We have a new article on our blog that might help you understand and give you tips on how to handle an unruly child. What parents usually do not realize is that the unruly child is not attacking their authority as parents, and thus, should not take every disrespectful word or act of the child personally. Reading Unruly Child will give you sound advice on what to do to counter such difficult behavior in children. For more advice on transforming disrespectful children, we also recommend the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. Try it now as you can get it for free if you fill out a feedback survey.
Archive for 'Troubled Teens'
Unruly Child
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A new article has been posted on our blog that talks about boot camps. Parents who are considering taking their teens to such camps may be interested to read this article first before making a decision. Boot Camp Teens was written to give parents an idea of what to expect in such facilities and whether or not their teen’s difficult behavior would warrant such tough love treatment. If you want to transform difficult teens through behavioral therapies, then we recommend you try out the Total Transformation Program. This at-home child behavior change program can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.
The article we posted on our blog today is for parents who are having a tough time with their teens. It zeroes in on the often overlooked cause of the teens’ difficult behavior. Parents need to accept that teens require a different kind of treatment from children, and this article titled, Difficult Teen, discusses what are the adjustments they need to make in order to handle their teens effectively. To learn more ways to handle rebellious and disrespectful teens, try the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman. This behavior program can be yours if you fill out a feedback survey.
Every parent will arrive in that point where confronting a teenage son will be necessary. Say for example you are concerned about your children getting into bad vices and hanging out with bad company. So you ask him one night, “Charlie, are you smoking?”
Releasing something as huge as this can lead your child to react in two ways, either he denies the behavior like what most teenagers do and tells you, “What? Of course not”, which brings up a concern for honesty and lying; or your son can admit it to you pointblank but with a certain flaw, “Yes I smoke, but all my friends does it so it’s normal.”
What your son did was not just give you an excuse; he was also trying to justify his behavior. Children tend to do this because they believe that if they can justify their actions, that makes it okay. So next time you ask your daughter why she pierced her nose, expect an answer that goes something like, “Everybody does it mom, so relax.”
A child trying to justify his behavior is a child who does not know the value of responsibility and accountability. If you tolerate your child with all his justifications, you are allowing him to think that he can do anything he wants without consequences.
Part of being a parent is the duty of teaching your kids to certain boundaries and limitations. That is why you need to discourage your kids from making justifications of their actions as early as possible. And the best way to do that is by teaching them two important values: accountability and responsibility.
The first thing that you need to do in order to build a home that upholds accountability and responsibility is by making sure that you have a positive relationship with your kids. Spend quality time with them and try to strengthen a good relationship with them. You will not be able to teach your children anything valuable if they don’t trust you or anything that you say.
You can also teach your kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions if you give them assigned tasks regularly. You will be more effective and teaching them how to be responsible if you give them a routine, perhaps a weekly or a daily task. Try giving your kids daily or weekly tasks, even something as simple as changing the sheets or putting the trash out.
But the best way that you can teach your kids to be responsible is by showing them yourself. How can you tell them to be responsible if you are not showing them that you are responsible as well? If you really want your kids to learn how important owning up to their mistakes and being responsible for their actions are, then it should start with you first.
Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Kids Who Engage in Back Talk. Check on the link for more information.
Teens are not adults, not yet anyway, and boot camps are so adult sounding, so do teenagers really belong there?
When you hear the phrase boot camp do you immediately think of military and the military form of discipline? I certainly do. So what is a boot camp exactly? A boot camp is said to be a harsh, highly structured facility run by staff that act as drill instructors. It is a state or private owned correctional facility for troubled teenagers where in the staff teach both physical and mental discipline.
Now we have your boot camp residents, the troubled, unruly teenagers, one of them maybe being your teen. With your house being a constant battle ground, and you screaming at your child almost daily, it seems that God answered your prayers when you discovered boot camp. But is it really the right choice for you and your teen?
Here are a few reasons why your child should not be deported to boot camp:
1.) Boot camps serve as a transition place for a teenager to grow into a conscientious adult. But does rigid, rigorous physical exertion really develop your teenager into a responsible adult? Maybe. If you’re breeding racehorses or circus lions.
2.) Now we have the painstaking mental exercise that boot camps employ. How can instilling fear in a teenager help with their discipline? Sure, they will do as they are told while in the camp, but as soon as they are out they would discard this temporary form of deference and revert back to being disrespectful. Respect, as in any age group, must be earned. Teens will certainly not respect you just because they fear you. They will do as they’re told maybe but only out of fear.
3.) Raging hormones – Teenagers have these. Hormones are especially high in troubled teens. Placing them in an environment where hormones are up to a brim, (with the danger of exploding) doesn’t help the situation get better. Camps full of teens + rampant hormones equals more trouble.
4.) Emotional support. I seriously doubt boot camps have them where being tough is the name of the game, but this factor is fundamental in the development of a struggling teenager. In an environment that does not permit any outside contact, there is no way to nurture your teens feelings.
All these and a lot more are valid reasons not to allow your child to be shipped to a boot camp. Most of what instructors achieve in boot camp only makes temporary changes to your teenager and may even cause more harm that good as teens may resent any person of authority more than ever.
They say a child bred in love will know only love but a child bred in hate may learn to hate. With teens at such an impressionable age, this can’t be more true.
If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you read The Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens
Children do grow up. They turn into teenagers and form their own opinions, make their own decisions and sometimes they become rebellious. What turns these sweet kids into these angry, hateful and sometimes violent teenagers? This is the age where your children become “little adults” and they should be handled with care. You should deal with them like they are fragile beings. One wrong move and they shatter like glass.
What should you do when you are faced with this situation? First, let me tell you what you should avoid when you have a rebellious teenager in your hands. You should never get in the habit of screaming at your child. We all raise our voice sometimes, but don’t make it a habit. If you do, your child will simply stop listening, see you as “the crazy one” and resent you.
Sarcasm never made anybody feel good about themselves, so avoid this totally. It will only hurt your child.
You might have images in your mind about about hitting your child. When you have run out of patience this might cross your mind. You think to yourself, “maybe if I smack him he’ll change his ways”. Wrong! Resorting to violence is never the answer in solving problems. If you want to develop a loving relationship with your child, don’t take actions that completely destroy this possibility.
This next one is a real classic. Never compare your child to another teenager or to yourself when you were a teenager. Times have changed and the way things were when you were young are not the same in this day and age. We’re smarter now. We know better. Your child wouldn’t care nor listen about such comparisons. This will only irritate him more.
There are many ways to handle a rebellious teenager. Why don’t you start with sitting down with him and talk, just the two of you like two adults. Discuss the problem with him and give him lots of chances to do the talking. Become a good listener. Ask insightful questions. If the conversation is about something such as use of drugs, be supportive while explain your concerns rather than simply barking orders along with the reason “because I say so”. Lay down the rules, stick to the rules, and explain the consequences of breaking them. Make sure your child understands that the consequences are in his control because he can choose to follow rules or to break them. Give your child a reason to choose to follow them. Let your child know that you are proud of him when he has done something good. Last but not the least; communicate.
If all else fails, I highly recommend that you get your own copy of The Total Transformation by James Lehman. This program will teach you parenting skills that will help you a lot in dealing with your rebellious teenager.
Like most parents, I don’t want my child to grow up too fast. As parents, we’ve all has gone through the adolescent stage and for many, being a teenager wasn’t a walk in the park. Contrary to what most people believe, there is not a more awkward stage in life than being a teenager. Do you remember when you just had to fit in? You wanted certain groups of teenagers to accept you, so you always aimed to please. Then, there’s peer pressure. You didn’t want your friends to think you were not “cool” enough so you did the things they told you to do even though your gut was telling you to just walk away. What about the bullies? Most teenagers are “lucky” enough that they get to be bullied by bigger or stronger kids. Oh, let’s not forget the pressure your parents were putting on you to do well in school. The nagging, and getting angry with you for, what seemed at the time, like no good reason. All of these factors affect your child in ways you can’t imagine. This is how normal kids turns into a troubled teens.
You have been told that experience is the best teacher. Then you grew up, found work, perhaps got married, and had children. Going back in time might to being a teenager again might seem like a dream to you. But you may have forgotten about the negatives. Look back and remember. You’ll be surprised and, I’m sure, amused.
So, how can parents deal with troubled teens?
You have to keep in mind that what was going on in your time still exists in the here and now, more so I think. You also need to keep in mind that you are not your children. They are unique individuals who respond differently to various situations. You cannot expect them to act like you nor think like you do because they are not you.
As a parent, you should be aware of what is going on with your teenager’s life. Communicate. What better way to understand him than to talk to him? I know you are tired from work. You have a hectic schedule and so you just leave your child to care for himself because he is old enough. It doesn’t work that way. Your child needs you and you should touch base with him often. Communicate in a way that you both express what is on your minds and not just what is on yours. Make him form his own opinion of things and if differences arise, compare what is similar. Some teenagers, however, don’t want their parents hovering over them every minute. That is so “not cool”. This doesn’t mean that you should do as they ask. Watch over them but don’t overwhelm them with your presence. Guide them but avoid being a dictator. Treat your child with respect and he will show the same to you.
Be funny. Some teenagers take in advice better when it is given with humor. Crack a joke to break the ice. It’s more fun that way. Try to know what areas your teen is good at and give him positive comments. Honestly, many people cannot take in criticisms easily. How much more a teenager?
Unfortunately, there are things that you just cannot control, like, who your children meet in school or outside the school. All the more reason why you should spend more quality time with them.
If you want to learn more about Parenting Troubled teens, I recommend that you look intoThe Total Transformation by James Lehman. He is Bahavioral Therapist and you might want to learn a thing or two from him about parenting troubled teens.
