The latest post on our blog tackles misbehaving children, and we recommend you read it. There are always reasons why children misbehave, but parents may be surprised to find out just how ordinary or everyday those reasons are. By knowing the reasons that cause misbehaving children to act the way they do, parents may just be able to immediately nip a future behavior problem right in the bud. For additional help on child behavior problems, we also recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman, which you can have for free if you fill out a feedback survey.
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Misbehaving Children
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Only when you are able to outgrow the “all or nothing thinking” phase of development can you become a real mature adult. Overcoming this kind of thinking will let you understand that there is no person or situation that is entirely bad or entirely good. When a parent no longer thinks in an “all or nothing” kind of thinking, he will have an open mind.
Although thinking in black and white only seems to be a more organized way of living, the best parts of parenting is usually during those gray moments between the two extremes. When you raise your kids in an uptight and stiff world, you are limiting their capabilities to see life as it truly is. At the same time, you are also stopping yourself from appreciating the real joys of parenting.
It is true that living life spontaneously have its consequences. However, the end results are rarely severe. On the other hand, thinking in pure blacks and whites will only attract negative thoughts and emotions. These negative feelings then inspire fear and frustration, which then makes you an ineffective parent sooner or later. When you take parenting too seriously, you are making yourself vulnerable to depression and low self esteem.
Some parents think in absolutes like “My family never listens to me” or “I am always wrong when it comes to making my children happy”. These thoughts are dangerous, inaccurate, and lack creativity. When you think in this manner, you are actually causing yourself stress and anxiety. Thinking like this limits your number of options down to two – this, or that.
Telling yourself “I am a bad breadwinner” or “I am an ineffective mother” oversimplifies the role of parenting as a whole. Remember, parenting is already a tough job. And when you keep telling yourself these things, you are making things more difficult for you.
However, if you are open to changes and to possibilities, you are giving yourself more wiggle room – more options and more choices every time you are trying to resolve an issue. Having the willingness to explore the gray areas of life lets you have an open mind and the spirit to explore new routes and parenting strategies.
Get rid of the “all or nothing” kind of thinking, for it only paralyzes your sound judgment, especially during stressful situations with your kids. A painter who wants too much perfection in his work accomplishes nothing in the end, in the same way that you are putting your child in a bubble because of fear.
As a parent, it is your job to add colors to yours and your child’s life. Bring in vivid colors, not just plain black and white. Lighten up and have some fun at parenting. Because when you do, you will realize that parenting is not that hard after all.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions by visiting her website about problem child.
Have you noticed that most of the time your assumptions about your kids cause you a lot of worry and stress? If you are most parents who always think that their kids are doing something bad behind their backs or are about to do something unacceptable, then you might want to take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture.
A lot of parents believe that their children are always up to something bad. Parents assume that their kids are doing something wrong so when they ask their children if there is something wrong, their tone becomes accusatory and suspicious without realizing it.
For example a parent asks his son to do something, but the child forgets about it. When this happens, there are some parents who assume that their son was not paying enough attention because he did not care about whatever they say. Because of that thinking, some parents automatically scold their children for not paying attention or for being too distracted.
Parents who assume often think that when their kids act out, they should change their behavior so they “learn” how to behave, without even asking the child first what is really bothering him or her. Or if the parent asks, she asks in a biased tone as if she already knows the answer to the question – and the answer she has in her head is not something nice.
If you always assume that your children was wrong or is up to something wrong, your tone no longer represents openness and inquisition but will imply that you have already made your decision about the matter. That is why it is very important that you be careful not to assume.
Instead of assuming that something wrong is going to happen, why not change the way you look at things? There is another choice that you can make. You can always choose to assume that your kid is up to something good. When you make this choice, it can literally change your relationship with your child and your life as a whole.
Assuming positive intent from your kids starts with a sense of willingness to assume that your children have good intentions and are doing their best to perform what they are told and to accomplish what they are expected to fulfill. This choice is something that you consciously do because most of the time, it does not come naturally to parents.
Assuming that your kids are always misbehaving behind your back or are up to no good will get in the way of knowing what they are actually doing. Ask without assumption what really happened. Look at your child objectively and without preconceived notions. Your child needs you to be fair and to be supportive.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her solutions for adhd by visiting her website about problem children.
When you are fond of assuming with finality or jump into conclusion without looking at the facts yet you are simply cutting off all communication lines. You are closed as what they say.
Once you have already assumed that a certain person did or did not do anything expected of him, there is no way you can still communicate. You have already made up your mind.
The same thing applies to your kids. Sometimes kids assume that they get punished because of some rule that you have set at home. The tendency for these kids is to become overly defensive to the extent of being rude at you. This will go on unless you start to open the communication lines with them by asking first a question.
When you do so, you have to show your sensitivity to his emotions. You do it gently and without any hint that you are accusing him of any wrongdoing. This will make your child feel comfortable that you are not going to hurt his feelings and that you are ready to hear his side of the story.
Thus, even if you have heard that your child has started to smoke, it helps to ask him about it and discuss with him what he thinks are the benefits that smoking can give him. When you confront him and tell him downright that he just made a wrong decision by smoking, you are simply driving him away and perhaps pushing him to do it more.
Remember that kids especially those who are in their adolescence tend to be rebellious. Partly this is because of the many drastic changes that are taking place in themselves from surging hormones to emotional and psychological changes that go with it. As a parent, you must be careful not to give your teen-agers any reason to rebel or be in a prolonged argument with you. This will more likely result to him running towards his peers who mostly are not equipped to handle his issues as well.
There are times though when parents can’t help but suspect about their kid being hooked into something he is not allowed to do. It helps if you keep an eye on him from afar and make sure not to meddle in his affairs. By then you will surely notice some changes in his routine and his behavioral patterns, if he really is into something.
With that, don’t hesitate to consult with his teachers or his guardian or any authority who might be able to help you deal with it.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions for your child by visiting her website about my problem children.
We’ve posted a new article on our website that tackles the phenomenon of rebellious teens. Most parents are at a loss as to why their teenagers are so stubborn and rebellious and fail to see what may be causing it. This article shines the spotlight on the underlying factors that influence teens to be so rebellious. Read more about rebellious teens by visiting our website. For more help on transforming difficult teenagers, we recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. It can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.
Today’s blog post talks about problem teenagers. We recommend this article to all parents who are experiencing a hard time trying to get their teenagers under control. It helps parents understand teenagers and offers several tips on how to correct their inappropriate behaviors. If you’re presently working on bettering your relationship with problem teenagers, read our blog post now. Additional help is also available with the Total Transformation Program. You can get this child behavior change program by filling out a survey form.
By discussing sensitive issues in the family such as divorce, you are helping your kids cope with its effects better. When you discuss openly in the family every problem that involves the whole family, it helps ease the burden.
Telling your child huge news like divorce requires some preparation and some deep thinking for there are several things that you have to be clear about. First, you have to make it clear with your kids that while their parents are no longer together, not everything will change. You have to assure your kids that you and your spouse will still continue to love them.
You need to assure your kids that despite getting divorced, you will always be a family. Let your kids know that nothing is changed in the setup, except that this time there will be two households. Tell them that the only thing that will change is the marital aspect of your lives, and nothing else.
Hearing about their parents not being together is not easy for a child, so see to it that you are there for them during this rough time. Try as much as you can to answer their concerns – maybe they are afraid that they might have to choose between you and your spouse, or maybe they are worried that their relationship with you will be compromised.
Let your child understand that a divorce does not mean ending your relationship with them. Clarify that although the divorce does end the marital bond between you and your spouse, it does not in any way affect or end your parent and child relationships. Explain these things to your child, but be sensitive with their age and readiness as well.
If your children are still too young, keep your explanations short and easy to understand. But if your kids are a bit of age, say you have teenagers, you can explain a bit more. However, make sure that you do not over explain. Consider your children’s age and feelings. If they are not yet ready, then do not force them. If they are uncomfortable with the idea, do not push it too hard.
But the most important thing that you should do is to let your child know that he is not the reason for the divorce. Make it clear as well that there is nothing that he can do to change your decision. Some kids try to do some things to keep their parents together, so make it clear that the decision is made and that acceptance is the only next step.
Help your kids go through the divorce by encouraging honesty and by letting them air out their feelings. Tell them that they are entitled to whatever they are feeling, and respect their opinions. Legitimize what they feel and offer your support. Help accept the situation by letting them cope at their own pace.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions by visiting her website about problem child.
Some children are angry and are always aggressive simply because they do not know how to solve certain issues. When kids lack the necessary problem solving skills, they turn to aggression and inappropriate behavior to address their problems. A child without problem solving skills solves his problems through physical means.
Teaching your children problem solving skills should start at home, regardless if he is already in school or just preparing for his first day. You have to teach your child how to cope with the challenges at home, first. But understand that when we say “problem solving” we do not refer to a math problem or an assignment from school.
Problem solving skills in children means teaching your kids the ways in coping with emotional problems and learning challenges that will help them get through childhood prepared for the real world. You should teach your kids as early as possible how to be responsible and how to solve life’s challenges.
While still at a young age, you should start teaching your kids how to handle situations without being aggressive or being rude. You see, kids are very prone to throwing tantrums. When things do not go their way, they get angry and frustrated and begin to be all over the place. Always remember that kids have limited self control, so it is very easy for them to “lose it.”
Almost anything can upset a child. Of course, every parent had tried having their kid throw a tantrum in a mall at least once in their lives. Say for example your child wants you to buy a toy for him, but you refuse because he already had a new toy for his birthday. But he insists and when it does not work, he starts making a scene and starts screaming.
Now, all the people at the mall are looking at you. How then should you handle the situation? How will you teach your kid the problem solving skills that the need that will spare you from all of that unwanted public attention? Well, you have to know a few things first to teach your children effective problem solving skills.
First, you have to help your child figure out what his real problem is. Perhaps the ultimate reason why your kid is upset is because he is having a hard time identifying the cause of his frustrations. You will not find it hard to know what is going on in your child’s life. When he calms down, ask him what is really going on and why he got so angry.
You have to help your child come up with alternative solutions to the problem. You have to help him weigh the consequences as well. When your child know what is really bothering him, help him think of solutions to that problem and help him consider all his options.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions for your child by visiting her website about problem child.
Parenting is in reality all about solving problems and thinking. Do remember also that when a child feels that he knows what to do to solve a certain concern, he will feel good about himself. But there are times when kids simply don’t know what to do and oftentimes they behave badly. That’s when you as a parent need to help them change the way they think.
This attitude of learning what to do to face concerns can lead to better behavior. Do remember that kids are young and they are not morally developed yet. That’s why they need their parents for guidance so they will know simply which is right or wrong.
It’s best for a parent to understand that their kids are prone to have faulty thoughts; that’s why it takes tools for parents to fix that fault. Parents should be taught same as child experts and child psychologists particularly since parents are full time at work with their kids.
Parents need parenting tools to help them tide over. These tools will let them know of the right strategies, those that are not only household or motherhood advice that have been passed down from each generation to the next.
One faulty thinking that kids have is that they cannot do something with what they are experiencing. Children having this thought when not corrected may suffer from low self-esteem until their adult life.
It is the parent’s responsibility to correct the thinking of the child about problems. As early as possible make him understand that problems are ever present and the best thing that a child like him can do is to face it bravely and of course to seek for guidance from you as the parent.
This won’t be hard on the little one since children as a matter of fact may act like they want to be master or superior but in reality they do want you to lead them to the right path. With your guidance they will know of what to do in case they encounter the same concern again.
This will give them the peace of mind and consequently this will show on your child’s behavior. You will surely notice how he feels confident and behave properly when he gets the chance to face the same dilemma again.
Do your kids have problems such as ADHD? Katherine Thompson would like to share her adhd solutions by visiting her website about problem children.
There is no one solution for ADHD. But this doesn’t mean we give up on the search. The latest article we posted on our website discusses the best choices available for parents looking for ADHD solutions out there for their child. It also notes the rising popularity of child behavior change programs like Total Transformation that has been proven to be an effective alternative to other remedies like medication. Read the article ADHD Solutions For Your Child on our website now. If you’re also interested in the Total Transformation Program, you can get it for free if you fill out a feedback survey.
