If only there was a list of effective rules stashed somewhere, the relationship between parent and child would have been much easier. If such list exists, it would have clearly indicated the things that kids can and cannot do.
Aside from that, the list would also have specified what every parent should do every time their child misbehaves and disobeys the rules. While this magical list seems to be too good to be real, you and your child can actually make one on your own!
Involving children in the rule making process is perhaps one of the most effective parenting techniques that you can do at home. When you allow your child to help you decide on the most appropriate consequences for every rule that is broken, you will be able to promote positive behavior all the more.
However, doing this process is not going to be easy – it will require much effort from the part of the parent. But then again, the benefits of having a clearly defined list of rules will definitely be worth it. There are a lot of ways where you can let your children contribute to the process of making rules.
First, you have to clearly define the rules that you want to implement. You have to make sure that your kids know these rules and that they understand clearly each one. When you make the rules clear and known, you will be able to avoid hearing your child say, “But I did not know I was not supposed to eat ice cream before bed time.”
When you involve your kids in making the rules, they are likely to feel a sense of ownership in those rules. So instead of thinking it as “Mom’s rule”, your child will be able to relate to it and feel that it is his rule too. When your child feels that he owns the rule, he will likely honor it.
Setting rules also create the environment where you can explain to your child about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Since you and your child sat down and made the rules, you will also get the chance to further explain why such rule is necessary and why your child should comply with it. If you have rules laid out ahead of time, you will save yourself the difficult task of trying to decide in the heat or an argument.
Making a list of rules with your child will help you decide better how to handle situations that arise regarding your child’s behavior. Only when you let your child know the things that are expected of him will you have the proper behavior that you want. Remember, kids are very easy to negotiate with. Let them know what you want, and they will likely give it to you.
Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with ODD. Check on the link for more information.
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