Archive for 'Total Transformation Program'

The Risks of Faulty Thinking

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A lot of factors affect the relationship between a parent and a child negatively and one of them is faulty thinking. Based on current psychological updates, there at the least seven types of faulty thinking that may have a direct effect of a child-parent relationship. They are: personalizing, hypodermic focus, rule deflation, emotionalizing, mind reading, assuming, and all-or-nothing thinking.

When you see a kid who is very timid, the attitude is either inborn or the product of a problematic household and the child at so many points was subjected to faulty thinking and it eventually led to really long moments of silence. Hence, there are kids who retreat to silence after becoming victims of erroneous assumptions, mind reading, and/or personalizing.

Silence comes after continuous failure of attempts to make fruitful conversations. And because of the silence, they become more misunderstood by other people, and they feel less confident and eventually become bottled up and its just a matter of time before they implode, or worse, explode.

In certain families where the parents are always deemed as eternally correct, there is a huge tendency that children will grow resentful and drive their anger towards other objects in the absence of the parents. Destructive behavior targeting toys, furniture, and other objects that cannot fight back is what the child normally exhibits. It does not normally manifest at home when everyone is around but he may turn to be a bully in school.

Racism or any other form of different types of discrimination such as gender and age based types are the worst types of escalations of stereotyping, another form of faulty thinking. And this form of faulty thinking may start unwittingly at home instigated by overprotective misled parents.

Children who grow old and manifest stereotyping behavior were most likely the product of close minded parents who have segregated views on the society that we currently live in. Typecasting old people as senile, cheerleaders as flirts, et cetera, all these are thought supplied at home and the nearby environment.

The teenage life of a person and the way the parents treat that stage in a child’s life is always a crucial and a very pivotal stage where social behavior is cultured and developed, and the outcome is generally is a creation of the immediate surroundings and the people around them who have influence over them, the parents. Even though schools and friends contribute to the progression of faulty thinking in a person, parents are the people most of the children look up to.

Other kids may be influenced by what they see on the television and learn in school and start to challenge the inappropriate line of thinking propagated by the parents, yet some stay blind and continue to patronize the wrong principles of faulty thinking.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

Make the Task Doable

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Childhood is not only a phase for having fun or playing all the time. This is one essential stage where kids learn about independence and start understanding the different responsibilities that he must embrace as a transition towards growing up. And adults are given more tasks into ensuring that kids get a positive acceptance of meeting this necessary independence and task-building.

It isn’t as easy to introduce kids to independence and help them develop the capacity to do things on their own. Some of these tasks could prove to be a bit too much for their young age. Also, not all kids develop with the same degree or pacing – some may still find accomplishing tasks difficult than others. Remember that this is but normal so don’t get frustrated. Instead of feeling frustrated, do something about it.

As adults we should support our kid’s development – something that is crucial in any child’s life and transition into more mature individuals. In order to do this, it is important that we find ways to make our kids’ task more doable.

There will be times when your kids would not be able to finish the task at hand and this becomes a perfect opportunity to help kids tailor the task into one that is equivalent to his size or capacity. This doesn’t mean that you cut him off from accomplishing his task but simply adjust it into something that you deem potentially achievable by your kid corresponding to his size and age. Again, every child’s capacity to accomplish tasks differs so don’t get frustrated.

Seeing that you, as an adult, are flexible and open to understanding his limitations as of the moment, kids are more prone to tell you up front about his capabilities. He or she won’t find it hard to tell you what he is potentially capable and in fact becomes more open to accomplishing more tasks in the future.

Another way to treat this situation is to divide the task into parts. This would enable him to accomplish part of the task today and then save the rest to be accomplished tomorrow. Be lenient and flexible in this given situation so as not to impose too much undue pressure on the child.

To make a certain task doable for a child is the least that we, adults could do. This is to ensure that kids would positively enjoy growing up and consequently look at tasks or responsibilities to be a good part of anybody’s life until they come into adulthood.

The best that any adult could do for kids is to offer positive solutions to any tasks at hand. Meet it and give it constructively and you are sure to witness kids grow up with hope and optimism.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem children.

All about Excuses

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In these day and age, with the many possible activities that the modern world has provided, nobody can actually say they are not busy (even sick people in the hospital are busy). Even the most lethargic person has something to do – lounge in a couch and watch TV and he is too busy doing that he cannot be peeled off the Velcro seat and to mow the loan.

And since everyone in a regular family is tied up almost the whole day all must share in the household chores. A well-run family schedules its chores with each member partaking in the whole process and the consistency in this household chore arena should be as sticky as the diligence manifested on appointments, school activities, invites, at cetera.

At some point certain activities are going to be set aside or even cancelled but nonetheless, the cleanliness and safety of the home cannot be compromised at all. At all. Nobody, especially responsible parents, would want to come home and rest in a house full of clutter because someone missed out on his or her turn on the cleaning schedule.

Now is the time to be consistent with the house rules and never waver on your children’s excuses. Keep in mind that at this early, if we instill in them the habit of sticking to what was agreed upon, then they will grow up to become better people at home and in business.

Kid’s excuses come in different forms and they become more creative as time passes by so you also have to rack your brains and anticipate their next excuse. Or much better – leave no room for excuses. To do this, always make clear your expectations and the repercussions when these expectations are not met. There should always be a consequence because if there aren’t, then the whole expectation scheme is put to waste.

Never be vague, for instance, simply telling your kid to clean his or he room will not cut it because they can come up with a workaround on that. You have to specify what you meant by clean, identifying specific areas and objects that need to be put back to where it should be or wiped spotless. You can even make a list to prove your point. Make it a checklist even so that you and them can monitor the progress and you can review and make an inventory afterwards.

However, this would only work with very young kids. Older kids have to handles with more tact since they would appreciate it more if you allow them to strategize as to how they will go about their chores. You can even praise them after they have done a good job of doing their chore using their own ways and means. It would really be frustrating to them if you enumerate to them the items that you want done. You can even tell them the general idea of what you want done and tell them that you trust them on what they would do.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Effects of Clinging to the Idea of Uniqueness

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It’s good to be unique to a certain extent but when you start to use uniqueness as a reason for not following rules or doing what’s expected of you that is not the real concept of uniqueness you are practicing there.

Being clingy to this concept as the be all and end all hinders you to change as a parent and if it’s the case of your child in his growth as a person. If you let your child cling to the idea of uniqueness you are allowing him to get away from the work and responsibilities that he has to accomplish for that change.

As a parent yourself, when you let yourself cling to the idea of your uniqueness as a parent, you are simply letting yourself slip away from having to do the tasks you need done for change or for you to help your child change for better behavior.

I am like this because I am a product of a broken home. This is the usual complaint of children from broken homes as they start to mature, in age that is. It’s high time they knew that their admission of having some deficiencies in their family life is affecting them is great help enough for them to help themselves and face their issues. Sadly most adults who used to be children who were not trained to deal with their “unique” situation are more likely to wallow in their being a single-parent-reared kid.

Not all children who came from broken homes are like that, but most of them are. We have this preconceived notion that we are defined and our personalities are formed based on our family values. This is partly true but it doesn’t mean that we can use a broken home condition as an excuse for not being a responsible and a better person as we grow.

Adults who do this are like children who have never transcended their issues as they grow. These adults are not unique at all. In fact, most of the adults have unresolved childhood issues that are prominent in their personality. Though some of these issues may be harmless and even helpful for having a likeable personality, there are those that are totally unacceptable like being utterly helpless and resolving to drastic measures of expression as drug and alcohol abuse.

Of course there is no clear cut formula on rearing children for them to become successful adults in the end, but there are ways and scientifically proven strategies that help your children learn proper behavior as early as they can. The concept of uniqueness most of the time hinders parents from having, learning, and using them.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

Uniqueness: A Good Setting for Excuses

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It’s a common thing to hear parents say, “Oh that’s not a thing to help my kid.” Kids on the other hand may say, “This isn’t going to help my mom; she’s not capable of doing it.” This is an indication of the concept called uniqueness.

Uniqueness may sound like it’s positive and ordinary but when taken into the context of parenting it would show as an interference in your program for transformation for your kid or a hindrance in your ability to view a situation involving your child clearly.

There are many example situations wherein uniqueness is used as an excuse. It’s clearly indicated when you hear your child say, “This is not going to happen to me because…” then he fills in the blank. Or he can say, “Homework doesn’t matter to me because…I’m a divorce baby.” Whatever he may use as an excuse, he is pointing it out that his case is unique from the others.

What your kids are trying to say when they give excuses is that they are unique and therefore the rule and the situation don’t apply to them.

This is exactly the opposite of what you should let your children know, which is that no one is above the rule and the rule stays no matter what the conditions are. Your children must know how to follow rules and obey the authorities even at a young age. When they start to make these excuses, you simply have to correct them.

Childhood is the best stage for you to correct in your children what needs to be corrected. That’s when their sense of morality and their value system is still starting to develop. That is how important it is to be morally upright when you want to make sure that your kids grow up to be responsible and with a strong sense of character and a formidable value system.

We may be fond of pushing uniqueness as a positive trait, meaning it is being true to one’s self, being different and being respectful of everyone’s differences in views and opinions. This can be true but as parents you have to be vigilant whether your kid is truly learning this concept of uniqueness or he could be using concept of uniqueness as an excuse not to follow rules and abide by authorities.

Once you do hear your child use uniqueness as an excuse, get on with it but do it gradually.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

Perception Hinders Healthy Parent Child Relationship

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Perception is reality when it comes to parent and child relationships. It may not be obvious, but the way you and your child tell each other your opinion about things as well as how you and your child handle problems, reach decisions, and handle stress are greatly shaped by your own, individual perceptions.

As a parent, you should expect to have a significant amount of conflicts and misunderstandings with your child especially when he or she is nearing adolescence. That is something that you have to learn to accept because there is a huge chance of getting into a disagreement with your child even when your pre-teen relationship has been great. And when your head is filled with a lot of twisted perceptions about your child, the problems get harder to solve.

For some time, parenting experts have tried to determine what quality will make a parent and child relationship healthy. Experts used to believe that what makes a healthy parent and child relationship is effective communication. But there were a lot of case studies who proved that even when a family “talks”, some issues still remains unsolved.

Recently, it was agreed to revise the way a healthy parent and child relationship is viewed. Now, what determine a healthy relationship between parent and child are the warmth and the close relationship that is shared by the two. Under this new definition, a child cares about what his or her parent thinks and holds it in high regard. However, children who do not share this warm and close relationship with a parent indicate a long-endured problem.

If the kind of relationship that you share with your kid has always been difficult, there are some things that you can do to begin the change. But first of all, you need to alter your perceptions and emotions that you have towards your child.

People are fond of channeling their feelings on situations and other people. Perhaps you have overheard someone say, “When I heard him say that, I got so angry” or “When I see you wearing that shirt, it irritates me”. But in reality, it was not actually the statement of the guy or the shirt per se that made the person angry – the emotions were actually based on how the person interprets such events.

When your child misbehaves in public, probably the first thing that comes to your head is “He is doing it again to humiliate me in front of these people”. This thinking then leads to a fight and a heated argument. But for all you know, your child was just having a bad day.

Perceptions, wrong conclusions and generalizations always ruin any human relationship. Treat your child without preconceived notions. Free your judgment of wrong perceptions and you will realize that there is still room to improve your understanding and communication skills.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

How to Make Your Rules Firm

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Despite living in a liberal world, there are still a lot of parents who feel wrong about disciplining their kids. But then again, it is the job of every parent to make sure that their kids grow up responsible adults. And the only way to do that is to summon the confidence in pointing children to the right direction, no matter what it takes.

Although child discipline is a highly debatable issue to this day, most parents and parenting experts would agree that having only a single set of rules to apply for all your children will not work. On the contrary, what parents and parenting experts suggest is for parents to come with different “forms” of rules for kids in different developmental stage.

For most parents, the solution to make children follow rules is nagging. But then again, the time will come when nagging becomes too exhausting. When that happens, parents then start asking the inevitable question, “If I stop nagging my kids into following the rules, what will make them obey?”

What most parents fail to realize is the fact that there are actually several ways apart from nagging the kids that will make children follow the rules at home. Several years of research revealed that there are actually three possible strategies that will make it easier for children to follow house rules, which will make the lives of parents more convenient in the process as well.

If you are trying to implement firm house rules with your kids, you need to remember three things. First, you need to understand that your actions really speak louder than your words. You have to accept the fact that if you want your kids to honor your rules, you have to do it first. So if you tell your kids that there should be no munching of junk food before dinner, do not open a bag of potato chips right before supper.

You also need to make sure that your rules are clearly explained and understood by the kids. If you ask them to do something, make sure that you follow it up with an explanation. Although the question “why?” can be very irritating at times, it is your job as a parent to clear whatever confusion there is in your child’s head.

Your rules need to be official for your kids to treat them seriously. You can make your rules official by writing them down in a piece of paper and displaying in the house for everyone to see. Let your children know that when they break the rules on the paper, they are also breaking a contract with you.

Write the rules and place it in the kitchen or in the hallway to constantly remind your child the power and authority that you have. Written rules are more effective because they earn more respect. Put value in your rules and be careful not to deflate them.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

Forget About Your Feelings to Keep That Rule

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When you are trying to keep the rule at work, you have to stick with it, no matter what. Even when you’re tired, even when it seems too draining to engage in an argument with your child, you have to be consistent in implementing the rule you set.

If you won’t do this, your kids will think that there are times when rules don’t apply and that when you get tired you can easily break the rule. This of course is not a good lesson to learn by kids of this nature.

Kids who have behavioral problems all the more need the consistency in implementing the rule. They always are in need for rules to remain the same at all times. You as a parent must remember that rules must be there even if you are too tired and should not become loose or too stern, and are not dependent on your current situation.

Remember that parents must be the role model of their kids. They should act what they want their kids to act when they grow old. A good role model is one that is law-abiding and one that is consistent with his actions regardless of what his situation is.

Kids are quick to follow their models, which most of the time are their parents and siblings. It therefore helps for parents to behave the best while in the presence of the kids, even if sometimes it takes a lot of pretension.

Kids don’t have to know that you were even worse than they are now when you were their age. They need not know that you only behaved when your parents were around. If you have to talk about your childhood with them, it’s better to focus more on the good experiences. Kids may not be able to understand the complicated situations you went through as well some behavioral and emotional issues which may be too complicated for their own understanding.

It’s true that you may have to put your best foot forward if you want to raise better kids. That is until they grow up to become mature enough to understand the much darker side of things. Children still don’t have fully developed sense of morality. They are still groping when it comes to dealing with their relationships issues and even find it confusing to understand themselves.

That is why your rules are important. They are there to guide them while they are not yet that strong to evade what’s wrong and continue with what’s right.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Deflating the Rule

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Setting rules with your children is one way of communicating with them and telling them your expectations. Needless to say, in order to be taken seriously by the kids (and I assure you they never forget), you have to be consistent with your rules as part of your parenting tasks. Children will adopt many of the things they observe from their parents and you may want to make consistency as one of the good habits that they may want to inculcate in their young minds and manifest in the future.

You can start testing your consistency by setting up house rules and these rules need not be complicated, in fact simplicity closes the door on disputes and interpretations. By keeping your house rules simple, you can even have the kids memorize them and repeat them to assure that they know what your house rules are. And also, do not make so many house rules.

Make at the most three to five short ones that tackle the most basic of house rules like for instance “Always keep the door closed” or “Always wash your hands before you touch any type of food”. Communication is part of the aim of setting rules and when you set up so many, that is not communicating at all.

When setting up rules, always use positive language which means instead of starting the rules with negative words for instance, in lieu of Do not turn on the television while studying, you may want to put it as: Turn on the television only when done with the schoolwork.

This sets a positive tone on things and makes rules veer away from its negative connotation of restrictions. Instead, it can be construed by your child as regulations to make life better in the future.

Let the child participate in the rule making activity. This brings a sense of ownership to your child which will make them follow the rules even more. And you can even refer to that specific rule as your child’s rule, appending his or her name to it to fortify the sense of ownership and a sense of belonging.

Consistently refer ton the house rules. Children rarely forget but it pays to have them recite the rules as often as can be especially before guests arrive. You may ask him the rules on what specific rooms they can enter together with their playmates and those that they can’t.

Now comes the part when the rule gets broken, even accidentally or intentionally and this is where consistency again is put to the test. Never ever waver on the rules that are set especially with your child. The agreed upon sanctions have to be done to show to tour child that rules were made for specific reasons and there is always a price to pay when one disobeys the rules, whether it were intentional or not.

Is brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

Stop Blaming Your Kids

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Rearing a child especially in this very modern and all-accessible world can be quite a handful, doubly difficult if you have a couple or more kids in tow. Unlike before when parents’ words are considered commands and they have to really be followed to the letter, children nowadays are exposed to too much information that molds them into very smart kids, too smart for comfort.

But it is not bad at all to expose out children to data that they can use in the future as long as you are to filter the information that is coming in. Keep in mind that children’s brains work like sponges and they easily absorb almost anything that they see especially if no one is there to contest it.

In the book Nobody Knows My Name written by James Baldwin, Baldwin states that: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders. But they have never failed to imitate them.” This dilemma encapsulates the general situation parents are trapped in.

Some parents, in their efforts to make their children listen to them, in their eagerness to instill what they think is correct, sometimes become too forceful in their attempts and overshoots the goal of making the children listen, really listen.

You see, there is a huge difference between children listening when they are being scolded than children listening when their parents are explaining in a calm and disarming manner. In the heat of the moment, particularly when the kids have done something quite terrible, parents forget the proper way to address such situation, give in to the outbursts of emotions and immediately blame the child or kid for the error done.

Blaming the kids is actually not the strategic way to approach such a situation. Instead of fixing the issue, we might only be driving the problem into the hearts of the children. And when blame is directed to the children consistently, there may come a time that they will unconsciously believe that they are really the one to blame for anything negative that is happening.

This is extremely bad for the child’s psyche because you will only be inculcating in his or her mind that he or she is not good at anything and whatever he or she does may turn into a disaster. In time, this negative feeling will turn into deeper psychologically stressing issues like anxiety, clinical depression, loss of confidence, low self esteem, and eventually even manifest in physical symptoms like headaches and such.

There is a tactful way of addressing such situations and that would be sitting down and discussing in a very composed manner the issue at hand. For example, ask how your child feels after a negative thing has been done. And then, discuss with the child the possible repercussions of his behavior and how it will affect not only other people’s lives but his as well.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

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