The last step to a disciplinary process is for the parent to teach the child how to face the consequences of his actions and formulate ways of making amends. Doing so is tantamount to giving the child some sort of accountability, which is a good training strategy for him to learn coping skills.
As a parent you tell your child, “What is it you plan to do to make amends with your brother after you kicked his butt yesterday?” What are you going to do with your sister after you picked on her at school?”
Let the child devise a way for him to do this. When he finds it difficult to do so, then pave the way for him by somehow verbalizing his thoughts.
Your child may opt to clean his sister’s room as a way of making amends. He may also suggest to wash the dishes as his way of making amends to his brother.
You may also lead the child on for him to do something to make amends by saying, “Why don’t you get your sister’s slipper when she gets home and give it to her?” Or you could also tell him, “I think it’s a good idea that when your brother gets home, you ask him if he needs a fresh pair of PJ’s. Then get one and give it to him.”
This way, as a parent, you are helping your child come up with different means to make amends. But in the end, remember that it is he himself who must decide what to do.
There’s just one thing any parent must not do in this instance and that is to be satisfied with “saying sorry,” as if it’s some kind of making amends.
Sorry is merely an apology. Making amends is doing something to clean up the mess. It is an opportunity for the child to right the wrong, which happens to be the purpose of doing so.
Another long term effect of learning how to make amends is for the child to learn how to be accountable over a certain matter and how to handle responsibilities given to him.
Essentially, as parents, supervision is something that must not be thrown out the window. Watch out when your child said he wants to make amends by doing a certain act. Be sure that the child lives up to his word and that it’s not an easier-than-done matter.
Katherine Thompson writes about topics such as how to deal with ODD. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about problem child.
Tagged with: Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder • obnoxious and abusive behavior • Parenting • Total Transformation Program
Filed under: james lehman • Total Transformation Program
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