Take One Issue at a Time

Giving consequences to abusive kids, especially when they are approaching adolescence has always been one of the biggest challenges to all parents. In fact, some parents give up and seize trying out of hopelessness and frustration. There are kids that no matter how hard their parents try, they still continue their unacceptable behavior or even get worse.

Most parents will certainly agree that finding the right consequences as well as the right privileges, and following through with them, is one of the hardest part of disciplining children. Although there are a lot of things that you can take away from your child in reality, parents usually find themselves powerless and with limited choices.

So what should parents do in order to teach kids who talk back appropriate behavior? If your daughter talks back, what should you do? If you tell your son that you are going to take away his iPod for a week if he does not get an A at his upcoming math test and he tells you, “You can try”, what should do?

First, you have to make it clear to your child that there is definitely no excuse for abuse, verbal and physical. Let your child know that in your home, any form of abuse is not tolerated. If your child continues to refuse the consequences, make things clear by saying, “Arguing with me like this is not going to change the rules. You know what you need to do right now.” Then walk away.

Always remember not to engage in a power struggle with your child, because once you do, things will get more complicated and out of hand. Engaging in a power struggle with your child is a trap that will give him a sense of control, something that he has been trying to get.

The key to properly disciplining your child, regardless of age is by focusing on one thing at a time. Yes as parents it is completely understandable to have a long list of things that you want to change or you want your child to do differently. But be realistic, attacking someone with every little thing that they are doing wrong will not make them change.

If you tell your child everything that he is doing wrong at one blow, he will be overwhelmed and will choose to stop trying altogether. Choose one or two at the most, of the most “alarming” behavior that you want to change in your child then focus on the skills to improve, the consequences to use, and the means of encouraging those new skills.

One way to help abusive kids improve is by teaching them to solve one problem at a time, so focus in on one thing: doing homework, cleaning the room, saying “thank you”. When you see your child improving on those areas, move on to the next behavior and so on.

Looking for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Check on the link for more information.

Tagged with: abusive kid • Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder • Children with ADHD • effective parenting • obnoxious bad and abusive behavior

Filed under: james lehman • Total Transformation Program

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