or years after the divorce. The stress that they experience can lead them to these negative behaviors.

It can be interesting to note also that not all children from divorce will display bad behavior. But it can be safe to conclude that more kids from divorce will display bad behavior and the parent’s role is needed in situations like these.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

Faulty Thinking in Children – What Parents Should Do

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When people hear faulty thinking, a frown in the face is the common reaction. However, what most people fail to realize is that faulty thinking is very common in both parents and children. But even when faulty thinking is something that occurs in a lot of individuals, it does not meant that it should be tolerated.

A common example where parents commit faulty thinking is when they try to make up excuses to make their child’s behavior more socially acceptable. It is also a sign of faulty thinking when parents start to blame the “flawed” school policy when their child gets caught breaking certain school rules. It is faulty thinking when parents believe that it is the teacher’s incompetence that made her child fail the Math exam.

Faulty thinking is not a solution to any problem, especially when it concerns children. That is why it is very important for parents to know when their child is relying on faulty thinking so that behavior problems will be properly addressed.

Kids who always indulge in faulty thinking often get into trouble, which often leads to parent frustration. Faulty thinking or sometimes called stinky thinking often leads to ugly results. One common example of stinky thinking is when a parent tries to talk to her child but tends to focus on something else.

A parent reprimanding her child about not staying out so late on weekends but insists that her son looks her in the eyes when she is talking to her is one perfect example. When a parents insist that her child does this or does that while in the middle of an important conversation, there is a huge chance for the message to be missed.

Emphasizing something else during a conversation will only bring your off topic, which makes you vulnerable to losing your chain of thought. In fact, it will even distract you into forgetting what you wanted to say or what your child is in trouble for to begin with. You need to stay on topic every time you talk to your child, especially when it concerns misbehavior.

Kids will always be kids, and they are and will never be little adults. Because they are young, they would easily make hasty generalizations of things. Be careful into these tricky generalizations and do not let it distract you from what you are supposed to say.

When you understand your child’s faulty thinking, you will be able to solidify the communication lines that you and your child shares. Aside from that, you will also be more effective in showing your child which is right and which is wrong behavior. Just because a child thinks it is okay, does not necessarily mean that it is. And your child needs your help to see that.

Here are some tips about obedient children that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

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