Archive for 'Tough Love'

Teach Your Kids to Get Away from the Triggers of Negative Emotions

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The best way for you to help your kids avoid any negative thoughts is to evade the triggers. That’s how significant it is for parents to get to know what these triggers are. Most often these are very observable and often only require common sense to figure out.

It’s as simple as when you are not bringing with you any cash, you better not swing by the candy store since this may trigger a huge problem with your kid. If your kid finds his brother annoying then he must not be seated beside his brother during TV and dinner time. This is also true when you let your child sit beside a school bully.

However, the ultimate goal of any parent would be to teach their kids how to figure out and eventually be able to avoid triggers in the end. This is particularly true because parents are not with their kids all the time. Kids must be able to handle themselves well when they are on their own.

In time, when kids are able to do this on their own with an automatic button, kids will finally feel and learn to accept that they indeed have a responsibility in figuring out triggers, avoiding them totally to keep away from anger.

There are times when a sugar spike brought about by a can of Pepsi can trigger a boost of energy and when it subsides, the child gets restless and gets angry eventually. So it’s the best thing for parents to do to help the child realize this so he would try to avoid drinking a whole bottle of Pepsi if he can’t handle its effects on him.

More often these kids are not aware that these triggers are for real and they happen. So the next time his mother tells him to go to bed at 9 PM as the father you ask the child what he feels or thinks about his mother. Most probably the child would retort that he is angry at his mother and he thinks that she only wants to get rid of him so she told him to sleep early.

Then you tell your child to start talking to himself in a different manner. Remember that this strategy can be used in every day situations. It could be in school, at home, or even in the community playground where he usually stays.

Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD kids. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem children.

The Effects of Divorce on Children’s Behavior

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Couples who live a happy and successful life may not have behavioral problems with their children. While they are still together, the children look up to them as their role models. If they display good behavior and show nice attitude, it is expected that the children will have these too. Display of negative attitudes can be easily absorbed by the children.

Couples who experience marital problems naturally experience fights and disagreements, and if done in front of the children, can leave a very negative impression on them. The more disagreements they display, the more stressful the lives of the kids will be. And if the condition worsens and leads to divorce, the more the children’s behavior will be affected.

Children usually look up to their parents as models. They can have impressions on their parents but the moment they split ways, confusion may set in. This can lead them to make conclusions as to who is good or bad. Because of these confusions, more problems may come in like who he will be more loyal to the mother or father.

Parents need to understand that if they go into divorce, the children’s needs and welfare should be of foremost importance. Parenting in this situation needs display of civility. Children will get more confused if there is misunderstanding between the parents. Their disliking each other doesn’t give them the right to neglect the children. Taking care of the needs of the children may alleviate the stressful situation experienced by the kids.

Children from divorced parents are more likely to experience difficulties in school, their relationships with classmates and teachers, especially if they no longer feel love at home. These children will have low self-esteem, low self-worth and may easily get into trouble with people around. Their behavior will be very difficult to understand by people around them and they are more confused. Children from divorced parents have more probability of getting depressed because of the unpleasant situation they are in.

Good parenting skills are needed and should be learned by both parents to help their kids to have normal lives. Compassion and understanding are essential in parenting since the kids are more likely to be aggressive, and hateful towards his perceived bad parent.

For parents who go into divorce, they have to understand that children can be irritating and may display disobedience for months or years after the divorce. The stress that they experience can lead them to these negative behaviors.

It can be interesting to note also that not all children from divorce will display bad behavior. But it can be safe to conclude that more kids from divorce will display bad behavior and the parent’s role is needed in situations like these.

Here are some tips about children who are obedient that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about problem children.

What to Do When Kids Get So Negative

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Kids often see things awfully. They tend to see things negatively. As parents then, it is our responsibility to correct this perspective. At the first instance when the kid shows negativity or starts to negate the situation, you simply have to address the attitude directly.

As an example, you can tell your child, “Don’t make things too awful for you. Things will soon work out well for you, you’ll see.” You can say we can do it one step at a time. Then you help her take the first step and tell him that the next step will even be a lot easier for him.

This is what is called the take one step at a time approach. That is why when things get rough for your kid, you should come up with some sort of list to follow. Then you share the list to your kid and show him what you are going to do first down to the last step.

Like what any parent must do, you should help your child decide or perform the first step. It’s like holding his hand when he was just starting to walk. Then you tell him that the second step will be much easier for him but you will still be watching over him in case he needs you.

Another thing that’s important is for you to put out a calm demeanor. This will also calm your kid’s nerves and allow him to think clearly. When they can sense your calmness they are more to respond to you. This is effective when you are giving instructions or giving him advice on what to do.

Remember that your kids often follow your example. So if you are the frantic type of parent when it comes to emergencies and even for some minor setbacks, you might want to change your mind-set or at least control yourself when you are with your child.

Being organized is also one thing that you need to cultivate in you as a parent. Being systematic at home and even in implementing your rules will surely be a great help for you. First thing, your kids will easily understand you. When they understand you clearly well, they will more likely follow you.

Being organized and systematic can also help in having a more sunny perspective. One reason for this is that it keeps your mind uncluttered and yourself less stressed.

Here are some tips about child obedience that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem children.

Don’t Make Everything Look Awful

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Part of a child’s development is perhaps every parent’s desire to make him or her as well-rounded and productive as possible so that when the time should come for him or her to be independent, everything will be alright. This very state is what also motivates us to inculcate into our kids the true essence of living positively.

To live with positivity is to live with hope – that in all things there will always be a side that is good and bright. This does not mean that the “not so good” side is disregarded but it actually means that the better way to live is to notice the better rather than the worse.

As adults we should understand that this is the better option so if we have kids we should also make it a point to make them see and understand this. It is sometimes difficult indeed to carry on a smile when things around you look “blurry” and feel heavy but if we have kids around who depend on positive nurturing, there can be no better way than to look past the “awful”.

It is not a tough thing to understand that when you rear your kids in a way that they see and feel awful about a lot of things, they DO end up growing up full of angst in life. This makes them unproductive and maybe even angry at a lot of things – as you may see from some adults who may have been exposed to this kind of outlook while growing up.

Why would you rather see your child always sad, angry and insecure when you can have him or her always happy, optimistic and self-assured? They could achieve more in childhood and all throughout adulthood one day when they are on the brighter side. So, instead of saying “life is awful”, say that “life is hopeful”.

You can always get a good help from “appreciation”. Learn to appreciate and praise things that come into your life and your kid will understand and learn to also adopt this kind of disposition. Make him understand that appreciation of even the littlest things in his life could go a long way.

Motivating your kids that he could go further in life could be achieved through frequent re-enforcement that he is special and is loved. His confidence mainly depends on his feeling of being accepted and belongingness – never forget this. So if you want your kid to achieve more, tell him HE CAN.

As they say, “practice what you preach”. Remember that the best way to teach your kids to turn away from regarding life and things to be “awful” is by doing so yourself! The moment that kids see you living with praise rather than a curse, they are most likely to do the same.

Here are some tips about child with obedient attitude that come highly recommended. Also find a variety of parenting help on my website about my problem child.

Remind Kids the Effects of the Consequences Given to Them

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Kids are so find of minimizing the consequences as a way to justify their behavior. More often they would say, “Oh, I don’t care about that much. It doesn’t hurt that bad anyway.”

It’s the parents’ role to always remind the kids of the consequences and how it affected their kids the last time they experienced it. You can tell your kid, “The last time you kicked your classmate, you lost your Nintendo and it was so bad. Don’t you forget that. And now you are saying that you don’t care at all but you surely cared that much the last time.”

This is the parents’ way to remind the kid of the pain that the consequences can inflict on him as well as the true damage that the behavior can cause in the family and in school.

Be ready for distortions that your kid can create to cover up the pain of the consequences and to cover up the bad behavior. That is why distortions and make-believe may sometimes be the two main ways of escaping the consequences of bad behavior and they are also considered faulty thinking.

By reminding kids of the consequences, you are not only making it clear that they are being corrected with their mistakes but that you as a parent are also the authority in the household. It is your way of saying that your voice is must be heard by them and that your word is final.

Remember that kids have to look up to somebody who knows how to rule the household and who knows the right things to do. This persona of authority is a must-have figure for the kids to have the proper discipline and outlook in life. This authority figure will also serve as their guide in their decision making and to resolve problems they will encounter as they grow up.

Is spoiled brat camp beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

What to Do When Kids Are Making Excuses or Minimizing Their Mistakes

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In the most part of being a kid, kids hardly know which is actually good and acceptable and which is not. And if adults or parents are not keen on this one, kids may be led to believe that some things are actually okay even when they are not.

Whether we like it or not, our kids will pass through the stage of learning how to make excuses for their every action. This is in a way like trying to convince even their own selves that what they do is okay and should therefore be accepted by those around them. Therefore, even if they slightly know that they have done something wrong, they might rationalize and justify it to avoid either corrections or punishment and for some parents, this is the stage when it is most tough to take.

You would surely be surprised – frantic even – when one day you discover your kid doing something wrong in school but standing firmly on his belief that what he or she did is excusable and acceptable. However, don’t forget that your kid is not alone in going through such phase as most kids actually do.

Parental intervention and adult supervision is a “must” in this concern. It is not wise to punish your kid outright especially if he or she is “clueless” about the error of his or her action. Upon the initial discovery of your kid’s “making excuses” and “minimizing their mistakes” it is our obligation as adults who know best to talk it through with your kid in private.

In your private conversation, it is important that you stress the “wrong” in trying to make excuses or trying to make his mistake appear minimal when in fact it is. Make your kid understand the gravity of his action and wrongful belief by telling him to try and put his self in the other side of the table. He could realize his mistake if you show your kid “what if what you did happened to you too”.

Never burst in anger in public. Whatever can be said calmly and by yourselves should be done so for your kid not to be embarrassed. Most often putting your kid in an embarrassing situation could belittle his self-esteem and make him turn away from you.

Remember that it is best to tell your kid that what he did or is doing is not good and should therefore be corrected. This would make him see clearly which things are morally acceptable and which are not – with how he regard himself, you and other people.

Finally, the key to understanding your kid and imposing discipline is to put yourself in his shoes – ever innocent and less knowing than you as an adult and confront his every action with lots of love and patience.

Is camp for brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

Do Not Trivialize Your Mistakes

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If you want to make parenting a little bit easier, you need to learn to accept the fact that kids will always be kids. This means that kids are likely to do whatever they feel like doing, even when the outcome ends up not as good as it is supposed to. If you do not accept this fact, you will likely get easily angry or frustrated with your kids.

While it is true that dealing with your child’s mood swings and tantrums is not an easy task, there is something that you can do to somehow lighten up the situation – understand where you child is coming from every time he or she acts out. Perhaps your child is having a bad day or maybe he or he is just trying to get your attention.

One way of changing your child’s behavior for the better is to be consistent with your rules and discipline methods. If you made a rule that they are not allowed to watch TV past 8 in the evening during schooldays, always stick to that rule. It will help if you talk to your spouse about it, so that you will be both effective in disciplining your child and so that you both will know what to do.

It is very important that you understand where your child is coming from, which is why you need to spend time with them as often as possible. When you give your child the attention he or she needs, your child will be less likely to engage in outbursts in public. But if you do not spend time with your kids, they will do everything in their power to get your attention.

Spending time with your kids will also let you understand your child better. It will show you what exactly your child is going through. Spending time with your kids will help you help them solve their problems. Remember, almost every kid finds it hard to go through childhood and it is your job as a parent to help ease their burden.

Another way of changing your child’s behavior is by channeling your child’s energy into something good and more productive. Enroll your child to a summer class when there is no school or let him join a club in school. You need to encourage your child to have extracurricular activities so that he or she will have something to be proud of.

But the best way to change your child’s attitude is to change yours first. Show your child what proper behavior is and what is not. If you start that change, your child will follow your lead and behave.

Do not trivialize your mistakes, especially when your kids are around. Set an example to your child in facing consequences. When you show your child that you yourself are responsible for your own actions, he or she will likely follow.

Is camp for brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem children.

The Risks of Faulty Thinking

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A lot of factors affect the relationship between a parent and a child negatively and one of them is faulty thinking. Based on current psychological updates, there at the least seven types of faulty thinking that may have a direct effect of a child-parent relationship. They are: personalizing, hypodermic focus, rule deflation, emotionalizing, mind reading, assuming, and all-or-nothing thinking.

When you see a kid who is very timid, the attitude is either inborn or the product of a problematic household and the child at so many points was subjected to faulty thinking and it eventually led to really long moments of silence. Hence, there are kids who retreat to silence after becoming victims of erroneous assumptions, mind reading, and/or personalizing.

Silence comes after continuous failure of attempts to make fruitful conversations. And because of the silence, they become more misunderstood by other people, and they feel less confident and eventually become bottled up and its just a matter of time before they implode, or worse, explode.

In certain families where the parents are always deemed as eternally correct, there is a huge tendency that children will grow resentful and drive their anger towards other objects in the absence of the parents. Destructive behavior targeting toys, furniture, and other objects that cannot fight back is what the child normally exhibits. It does not normally manifest at home when everyone is around but he may turn to be a bully in school.

Racism or any other form of different types of discrimination such as gender and age based types are the worst types of escalations of stereotyping, another form of faulty thinking. And this form of faulty thinking may start unwittingly at home instigated by overprotective misled parents.

Children who grow old and manifest stereotyping behavior were most likely the product of close minded parents who have segregated views on the society that we currently live in. Typecasting old people as senile, cheerleaders as flirts, et cetera, all these are thought supplied at home and the nearby environment.

The teenage life of a person and the way the parents treat that stage in a child’s life is always a crucial and a very pivotal stage where social behavior is cultured and developed, and the outcome is generally is a creation of the immediate surroundings and the people around them who have influence over them, the parents. Even though schools and friends contribute to the progression of faulty thinking in a person, parents are the people most of the children look up to.

Other kids may be influenced by what they see on the television and learn in school and start to challenge the inappropriate line of thinking propagated by the parents, yet some stay blind and continue to patronize the wrong principles of faulty thinking.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem child.

Uniqueness: A Good Setting for Excuses

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It’s a common thing to hear parents say, “Oh that’s not a thing to help my kid.” Kids on the other hand may say, “This isn’t going to help my mom; she’s not capable of doing it.” This is an indication of the concept called uniqueness.

Uniqueness may sound like it’s positive and ordinary but when taken into the context of parenting it would show as an interference in your program for transformation for your kid or a hindrance in your ability to view a situation involving your child clearly.

There are many example situations wherein uniqueness is used as an excuse. It’s clearly indicated when you hear your child say, “This is not going to happen to me because…” then he fills in the blank. Or he can say, “Homework doesn’t matter to me because…I’m a divorce baby.” Whatever he may use as an excuse, he is pointing it out that his case is unique from the others.

What your kids are trying to say when they give excuses is that they are unique and therefore the rule and the situation don’t apply to them.

This is exactly the opposite of what you should let your children know, which is that no one is above the rule and the rule stays no matter what the conditions are. Your children must know how to follow rules and obey the authorities even at a young age. When they start to make these excuses, you simply have to correct them.

Childhood is the best stage for you to correct in your children what needs to be corrected. That’s when their sense of morality and their value system is still starting to develop. That is how important it is to be morally upright when you want to make sure that your kids grow up to be responsible and with a strong sense of character and a formidable value system.

We may be fond of pushing uniqueness as a positive trait, meaning it is being true to one’s self, being different and being respectful of everyone’s differences in views and opinions. This can be true but as parents you have to be vigilant whether your kid is truly learning this concept of uniqueness or he could be using concept of uniqueness as an excuse not to follow rules and abide by authorities.

Once you do hear your child use uniqueness as an excuse, get on with it but do it gradually.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about problem children.

Forget About Your Feelings to Keep That Rule

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When you are trying to keep the rule at work, you have to stick with it, no matter what. Even when you’re tired, even when it seems too draining to engage in an argument with your child, you have to be consistent in implementing the rule you set.

If you won’t do this, your kids will think that there are times when rules don’t apply and that when you get tired you can easily break the rule. This of course is not a good lesson to learn by kids of this nature.

Kids who have behavioral problems all the more need the consistency in implementing the rule. They always are in need for rules to remain the same at all times. You as a parent must remember that rules must be there even if you are too tired and should not become loose or too stern, and are not dependent on your current situation.

Remember that parents must be the role model of their kids. They should act what they want their kids to act when they grow old. A good role model is one that is law-abiding and one that is consistent with his actions regardless of what his situation is.

Kids are quick to follow their models, which most of the time are their parents and siblings. It therefore helps for parents to behave the best while in the presence of the kids, even if sometimes it takes a lot of pretension.

Kids don’t have to know that you were even worse than they are now when you were their age. They need not know that you only behaved when your parents were around. If you have to talk about your childhood with them, it’s better to focus more on the good experiences. Kids may not be able to understand the complicated situations you went through as well some behavioral and emotional issues which may be too complicated for their own understanding.

It’s true that you may have to put your best foot forward if you want to raise better kids. That is until they grow up to become mature enough to understand the much darker side of things. Children still don’t have fully developed sense of morality. They are still groping when it comes to dealing with their relationships issues and even find it confusing to understand themselves.

That is why your rules are important. They are there to guide them while they are not yet that strong to evade what’s wrong and continue with what’s right.

Is camp for spoiled brats beneficial for your child? Visit Katherine Thompson at her website about my problem child.

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